Let’s talk about how we had a snake in the house last week.
Perhaps some of you gals aren’t phased by this statement.
I admire you.
For the rest of us- can we please scream, flail, and freak out for a second!?!
(Please excuse me as I scream, flail, and freak out)
Okay, so here’s the story.
We keep a baby gate in the hallway at night to keep the pups from wandering around and getting into trouble.
As I prepared to feed the dogs one morning last week, I noticed a brown strip halfway between one side of the gate and the other.
As I walked outside our bedroom, I realized it was a snake!
It wasn’t humongous, but it wasn’t tiny either.
Who am I kidding- who cares about the size, it was a snake!
Shockingly, I didn’t scream, flail or freak out.
Okay… I kind of freaked out, but not as much as you would think.
I calmly told Will, “Um, there’s a snake in the house.”
He went out into the hall, quickly grabbed our dyson DustBuster, and sucked it up.
Now, I suppose I should back up a minute and inform you that it’s common for
Will me to use the DustBuster to contain critters I’m too afraid to touch.
I’ve sucked up many a spider in that bad boy.
Anyway, Will followed suit and did the same for the snake.
Let’s face it, I don’t think most people really want to handle a snake, so I didn’t blame the guy one bit.
However, I proceeded to tell him the snake HAD to be removed from the DustBuster because it would probably get out.
Will looked at me like I was a complete mindless blonde and proceeded to tell me I was wrong, it couldn’t get out.
I disagreed, but digressed. I simply said, “That thing better be gone by the time I get home,” trusting Will to get rid of it.
When we spoke at lunch, I asked about the snake.
Sure enough, he was still in the DustBuster and Will hadn’t
killed properly disposed of him.
What is it with guys being intrigued by things like this!?
It’s like he was a little kid again and had a pet snake to watch through a clear plastic window.
I wasn’t humored by his interest.
I gently reminded Will (again) that the snake needed to be gone when I got home.
He got the message.
Or so I thought.
I got home that evening, and we went about our usual routine.
For some reason, I never brought up the snake.
Probably because I knew my husband would honor my request to rid us of the serpent that invaded our house.
Why would I need to confirm it was gone?
Nonetheless, around 9:00 that night I asked Will what he did with the snake.
“It’s still in there,” he said.
I’m not amused at this point.
My displeasure is visible.
Will knows his “pet” has to go.
Only...as he looks in clear container of the DustBuster, it’s nowhere to be found.
He disassembles the device and still nothing.
At this point my shoes are on in the house (which is a broken rule for me), I have a flashlight in hand, and am debating whether to stand on a step stool.
I’ve pretty much convinced myself that the snake is quadrupling in size by the minute, laying eggs, and is about to hatch a dozen baby anacondas right in our laundry room.
Will can see I’m visibly vexed.
I’m not completely grouchy, but I certainly scolded him for not getting rid of it earlier.
So, we then begin tearing apart the house.
Which is fruitless.
The snake is nowhere to be found.
Although I didn’t need to, I reminded Will that he absolutely didn’t want me finding this snake.
If we weren’t able to find it that night, and I happened upon it unexpectedly, it wasn’t going to be a good thing for Will.
After turning everything over, we couldn’t find it.
I did, however, find some money and Chapstick!
I decided to give up and trust Will wouldn’t let me down. I threw in the towel and called it a night.
Remarkably, I managed to fall asleep.
Will joined me an hour later, but didn’t sleep much.
I’m sure he kept picturing the horror of me finding the snake instead of him, which wouldn’t have been pretty.
He knew it.
I knew it.
We both knew it.
I said a prayer he’d be able to find it, and unbeknownst to me, Will did the same.
At about 12:30 that next morning, Will violently jumped out of bed. I heard the DustBuster for a split second.
“I got him!” Will exclaimed.
Praise the Lord! It was a little intense in our house that night!
Clad in boxers and all (er, or not much at all), Will immediately went outside and
killed got rid of the snake.
I heard him creep to the other end of the house to throw the “little guy” away.
So yeah, basically the huge decrescendo to my rather exciting day!
As you can imagine, I’ve been extra paranoid and jumpy. I don’t anticipate Will trying to be funny and hiding a rubber snake in the house anytime soon!
Do you have any scary critter stories? Please feel free to share them below in solidarity.