I’m definitely getting my fair share of family this summer.

Ha- when you put it that way it sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it?

The truth is, it’s not bad at all. In fact- it’s pretty darn good!

This past weekend was spent with my dad’s side of the family in Iowa celebrating my Gran’s 80th birthday. I hadn’t seen her since my wedding, 6 1/2 years ago. Which, yes, officially makes me the worst granddaughter ever. It was nice to get to see her and celebrate her special day. I was also able to spend time with the rest of that side of the family which was really great too. It’s funny how you can simply pick up where you left off with your extended family. There’s something comforting about being able to do so.

So to bore you I’ll give you a super short yellow and black striped Cliff’s Notes version of the weekend:

-Thursday night I flew into Chicago, where my sister is moving into her totally great and grown-up new apartment. I spent the night at her new place while my parents stayed in a hotel.

-Friday morning we had The Bongo Room for breakfast (yes, although this is a Cliff’s Notes recap, The Bongo Room is worth mentioning) followed by shopping and getting some things finished for P’s apartment. Then we made the 6 hour drive to Iowa where we met up with my Gran.

-Saturday was the big birthday bash. It was nice to catch up with our family and celebrate the big occasion. We all got t-shirts in honor of the day which were color coated by family. We had a photographer come and take pictures of everyone which was fun too. Then we had an “after party” (Um, I use this term very loosely. It was a far cry from a Jay-Z song) and spent some more time together.

-Sunday was spent travelling home.

So there’s the recap. Now, let’s camp out a little on Saturday. It was a good day. However, it’s a day with family which definitely means there was a bit of drama to share, right? I mean, let’s be honest- who doesn’t have something to talk about after leaving a large family gathering?

Family is an interesting thing. We all know it. We all talk about it. Because it is.

I can treat P like yesterday’s old rolled up ragged newspaper that’s been rained on and peed on by Gus, the neighborhood wandering dog- but if YOU treat my sister like yesterday’s old rolled up ragged newspaper that’s been rained on and peed on by Gus, the neighborhood wandering dog you’re in big trouble!

Because then you have to deal with me. And I’m really scary.

And mean.

...

Really- I am!

Okay, so I’m not.

But you get my point. Some innate protective wolverine-like nature comes out in us when someone is mistreating our family. I’m sure we’re all familiar with this feeling.

I had the privilege of meeting my uncle’s first second third fourth wife for the first time this weekend. I had heard plenty about this woman, but the stories really didn’t do her loquacious and rude character justice. You had to see her in the flesh to really experience the full affect.

So we get to the party and the very.first.thing out of her mouth is directed at my sister- “Oh… you dyed your… hair,” she said in this really condescending tone.

Ha.

I was expecting a, “Hi! How have you been?!” With the potential for an awkward and uncomfortable obligatory hug.

“Why did you do that?”

Sidenote: How is it that a grown woman can go 50 years on the Earth without learning basic extended family gathering etiquette?

To which my sister, utterly shocked, stammered something somewhat coherent. Only I don’t really remember because I had my head cocked to the left with my mouth opened thinking how incredibly CRAZY this woman was. WE DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU. As you can see, my uncle totally married her for her sweet, graceful personality.

So we immediately moved onto other, more jovial family members. Only an hour later to have her say something about it again. “So… do you dye your eyebrows? I mean, because you’d have to, right? That’s NOT your natural color.”

I’m so confused! This is my Gran’s birthday! When did this become an episode of MTV Boiling Points?

“Am I about to win $100 Grandma Betty? Is there a camera crew hiding in the bathroom that will jump out the second I get ready to deck this lady?”

Why is this lady randomly asking my sister about her hair color? Why do I feel like I’m in a really strange scene from Silence of the Lambs in which this lady is going to ask to wear my sister’s hair or something utterly terrifying like that?

By this point I think we’re all not only shocked at her blunt comments, but also really irritated. I don’t care if my sister’s hair was painted like the American Flag- you’re not part of our family so get over it!

Geez.

So the party continues and she continues to offend and control all the conversation and monopolize everyone’s time- and then we move to the after party. After a couple of Smirnoffs she’s now touching my sister’s hair and pulling it up at the nape of the neck, “trying to find her natural color” while talking to my dear old Gran.

Which means my sister doesn’t want to hurt my Gran’s feelings or make a big deal of this crazy lady’s antics on her big birthday. However, at that point we were so out of there. What a weirdo. I’m pretty sure she won’t be around at the next family gathering. Only… after meeting number four I’m terrified to meet number five!

So that was one of the weird familial moments I thought I’d share.

This weekend should be much less eventful, which is definitely a good thing.

This weekend Will and I are headed to Branson to celebrate his dad’s 60th birthday. This weekend will only be spent with his parents and his brother and brother’s wife. So while I anticipate blog-able moments, I highly doubt I’ll be able to share how someone asked Will to wear his skin (shudder).

I’m definitely looking forward to this trip. It will be super quick, and mostly spent in the car, but it should still be nice. Regardless of the fact that Will’s dad is into virtually every travel oddity in the world. “There’s a 25 foot ball of belly button lint 5 miles away! Let’s stop in and check it out!”

Yes, it will be an interesting trip but in a different way.

More to come…