Because I'm Terrible at Scrapbooks

Goodnight Q-8

My Last Full Day in Kuwait

We got up relatively early yesterday.

I showered, got ready, ate toast with P, and hung around my parent’s house. Around 9:45 my mom dropped me and P off at The Avenues so we could spend some gift cards. Our mission was to find me work clothes and P a gold bracelet to wear to prom.

H&M was the first stop where I attempted to do damage- only I couldn’t find much. I found one dress for 5 KD, but when I tried to pay for it with my 10 KD gift card they totally freaked out. Apparently you can’t just use part of a gift card in this country- it’s all or nothing. I bantered back and forth, got mad, and left. Repeat the above incident with the next 2 stores and my frustration level was through the roof. We did some more browsing and I began to get discouraged. I couldn’t find anything.

We finally stopped in Debenham’s and I found so many beautiful outfits. I found a dress, a top, a swimsuit, and a ring for 50 KD (the exact amount of my gift cards). I went to pay, expecting no trouble this time, only to have the assistant manager come to me and ask where I got these gift cards. I told him I got them as a gift. He excused himself for a moment and then came back to tell me I couldn’t use the cards because there was no issuing store written on the back. Apparently it made it look like I had stolen the gift cards.

At this point I was livid. “I can’t use these gift cards because someone wasn’t efficient at their job? I might as well have lit 50 KD on fire!”

“Come back tomorrow madam and we will try to track down where this code was issued.”

“I’m flying out tomorrow.”

“No- just come back tomorrow, no worries.”

“I’m flying OUT tomorrow. I’m not coming back.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah- so am I!”

P and I took off- and I was extremely pissed from that point on. Oh the fun of living in Kuwait. Nothing is ever easy.

We decided it was time for lunch after the whole gift card fiasco. P decided it was time to expand my tastes, so it was Indian food at Asha’s. I wasn’t ready for curry, so I stuck with something fairly simple and really liked it. Don’t ask me what it was, though. Something with cottage cheese and mustard and vegetables- all with a fancy Hindi title of course. We talked about college, and what my life will be like at home. We talked about travel and food, and all the reasons I shouldn’t move to America.

After Asha’s we did some more browsing, stopped at a pharmacy, and headed home. We didn’t do too much after that. Will and my dad came home from our apartment with the last of the stuff we planned to ship. We just lounged around the house for a few hours and looked for houses Will and I could buy back home. After while, my mom decided to take me back to the mall so I could get the clothes I had tried to buy earlier. She paid, and assured me she would get the whole gift card thing settled once I left. I told her to use them to buy herself something nice, since she had just purchased clothes for me. I hope she does.

By then it was time for dinner. We decided to do Casper and Gambini’s one last time for good measure. I’m glad we did.

Streams of Consciousness

After dinner, we just sat around the house. P and I looked at stuff online- I think she was trying to cheer me up. My disposition began to decline as the evening continued. My heart began to feel heavy, and after 3 weeks of rushing and stressing and worrying, it finally began to sink in that this was my last night in Kuwait. That my time was done and I was going to have to go back to a place that, in all honesty, I don’t want to go. P tried so hard to be positive and tell me all the great and wonderful things I had to look forward to, yet none of them seemed to make me stop hurting.

P seems to be the only person that gets that. Everyone else thinks I’m crazy for feeling the way I do- I mean- why wouldn’t I want to go back home? As P and I discussed last night, it’s because I have two “homes” now. So many people don’t understand that.

I dread the thought of returning to a place where minds are so closed. Where life doesn’t exist anywhere else outside of people’s tiny fenced in houses. Where people don’t have entirely different lives across an ocean that seems to grow smaller as each year passes. The truth is that there is this huge sky out there that envelops this whole big world that goes on when we’re sleeping or working or eating. Far bigger than those backyard fences.

I know I’m being totally stereotypical. I realize so many people value and realize life outside of their own egocentric happenings. The trouble is that where I’m going, life is so small. Minds are so closed. I’m so different than I was 3 years ago, so much better, and I dread returning to a place and it being just like it was when I left it. Will likes that. I guess that’s what makes it “home.” He’s so lucky, and since I’m being honest with you guys, I envy his excitement. Why can’t I just be happy and excited about this change?

One reason is that I don’t handle change well. At all. Life here is what I know now. It’s normal and comfortable. I’m scared to move home. The other reason is that this all happened so fast. We were supposed to have a “transition out plan” where I could prepare myself to leave. Where I could get myself ready for all these things I’m feeling right now. Also- moving wasn’t supposed to be hard! I always knew there would be an end date to our time here, but it seemed so far away, and I always imagined it being an easy tie to cut. Another thing is that I’ve been around my family my entire life. They’ve always been near, and now they’re a once a year trip away. I know people live their lives like this all the time, but again, I always imagined them being close. The thought of them being so far away brings tears to my eyes.

If I told you I was ready to start this new chapter in my life, I’d be lying. I’m ready because I know, without a doubt, it’s God’s will for us to return to the states. However, although I know that in my soul, the rest of me seems to be in argument. Obedience isn’t always easy, right? Why couldn’t I have an easy lesson!? This has been the biggest test and move of faith in my entire life, and certainly the most painful thus far. I just want things to be like they were before. They didn’t hurt then.

My heart seems so full of emotions but for some reason I can’t verbalize how I feel. So- I won’t continue to try. I just wanted to write so (hopefully) 3 more years from now I’ll look back, laugh at myself, and say, “Oh Brittny, if you only knew how life was going to turn out!”

I hope that’s what happens.

So I bid this amazing adventurous chapter in my life farewell and trade it in for the slow lane. There are so many things I won’t miss about Kuwait, but far more that I will. This place has made me a much better person, and I’m so thankful for my time here. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know I’ll be okay. I just wish it didn’t hurt to walk away.

<3

See you in America…

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About

brittny I'm B-Love. Lover of God, my husband Will, my doggies, OU football, weight training, plyometrics healthy eating (mostly!), peanut butter, and all things health related. Buckle up and get ready for my constant embarrassing moments, health and fitness tips,and my effort to rely on Christ while living life in the real world. Follow me on Feedly! Sign up for monthly emails at blove@theblovelife.com!


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