The B Love Life

Procrastinating Will Only Get You (embarrassed) In Trouble…

Um yeah, so I’m procrastinating.

Procrastinating bad. Real bad.

Will, his dad, my dad, and my uncle are all in the Big D today for some big NHRA race, so it would be a really good opportunity for me to clean (and clean, and clean!) and get ready for my mom and sister’s arrival.

But yeah…

I’m not.

I need to be cleaning my floors.

I have this huge issue with floors.

Can I rant about the floors?

Of course I can rant!

Ranting=procrastination

I’m incredibly obsessive about clean floors.

In fact, if I were to install one of those little digital signs with the rolling phrases I would stick it on my front porch and it would read, “Take off your shoes before entering this house or you will be fed to the two vicious dogs on the other side of the door.”

Granted, the “vicious” maltese wouldn’t do much- but still, a warning should be obeyed, right?

After being in Kuwait and having beautiful marble floors, I hate- hate- carpet.

Hate.

Loathe.

In fact, please excuse me for a moment.

...

Okay, I’m back. I had to go vomit, but I’m better now.

I have carpet in part of my house and am obsessive about no shoes being on it.

I seriously tense up and twitch out anytime someone tromps in my house with their shoes.

Do you know how much dander, dust, and CRAP accumulates inside your carpet every ticking hour of the day!?

Carpet is impossible to keep sterile- and then you add your shoes into the mix, and, well you might as well eat squishy, oily buttered popcorn off the floor of your town’s 1978 movie theatre!

Do you know where you shoes have been?

AHHH! I can’t even think about it. Seriously, my heart rate is increasing even now as I type.

My shoulders tighten and start to scrunch towards my neck.

I begin to feel as though I’m wearing this super tight itchy sweater in the middle of summer.

Tight.

Itchy.

Sweater.

Will’s parents wear shoes inside anytime they come and I seriously scream on the inside the whole time they’re here. On the outside it’s all smiles, but on the inside I’m like a bad episode of Roseanne with the volume full blast.

Yeah, it’s really that painful on the inside when this occurs.

So- if you ever come to my house, you know the rules. If you don’t want to piss me off, take off your shoes.

If you wear your shoes inside, well, I’ll know you’re evil.

Wow.

So now you guys know what a weirdo I am.

Why stop now!? Let’s just drive my craziness home!

Today I was looking through some old emails (ie: PROCRASTINATING) and stumbled across a couple that made me laugh big time.

I better premise this conversation with a big: P is totally going to kill me.

Okay- so when she came to visit we were goofing off one night and decided to send people silly videos because, well, we’re crazy when we get together.

So- I sent these girls a couple really, really embarrassing videos.

You don’t need to tell P and I not to quit our day jobs- trust me, we already know.

So, if we ever meet in real life and you get to know me a little better, perhaps your poor little email box will be inundated with something like this:

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or this:
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Like our fancy water bottle mics?

Yeah, me too. Only the best for my friends.

Why oh why do I willingly embarrass myself for the whole world to see!?

I really don’t know.

It’s seriously got to stop.

Apparently,procrastinating gets me into trouble and causes my judgement to be impaired.

Hmm, so it’s either:

A. Continue to look like an idiot on the internet

B. Watch ~~another~~ an awful episode of Trading Spouses

C. Scrub my floors