Okay.

This is my blog. Mine. All mine! Iinsert evil laugh right ______<- here.

This is my blog and it's something very important to me. Something that keeps me sane and a place I run to during all times of my life. This blog as been my life's journey and is a giant part of my life.

When I started this thing- way back in 2005 on the nest I had no idea anyone would ever read it- let alone that I would have “blog friends” I talk to on a regular basis, some of which I have met. I had no idea that this “blog” would do so much for me and become part of my identity. No idea at all.

With that said, I feel like I need to share something with you.

I’m beginning to feel like I can’t be myself on here anymore. When I started this blog- 1. I never thought anyone would read it (as previously stated!) and 2. It was not created for people I know to read it.

I know that sounds silly, but it’s very true. The thought of people that I actually know and see and talk to knowing about the time I plugged up my in-law’s toliet or the time I left my lunch in the fridge for half a year or…

well- you guys read my blog- you know the list goes on and on…

that stuff isn’t made for people I know! It’s made for you guys! The people I like!

Ha ha- kidding.

sort of…

Anyway-

now that I’ve moved back I feel incredibly censored by myself.

I feel like I can’t share my heart like I want to and I hate that.

I hope you hate that too.

I think about all the people I think I know that read my blog and it makes me feel all bummed- because

as I said before-

this blog isn’t for them!

Okay wait-

it is.

I guess.

There are several people that I know in real life that I know read my blog (Hi guys! You know who you are...), and I’m so fine with that. It doesn’t bother me at all. I appreciate that we can keep in touch in this medium, and am most appreciative of them outing themselves.

It’s the people I know that read my blog and I don’t know about it that bothers me. The possibilities are endless.

Unfortunately I’m getting to the point in which I’m considering going partially private- and I really, really don’t want to do that. That’s not why I started this blog and it was never my intention to feel as though I need to be careful in what I say. I wanted this blog to be raw and honest and “me” and I want it to stay that way.

However, now that I’m back home I feel like it can’t as easily as before.

Do you guys know how many people from Oklahoma are reading my blog these days? A freaking ton!

Okay- so I officially went from 3 readers to 9- but seriously- it feels like a ton!

I think I was most freaked out when someone searched for something specific about my family on my blog. Perhaps it was innocent, perhaps it was by one of those people I mentioned above- people I know that know me and read my blog, however I can’t help but think it’s those people that think they know me and have somehow found out about my blog. Sadly, there are a lot of people like that in my life. People that knew me before I went to Kuwait and have judged me for my decisions and have said some pretty hurtful things.

Sigh.

If I really wanted to I could take hours upon end to figure out who everyone was but I’m not that dedicated in reverse blog stalking (ha ha- I think I just made up a new term). 

I know this is what I get for having a public blog- the unknown of who’s out there. The inability to control who visits and what they do with the information I write.

I don’t want to feel like I have to tip-toe around what I want to say because of other people- like I said- this is my blog.

So I’m going to try my best not to do so, and that’s my commitment to all (ha ha- all...) nine of you who read my blog. We’ll see what the future has in store, and don’t worry you won’t show up to my site and be completely locked out. If I like you- I’ll tell you first (ha ha).

To my fellow Okie readers (the ones I don’t know in real life)- thanks for stopping by. If you ever see me at Teds or an OU game or at The Dollar Tree (see below post) please say hi! <- and please also don’t be a creepo. Thanks. Also, if you feel inclined to say hi in the comments section, please do! It will probably put my mind to rest a smidge.

Smidge.

What IS a smidge?

...

Anyway-

I have no idea why I shared all of this with you guys (the blog stuff- not the smidge stuff)… I guess it’s been weighing on my mind for a while now.

I suppose that’s all, really. I just needed to vent a little and do some sharing. Thanks for listening.

Now go have a good day!