Well it’s official.

Will and I have an almost set in stone date with the Potential Fred and Ethel Mertzs’ (though I know for sure they aren’t our Fred and Ethel) tomorrow night.

I caved.

I collapsed.

I folded.

I rolled right over.

No contest… it was bad. We got asked out for like the fourteenth time by this couple, and there seems to come a certain point when I think you just have to get it done. No more hiding or excuses. Count it a loss and do it.

I got the shortness of breath, rapid pulse, intense blood flowing I- think- I- need- to-lay-down-I’m seeing-stars- thing as she asked me over lunch yesterday. I tried to be all immersed my food, constantly avoiding the likelihood of a “take down” yesterday. 

“This salad is amazing!”

I tried to think of every possible adjective to describe my food, my day, last night- anything at all that would buy me an hour… but take-downs can’t be avoided. They will always find a way. A Take-down is when a couple goes for the weaker partner- in this case me. I suck at this, I truly do. I think I wear a sign on my forehead, seen by all potential couple friends that reads, “If you want anything, see this half.”

Well, the take down came, and as expected I froze. I knew it was coming. I could see it. I could SEE it! All the signs were there. We had already been asked a few times before and I somehow managed to handle the situation awkwardly, but successfully. However, today I was off guard for some reason and then it came flying at me.

“So are we ever going to get together!?”

“Did I tell you how great these cookies were? You should get one.”

The cookie comment couldn’t save me. I was going to have to own up to the couple dodging and give an answer.

“When Will stops working more hours than a Super Wal-Mart.”

“When Will and I get tired of sitting around and watching King of Queens (ha.)”

“When we run out of boxsets to watch.”

“When I run out of thank yous to write to my favorite laundry soap, toothpaste, and tampon brands telling them how great they work.”

Somehow these answers would never be able to leave my mouth. In fact, the answer I gave is a blur to me know, but I know it was “affirmative” regarding a double date.

Just save me now.

Earlier this week I casually mentioned the fact to Will that Mrs. Mertz had again asked us out for this weekend, and I told him I said that would probably work, I would just have to talk to Will. He just looked at me with a face that clearly said, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Won’t he be excited to know I’ve voluntarily sucked the very life from one of his precious weekend evenings?

So, yes, I admit it. I rolled over and am going to literally take one for the team tomorrow night. See, here’s what happened. I have been having riding to work issues the past 2 weeks. Well, she happens to have a vehicle for this week and offered to give me a ride while she has it. So I’ve been riding to work with her everyday. We’ve had lots of fun and lots of laughs. We’ve been to lunch together a million times and everything is fine and fun, but I have continued to duck from the “we should all go out soon” comments: until now.

We were riding home the day before yesterday and she asked me about it again. Car rides are the worst time to ask this question. You have no out. You are stuck there, alone, having to face the very situation you have been carefully and strategically avoiding for weeks.

Sigh.

So, what was I to do? Do what I REALLY wanted to- the thing I’m terrible at because I have Too Nice Syndrome- and say the easiest word in the English language after I and ma ma ma- the word that even 2 year old children have mastered better than me- NNNNNOOOOOO?

Yes, that is what I should have done.

Or should I have? I don’t know. I’ve been contemplating this ever since I made a beeline out of the car and to my apartment after the conversation.

OR, do I knock it down, do it and say yes, and then after the date, as everyone is getting up to go and walking to their cars do the casual,

“We’ll have to do this again sometime… every now and then…. Next spring… when our children graduate…(insert whatever phrase seems to fit best at the moment).”

So this is what we have to do, and I am not excited- I’m not giving out vibes that would outwardly show that am I? Okay, maybe I sound mean, and I don’t intend to be. I really truly like this girl. I am feeling a little bad now as I sort through my thoughts because I love being around people and I’ve really surprised myself how I love being around people at work, and then I have this “Mr. Hyde” personality outside of work or something.

You probably think Will and I are antisocial or something, and that’s not the case… okay maybe as of late we have been, but we are both outgoing. I guess I’m feeling bad for being such a stick in the mud about this. I just don’t know. I really like my friend. She’s fun, but (and this sounds so weird and dumb) Will and I aren’t ready for “hang out on the weekend friends” right now. Yes, we are weird.

I know all I do is whine about Will’s hours, and I apologize, but I am just writing about my life, so that has been a main part of it right now. Will left at 3:55 yesterday morning and didn’t get home until almost 9:30 last night and literally went straight to bed. He didn’t even change clothes. I know tons of couples do this, and I don’t mean to be like, “Poor Brittny” at all. I’m just saying this because Will and I need every minute we can get together on the weekends and don’t want to factor other people in right now. As I said the other day, I am a major Time person, so that is so important to me. We are still in our “newlywedness” stage and now that we are apart so much during the week, our need to be alone is magnified on the weekends.

So- don’t think I’m downing this couple, because I’m sure going out wouldn’t kill us- though you’d think it would by the way I’m acting. You could equivocate my excitement with that of a bikini wax or surgical dental work. I am anticipating Will’s response. See, it’s not 100% official just yet. More like 99% with a probable nail down this evening. He had a migraine and was really sick last night so we didn’t talk at all. He was comatose. So this morning was spent catching up on the day before. I figured dropping the dinner card this morning was a lose-lose.

Oh my gosh!!!!

You’ll never in a million years guess what just happened in the middle of typing this post!!!!!

I considered rewriting the entire thing, but I thought what happened was too funny, especially after complaining the whole first 34 paragraphs, so I decided to leave it in.

I just got off the phone with Will.

Today Will got a ticket on post. Here’s a recap of how our conversation went.

“Hey! How’s your day goin?”

“I got a ticket on post today. I was so mad.”

“That’s not good, are you going to lose your driving privileges for a while?”

“Not yet. It was a 4-point ticket. If you get 6 points, you lose your license, so I’m really close.”

“A 4 point ticket!! I can’t believe that.”

“Yeah, I know. The guy was a huge jerk about it too.”

“Ha. You probably got the jerk EVERYONE has been talking about. He seems to be pretty hated. My dad was even talking about him the other day. He told my dad’s friend his goal was to make sure everyone had a ticket from him by the time he left.”

“I did. It was _______! He is on a major power trip and has made a lot of people mad. He thinks he’s super important because he has a army cop car. 4 points for something that didn’t deserve that!”

I stop.

I freeze up in utter shock.

“Did you say _____?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

“I won’t forget that name.”

“Oh my gosh. THAT”s the couple that wants to go out with us this weekend!!!!!”

“No. I don’t think so. You tell her no.”

I died laughing.

“HE’S the famous hated cop guy I’ve been hearing about!!? I can’t believe that! What a shock. How funny…. Not the ticket part.”

“We aren’t going out with them this weekend. I have to work Thursday anyway and I’m bringing you with me. I’m not going to want to go out with people this weekend, especially him.”

I couldn’t stop laughing after that.

Go figure that Will gets a ticket from Fred.

What a hoot.

So, I guess we have been spared this weekend, but now comes the hard part because she will ask next weekend, and while there USED to be a chance we would go- now Will WILL NOT go.

Ever. Ever. Ever.

He is so stubborn about stuff like that. He will never budge. He will forever associate work Fred with leisure Fred- hopefully there is a difference. Anyway, the fact that Will is going to be a constnant “no guy” will add immensely to the awkwardness. Plus I’m going to have to ride with her, so I don’t know how that will go. I don’t want her upset with me because I like her and have fun with her, so I don’t know how things will play out. You can only dodge people so long, and I suck at it because eI’m too nice.

So, I had to give her, “the no.” again today at lunch. I hate that. I am so terrible with that. I’m relieved that we have our weekend- even though Will has to work some (at least I get to be his co-pilot).

Do you know what her response was?!

This is never good.

“Oh, I understand. Besides, we already know we’re going to go out sometime and lots of times after that so this weekend is no big deal.”

I got that bad numb feeling. I closed my eyes, my nostrils flared, and I gave a half smile and thought to myself, “You will never be able to get my husband to go out with you guys. He is so stubborn. You will have to take our door off the hinges, pick him up, carry him to the car, and feed him intravenously because his mouth will have to be taped shut, and his feet and hands will have to be strapped to the chair so he doesn’t run away.”

I don’t even remember what my verbal response was to her comment because my mental one was too vivid. So, this looks like a resurfacing problem. Friends can be a headache! Okay, I have never thought that before moving to Kuwait, but life is different here, so don’t think I’m terrible! I love people, really… why don’t you believe me!!?

What an ironic ending to my preparations for the weekend, but then again, with us anything can be expected.

Hope you are having a good day- and don’t speed, you never know who’s going to prepare your stupid ticket.

<3