There’s something I need to confess today:

I hate buying new purses.

Yes, I know as a grown woman I’m supposed to love the idea of a brand new gorgeous bag, but the truth is- I don’t.

I hate purse shopping. I hate trying to find the “perfect bag.” I hate the idea of having to trade purses to match outfits- yes- I’m the one you gasp at for wearing browns and carrying a black purse. That’s me.

I find a purse and pretty much drive it into the ground. I carry so much unnecessary crap inside that you’d think I had mothered a basketball team. My purse probably weighs the same as a bucket of bricks. In fact, I’m pretty sure one of my shoulders permanently hunkers lower than the other. The thought of switching all that crap from one purse to another tires me. I’d rather just stick with Old Faithful. In fact, the purse I have now? Yeah- I’ve had it since the fall of 2006.

I plan on trying my best to make it through at least 2008.

I know that means by the time I finally break down a buy a new purse a whole new president will be in power,

we could be on the cusp of flying cars,

and Kuwait may have seen snow for the first time-

but that’s seriously how much I hate purse shopping.

I hate it almost as much as jean shopping- almost (I’m pretty sure shopping for jeans is the worst experience ever. In fact, I think that’s how they punish female criminals in some small countries).

From the outside, my current purse doesn’t look too bad. In fact, I still really like it.

The inside, however, leaves something to be desired.

I finally came to terms with it’s weakness this past week.

A few months ago I noticed a small hole in one of the pockets. Nothing too big, but slightly annoying. I also noticed that every now and then a lip gloss would get stuck inside “the abyss” due to the hole. Not that big of a deal- I mean- if one is going to hold the No New Purse conviction, you have to be prepared for a few annoying holes, right?

Well, last week it was as though the angels of purse heaven staged an intervention. A moment so intense that it brought me to a tearful confession:

“I...I’m out of control.... I need help.”

I had been searching for a lip gloss I had in my purse just the day before. Where was it!? Why couldn’t I find it? Ah- it must have slipped into “the abyss,” inside the linings of my old and worn purse. I stuck my fingers in the little hole that had developed and noticed that the “little hole” had grown significantly!

In fact- had I known the hole was so freaking huge I totally would have smuggled way more diet cokes and skittles into the movie we saw last week (just kidding of course...kind of).

As I stuck my hand inside the abyss I was astounded at all the little cylinders I felt within.

For months now I’ve sworn up and down I’ve lost several of my favorite lip glosses. I had simply blamed it “on the move-” which I’m finding is also a GREAT way to explain why I seem to have “lost” some of the bad gifts I’ve received over the years.

As I continuted to dig I began to pull lip gloss after lip gloss out of the abyss I realized I had a problem. I realized I probably needed a new purse.

The first step is admitting you have a problem, you know.

Not only that but I felt a little guilty when I pulled out a.brand.new.bottle.of.perfume. that had been missing for ALMOST A YEAR!

That’s right, my friends, almost a year! I had always secretly blamed this one girl I shared a vehicle with because she would always tell me how much she loved the smell. I figured she had stolen it.

The truth was that it was hidden inside my 30 pound trunk.

Yeah- I suck.

So- while I was very happy to have found some of my favorite lip glosses, I also realized that I probably need to begin thinking about getting a new purse.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely before those flying cars roll out.

Anything you need to confess today?