Have you ever felt like you’re facing a full blown marathon, and you’re showing up late dressed in spiky heels and fitted skirt?

Oh- and you’ve never run a mile in your whole life.

I sort of feel that way today.

I’ve felt that way a lot lately.

I feel as though I’m showing up for a marathon that will be almost impossible to finish and the mere thought of processing this marathon makes me exhausted. It makes my heart hurt.

It’s no secret I’ve been frustrated with work lately. It’s not so much my actual job. I like that. It’s the situation I’m in. I think some of it has to be with where I’m located. It’s difficult to get “real” people that will come to Kuwait and work. I’ve also found that some managers here would never in a million years be able to make it in America. There are a lot of factors… no need for me to get into that today.

Have you ever faced a “marathon” that was so long and uphill to the point where you felt like throwing your hands up and walking away?

I sort of feel that way. I feel so bogged down with things to the point where I feel like packing up and going home and not worrying about it.

I know we probably all feel that way sometimes, and I certainly don’t want to sound like a “work martyr” (though I probably do), but I just need to blow off some steam today or I’m liable to up and quit, feel great for five minutes-

And then totally regret it.

There are so many frustrations I feel right now to the point where I can’t even verbally process them, so I won’t try. I just feel sick over everything and that’s all I really know how to verbalize. I just feel like yelling, “Why won’t you listen to us?!!” to my managers. We’ve made it no secret that this marathon is going to take a long time to run, much longer than they’d like, yet they’re pushing forward with no concept of the actual situation…

Just one of my many grievances today. Couple that with the fact that we’re forced to move and, well, you’ve just mixed yourself a potent cocktail.

I also feel sad because I’m going to miss my anniversary and mom’s birthday, all for “the mission.” I know in the grand scheme of life it may not be that big of a deal, but right here and right now in the moment it seems so.

Why is it that when you’re feeling down you think of absolutely every possible negative thing going on in your life?

I mean seriously! My toast could have come out slightly burned and I would have lamented about it all day. I guess I’m sort of like that today. I’m lamenting about work, then missing my anniversary and mom’s birthday, then P going away to college, and not shaving my legs for a few days… see? You think of anything and everything to make you even more down.

How silly, right!?

Maybe I’m the only person that does that- but I bet not. There’s a lot of country songs to back me up.

I did get a nice surprise today, though. I got a text from my mom today saying my parents were going to pay for my cruise! I was shocked. What a loving gesture! Now all I have to cover is airfare and excursions. What a sweet thing. Getting that news was a day brightener. In fact, this cruise has definitely helped me get through the day lately. That and coming home to see Will.

Poor Will.

He LOVES when I have to work like I am now (<- a full blown sarcastic sentence).

I keep telling myself, “You just need to get through the next 2 weeks and things will be better,” and then once those 2 weeks are over, another thing comes up and I make myself another promise, “You just have to get through the next month and it will all be okay,” yet that day never comes. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard “After March things will be so much better” I’d be so rich. Here it is March and now we’ve just stretched things out until only God knows how long.

Believe it or not, I’M TRYING TO LIVE A LIFE HERE. I know work is #1 priority above God and family to you all (you being most people in my company, not you as in YOU), but I’ve made the decision to put work below those things.

I’m ready for my ship to sail. P, how many days is it again?? I ought to do a countdown of my own.

Instead I’m sitting at my desk, mentally shut down and dreading the moutain I’m about to climb. There seriously comes a point where overtime pay doesn’t matter.

See why I asked you to come back tomorrow?

Love you guys.