Because I'm Terrible at Scrapbooks

The Hidden Person of the Heart

Oh my. This happened.

That picture?

It’s me.

And I can’t believe I led with it.

Because, let’s be honest. It’s horrid.

No, there were not two Christmas trees in the picture.

There’s only one

And no, the tree is not the one wearing the fluffy velvet 90s dress.

Oh- and by the way, there are waaay more pictures, just as bad as this one.

I had a good 2-3 years or so of total fugliness (haha, yes! I said it. Fugliness. That word is awful. Please don’t let me say it again), and more if you count my bad hair and fashion choices in part of junior high.

Yikes.

I posted this picture today because I’m sure many of us (please dear God empathize with me here!) have a few pictures, or even a period in our lives when we totally cringe looking back.

Can we all please take a moment to cringe?

Okay, I feel a little better.

Upon seeing this, I also had to remind myself that I’m not that girl anymore.

I know I’m predisposed to weight gain if I don’t work out and eat right- but it doesn’t define my outward appearance.

Your type does not define you!

Being a girl can be so darn hard sometimes! Am I right?

And what’s funny is that you think it gets easier as you get older, and the truth is?

Although in some ways it does, in others it doesn’t.

I still look at my flaws each morning. The deepening lines under my eyes, my pale skin, and cellulite, and there are days when I just don’t feel all that beautiful.

Are you feeling me?

I know I’m not the only one out there.

However, I will say there is a little silver lining (??) in what I see these days compared to those of my younger years.

I see so much more when I look at myself now. 

I have begun to understand all that crap our parents, youth pastors, and mentors told us all our lives- beauty happens on the inside.

Oh no! She’s drinking the Kool-Aid!

It sounds like such stupid, meaningless, fluff when you’re a teenager, right?

“Gee mom, thanks for telling me not to worry about the GIGANTIC zit on my chin today since I’m pretty on the inside!”

Haha

But the truth is, they all meant well- because they knew something many of us wouldn’t freaking figure out until well into our lives:

Inner beauty counts.

So yeah, outward beauty is great, but there really is some credence to that inner beauty crap they told us too.

Why did it take me so long to actually believe some of that stuff?! I could have saved myself a lot of trouble.

Thankfully (??), I’ve been the “nice girl” my entire life, so I avoided a lot of criticality and teasing (um… thank GOD! I totally just spent the last five minutes teasing myself! I was such fair game, I’m surprised people didn’t pounce back then).

However, I definitely knew I was not “pretty” (whatever that means) like some of the girls in my class. And let’s be real- I was totally chubby too! And I remember that hurting me back then, especially during a time when kids were so mean and I saw other peers suffer from such teasing!

So here’s some divulging deep into my heart.

Yikes!

I remember many, many years ago… I was in late grade school, and something got me especially bothered about my poofy hair, distinctive nose, and serious chubbiness. I don’t recall what happened, but I definitely remember being very upset.

I remember lying in bed that night, crying so very hard (you know the tears- the kind when snot bubbles are coming out of your nose and you’re having a hard time catching your breath).  Clear as day, I remember praying to God that he would make me beautiful. I totally remember that prayer. I remember just being in bed praying it over and over again.

Ugh, how heartbreaking, right?

And it’s not heartbreaking because it’s my story, but it’s simply heart breaking because it’s probably a lot of girl’s stories over the years.

I remember going to sleep, hopeful that perhaps I would wake up looking like this:

image
Um, yeah.. except I woke up looking like this.

Oh my. This happened.

Sigh.

I was probably wearing that stupid green velvet dress too!

What was my mom thinking!?

Do you ever wish your current self could talk to your old self!?

How great would that have been, right?

I would have been all, “Listen up- it’s going to be okay. Turns out you’re going to end up just fine!”

And then begin to go on a barrage of the fun stuff that will happen in her life and how, whether she wants to believe it or not, she eventually gives up chicken strips and pepperoni pizza. FOREVER.

Yes, young Brittny, it’s true.

Most of all, though, I really wish I could have told her that all that stuff on the outside? Yeah, it makes us feel good when we look good, and I totally want young Brittny to feel good and confident in her skin, but most importantly I would have told her to focus her energy on taking care of her inside too.

Because, at the end of the day, outward beauty eventually goes away, but a beautiful core? A tender and sincere heart? That stays with you forever.

I would have told her to focus those prayers for outward beauty on inward beauty instead.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)

And heck, I need to remind myself the exact same thing each day!

I so want a beautiful, pure heart that seeks God and exemplifies all He is in my life. I want my inner core to be the “super model” of my life.

I’ve obviously come to grips that I will never be the most beautiful woman outwardly.

I still have that distinctive nose, I will battle chubbiness due to genetics if I’m not eating right and exercising, wrinkles will still develop no matter how hard I fight it, and I’ve given up on the cellulite, but at the end of the day?

I just want to be beautiful in His sight. I know I have a long way to go, but that has been my heart’s new prayer.

Just like we can’t really hide the not so glamorous pics of our past, we can’t change where we’ve been. I don’t know about you, but I sure that were true! However, I know that I have a God that can make all things beautiful regardless, so long as we willingly place ourselves in His capable hands, and that is what I hold onto.

Prayers that you will find the beauty in yourself too.

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. (I Peter 3:3-4 NKJV)

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About

brittny I'm B-Love. Lover of God, my husband Will, my doggies, OU football, weight training, plyometrics healthy eating (mostly!), peanut butter, and all things health related. Buckle up and get ready for my constant embarrassing moments, health and fitness tips,and my effort to rely on Christ while living life in the real world. Follow me on Feedly! Sign up for monthly emails at blove@theblovelife.com!


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