Do you ever wish you could just rally all of us together onto Wisteria Lane- minus all the constant backstabbing and drama of course- and just live in a cute little community all in a row? Maybe I’m a bit over the edge on that one, but hey- I think it could be fun. I heart you guys, I really do.
Alright, enough with the mushy crap- let’s get started.
I’m sitting here at work today waiting.
I’ve officially realized what my REAL job title is!
I’m a Waitress!
I’m responsible for being incredibly nice, cordial, and submissive to my menopausal always changing never constant customer.
“Good morning sir, what can I get for you?”
“What can you get for me? I’ll tell you what you can get for me! How about a new face!”
“Yes, sir, right away sir.”
“You can also bring me a side of beef- not too done, but not too rare- but NOT medium, an iced tea with crushed ice, two baked potatoes with the skin removed, and a side of truffles- the mushroom kind!!”
“Uh, we don’t carry truffles. They’re rare and expensive.”
“Well then GET THEM!”
“Um, I think pigs crawl around in the heart of France sniffing them out.”
“Well you better get on a plane and get to sniffing! Oh- and I need to eat this in less than an hour.”
OR it goes like this:
“Hello sir, what can I get for you today?”
“Give me a few minutes to get back to you.”
“No problem.”
Repeat 5 minutes later.
Repeat again 5 minutes later.
Repeat.
Repeat.
REPEAT.
REFREAKINGPEAT.
Sometimes it goes like this:
“Hello sir, what can I get for you?”
“How about the special?”
“Coming right up!”
…waiting for the cook to prepare…
“Dinner is served, sir!”
“Hmm, well… now that I think about it- I don’t want the special anymore. Can you make me the lamb?”
“Coming right up!”
…waiting for the cook to prepare…
“Dinner is served, sir!”
“Hmm, this looks great, but you know… the beef sounds better. How about the beef?”
This goes on and on- preparing everything to the customer’s EXACT requests only to be asked for something else again
And again
And again
And AFREAKINGAIN!
I also have to clean up a lot of crappy messes- think a table full of rowdy junior high boys that just lost their season’s softball championship and are out to destroy everything in sight- while eating a huge plate of spaghetti on white linen tablecloths.
Cleaning. Lots of cleaning. Maybe I’m also a janitor…
Hey, I don’t even have to mention the waitress pay do I?
Alright I could go on and on about this (I’m actually having a lot of fun drawing comparisons!), but it’s time for me to leave (yay!). I should have saved this post for a day when I had time to think of all the other similarities! Oh well.
It’s your turn! What’s your “real” job??
