There are times when I wish I could express my feelings to others like men are able to. They can yell things like , “You are so stupid! open your eyes! Can’t you see you are ruining you life!“ And then 5 minutes later they are fine. They duke it out and then they are over it.

That is something I admire about Will. He says what he wants, even if it is something someone doesn’t want to hear.(he doen’t say the “hey you are stupid stuff,” I was just using that as an extreme example). He isn’t out to hurt people’s feelings, but he is able to be very truthful with people, and that is a reason why a lot of people respect him. He has no problem saying what he wants to say. I, on the other hand, don’t talk “like a guy.” I am “too nice” in situations a lot of the time. The past 2 days I have needed “guy talk” in my life.

My MOH and I have had our ups and down over this past year, but things have really become different. She has really changed. Our “boss” Sheri has even been noticing her change in work ethics and the fact that she has totally started to avoid her (they used to be running partners). Well the latest with her has got my head spinning and I get to be the confidant of everything going on in her life.

She is making such poor decisions and is asking me to support her for making them, because no one else is. A strength (which obviously can also be a weakness) of mine is that I am good at encouraging others. I think she is using my positive encouragement as a free ticket to make stupid decisions. I have listened to everthing with an open mind- but this is just not the girl I became friends with. She is longing to be accepted by this certain group and her new boyfriend (that’s a long story) that she is willing to compromise what she has stood for for so long- and expected others around her to stand for too. I don’t want to go into details, but its a bad situation.

I talked to Will about it last night, and of course, he told me to tell her all of the things I already wanted to say in my head, but just couldn’t muster out. I was proud of myself today because I told her that she is old enough to make her own decisions but she needs to realize that they may be wrong and has to be able to accept them (I sound like a parent! AHHH).

I know people change over time, but I feel like she is changing not for herself, but for those around her. That is where I wish I could just tell her to look at the situation from a different perspective. She has put life on hold to be a surgrugate (or however you spell it) mother as a 22 year old to someone she doesn’t even know, not to mention the other bad choices. I was a little more “firm” and forthcoming about my feelings today, but it sounds like her mind is made up. She can do what she wants, but it makes me sad because of how great she is. I just need to let it all out “like a guy” and hope she responds in a “guy” manner- taking it in, getting mad, and then being fine. More to come