To the unemployed, unkempt, “immature“ Britter-Bob girl to the left:

We had a great run, didn’t we? Good times, good laughs. However, it is time for me to bid you farewell. You’ve been a faithful friend for almost 4 months, but as they saying goes, all good things must come to an end. I can’t imagine my life without you, but it is time for me to let go, hoping that distance truly does make the heart grow fonder.

I wish I could take you along for this new journey in my life, but you and I both know that would be impossible. Not only would my job be on the line, but I honestly think you break about 57 unspoken corporate rules before even walking out the door to your apartment. Hey, I don’t mean to down you- you’re great- but you know I’m right. I can’t really say you’ve eqiupped me for the next stage of my life, but I can say I’ve had lot of fun. We’ve had lots of good time trapped on floor 10 huh? You are a great friend and I am sad to say goodbye, but my love, it is time. So… here I go with my many farewells.

I first say goodybye to your Outfit of the Week. For those reading this I must clarify. My dear friend would wake up in her “jammies” and hang out in them for a few hours… or most of the day… (yes, I am exposing my embarrassing summer laziness- but hey! We were stuck in an apartment all day) then she’d go to the gym, which require an outfit change. She would then get in the shower around 4:15 (literally 30 minutes before Will got home… as long as I look a little more put together he can think I looked that way all day if he wants… I know the truth!) and put on her “nice outfit” consisting of soffe shorts and a tee. So fancy. You really do have great fashion sense (ha ha). She would then wear it for like 3 days straight. So pathetic… but when you sit around and do nothing, that is what you get. I am sure your husband will be so sad to see the Outfit of the Week put to rest, but I’m sure he will manage.

Goodbye Outfit of the Week.

I must also say farewell to your great taste in television and the hours of thoughtless starting at the screen. That will be hard to let go.

Daytime TV is so great. sigh. Where to start?

Home and Away. Who knew how great Australia primetime was!? I love you all (see, I even talk like I “know” them. that is how you know it is time to let go). To Tasha, Scott, Beth, Irene, Sally, Robbie, and all the others: I hope things go well in Summer Bay. Scott, be careful! I read ahead and Danni is about to cut the cord! I always thought you were too good for her anyway. Anyway all, be on your guard. It seems like the tense situations get the greatest ratings- which I personally would be fine without for the most part, but you know… anyway, thanks for the great story lines and excitement. You will be missed the most (did I mention I was obsessed?).

Ah, Roseanne. You are the best. My mom would never let me watch you when I was younger because he thought you were trashy. What a hoot. I managed to keep up with you and Dan back then, but I sure did stick it to my mom this summer, as an adult that could watch whatever good, quality “trashy” bad influence stuff I want.Roseanne? Trashy? What was she thinking? I have to laugh when I think about that. There were far worse thing I could have been watching than Roseanne. Anyway Rosie, thanks for being “real” (once again, talking like they are not just characters, but hey, I need “closure“ , so bear with me) There is something that makes me want to live in a simple “Lanford” one day. How comforting and easy.

Other daily shows I must farewell are: Drew Carey reruns, Trading Spouses reruns, and most of all Maury Povich (now THAT, mom, is sheer Trash.). I will also say goodbye to watching mindnumbing episodes of Spongebob Squarepants every day at 4:00 on MTV Europe. Those Europeans are strange people.

Goodbye washed up, cancelled terrible TV shows (minus Home and Away!).

Enough with the TV talk- You are one louse! I guess that is your job, and for that reason I am sad to say goodbye. See!? You HAVE a job! It’s to keep my busy. If Will only agreed.

I must also bid goodbye the terrible but oh so wonderful things you shoved down my throat. I have to get away from you. If I don’t I will balloon.

Quickly.

But, I sure did have fun with you. I will miss having Pizza Hut thin crust cheese at least once a week. I will miss cherry frosted poptarts and soft batch cookies. I will miss eating an entire box of cereal for three meals and kiling it in less than 2 days. I will miss all the creations you concoted with a chocolate frosting base. Wow. I never knew saltines were so good slathered in Betty Crocker. That (eating “crap”) was my most terrible vice, and for that you must go. That was best (and worst!). See, I DID have a good 4 months! Why in the world did I complain about wanting a job when I have you?!

Maybe I should keep you around. Jobs are overrated. Okay, so I can’t do that, but how fun would that be? I complained about lugging you around all summer and now that I have to let you go, I’m not so sure you are worth kicking to the curb. You are priceless. Do you think if I told that to Will he’d let me be a SAHW? I am seriously doubting it. Therfore, I must continue on with my goodbyes.

I must also say goodbye to the stressfree schedule you allowed me: Get up with Will. After he leaves: “Go back to bed… for however long you darn well please. As long as you get the house stuff done know one has to know! You deserve it. You wash and iron his clothes for crying out loud. That’s at least 2 hours you can cash into sleep.”

I like the way you think. So many schedule loopholes you designed. You are a genius! I never knew humans could revert to “cat” behavior and sleep more than they are awake, but you have proven me wrong. They should hire you instead of me, though I’m not sure how the “classy” clothes, no makeup, and messy hair look would go over, or the chocolate smear on the left side of your cheek.

Maybe I better take this one.

Just know I will miss your laid back approach to everything. I am certain I am the most worrisome, uptight person I know, so you really helped me let my hair down this summer. I owe my open, “I’m tired of putting up with crap and being too nice to say anything” attitude all to you. I’m not sure others will appreciate that, but always know that I do.

There are so many praises you are worthy of, but I must close this letter before I tear my offer letter to shreds and cling to you like hairspray on an 80s supermodel. You are a lot better than I gave you credit for, if only I would have appreciated all the time I had with you before I the day before work (boo!). You might be worth the SAHW career, but I can’t find out- plus I would get huge and lazy and that’s lose-lose.

So, heres to the great times we had this summer. I owe them all to you. I know I ‘m becoming the “reponsible grown-up now,” but always know that I’m hiding you away from the rest of the world, so that one day you can shine before them too. Thank you, Thank you, Thankyou. <3

Love,

The employed, put together, “responsible (heh heh)”

BrittnyLynne