Disclaimer- I PROMISE you this post gets lighthearted and a little humerous. You just have to stick with me at the beginning so you know what’s going on.

Let’s get started!

So this is what’s going on in my world.
Tonight is this stupid soirée for one of the ladies leaving in our department.
This post could easily get confusing so let me give you some background information so you’re all up to speed.

I hate my job, and the stupid things leadership get away with. I’m stifled and am not able to show my true gregarious self here blah, blah, blah you know my sob stories.

I don’t need to go into that.

Okay, here is where the plot thickens (okay, not really because I could tell you some doozy work stories but I think we’ve all learned from Dooce not to do that! Here are just the facts that get you to today).

Last Wednesday the ladies in my office planned a Women’s Department Dinner. They invited all the ladies in the department except me.

Yep, that’s right.

Everyone but me.

Pretty tacky huh!?

Granted, I’m like the youngest person in the group and am a Christian and wouldn’t have gone anyway because my weekends with Will are our only major time to spend together, but if they are going to call it a Department Dinner I really feel like they should have at the very least extended the invitation to everyone.

So here I am, on the nest, publicly admitting that I was the loser that didn’t get invited to the dinner.

Trust me friends, I’m not a loser, I’ve just chosen to stand firm in what I believe, even if it’s not popular.

Anyway, the whole thing made me mad. Not because I wanted to go, but because I really thought how they did it was so classless. I mean, here I am, sitting in this office with these women and they are openly talking about the get together. Do they think the cubicles are sound proof or something!

So, the more I thought about it the more I thought, “You know what!? If they didn’t care to invite me to the whole Women’s Dinner shenanigan, they shouldn’t care if I don’t’ go to the dinner opened to spouses and family this week!”

So that was what I decided.

I’m blowin’ this popsicle stand and not going to tonight’s dinner.

Is it out of spite?

Not so much. I would like to think I’m a better person than that.

It’s more out of the fact that I just feel out of place as it is due to the series of events and “drug deals” and all the crap that has gone on here and I wouldn’t enjoy myself anyway and was going because I sit in the same office with this woman every day and really thought the nice and obligatory thing to do would be to suck it up and go to the stupid dinner.

However, I no longer feel that way.

So that is where I stand.

I’m not going to your stupid dinner.

Here is my problem.

I sent my RSVP in saying:

Dear _______,

Will and I will be attending _______’s going away party.
Thanks!
Brittny

That’s right girls, I took the RSVP oath.

The single commitment that binds us in blood.

The one call or letter to the host that says, “I don’t care if the psoriasis on my butt flares up and I am constantly scratching and groping and rubbing myself against rough surfaces, dang it. I’m coming to your party and I’m gonna love it!“

It’s the most crucial component in planning a party. You are forever bound to your promise. It’s like signing your marriage license- getting out of the RSVP commitment would be like a messy divorce.

You just can’t do it.

The other problem is that if I go they could care less to have me there, however if I DON’T go it gives them yet one more reason to think I’m the devil simply because my dad is a manager here. Yeah, totally mature guys.

Anyway, do you sort of see my predicament? I’m darned if I do, darned if I don’t.

But despite that I’m not going.

So, I’m waivering.

I hate being too nice.

Because I am too nice, I feel like I should tell them I’m not going- despite the fact that they have treated me poorly.

However, there is a tiny part of me that feels sort of tacky (yeah yeah, shut up girls, I know it’s not Christ-like) and just wants to ditch the party and not even say anything. I mean, it’s at freaking Applebees. It’s not a catered event or anything for crying out loud.

So, that’s my third predicament.

To recap we have:
1. RSVP Predicament
2. Darned if I do, Darned if I don’t Predicament
3. How to get out of this joke of a “ Oh _____ we’re so sad you’re leaving” when sadly no one really cares party Predicament.

Here’s what I’ve got:

Either I just don’t show up, or I go with one of these. I’ll let you decide which one works.

Dear ____,

Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because Will is having a root canal. He has never been more excited to undergo dental work than he is tonight. I’m sure you understand.

Thanks!
Brittny

Dear ____,

Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because I’m washing my hair. Wednesdays are the only nights I am able to do this and Will must be present to comb out the knots. I’m sure you understand.

Thanks!
Brittny

Dear ____:

Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because the last time I ate at Applebees I had fiery explosive diarrhea for 3 days. I’m sure you understand

Thanks!
Brittny
PS- Make sure everyone enjoys the fiesta lime chicken!

Dear ____,

Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because we have a scheduled Chinese Water Torture session from 7:30-10:00 tonight. We were very lucky to get in, Chang is usually very booked. I’m sure you understand.

Thanks!
Brittny

Dear ____,

Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because I will be counting the tiles in our entire apartment. It’s always good to have a solid tile count incase something happens. You just never know. I’m sure you understand.

Thanks!
Brittny.

Dear ____,
Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because of our yearly schedule colonoscopy date. It’s really special together time for the two of us.  I know it’s really crappy that we have to miss, but I’m sure you understand.

Thanks!
Brittny

Dear ____,
Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because we will be attending a fascinating lecture on the foundation and chemical make up of dirt. I know you were hoping to score tickets to this exciting event, but we got the last pair. Sorry! I’m sure you understand.

Thanks!
Brittny

Dear ____,

Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because I am having my entire body waxed. The thought of hot wax being poured over my body and having every inch of hair violently ripped awa just couldn’t be passed up. I"m sure you understand.

Thanks!
Brittny

Dear ____,

Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because I have my yearly OBGYN appointment. I am so excited to be straddling those stirrups. You have no idea. I’m sure you understand.

Thanks!
Brittny


Dear _____:

Will and I will not be attending tonight’s dinner because we gave up conversation with rude people for Lent. I’m sure you understand.

Thanks!
Brittny

Feel free to add your own excuses. I’m open to about anything right now.

I’m leaning towards the diarrhea one. Is it bad that I want everyone to get the chicken?

Probably.

I will go for now. I still have decided if I’m just ditching or providing one of the excuses? What do you think? It starts in 3 hours…