Guess who is an indirect culprit in today’s post?
Yep-
the MIL.
How funny, I’ve gone months without mentioning her, and then all of a sudden she appears twice in one week!
Where should I start?…
Last night Will and I had a really really long and deep discussion about…
hmm, what was it about!?
“stuff.” Stuff about his mother. Stuff about another lady he likens to a mother, and stuff about how I feel about all of the above.
It all started when we were talking about his trip and everyone he visited. Well, then he casually mentions going to see “The Other Mother (ha- that sounds like a good enough nickname for this entry).”
When I heard this news I got so irritated and mad.
The Other Mother is a woman that Will was extremely close to during a period of his life. He truly did count her as a 2nd mother to him (hence the nickname). He grew really close to the whole family, took trips with them, etc. That’s the short story.
The problem is, however, that he dated her daughter.
And yes, I’m totally petty.
I’ll admit it.
I let stupid things like that bother me.
Once Will and I started dating, he didn’t see her as much since he practically lived with me and my family. She came to the wedding (as did the ex), but they sort of went their separate ways because he was busy being a newlywed and well, he didn’t really need that sort of friendship anymore.
I know the impact The Other Mother had on Will’s life… or at least I thought I did. I don’t think I really truly knew how important she was to him until last night.
When I found out he went and randomly visited her I became the “ugly” wife.
The one I really don’t like.
Why do we all have that ugly wife side!? Seriously! Have any of you found a way to de-program her!? If you have, please let me know!
Anyway, so I became the “ugly” wife with the Medusa hair and bulging eyes. I told him I thought it was disrespectful to me that he would go to his ex’s house. I told him if it were the other way around and I went to go see my ex boyfriend’s father I really think he would have a problem with it.
Will told me he was really surprised that I was upset and he had no intention of hurting me. He said he had hoped I would go with him next time to visit, because of how much she had meant to him. He explained that he knew his ex wouldn’t be there, and he knew I knew how he felt about their family so he really figured I would be okay with it.
I wasn’t. I was annoyed. I admitted to him that I guess some of it was jealousy (yeah I know. I’m terrible. Don’t judge. I suppose I’m the only woman in the world that’s ever been jealous, right!?), some of it was bad feelings about his past, and still more was the fact that I felt that if it were turned the other way around he wouldn’t be so cool with it either.
Then he said something that totally irritated me. He told me, “I think God allowed me to date ____ (insert ex’s name) so that I would meet her mother.”
What!? Are you on meth!? What the crap kind of statement was that?
I told him I thought that was stupid. So we talked about it.
We just talked,
and talked,
and talked some more.
We never broke out into an argument. Actually, it was one of the best conversations we’ve ever had with one another.
Hmm… I feel like this makes no sense. Oh well, let’s carry on.
So the conversation was basically me feeling upset that he went to see his ex’s mother, and him telling me how much he loves me and would never mean to hurt me and that the family meant a lot to him etc.
See, I never really got why this family meant so much to him. Will comes from a great family. Granted, his mother is a little bothersome, but still- a great Christian family. What would make him feel the need to become apart of another one? I asked him that question.
He began to explain to me why The Other Mother made such an impact in his life. He told me, “You know how my mom is! Imagine living with that for 20 years!”
Ha ha, I can’t even imagine!
He went on to say that his mother has poured cold water on everything he’s thought about or wanted his whole life. That is a very true statement. She doesn’t seem to believe in spending money, taking trips, and sometimes I even wonder if she believes in having fun!
She seemed miffed we went to the Super Bowl. She seems to think our 4 OU season tickets are extravagant…
She just can’t seem to let people make their own decisions.
The Super Bowl was a dream for Will. I don’t regret going on second.
Will wanted OU season tickets his whole life. Why shouldn’t he have them!? He works hard. OU is a passion. An obsession. He’s never happier than when we’re in Norman. I’m not exaggerating about that either.
His mother just doesn’t seem to get that. Like Will said, she’s poured a lot of cold water on things throughout his life.
Okay- so you sort of get why he needed another older womanly figure in his life, right? I understood too. I mean, I knew a lot of it, but after talking for as long as we did I finally got it.
What nailed it all down, though, is coming now.
So, Will was proceeding to answer my question. Then?
Then the tears came (and uh- don’t tell Will I told you that. He would totally freak out). I’ve only seen cry maybe three times during the five years we’ve been together.
If you’ve read a long time, you know how much Will’s dad means to him. His dad is his hero. As he continued on with the “cold water” stuff, he mentioned his dad’s truck as an example. He told me about how his dad worked so hard for his family his whole life and how his mother never wanted him to have a new truck, yet she would always get a new car.
Now, if you’re from the South you know how men are with their trucks. It’s a big deal to show off a shiny new truck! Stuff like that bothered Will. When he started talking about his dad, the tears came.
“ My mom and I didn’t get along very because of things like that. I guess I liked being around The Other Mother so much because she wasn’t like my mom and…
and… (insert that huge inhale you take right before the floodgates open)
because she was nice to me.”
And my poor Will really cried. Like real alligator tears. Ones he’s rarely cried before.
It broke my heart. I felt so silly for being the way I was about the whole situation. I know Will would never intentionally disrespect me by doing what he did. I guess most of it was my petty jealousies that got in the way of seeing how much that family meant to him during those college years.
I felt so close to Will last night. We shared so much and it was so good. It was truly one of the best conversations we’ve had in a long time. I learned so much.
I feel a little bare for sharing all this with you guys, but for some reason I thought I would. I thought maybe I would just make this a private post, but why bother, right? Exactly.
So, not a funny ha-ha post today. A lot more sharing than I normally do!
Also, I should say I feel bad for the MIL bashing lately. Will’s mom is a wonderful lady- seriously. Her love for God truly inspires me. I love his mom very much.
Wow, what a post! I feel like I dropped a 500 pound weight on my blog.
Run! Run away while you still can!
More to come. Hopefully not nearly as freaking revealing, right!?
<3
Keep on keepin’ on!!
awwwww.....I wish I knew how to get rid of the alter-ego “ugly woman”, but I don’t. I HATE when she comes out! I’m so glad that you and Will had a chance to have such an awesome conversation. I love when Chris and I have those conversations!