I’ve had lots of time to think lately. I’ve thought about 5 million different things since I’ve been here. How my life is totally different, what I REALLY want to do with the rest of my life… lots of things. One thing I’ve thought about lately is how my life will be totally different after this is all over.

Do you ever feel like you are just starting from scratch? That is how I feel right now. I feel like my score has been cleared to zero and I am starting all over again in so many things. One big thing I feel like I’m starting over in is life in Oklahoma. When Will and I get back, so many things will have changed. I feel like I am totally starting over there when I haven’t even really begun.

Friends are such a funny thing sometimes. I have thought about them a lot too, and I totally feel like I am starting on zero on that department. I remember right after I graduated high school I “just knew” I would keep in contact with my close friends. Now, I only keep in contact with one on a fairly continual basis- a 4 or 5 times a year. That seems so strange to me. I guess it is our own fault, but its also because we changed and became different. We grew up and missed things in each other’s lives. I mean, when we get together we just seem to pick up where we left off, which seems like how a true friendship should be, but we have missed out on so many little day to day things that affect a person that it is difficult to stay close when so much time elapses.  That is kind of where I feel like I am right now. I feel like I am starting all over again.

It is so strange. Since I have moved, I have heard from my best friend only 2 times. We talked everyday before I left and it just seems so weird to be reduced to one time every few weeks or something. I know she is busy with things, but I guess I have learned a lot about friendship and how sometimes something like a move can make someone totally move on leave another behind. I’m not naive, I knew things would change eventually and there was a good chance we would not be near as close after all this was over, I guess I was just surprised it happened so fast. I sort of feel like I have lost my friends to a certain degree. Obviously I have lost them in the sense I can’t call them up and say, “Hey! Meet me at the mall in 30 minutes,“ but I feel like all of this time that is going to pass by in our lives is going to make things totally different when I come back to the point where I will have to “start over“ meeting friends. Do I sound crazy? Maybe. But maybe someone that has moved to a different city can relate to starting over too. I don’t think my thoughts are too far fetched, but then again I think about and overanalyze just about anything I am faced with, so maybe I’m not a good judge.

Thinking of all of these things has made me want a “Lori.“ Lori is my mom’s best friend in the whole world. They shared an apartment together when they were going to college. They have the funniest stories about their few years together. I can still cry from laughing when my mom tells her stories. She was my mom’s MOH and was there the day I was born… she was just always there when she and my mom were younger. Time and and many states have separted them for a long time now, but they are still so very close. They are kindred spirits. My mom knows she can always always always count on Lori because they have this intense and incredible friendship. I thought I had found my “Lori,“ but now I’m not so sure. Okay, I’m positive.

This move has truly been a growth period for me. Whether I have enjoyed it or not, I have grown a lot and pondered many things. I never realized the importance of a good friend until I have been stripped of having any, not knowing a soul besides my family in a huge new world. Maybe all of this time has really helped me realized how I need to work on being a good Lori before I am able to have a Lori of my own. Making sense? Who knows, but I hope so.

I just needed to sort my thought out in my blog today, so thanks for listening