We got a new guy in the office today.

It’s such a funny thing- new people.

I feel so sorry for the guy. It’s like everyone in the office has become a 5 year old male St. Bernard and they’re out to hump his leg as long as it takes to get some attention.

Seriously, this guy’s poor leg. It’s getting more action than Paris Hilton. Don’t you think a St. Bernard would make you fall over? They’re huge, right? Well, apparently this guy is The Hulk because he’s patting their heads and is like (in his best “dog voice”):

“You’re such a good boy! Yes you are! Yes you are! You love your new boss, don’t you? Don’t you? Now, get down! Get down!” And they (well notsomuch they, it’s more one head St. Bernard I’m talking about) get down for like 5 seconds and then are back on him like Aqua Net on a Texas Woman (sorry Sarah, I know you don’t have big Texas hair). Did I say I feel bad for the guy? I do.

What is it with new people that make us act like raging lunatics!?

I mean, we attack them with “This is THE way- the ONLY way things are done. We’ve done things this way forever and you need to learn it and never ever think outside the box.”

We bombard them with our rules, “social systems”, what to do , what not to do, and we end up making their heads spin because we’re talking (literally!) 1,00 words a minute and wonder why at the end of the day the guy is rubbing his temples.

Seriously- we start talking like the micro machine guy (do you remember him? From those 80s commercials?) and dislocate his poor shoulder from dragging him here and there with so much zest and enthusiasm (as well as making sure to point out all the negative aspects of the system- zestfully and enthusiastically, of course).

Rule number one- be warm, be friendly, be available to answer questions, but don’t maul the guy! Gah. Seriously! I guess this is the PR degree in me coming out. I’ve just sat back and watched all day. One thing that has already bugged me is how (subconsciously) he has begun to reciprocate the things he’s learned. Long story, but the short of it is that it’s pertinent. “We’ve” fed this poor guy with so much:

“They system here sucks, things are bad, we feed your children to HR, blah blah blah”

and instead of being eager to begin work and make change, you sort of feel a little disenfranchised your first day. Anyhow, I think he will be really good for the department, despite all the leg humping and negative talk from the St. Bernard.

I just had to post to tell my future employer (whoever you may be) to please never hump my leg to death. Just be available to show me things and answer questions. My leg can’t take it, and really, someone will totally end up writing in their blog about you.

Thank you very much and have a nice day!

Short post today (perhaps a recent record for me??). As always, more to come…