Y’know the feeling in your stomach you get before you do something you are terrified of? For some its speaking in front of people, others it’s flying. For me its singing. The thought of singing in front of anyone other than myself can conjure up the acid in my stomach and make me feel like I’m going to throw up all over myself. That is probably the best way to explain my feelings last night.

“It” happened. It, as in St. Helen exploding in all its wrath, happened. I won’t give you the 15 minute letter I gave to a friend, I’ll give you the Reader’s Digest version.

Last night Will had to work so I was left alone with my family. I knew the subject was going to come up- it was only a matter of time. I tried to enjoy my dinner and tried to talk the whole time so they had no opportunity to bother me with their questions- dumb I know. So, I said a lot of, “This is really good mom!” and other stupid fillers.  I also ate about 2 helpings of everything. Just when I thought I had gotten through dinner unscathed, it came up.

They sat there for about half an hour trying to get it out of me and I wouldn’t budge. finally I just let it all out- which had my family in shock! I ended up calling Will and telling him “it happened” and he did the sweetest thing: he asked his boss for permission to come home. So, that is what he did. I needed him there with me. I felt so loved that he did that for me.

He came home and we all sat there just kind of talking and seeing what needed to happen next. It was awkward, to say the least. We all probably went to bed feeling lousy and didn’t get much sleep, but in all honesty it was probably good for it all to come out (even though we had hoped to be moved out!).

So, today I woke up with that terrible nervous feeling in my stomach- like I was about to thrust in my pajamas TMJ splint in my mouth and all, to be on American Idol and sing to the world or something. Just call me William Haung.

I devoted a lot of my Bible study time today to prayer and just seeing what God wanted me to do now that “it happened.” I think that in time (and when we move out) things will be better than before because it wasn’t good to hold those feelings in. It feels sort of awkward now because of out living situation- but maybe it is true when they say it has to get worse before it can get better. I hope that’s true anyway!

So I have been praying a lot today for our relationship, and I know ultimately things are going to be fine- but this whole last night ordeal and still living here kind of makes things not too great.

So- I just had to get all that out as my little vent session today. Hopefully this has helped the situation. I know that sounds crazy- and I know immediatley it might have made things worse, but I think that through this it will get better.

So now the clean up crew must come out and figure what we’re going to do with this ashy mess…

Have a good Saturday.