Writer’s Block.

That’s what they diagnosed me with.

I’m pretty sure I’ll make it through okay, but they’re requiring me to think more creatively and open my mind to new ideas.

But.it’s.so.hard.

I’ll pull through, I promise.

In the meantime- help a girl out. Give me something, anything to post about.

Well- almost anything.

I have limits, you know.

Or questions. Questions are good too. Angela always answers blogger’s questions (and does a great job, I must add!). Questions are good too.

Time to take my medicine.

Writer’s block medicine… Hmmm..

Do you think perhaps they misdiagnosed?

Talking points.

When you hear that statement don’t you think about about being responsible to lead a painful long meeting?

That’s sort of what I think.

Don’t worry- these talking points don’t require you to do any thinking, and I’ll try my best not to make this post too painful.

Here we go.

1.Okay you guys cracked me the crap up on my last post. Thank you for the laughs, I needed them. When did you guys get so funny?

2. Why is Grissom leaving CSI? Doesn’t Grissom realize he IS CSI!? CSI-Grissom= Nothing. Do you want me to go on about this subject?

...

I’m guessing no.

3. Before we entirely get off the subject of TV shows I enjoy- can I simply tell you how FREAKING HILARIOUSLY THRILLED Will and I are that Jack is back? 24 is so amazing. If you’ve never seen it you can no longer talk to me until you’re watched every.single.amazing.season. I’m not kidding (okay we can still talk but I’ll secretly think in my head that you’re not an American and have never watched TV). The first season is sort of slow but even it is good. Very exciting stuff. We cleared the whole evening for this show. Unplugged the phone, locked the kids in the closet, ignored Will’s mom standing outside the door… (what- is that wrong?)

4. I miss my sister. A lot. And it sucks. A lot. You guys are getting off WAY easy. This is usually so one of those boo-hoo bleeding heart type posts.

5. The ladies in my office are doing the funnest.thing.ever (no silly, we’re not going to Vegas- how great would that be, though!?). We’re doing this secret pal thing in which we each drew a name and for the next month will be someone’s secret pal. We’ll leave notes, little gifts, etc. Just little secret encouraging things for our pal. How fun is that? It’s the little things that thrill me, apparently.

6. Speaking of work, why can’t I just freaking be a millionaire? Really? I think this to myself every single day. Does anyone else?

7. Is EVERYONE in America sick? Why are we all sick? I’m snotting all over myself, my throat is yucky. I was trying so hard not to cough in a meeting today that my eyes started to water and I literally started crying all over myself- just out of my left eye. Random.

8. I’m taking my Christmas tree down this weekend. Yes- you read that right. Will and I suck. We were going to take it down last weekend, but well- we were in mourning, as you can probably understand. How awful is that? Truly? Talking point #8 deserves its own post, but not today.

9. I love my husband. I really, really do. I don’t tell you guys enough how great he is. He is so helpful to me and knows me so well. Did you know he occasionally reads my blog? Will, are you reading? Hi honey!

10. I had brussels sprouts for dinner. I <3 brussels sprouts. Who doesn’t, right? (ha ha) The trouble is that it way smells bad in our house now. Yay.

Okay- that’s enough. After all, we’re talking about little cabbages. Hope you’re having a great week! More to come (and let’s hope no more talking points)

1. I ordered Girl Scout cookies yesterday. For “family in Kuwait.” Okay- so I’m lying. After all- this is Tuesday Confessions, right? So I ordered 10 boxes yesterday for “family” so I wouldn’t look like a total fatty. The truth is that we bought 10 boxes for ourselves. Because we suck. And we’re fat.

2. I will be 26 old this year and I still get embarrassed to buy tampons. Really. How immature is that?

3.I didn’t wash my hair yesterday. That’s typically no big deal, I generally go a day or two between washings. HOWEVER I lifted weights at the gym the day before and got sweaty and STILL did not wash my hair this morning. I opted for a quick shower and 30 extra minutes of sleep. Because I am gross. And fat (read #1).

4. Will always asks me to make sure the lines on his gotee/beard/thing (I’m not sure what exactly it’s classified as now) are straight and almost always I have absolutely no idea if they are or not. So I say just yes.

5. I tend to be slightly obsessive compulsive. Ross and Rachel found this out last weekend when I had to triple check that the straightener was unplugged PLUS have Will confirm. So I have this system, this schedule, for cleaning my house- and I don’t deviate. I’m two days behind and it’s really, truly making me all itchy and sweaty and crazy. Must.Not.Deviate. So despite my obsession with having a clean house, since I’ve already missed two days of “The Holy Schedule” I would rather wait until the cycle starts over again. Because I am crazy. And gross (read #2). And fat (read #1).

Anything weighing you down (aside from 10 boxes of Girl Scout cookies) that you need to get off your chest? Leave it behind in the “Share the Love” section. 

I know what you’re thinking- who wants to take a quiz on New Year’s Eve?

Or ever, really.

I promise not to disappoint, and chances are you guys will Ace this one- I can almost promise.

Are you ready?

Do you have your number 2 pencils sharpened?

What about your thinking cap? Do you have it on?

Cell phones turned off?

Okay- let’s begin.

1. What thrilling and exciting activities do Will and I have planned to ring in our first big new years living in the states again?

a. Will and I will be attending a fairly large adult only blow out with dozens of beautiful couples our age full of fun and laughs and memories. In fact- I have a feeling we might meet the future godparents of our kid…

b. Will and I will be spending the evening in the heart of Oklahoma City or Tulsa (who knows where this crazy night is going to take us!) with a large group of beautiful couples our age full of fun and laughs and memories. In fact- I have a feeling we might meet the future godparents of our kid…

c. Will and I will be attending the early evening showing of Marley and Me alone- oh wait- with the entire 9 and under population of Oklahoma. This will then be followed by being whisked away by the Loser Cruiser minivan to our house where we will ring in the new year watching Friends reruns with our last minute party guests- Boz, Lucy, Rocky, and Teddy. Score.

2.What will I wear to such an exciting event?

a. The sexy cocktail dress I’ve had in my closet for ages and have been dying to wear but have yet to remove the tags because of the curmudgeon of a life we generally lead.

b. A cute pair of dress pants and a sparkly festive shirt. Pointy heels and red lips.

c. Sweat pants. The ones that were originally black but have been worn so much that they could easily be mistaken for grey. Oh- and they have a hole in the crotch.

3. At what time will these two party animals call it a night?

a. Call it a night!? Are you kidding!? We came to PARTY!

b. Call it a night- cute. I’m thinking more like call it a morning.

c. 12:03 12:09. After all, we’ll have to change out of our “good sweat pants” into the bad ones. Oh- and all brush our teeth. Oh- and it always takes me a few minutes to wake up Will. He’s a deep sleeper. And a snore-er.

Feel free to provide your answers in the “Share the Love section.” The winner will win… something… a pat on the back? An invite to our totally awesome 2009 New Years Party? Yeah- maybe that…

Don’t stress too much- by now you know the thrilling, fast paced life we lead, so of course there should be no hesitation to eliminate a couple right off the bat! (ha ha)

Happy New Years, Friends. I look forward to walking through 2009 with you by my side (um- not literally, of course. Because that would be weird, and a little concerning).

Oh- and please, please rescue me from a boring New Years Eve!

Let’s face it. The quintessential “I went shopping at the last minute for Christmas gifts and had to fight the masses” story has been way overdone.

WAY OVER-FREAKING-DONE.

I mean really! How incredibly thoughtless of you! Do you really care about your loved ones?

Nothing says “Wow. I sure do love you and thought about these gifts for AGES” like getting your Mother-in-Law a Family Guy figurine set and your Father-in-Law Nickelodeon Gak.

(ha ha gak. Do you guys remember that stuff? It was so great…)

No one cares about your thoughtlessness!

No one cares that you waited last minute and had to go to the mall on the coldest day of the year and spent 27 minutes trying to find a parking spot.

No one cares that the only reason it only took you 27 minutes was because you cut off a Grandma and had your husband violently throw his body on the ground to cover the spot. He then began to throw his arms and legs in the air declaring, “Miiiiine!!! Alllll Miiiinnnne GRANNY!”

Yeah.

No one cares.

No one cares that you finally made it into the store and were engulfed by the crowd of all crowds. No one cares that you were just.trying.to.get.to.the.body.shop. and that everyone else was going the opposite direction.

No one cares that during the crowd fight of your life you began to sweat like a hog in labor- which most definitely includes the most disgusting sweat of all- upper lip sweat!

(shudder)

No one cares that you had to fight your way through the strongest, swirling human current ever- all the while being attacked by plastic bags filled with iPods and scarves, and Build-a-Bears.

No one cares. You should have done your shopping earlier!

No one cares that you finally fought your way through the “English Channel” and made it to your destination with only one naughty word uttered and two bruises. No one cares I you finally found the one thing you needed: the Satsuma gift package gleaming all bright and shiny in all it’s juicy and fresh glory.

However when you went to reach for it some tiny little teenage tart in tight black leggings and shiny ballet flats blew right by you (as she popped her gum while talking to “Connor” on her iPhone) and grabbed the set first!

(this is where I…er… I mean you proceed to imagine yourself bulldozing her like a professional NFL lineman and grabbing the gift back and kicking her shiny iPhone- all in Christmas joy of course)

No one cares that I was starving all day and wanted nothing more than to share a Panda Express meal with my husband but much to my surprise found the most. crowded. food. court. EVER.

Not only was the food court crowded but ever single freaking greasy, sticky chair was taken.

TAKEN!

ALL OF THEM!

I can not- CAN NOT- eat chow mein standing up! I just can’t!

Picture it! A Body Shop bag, a purse that weighs as much as much as Jon & Kate Plus 8, a drink, and a plate of chow mein and orange chicken- somehow miraculously in two hands.

It can be done by some.

But not by me.

But no one cares.

I should have planned earlier. Who shops on 23 December!?

I know.

But then there would be no over-told Christmas shopping story to share, right?

It was my blogging duty to procrastinate.

Let’s just hope my FIL sees it that way too.

I hope he likes Gak.

Everyone kept telling me how “dead” it would be at work this week.

They were lying pieces of crap.

Who are getting coal for Christmas, I’m sure.

Oh- and by the way- I had quite possibly the most HILARIOUS POST EVER EVER EVER written last night,

and then my internet locked up and died.

I’m pretty sure the internet is getting coal for Christmas as well.

The world will never get to see my masterpiece…

tears…

Here’s to hoping tomorrow is actually quiet as promised,

and here’s to hoping I can recreate yesterday’s post…

Let’s face it though-

You can’t redo perfection right?

Sigh.

(ha ha)

Talk to you guys soon. Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

If we didn’t have a lot of chemistry and didn’t “gel”

but you worked at Sephora

I would totally find a way to love you just so I could share in your employee discount.

I mean- that is in the spirit of Christmas, right?

1. Kill the power to my blog all day.

2. Tell me “you’re working on it” and have no estimated time as to when it will be back up.

3. Provide your husband with a shopping list for the following:

Milk
Evaporated Milk
Pasta
Coke

Come Home to Find:

Honey Buns
Donuts
A 17” Walmart Pizza
Chocolate Chip-Peanut Butter Cookies
Reeces Brownie Kit
2 Twix Bars
Egg Nog
2 Types of Dip
2 Bags of Chips (you know- one for you! one for me! As if one bag wasn’t enough to put your arteries into shock...)
Milk
Evaporated Milk
Pasta
Coke

4. Proceed to watch your husband stuff, shove, and pray the aforementioned items into the most awkward crannies of the fridge and cabinet. I’m pretty sure the fridge is so full it’s about to throw up all over the freaking tile.

5. I mentioned the blog already, didn’t? Screw it- seriously, it’s twitch-worthy enough to be up here twice. I was on edge all day yesterday. Just ask Angela. I’m pretty sure she and retired blogger Sarah got the brunt of my twitching regarding that matter.

Thankfully all is well with numbers 1, 2, and 5.

3 and 4?

Yeah, currently sweating all over myself in an angry twitching frenzy.

Anything causing you trouble?

Don’t get me wrong, I really like you- I do.

You make me feel like I’m getting my first kiss every single day-

the anticipation

the stress

the thundering heartbeat…

it’s fun, it really is.

We’ve had some good times, no doubt about that.

Walking around the light display in our hometown,

sipping hot chocolate,

unwrapping presents…

there’s no doubt about it- I want you around when I’m doing all these things.

However, I must say,

MUST YOU ALWAYS BRING THE FREAKING BITTER COLD WITH YOU EVERY TIME YOU’RE AROUND!?!?!

I feel like a part of me dies every morning I get into the car and have to wait 6 hours before it warms up, wondering if today will be the day my pinky fingers officially freeze off my hand.

Do you want to ruin what we have?

Do you?

Sigh…

I’m not sure I’ve gotten through to you, so just in case I’ll be sure to pack my gloves for the morning.

Missing the Kuwait winters,

Brittny

This weekend was one of the best ones I’ve had in a long time-

and it’s partly due to my work Christmas party!

Who would have thought, right?

I have so much to chat about today- are you ready to sit for a while?

Good.

So Friday was my big work Christmas party (see the below post).

Guys- I had a freaking blast. I came thinking it would be alright, but it turned out to be so much fun.

As expected I saw some funny dancing- to include our vice president! I loved it. People were totally getting down. It was too funny. I sat by my boss and another girl I work with and we had a good time.

By the way- who decides to play musical chairs three hours into an adult Christmas party where 95% of the attendees have been drinking?

Crazy people, that’s who!

I must say, though- it was pretty funny.

I somehow got roped into being one of the players. I only made it two rounds.

I blame my high heels. My feet were killing me by the end of the night.

I don’t think Will had as much fun as I did.

Wait.

I know Will didn’t have as much fun as me, but I guess that’s because I know these people and Will didn’t.

Anyway- it was a lot of fun, and yes, I will be laughing on the inside when I see some of my coworkers tomorrow morning.

Yesterday was just as much fun.

We went to dinner with Ross and Rachel followed by going to a Christmas play at their church, so that was nice.

After the play we came home and watched the Heisman Presentation (we DVRed it. I love that thing.)!

As you can imagine, we were stoked to see Bradford win.

Stoked.

I think “Stoked” needs to be added to my running list of stupid words I’m not allowed to say anymore…

Anyway- we were very excited to see Bradford win (How’s that? Better than stoked?).

As you can see from my Flickr pictures, we had a good night. I’m partial to the one of me and Rachel doing the Heisman pose. Don’t ask me how we ended up in my belly dancing skirts. I don’t remember. I do remember it was funny though.

Can I blame it on the fact that we were so happy about Bradford winning the Heisman that it impaired our judgement? I’m going to go with that.

This year has been so freaking fun to be a Sooner fan. Just thinking about it gets me fired up. The last home game- against Tech- was freaking amazing. I’m so excited for the National Championship.

Wait.

Did I tell you guys I’m going?

I know most of you don’t care about football- but as you know, Will is highly obsessed, and now that we’re back in the states it’s only worse.

Anyway, because of our season tickets we qualified for four season tickets through the school so we didn’t have to pay outrageous prices so that was very exciting!

So- Ross and Rachel are going with us to the big dance! I’m so freaking excited, and now having Bradford as the Heisman winner makes it that much sweeter.

We spent a week in Miami in February of 2007, and I figured that’d be the only time we’d be there. Now we’re heading back!

Sigh- I want to go on, but I realize you don’t care, so I’ll shut up.

I’m sure you’ll be hearing more in time…

After the game we celebrated which was oddly enough followed by a 1:00 am game of Scrabble.

Random.

Oh and just for my own odd benefit- let me tell you what a freaking cow I was last night!

We had leftover pizza from dinner so I ended up eating like 2 pieces of that at like 10:30, followed up with a Reeces Christmas Tree,

(sidebar- have you guys had those yet? They’re freaking AMAZING. They’re like the Easter egg ones. I love those things. They’re way better than the regular ones because the annoying ridged chocolate doesn’t get in the way.)

3 (or 4… I can’t really remember) regular Reeces- because apparently I WANT to be fat,

chips (Reduced Fat!… although… I think after about 2 cups it doesn’t really matter...)

a peanut butter sandwich,

and Cheetos.

MOO.

No amount of working out will undo that carnage.

BOO.

I’ll sure try at the gym tomorrow, though, guys- I promise.

Sorry- I just felt the need to unload my weekend fatness on you. I generally share this information with my sister, but she’s asleep right now, so you guys have to suffer now.

Sorry.

Anyway, we had a really good Saturday night too. In my life it’s not very common that I have two nights of big fun. A party, a play, Scrabble!? Too much fun to handle! (ha ha- I’m kidding about the Scrabble part)

Wow. I realize you guys probably could care less about:

“What I Did This Weekend!” - a short story by Brittny

However, I figured I ought to use my blog to chronicle certain things I want to remember so I can look back and, well, remember them! So- sorry for the lame post.

More (less boring crap) to come…

What did you do this weekend?