To the Nice Army Gentleman I totally Punked in Front of All His Friends Yesterday,

Guy- I am so so so so so sorry. Yes, that’s right 4 “Sos.” I still feel terrible about what happened yesterday. Man, you must have felt like such a loser in front of your friends, right?

Yes, yes I’m sure you did.

I’m sure you had those terrible flashbacks to kindergarten when Brandon Sellers told everyone you ate his boogers and everyone called you Brandon’s Booger Eater all year. Yep, it was like that but worse. Trust me, that was never my intention, though I’m sure you have a hard time believing it.

I know you have no desire to relive your humiliation, but since I’m posting about this for all the world to see don’t you think they need to be brought up to speed? It’s only fair, right? Assuming you agree, let’s update our dear internet friends so they can think I’m the worst person in the world too.

Okay internet friends- I totally called this guy ugly! Alright, I didn’t flat out say, “Wow! You so ugly that when you look in the mirror your REFLECTION puts on a paper bag!” but I did in fact say he was ugly.

He was a very nice gentleman and paid me a complement- something about how standing next to me made him look better. Well, then his buddy chimes in, “Is it working?” to which I blurt out a big fat rude sarcastic,

“Pft- NO!”

Okay, before you think I’m scum, read on.

Alright, now that my friends are updated, I can continue.

The look on your face after I said that made my heart hurt. I’ve never felt like a more horrible person in my life. You are a soldier protecting me and I responded with such rudeness! The truth is, you never allowed me an opportunity to finish explain what I meant. Granted, I can’t blame you. I would have been pissed off at the snobby blonde who thought she was a big hot shot too. What I MEANT was that standing next to ME wasn’t going to make you look any better because I’m by no means a hot girl!

See! I told you when I said, “No!” it wasn’t malicious! In fact, it makes perfect sense. Sadly, you’ll never know.

Your face was all red and you looked at me like, “Seriously, how could you totally make me look like a moron in front of my buddies?” Instead you’ll never have the courage to compliment a stranger again.

Ugh, Mr. Army Man I feel like scum and you know what!? I shouldn’t!! I only wish you would have let me explain. But no… so yucky scum feeling remains, and instead I’m sitting here forced to pretend you’ll actually read my blog and know the truth just to make myself feel a little better. I’ve never in my life been out to purposely hurt someone’s feelings (okay- those horrible junior high years don’t count) and knowing I did that makes me feel really bad! Here you are away from your family and friends and out of your comfort zone. Here I am a Christian out to show Christ and boy you didn’t see that in me, whether it was an accident or not!

Alright, so now you’re probably like, “Hey, Mr. Rude Blonde- don’t flatter yourself. I’m totally fine. In fact I was fine a minute after you said it.” And, I’m sure that’s what you would say, but for some reason I can’t shake my bad feeling. I guess it’s because of the look you gave me. It made me feel pretty low. So it’s not you- it’s me (ha ha, I always wanted to say that). I just felt the need for posting therapy, and posting my apology to you has made me feel slightly better.

So Mr. Army Man, I apologize to you. I hope you always have the boldness to speak kind words to others, it can really lift spirits. Thank you for protecting me and Will (okay, okay and Boz and Lucy too) and allowing us to live our lives. You are appreciated.

Your not so snobby friend,

Brittny