Just some random thoughts today.

It seems as though I have turned into Encino Woman.

Yep, I’m some freakishly huge baboon whose gargantuan hairy knuckles are dragging the ground 5 feet behind me as I drool and form incoherent grunts.

“uhhhgggg.”

(the sweet kindergartner teacher voice) “That’s good Brittny! You’re pointing to an apple. Can you say apple?”

“uhhhgggg.”

“Yes, APPLE. Very good!”

That’s me.

Grunty Encino Woman Brittny.

I went out with my sister the other day and have concluded either I was raised by wolves who lived in remote caves or I’ve been frozen in some undiscovered glacier. I never thought there would come a point in time when I would be a dinosaur compared to my sister, but the day has arrived.

My whole life I was, Brittny the totally cool older sister that knows everything (okay- that’s totally my own definition, my sister would probably say otherwise, but work with me), but now… now I’m “Sister Brittny, the stiff uptight creepy woman that never leaves her house and will be featured on Animal Cops for malnourishing her 37 cats as well as letting them live in their own feces.” What a major title change- right!?

The other day my sister and I spent several hours together and it was then that I realized what a cavewoman I am and how my sister is totally way cooler than me now. We went shopping and she knew everything about everything:

There are only certain stores where one can shop.

You don’t wear a silky button up that ties in the front type shirt with a skirt- you totally wear it with jeans because it’s way sexier that way (duh! Everyone knew that right!?).

Leggings are in fact cool despite what I’ve been told since 1996 (note to self: buy leggings- leggings without stirrups).

I look like an idiot in vests, even if they ARE cool right now.

If you want to get a real education you go to school in England .

English boys are sleaze bags that try to hook up with anything that wears a skirt (or leggings… or probably even those silky button up shirts that tie in the front with a skirt).

Frappucinos are way better than iced coffee and you’re an idiot if you can’t properly order one at Starbucks (umm.. can’t order coffee at Starbucks without stumbling through my sentences at least 3 times).

My sister owns way cooler shoes than I have or could ever dream of having.

And about a million other things…I swear you know those cheesy, “Everything I learned from life I learned from a Teacher” posters? They should totally make one for P. I pretty much felt so uncool at the end of the day. Just call me Encino Brittny. I’m off to build a fire with nothing but a rock and straw.

What else…

I totally threw away an $800 check last week,

And no, I’m not kidding.

Will was soooo mad at me. (and I act as if this emotion is wrong)

My only saving grace was that we realized my idiocy before the trash man got it and bought himself an albino camel at the Friday Market.
There’s not much else I can say about this topic. I think the fact that I did it is enough embarrassment.

Memory foam is the most amazing thing EVER.

Think of the most amazing earthly thing ever…

Got it?

Memory foam is better.

Really! It is!

I’ve officially joined the Silver Senior Club (now I just need my freaking discount!). I never thought something like memory foam and fancy high thread count sheets would turn my nerve (I mean really!? Bed stuff!?!), but it has. Majorly. My parents got Will and I the gift of sleep this year and I’ve never been happier. I love going to bed. It’s like a major event for me know. I actually have to get ready to go to bed, and I don’t mean ready like brush my teeth and stuff. I mean ready as in, “am I decent enough to enter this fancy sanctuary?” Everyone needs a memory foam mattress overlay. It will do wonders for your life.

I have this deep rooted desire to play this anytime someone comes in my office while I’m in the middle of something (which is all the time).

Is that bad?

The rest of the scene is even better (minus the 50 thousand times he uses the F bomb), but I could only find this small clip online. I think it’s freaking genius. If you didn’t click on the link you MUST do so before continuing on.

My sister totally bought me this for Christmas. I’m such a dork. It truly is genius, though, and is just what I wanted! I mean- who DOESN’T want a tape recorder so they can record their oh so exciting life (ha) and be able to play it back to blog-right? I know!

I tried to record a message and upload it online, but I couldn’t find a place to upload just audio. What a bummer. I’m sure there are some places but I’m not a technical smartie.

I have about 50 million pictures I need to post, mostly of the cutest freaking things ever (no- I’m not talking about Will, I’m talking about my puppies silly!) but my internet is ridiculously slow (think a snail trying to move a 2006 Expedition uphill), so maybe next time. Here are just a couple.

Here is my precious Lucy after getting groomed. Isn’t the bow freaking adorable!? It was quickly destroyed by Boz. :(

My furry Boz. He’s a week younger than Lucy but about 2 1/2 times her size. He’s like a big cuddly teddy bear.

You shouldn’t even act surprised that we were given Sooner jerseys for our little pups. I know some of you are anti dog clothing, so to put your mind at rest these jerseys were quickly removed upon taking this picture (not).

Boz in the carrier my parents got us. Too freaking cute.

I guess I don’t need to answer your question about whether or not we got the freaking TV…
I won’t bore you with a post on how we got to that point.

By the way, I took that belly dancing class and in the words of Destiny’s Child, “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”

ha ha. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little (alright- I’m TOTALLY exaggerating), but seriously I kicked some major belly dancing butt.

not.

I looked like a complete idiot. Seriously. The ladies at the gym huddled around the classroom to watch me make a wiggly idiot of myself. Think this:

I DID say this was a random post, right?

Answer me this (it’s been perplexing me for a while now)- Why the freaking crap do you insert some keys with the teeth facing up and some with the teeth facing down!? I mean really!? My office is one way and my house is the other and I’m always inserting them face down which means 50% of the time I’m right (and 50% of the time I’m not ha ha). Seriously- what the crap!? Shouldn’t there be some key rule- especially when it’s freaking cold and your toes are turning to ice rocks and you’re standing there fumbling with a stupid freaking key!? I think that’s the dumbest thing ever. Yeah, I know you could care less about this paragraph, but posting is therapy, right?

What else…

I’ve resorted to mindless key talk- does that mean I’m out of things to talk about? Probably. I have a lot to talk about (really, I do!), but I’ve decided not to bore with usual life stuff- oh no, instead I’ve chosen to bore with stupid talk of keys! ha ha- everyone else is talking the birth of their babies (btw, congrats to T2!!) and I’m all about door entry.

I didn’t post last weekend (despite saying something like, “I promise to post every single weekend and if I don’t I will send you each a personal apology complete with marshmallow fluff and nutella."), but I figured it was a holidayish sort of weekend so I’d be okay. So- no written apology okay?

Alright, I know when I have nothing else to write about (and that was about 30 minutes ago...). Have a great weekend. Back to work for me :(.

More to come, promise