Fluorescent lights should be banned.

They make things stark and raw and wrinkled and highlight all negatives and no positives.

What good are they!?

I know I’m tired. I know my eyes are droopy. I know my skin isn’t always perfect. Must the terrible lighting in my office remind me of such things!?

Seriously.

From now on I say we institute a soft lighting such as those at romantic restaurants. I’m sure in time our eyes will adjust to starting at computer screens in such dim lighting.

And even if they don’t?

Who cares! At least we’ll look fabulous. 

Literally.

Remember just this past week when I said that one of my resolutions was to put away laundry as soon as a load is done?

As you can see, I’m failing.

I will say, however, my dishes have not been left in the sink once this week! So- at least we’re halfway on our way to success.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

But really, Brittny- putting laundry away isn’t that hard! Here’s to hoping I’m more successful this weekend. 

I’m sitting here watching Will down a giant glass of egg nog and am shaking my head.

The stuff is so thick that you practically need a spoon to get it out of the carton. I feel as though it would be much better frozen. At least it would be the right consistency. When it’s a liquid, is it a drink or a meal? It’s so confusing! 

If we’re going to be, or stay, friends there are a few things you probably need to know upfront.

1. If you give me a gift, and it’s in a pretty bag, there’s a good chance I’m going to keep it and use it the next time I have to give someone a gift. Yes, I’m a bag recycler. I said it.

2. I can’t go shopping with anyone besides P. Ever. I can have good intentions and really try to shop with friends but I just can’t and I end up wandering aimlessly, totally surrendering to the fact that I will not find something. I have no idea why.

3. I’m pretty sure I have a small degree of ODC. I am always afraid of leaving my straightener plugged in all day so I have to check, and recheck about three times before I can finally walk out the door. If it’s going to be a really long day away from the house, I’ve also been known to take a picture of the outlet to reassure myself that I really did unplug it and will not burn the house down.

Wow.

Pretty sure I divulged just a tad too much there.I’m confident you all think I’m crazy now. Or even crazier?

Moving on…

4. If we ever went on a road trip and we made the joint (AWFUL) decision that I would be the one to drive I would likely definitely get us lost. I’m one of the most spatially challenged people I know. It’s a talent, really. In my defense- unless the sun is rising or setting how in the WORLD are you able to know the cardinal directions!? I mean if it’s high noon and the sun is shining brightly in the “middle” of the sky are you freaking telling me that if I’m stranded in a jungle I’m going to know I’m headed due north!? I think not. Geez. Thankfully, there’s an app for everything.

5. I honestly do not think any dessert could ever be “too rich” and it annoys me when people say it. I’ve finally had to come to grips with the fact that the annoyance is me, because, after all, there are probably desserts that are “too rich.” However, it hasn’t deterred me from rolling my eyes anytime I hear someone say it as we stand over an office birthday cake.

That’s it for now. Happy Monday!

Ooh - wait can I add a freebie number six? It annoys me when people say “Happy Monday!” yet it doesn’t annoy me enough not to do it myself. Because I do. All cheery. And annoying. Such a contradiction.

More to come.

Actually said to me today, “I can’t wait for you to get fat!”

Girls are so nice, right?

Done with school!

Well- for a few weeks anyway.

My final was on the brutal side. What the hell is ANOVA and why don’t I remember reading about it during the last 8 weeks!?

Geez.

It feels good to have my first semester under my belt. Now I can focus on Christmas week.

Any cleaning my house.

It’s the messiest place on earth. I need someone to put me on that Clean House Showa pit.

Anyway- now that I’m done and have a few weeks off I can focus on cleaning and the important stuff like reading all the Women’s Health magazines I’ve been putting off for the last four months.

It’s the big things that count, really.

Okay- enough complaining about my messy house. Trust me, I’ve been doing enough. In fact, Will looked at me yesterday and was like- “You’re done with school. Sit down. Breathe. Take a couple of days off before you jump into boiling the house. And seriously, seriously please stop complaining about how messy it is.”

I get it. I’m annoying. I told him I’d keep it to a minimum.

So let’s move on and let me share with you how CRAZY Oklahomans are during the holiday season.

I don’t know if any of you have been to Oklahoma, or know any Oklahomans, or have some sort of stereotype in your mind about what people from Oklahoma are like (um- and if you’re using me as a comparison method and the word “goofy” or “awkward” keep coming to mind?… well please disregard)

Anyway, I like to think that as a whole, Oklahomans are nice people.

Sorry- let’s say that correctly. Everyone, get a slight southern drawl ready, and here we go-

Oklahomans are Naaaiiiccce.

There. Much better.

Well, it’s not true.

At least during the holidays, that is.

Will and I had to go to the mall Saturday.

A quick trip to the mall.

Because we needed two gift cards- and nothing else.

However, we should have known that at this time of the year there is no “quick trip to the mall.”

You may have intentions for a quick trip, but there is nothing quick about the experience at all.

Virtually every other Oklahoman had the same plan.

A quick trip to the mall.

Oh- and before we go any further.

Who doesn’t have their Christmas shopping done by now!? GEEZ. Seriously.

Okay, granted Will and I had to grab one thing, which is probably what everyone else out and about today was doing, but still- Saturday’s experience alone is enough to remind me that any amount of shopping the week before Christmas is a bad idea.

A.Bad.Idea.

And I hardly ever do it. Except, the girl who was going to get our boss’ gift had to leave town unexpectedly which meant I had to go to the mall to secure the gift.

And yes, I say “secure the gift” in a Jack Bauer sort of fashion, because it truly was some sort of operative mission involving stealth and skill and the ability to have no Christmas heart- even if it means taking out an old lady clad in a cute fuzzy Christmas tree sweater, equipped with holiday lights and bells.

You just have to do it. It’s Christmas. The season of joy and giving stealing parking spots and fighting over the last hideous pair of fuzzy Christmas socks for Aunt Margaret.

Speaking of stealing parking spots- I totally fell victim to a terrible little Christmas hater Saturday. The mall was fuller than a kid who downed a whole plate of oreo truffles and butter cake. We were driving around, circling, circling… much like sharks around a wounded seal.

As soon as a spot opened up- BAMO- it was taken.

Well I dropped Will off to start shopping while I tried to find a place to park and came upon the best.spot.ever. It’s almost as if it was golden and beaming and surrounded by a beautiful virginal choir clad in white robes singing and rejoicing, welcoming me into their space.

Except- as I began to make my turn into the spot a mini van-

That’s right- a VAN

A small little van full of a little soccer mom and her snotty kids and their Capri Suns and raisins and Christmas sweaters-

flew out of nowhere and descended right into my spot!

I was flabbergasted.

I was angry.

I laid on the horn.

I felt slightly better.

Do you not believe in Christmas joy you soccer mom Scrooge!?!

Granted, I’m sure she needed the spot more than I did- but I didn’t care.

It was the Saturday before Christmas. At the mall. It was war.

Except I couldn’t really wage war since I needed to continue on my hunt for a viable parking spot. Even if it meant parking on grass. Across the street. In a sketchy apartment complex.

Whatever it takes, darn it.

I needed to make that purchase and nothing was going to get in my way. Not even a Honda van.

I finally found a parking spot and fought my way through the army of Christmas resistance Christmas cheer.

First stop? JC Penneys for Will’s grandma.

I walked in and was greeted by a smiley young and pretty employee handing out candy canes and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.

Which made me breathe a little easier and loosened up my tense shoulders.

Ha.

It’s as if they knew that for 30 seconds I was going to forget about the hell that was the mall parking lot so that I would enter their store and stay.

Only to be confronted with the SAME parking lot hell machines only this time instead of being in the form of cars it was in the form of patrons!

That’s right!

Patrons!!!!

They’re so mean and competitive! Yes- it’s like a whole “sport.” Them against me. “Five yard penalty for cutting the person in line.”

“Unsportsman-like conduct on the receiving team!”

It was like a losing battle the whole time. Does anyone win the weekend before Christmas? Are the sales worth it? Can your blood pressure handle it?

Because I’m pretty sure mine couldn’t.

I crumbled like a week old cookie= “Go ahead, push me around. Go ahead take my spot! Hey- have my first born while you’re at it!”

That’s my passive aggressiveness showing itself.

What makes me laugh is that these same “patrons” that stole my spot and pushed and nudged me around all huffy and rudely are the same friendly faces you and I know and love and buy presents for!

It’s crazy!

What gets into us!?

It’s like all our tact goes right out the window.

It’s brutal.

It’s painful.

It’s not festive at all.

And thinking about the whole experience annoys me all over again. Rude Honda van spot stealer!!

...

I get it.

Much like the messy house complaining, I need to lay off the crazy Christmas shopper complaining too.

Merry merry Christmas- and I mean that in the most non-Oklahoma mall shopper way possible.

Hey what about you guys? I gotta believe it’s not just Oklahomans that morph into courtesy killers. What kind of Christmas shopping annoyances have you experienced this season?

More to come! Hey- I’m out of school for a while. Do I see more consistent posting in my future?!

1.I can’t blow my nose in public. I just can’t do it. In fact, when I feel like my nose may run in front of others I get all panicked and plan an escape route.

Yes you read right, an ESCAPE route. It’s like a whole Jack Bauer thing- what’s my exit strategy? Are there Kleenex nearby? What about a mirror to ensure there’s no post nose blow drippage?

Oh- and I should probably mention that I am an awful nose-blower. I don’t even think I could properly blow my nose until I was a teenager.

Wow- the fact that I’m volunteering this information? So great. Thank God I’m not looking to join the Junior League anytime soon. I’m pretty sure this is the stuff that you don’t tell others, right?

2. The first Will I ever loved, Prince William, is getting married. Which totally dashes my dreams of ever becoming a real princess. Granted, my marital situation sort of dashes that too, but I like to think Will would have been okay with me bring a princess. But now? Now Prince William is engaged and my dream is all over…

What about you? Any fellow Prince William crushes?

3. Guilty pleasure: secretly loving when I hear a rap song that mentions another rap song’s lyrics and being able to totally understand the reference and what song it comes from. You have to have lofty goals, my friends, lofty goals.

4. I realize I’ve neglected this blog a little in recent years, for a number a reason- mainly because I’m a lot more grown up than I was when I started this thing at the baby age of 21 (can you believe I’ve been blogging that long!?!). However, I was going through and looking at old posts the other day and realized:
a. How young and silly I sounded most of the time
b. How many freaking ANNOYING emoticons I used- how did you guys bear through these posts back then with a smiley after every
fourth word!?
c. How I still am that same girl but just a little older and wiser
d. How this blog is a continual reminder about how much I enjoy writing and sharing of myself. And it makes me realize what I enjoy
in life and what I’m good at and that maybe one day I’ll take a different path in my life to focus more on such things.

5. They’re making a new True Grit movie. Which makes me want to cry. I actually blogged about the first True Grit a few years ago, when Will
was on his John Wayne kick and we literally watched a new (ha well, new to us) movie of his every weekend. True Grit was pretty painful the first time for me- but it gave me so super great material to joke with Will about. “These corn pies taste like blood!” <- in the most Southern accent you can imagine of course. In fact- if you typed that phrase into my search bar I’m pretty sure the my post about John Wayne ( as well as 15 other things because, per number 4. Sub section a I sounded young and silly and scattered most of the time. Scattered… we should have added that to the list). Anyway- I have a feeling know I’ll be going to see that whenever it opens. A big sarcastic yay!

6. I don’t DVR it (cough- yet) but when I catch Teen Mom I totally watch it. Another awful guilty pleasure.

More to come!

1. We hardly ever have bread in our house. Like ever. Likely because I’m capable of eating an entire loaf in two days.It would be like an alcoholic keeping a bottle of Jose Cuervo in their pantry. Probably not a good idea.

2. There’s almost always a load of clean laundry piled atop the chest in our bedroom. I think Will would kill over if it was missing, so I like to keep it there for consistency’s sake. And to keep him alive.

3. I really love my sister. I know you know that, but recently (like the last couple of years) I’ve really, really grown to love her more. I think it has to do with our ages and where we are in our lives.

4. I really like the Bridget Jones movies. A lot. I’ve decided most either love or hate them. There’s not really an in between.

5. I like Extra Spearmint gum. I personally feel it’s the best.

6. I hope I made the right decision with a two year masters program. It has pros and cons. The pro is that you definitely aren’t as inundated as you are with a one year accelerated program. The con is that you spend two years of your freaking adult life doing school when you could have been done in a year.

7. I don’t own a coffee maker and I’m a grown woman. It’s probably more common than I think, but it’s sort of weird to me. Although Will doesn’t, I love coffee, and now that I’m back to school feel as though I may rely on it more. Perhaps I should invest in one.

8. I bought my first Scentsy last week. I think women are WAY too fanatical about that stuff. Yet, I became one of them and gave in and bought one. I’m skeptical because Will and I really like the Glade Plug-ins, mostly because we have Boz and Lucy inside with us and like to have a continual flow of good smelling-ness throughout our house at all times. With a Scentsy it only works when it’s on. Eh who knows. Perhaps I’ll be a crazy fanatical convert too. I’m just ready for it to come in!

9. I actually dreamed about APA citation last week. Who does that!?

10. Go download the YouVersion app if you haven’t already. It’s definitely been so great for me to have the Bible on my phone. There’s absolutely no excuse for me not to read it! In fact, I’ve spent several mornings reading as I blowdry my hair in the morning. So efficient.

More to come…

There’s nothing like a repairman calling to let you know he’s coming early that will get you in a 30 minute cleaning frenzy in anticipation of his arrival.

I honestly got more accomplished in 30 minutes than I sometimes do in 2 hours! How crazy is that!?

In fact, I think from now on I’m going to have Will schedule random appointments for our house and have him give me last minute notice so I can clean faster and smarter.

It will be like a game.

Like a fire drill. Only for cleaning.

Brilliant. 

1. I do not understand NASCAR. I mean, I understand the general concept. However, I do not understand how my husband can watch three hours of it in one sitting. The man doesn’t even like to watch me pull out of the drive way, yet if you put a man in a fancy suit full of various company patches and let them drive as fast as they want he’s enamored. I don’t get it.

2. Will got chocolate covered honey buns- and yes, they’re pretty freaking good. However, they’re like 350 calories for one. Do you know how much Special K with Strawberries I can have in place of that?!

3. I had black coffee last week which really surprised me. I’m much more of a skim milk, two sugars kind of girl. But last week was a pretty bad week, and therefore I draw the conclusion that I had to hit the hard stuff.

4. I’m really loving Mary Kay’s new Vitamin C Serum. It’s like magic.

5. It’s only 2 weeks until I’m reunited with my lovely ladies Sarah and Theresa and get to share in Theresa’s very special day. Actually, days! Her birthday is the day before the wedding. Pretty great.

6. I start school next Monday and am sort of freaking out.

7. Will and I are contemplating a December trip to Minneapolis. It’s not like an extravagant trip or anything, it’s Minneapolis, but if you’ve read my blog since 2005 you know it’s been a place Will and I have frequented and have definitely enjoyed each time we visited. I don’t want to go because in my mind we should just save our money and go somewhere we’ve never been, but Will’s argument is that it’s just a small “mini trip” and a getaway would be nice. Oh the fun of trying to make a decision. We shall see!

8. It’s fantasy football time again. For the first time in my married life I’m fully embracing being a football widow. I’m sure I’ll provide you all the details very soon, so we’ll just leave it at that.

9. Have you ever had a Whataburger with cheese? If you haven’t, you aren’t living and should really do it. Right now.

10. I’m really hoping for a good rain. We need it, but I also enjoy the rain. In fact, I have a few rain showers and thunderstorms downloaded on my ipod for when I can’t get to sleep. I feel sort of like an earthy hippie type writing that. I have no idea why.