Because I'm Terrible at Scrapbooks

The Non-Parent Parents.

If you take a quick inventory of the parents in your kid’s soccer league (or whatever activity they are involved in), and I bet you have quite an array of adults.

You’ve got the Snobs who sit far away from all the other parents and load up their fancy SUV with “better” more “nutritious” snacks for their kid instead of the usual orange slices and juice.

Because they’re obviously better than you, right?

Ha

You’ve got the angry parents, who stand at the front of the field, passionately yelling frustrations at the coaches, kids, parents… um anyone that listens.

Because their kid is obviously more talented than all the others.

AND WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SEE IT ALREADY!?!

I’m sure there are also an array of In-betweeners, which we will not discuss today.

And then, after the In-betweeners, there’s the most annoying of all.

The Non-parent, Parents.

The ones that show up and are seemingly involved.

Only they are not.

Mainly because they are more wrapped up in their other kid, or perhaps simply because they just don’t freaking care.

Their kid forgot their cleats again.

“Oh, it was our week to bring snacks? Oops!”

“Oh sorry, we were tied up with our older, much more talented child. She keeps us so busy!”

Plus their kid is utterly hyper and obnoxious and bullies all the other kids, even right in front of their Non-parent Parents.

And never gets in trouble for their atrocious behavior.

What a nightmare.

And what sucky parents.

I’m sure you and the In-betweener parents like to chat with during games, and totally bad-mouth the Non-parent Parents.

And I suppose with good reason. Who likes having their kid bullied?!

So confession time.

Will and I are the Non-parent Parents.

(said as I hang my head in shame)

Yes, it is true.

We are the sucky parents that have no reign over our children and are surely badmouthed and black listed amongst other, more reliable parents.

So let me explain.

I know by now you know about Boz and Lucy.

They are the aforementioned other “kids” we’re wrapped up in.

You already know this, since I freaking talk about them pretty much all the time.

However, um, did you know we have two other dogs?

Yes, it is true.

We have two more.

And yes- that means we have FOUR dogs.

I disgust myself.

Anyway- we have two mammoths that live outside fulltime.

Rocky

The Rock

And Teddy
Sleeping beauty

And do be fooled by how beautiful and docile they seem.

Because they sure can be naughty at the most inopportune times!

Anyway, the “Bigs,” as we call them, are really good dogs, and I like them very much.

But they are definitely outside dogs, and I don’t spend a whole lot of time with them.

(Because I’m a Non-parent Parent, remember?)

Sure they can sit, and shake.

But that’s about the gamut of their tricks.

And it’s fine, because they’re outside and they play and have fun and it doesn’t bother me.

They’re our super fun, big doggies that live outside.

And Boz and Lucy are our kiddos that live inside.

Yes. I said it.

Kiddos.

(HELP ME)

Anyway- back to the Bigs. They’re great.

Except when we have to take them somewhere.

Then it becomes a bit of a nightmare.

See, they don’t get out much.

Teddy never really got out of that crazy lab phase.

The vet used to tell us she would eventually calm.

Except she never did.

False hope.

Regardless, I love her spirit and goofiness.

Except when we have to go somewhere.

Then?

Not so much.

Rocky?

Probably the best dog we have ever owned.

Such a good boy.

Except for that one thing.

The thing where he is a total bully to other dogs who bark at him or Teddy.

Sure, some would say was provoked first. However, let’s be real- Rocky should be the “bigger person doggie.”

He’s way bigger than most dogs.

So when you combine both of these qualities together and throw in a trip to the vet-where animals abound- it gets a little hectic.

Pandemonium.

Insanity.

Loud.

Any of those words work, as well as a host of others.

We took the Bigs to the vet the other day, and entered the perfect storm.

Teddy was even more energetic than usual, and there were a slew of barking dogs- which gets old Rocky raring.

Oh- and can we please just stop for a moment and camp out on how I just said Teddy was “energetic?”

Why do Non-parent Parents use euphemisms for their misbehaved kids, right?

I’m sorry. I should call it what it is. Teddy was bouncing off the walls and nearly uncontrollable.

There.

I said it.

Happy!?

Sheesh.

Anyway- Teddy was energetic bouncing off the walls, and Rocky was raring.

We literally had to separate them onto opposite sides of the clinic, because they were feeding off one another.

And Rocky would not stop barking, and barking, and barking, with his booming baritone bellow.

And Teddy would not stop jumping, and jumping, and jumping with her amazing gymnastical body.

She’s a freak of nature.

And everyone was starting, as if to say, “Seriously!? Who’s the master here!? Get a hold of your dogs, people!?”

Ugh.

Non-parent Parents?

That’s us.

Definitely a little embarrassing.

I am certain the super-excelled dog parents were talking amongst each other when we left.

We are so those parents on your soccer team.

Sigh.

So after that fiasco, I decided it’s probably time to be a little more active in our outside doggie’s lives.

(Um, duh! Way to make the most OBVIOUS conclusion ever, stupid.)

Hey- I may not be the orange slices and Capri Sun kind of dog mom with the Bigs… yet.

But you gotta start somewhere.

Who knows, maybe I’ll get upgraded to an “In-betweener parent by next visit?

There’s always hope. There’s always hope.

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About

brittny I'm B-Love. Lover of God, my husband Will, my doggies, OU football, weight training, plyometrics healthy eating (mostly!), peanut butter, and all things health related. Buckle up and get ready for my constant embarrassing moments, health and fitness tips,and my effort to rely on Christ while living life in the real world. Follow me on Feedly! Sign up for monthly emails at blove@theblovelife.com!


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