I’m getting older. We all are. However, it seems like ever since I started school I’ve met this woman deep down inside of me that I never knew existed. Meet Grandma Brittny.

Grandma Brittny is alright… I suppose. I mean, she’s very concerned about coffee in the morning and obtaining ample fiber with breakfast.

She’s interested in the weather and whether it corresponds with the almanac.

She even wears big bulky socks to bed most nights.

She never watches the 10:00 news (because she’s already in bed, of course).

Guys- Grandma Brittny is KILLING Regular Brittny!

It’s like she’s taking over my body and is trying to control it remotely from some station in the clouds.

I don’t think I realized how bad it really was until a couple weeks ago. P and I FaceTime three mornings a week. We get ready together, which I find very fun.

“Should I wear the green shirt or the pink one?”

“Yogurt or eggs?”

“Ooh! That blush is so pretty!”

It’s great.

Anyway, the other morning we were talking and I mentioned how much I was loving my new deodorant and how wonderful it smelled. I went on and on about the stuff and how, “if they made it in a lotion in that scent I’d use it all the time.”

Finally P asked what kind I was using, and I told her, and she burst into laughter- “That crap smells like an old lady!!”

Busted.

I laughed, and agreed, and then cursed Grandma Brittny.

And then caved and had my FiberOne for breakfast- being sure to remember my multivitamin.

I had another similar encounter a few days ago before going to the gym.

I’m one of those annoying girls that sprays on the body spray before going to gym. In hopes of quelling the sweaty “yuck.” I noticed I was out of my old spray and used a new Bath and Body Works one Will’s mom had gotten for me last Christmas. I remember when I had gotten it I specifically said to Will, “ This stuff smells like something an old lady would wear!”

But because there was no receipt I wasn’t able to take it back. So, I kept it and figured I’d be able to use it for instances such as these- going to the gym, lazy days around the house, etc.

So I sprayed it on and headed to the gym. On my way there I began thinking, “Huh… this stuff doesn’t smell bad at all! In fact, it smells pretty great!”

I quickly realized what had happened. “Get a hold of yourself! Don’t you see what she’s trying to do!? She’s trying to weaken you!”

And I almost let her win.

So now I’m in full revolt mode. Out to take my life back and away from the feeble old hands of that old hag! Just because I’m in school again doesn’t mean I have to turn into a big Granny, right!?

I’m going out of my way to avoid bedazzlers and sweat suits in the mall, and eating Lucky Charms for breakfast. I’m cranking up the rap and avoiding the Hallmark channel.

Just regular old coffee? Pow! Extra shot of espresso please!

10:00 news? How about Conan!

Bulky socks? Lingerie!

I realize it’s petty, and it’s likely a matter of time before Grandma Brittny returns (and this time for good), but I’d like to think that’s still another 20 years away, you know?

So, when that day finally comes I’ll embrace Grandma Brittny with open arms- but until then? It’s war.