Because I'm Terrible at Scrapbooks

Why I Would Never Survive Black Friday.

Done with school!

Well- for a few weeks anyway.

My final was on the brutal side. What the hell is ANOVA and why don’t I remember reading about it during the last 8 weeks!?

Geez.

It feels good to have my first semester under my belt. Now I can focus on Christmas week.

Any cleaning my house.

It’s the messiest place on earth. I need someone to put me on that Clean House Showa pit.

Anyway- now that I’m done and have a few weeks off I can focus on cleaning and the important stuff like reading all the Women’s Health magazines I’ve been putting off for the last four months.

It’s the big things that count, really.

Okay- enough complaining about my messy house. Trust me, I’ve been doing enough. In fact, Will looked at me yesterday and was like- “You’re done with school. Sit down. Breathe. Take a couple of days off before you jump into boiling the house. And seriously, seriously please stop complaining about how messy it is.”

I get it. I’m annoying. I told him I’d keep it to a minimum.

So let’s move on and let me share with you how CRAZY Oklahomans are during the holiday season.

I don’t know if any of you have been to Oklahoma, or know any Oklahomans, or have some sort of stereotype in your mind about what people from Oklahoma are like (um- and if you’re using me as a comparison method and the word “goofy” or “awkward” keep coming to mind?… well please disregard)

Anyway, I like to think that as a whole, Oklahomans are nice people.

Sorry- let’s say that correctly. Everyone, get a slight southern drawl ready, and here we go-

Oklahomans are Naaaiiiccce.

There. Much better.

Well, it’s not true.

At least during the holidays, that is.

Will and I had to go to the mall Saturday.

A quick trip to the mall.

Because we needed two gift cards- and nothing else.

However, we should have known that at this time of the year there is no “quick trip to the mall.”

You may have intentions for a quick trip, but there is nothing quick about the experience at all.

Virtually every other Oklahoman had the same plan.

A quick trip to the mall.

Oh- and before we go any further.

Who doesn’t have their Christmas shopping done by now!? GEEZ. Seriously.

Okay, granted Will and I had to grab one thing, which is probably what everyone else out and about today was doing, but still- Saturday’s experience alone is enough to remind me that any amount of shopping the week before Christmas is a bad idea.

A.Bad.Idea.

And I hardly ever do it. Except, the girl who was going to get our boss’ gift had to leave town unexpectedly which meant I had to go to the mall to secure the gift.

And yes, I say “secure the gift” in a Jack Bauer sort of fashion, because it truly was some sort of operative mission involving stealth and skill and the ability to have no Christmas heart- even if it means taking out an old lady clad in a cute fuzzy Christmas tree sweater, equipped with holiday lights and bells.

You just have to do it. It’s Christmas. The season of joy and giving stealing parking spots and fighting over the last hideous pair of fuzzy Christmas socks for Aunt Margaret.

Speaking of stealing parking spots- I totally fell victim to a terrible little Christmas hater Saturday. The mall was fuller than a kid who downed a whole plate of oreo truffles and butter cake. We were driving around, circling, circling… much like sharks around a wounded seal.

As soon as a spot opened up- BAMO- it was taken.

Well I dropped Will off to start shopping while I tried to find a place to park and came upon the best.spot.ever. It’s almost as if it was golden and beaming and surrounded by a beautiful virginal choir clad in white robes singing and rejoicing, welcoming me into their space.

Except- as I began to make my turn into the spot a mini van-

That’s right- a VAN

A small little van full of a little soccer mom and her snotty kids and their Capri Suns and raisins and Christmas sweaters-

flew out of nowhere and descended right into my spot!

I was flabbergasted.

I was angry.

I laid on the horn.

I felt slightly better.

Do you not believe in Christmas joy you soccer mom Scrooge!?!

Granted, I’m sure she needed the spot more than I did- but I didn’t care.

It was the Saturday before Christmas. At the mall. It was war.

Except I couldn’t really wage war since I needed to continue on my hunt for a viable parking spot. Even if it meant parking on grass. Across the street. In a sketchy apartment complex.

Whatever it takes, darn it.

I needed to make that purchase and nothing was going to get in my way. Not even a Honda van.

I finally found a parking spot and fought my way through the army of Christmas resistance Christmas cheer.

First stop? JC Penneys for Will’s grandma.

I walked in and was greeted by a smiley young and pretty employee handing out candy canes and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.

Which made me breathe a little easier and loosened up my tense shoulders.

Ha.

It’s as if they knew that for 30 seconds I was going to forget about the hell that was the mall parking lot so that I would enter their store and stay.

Only to be confronted with the SAME parking lot hell machines only this time instead of being in the form of cars it was in the form of patrons!

That’s right!

Patrons!!!!

They’re so mean and competitive! Yes- it’s like a whole “sport.” Them against me. “Five yard penalty for cutting the person in line.”

“Unsportsman-like conduct on the receiving team!”

It was like a losing battle the whole time. Does anyone win the weekend before Christmas? Are the sales worth it? Can your blood pressure handle it?

Because I’m pretty sure mine couldn’t.

I crumbled like a week old cookie= “Go ahead, push me around. Go ahead take my spot! Hey- have my first born while you’re at it!”

That’s my passive aggressiveness showing itself.

What makes me laugh is that these same “patrons” that stole my spot and pushed and nudged me around all huffy and rudely are the same friendly faces you and I know and love and buy presents for!

It’s crazy!

What gets into us!?

It’s like all our tact goes right out the window.

It’s brutal.

It’s painful.

It’s not festive at all.

And thinking about the whole experience annoys me all over again. Rude Honda van spot stealer!!

...

I get it.

Much like the messy house complaining, I need to lay off the crazy Christmas shopper complaining too.

Merry merry Christmas- and I mean that in the most non-Oklahoma mall shopper way possible.

Hey what about you guys? I gotta believe it’s not just Oklahomans that morph into courtesy killers. What kind of Christmas shopping annoyances have you experienced this season?

More to come! Hey- I’m out of school for a while. Do I see more consistent posting in my future?!

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About

brittny I'm B-Love. Lover of God, my husband Will, my doggies, OU football, weight training, plyometrics healthy eating (mostly!), peanut butter, and all things health related. Buckle up and get ready for my constant embarrassing moments, health and fitness tips,and my effort to rely on Christ while living life in the real world. Follow me on Feedly! Sign up for monthly emails at blove@theblovelife.com!


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