There’s something about a slutty dessert, shamelessly displayed in all supermarkets and menus across the world, that gets me all hot and bothered.
The dinner ends, and (as usual) I am still certain I can put away more than what I’ve just eaten (that’s all thanks to specific satisfaction-or some crap like that. It has to do with how your brain can tell your body it’s full of one item, but still be hungry for another. See? Now you have an excuse to eat dessert for the rest of your life.). Getting the dessert menu, holding it in my hands. Carefully paying attention to all the lustfully written descriptions, and finally eyeing the perfect dessert and deciding, “You. Tonight I want you.” Then anticipating the moment when the server finally presents me with what I had anxiously desired all evening. In the words of our dear- and ever so slightly disturbed- friend Paris Hilton, “That’s Hot.”
I’ve always had a love affair with desserts. Don’t worry, Will has known for a while. He’s done all he can, but has come to accept the fact that he is married to a woman with two loves.
Aside from a few things such as Orlando Bloom, black Range Rovers, cold rainy days, and Will- desserts might just be the sexiest freaking things on earth. I mean really- can anything get a person fired up like a Godiva Cheesecake?! I think not.
Today, I was faced with a temptation that was much too hard to resist. I went into the PX to buy a box of Wheat Thins- because, as I mentioned before, I walk around with a box under my arms at all times:
Blow drying my hair,
Petting Boz and Lucy,
Showering (I hang one arm outside the curtain)…
I’m getting off track.
Anyway- I went in to get a box of Wheat Thins. As I strolled down the aisle. I saw them. Suzy Qs.
My mom craved them throughout her pregnancy with me, and for some reason there seems to be this odd innate mechanism inside of me that must drop my whole world to the ground and have a Suzy Q anytime I can actually find them.
See, I’ve never been able to find any in Oklahoma. I’m not sure why. Maybe because of all the porn laws or something- Suzy Qs are quite racy, you know. Every know and then I could find them at the Wonder Bread outlet my town had (and then freaking closed), but not always. Finding a Suzy Q in Oklahoma USA is like trying to find an umbrella in Kuwait .
But there it was, glossy clear wrapped with little smudges of cream protruding from the sides. Sitting on the rack, calling to me. I start panicking because I know the consequences of eating a Suzy Q- 440 calories and a pudgy stomach for the rest of the day- not to mention creme filling all over my face and nubby little fingers.
I quickly looked away and thought to myself, “No, Brittny. You musn’t (Yes- I actually said musn’t).” I walk further down the aisle, but they kept drawing me in. Staring me down. Suffocating me in the aisle. I grabbed two boxes of Wheat Thins and started my trek down the aisle, trying to avoid the Suzy Qs at all costs, but them some crazy force just came over me and before I knew it “swish!” my arm had taken control of the rest of my body and just snatched a package before I could even say, “Arm! What the crap do you think you’re doing!?!”
It was too late, I couldn’t refuse the Suzy Q now. I was already involved. I had to finish what I had started. I made my purchase and headed to the car. I went with a coworker, but she wasn’t finished. I sat in the car all alone with the AC blowing and decided:
It was time.
Eating a Suzy Q- or just about any dessert for that matter- is a very calculated thing for me. It’s crucial to appreciate every single moment you’re involved in the act. It was a million degrees, I was sweating all over myself and didn’t seem to mind. I looked around to be sure one could interrupt this ceremonial occassion. The coast was clear.
I gently unwrapped the package and ate every last bite of my Suzy Q- using surgeon-like hands and being extra attentive to every single smudgy piece of the cake. Surprisingly enough, I didn’t even make a mess. I almost always have crumbs ground into my shirt and, as I mentioned before, creme filling smeared everywhere. The fact that I had accomplished a perfectly non-messy eating of my Suzy Q just drove home the point that I was in face supposed to have one today. To put it bluntly- we were created for each other.
Yes, I admit it. Dessert eating borderlines a sexual encounter. Ha, although I wouldn’t go as far as this like Will does and OU football!
Sigh, I wish I had more time to discuss this matter. I have about 10 more paragraphs I feel the need to write. However, I must leave you now. I suppose I’ll save my food theories for another time. I’ve awakened your senses enough for one day.
This afternoon was fan-freaking-tastic. All because of a Suzy-Q.
Now all I have to do is manage to burn an extra 440 calories today. That will be fun. Oh the repercussions of lusty haste.
I’m off to enjoy my weekend (and hopefully some good dessert too!).
So I think you’re doing it just right!
I feel that way about cheesecake and swiss cake rolls. Mmm....