Okay- so how many you of you guys noticed I totally spelled sandwich wrong in my last post?

What a moron.

I fixed it- so I just told on myself for those of you who thought I was a smart-y and would never spell something so elementary as sandwich with an “h” after the “w!”

Thanks for the credit, guys- you shouldn’t have. No really- you shouldn’t have.

Anyway, I felt like I owed you guys an update about what’s been going on my life. I know how much people love reading about the mundane and boring tasks of others, so I figured I owed it to the crowd three of you to let you know what I’ve been up to.

I used to be really good with updates, didn’t I? In fact- I have a whole category devoted to “annoying weekly updates!” I guess I should get better about my updating. Perhaps we should change it to “Annoying Bi-Monthly Updates” or “Annoying When I Get Around to it Updates?”

Anyhow, I always tell people that there just isn’t much going on in my life- which is probably true- but when I sit down to write this post I seem to be flooded with things to share. All trivial and not that exciting, but nonetheless something I feel like rambling about.

I guess the biggest thing is that my parents are coming to visit me for a few days next weekend. I’m looking forward to their arrival. I haven’t seen any of them since September, so it’s basically a year since we’ve spent time together. It’s been strange not having them around all the time like I did the first 25 years of my life. It will be nice to spend a little time with them next week. I’m looking forward to it. I’m also taking a day off next week which is exciting- followed by another day off the following week! I’m taking days off quite possibly at the worst time ever- but is there ever really a good time to miss work? I don’t think so.

I’m not sure what all we’ll do while my family is here-but I imagine a large portion of our time will consist of “visiting” and eating at places they don’t have in Kuwait.

Visiting.

That word makes me laugh.

Will’s grandma and mom always like to come and “visit” when they’re in town. I don’t know why that word tickles me, but it does. And when you say it you have to put a little drawl into it with special emphasis on the “v” and “i"- VIIIIsit.

Ha.

Sorry- I think I’m the only one amused by this conversation.

Anyway, so my parents are stoping by in route to take my sister to her new University. The exciting thing is that I will be joining my mom and sister there for a girl’s weekend the week after they visit me here in Oklahoma! Very exciting.

In not as fun news it looks like Al Qaeda was planning to attack Camp Arifjan, Kuwait which is pretty scary. That’s where I used to work. I was all totally freaked out and called my parents-

I reached my mom and she had no idea what had happened.

Nice.

I love how I’m an ocean away worrying and she’s having coffee like it’s any other day.

Ha- I guess I can understand Will’s parents angst the whole time we were in Kuwait a little better now. I love how we become all parental with our own parents as we get older. I think I even had the overly serious and concerned “mom tone” in my voice when I talked to my mom today. Scary.

What’s funny is that the last few days I’ve been feeling this intense need to just slip away somewhere- and then I’m slapped back into reality with the news of the Mallorca bombings and Al Qaeda threats in Kuwait.

Perhaps it’s a sign that I need to stay put a while?

We shall see.

So moving on- work has been busy, but that’s to be expected this time of year. I suppose it’s a good thing to be busy given the economy, right? Perhaps that’s another reason I’m feeling the urge to go elsewhere. I’m sounding like a pessimist, aren’t I?

Will and I are gearing up for football season to begin here in a few short weeks.

I take that back.

Will is gearing up for football season. I’m sort of along for the ride. I can’t believe that it’s already here! Will has been devoting hours each week to his fantasy football draft and has been listening to sports radio anywhere we go- convinced all along that “this is our year.” I hope so- but I hope that every year.

Once again- sounding like a pessimist!

It IS going to be our year!

Is that better? Do I sound convincing?

Truth be told I’m looking forward to football season. Despite the fact that I lose virtually every Saturday and Sunday for months at a time (ha) I actually enjoy game day. Will is like a little jolly kid, we always have a great time together, and I rarely have to cook- unless it’s a home game and we have people over. Which I don’t mind. It’s a win-win for everyone. Unless we’re losing. Then it’s just a win-lose. Or is it a lose-lose? I’m confusing myself. Let’s stop talking on these terms.

Will is going to the first game versus BYU. It’s at the new Cowboy’s stadium so I’m a little jealous, but I’ll be having plenty of fun with my mom and sister that same weekend so I have nothing to complain about.

Aside from the fact that my shins are killing me from running (need new shoes, maybe?), having a spoonful of peanut butter and chocolate frosting with my dinner, and buying a new coffee table for our living room there just isn’t that much more to share.

Hopefully your lives are much more eventful than mine. And if not, hopefully you don’t pain your readers by making them read on and on about your parents coming to VIIIsit or how you’re excited about football season.

Hope you’re having a good week!

I locked myself out of the house this afternoon.

But wait- there’s more.

There’s always more.

I keep waiting for a time in which my bad fortune no longer follows me, however that time has yet to come and once again reared its ugly head in the form of a locked door today.

Let’s get started.

Okay. So today is Will’s birthday. Yay for Will’s birthday!

I was determined to make today great.

Which was my first mistake.

I should know by now that if I’m out to make a day great something is lurking around the corner to squash my plans.

Will I ever learn?

Work was really busy all morning and I really needed to work through lunch, however I thought it might be a good idea to run home today, check on the doggies, and grab a quick lunch- which is what I did.

As I finished my lunch I noticed it was raining pouring outside. I thought I better get an umbrella to take with me to avoid the downpour, only I realized my umbrella was in my car- and Will had my car today.

Aha! I remembered I had a random umbrella out in the garage. So- barefoot and all I ran out to the garage (closing the door behind me, of course) and grabbed the umbrella. As I went to enter the house it happened.

The door wouldn’t open.

I then began to feel a little panicky, sick to my stomach and started experincing that yucky upper lip sweat.

I pryed and jolted and yelled (you know- because yelling always unlocks bolted doors) but nothing happened.

I then got the genius idea to use a screwdriver to leverage the door between the frame.

Um, the terrible dig marks in the door frame clearly yell, “That wasn’t a good idea you freaking moron!!!”

Yeah- so don’t do that.

So then I began to get totally irrational and ridiculous. Like a mad woman. “I know, I’ll run and thrust my body against the door to force it open!”

Okay- so I didn’t really do that, but trust me- I was quite irrational nonetheless.

So… what to do, what to do…

I had a pair of nasty old tennis shoes and a pair of tacky black cheap-o flip flops.

Choices, choices.

I lifted the garage, opened my umbrella and started knocking on doors up and down my street.

In the rain.

The pouring rain.

In a pretty white dress.

A pretty white dress.

In tacky black cheap-o flip flops (I figured that went better with my dress… in that trashy sort or, “I like to dress up but have no regard for what I wear on my feet” sort of way).

No one answered.

Why would they? They were al at work- where I needed to be.

Up and down the street. Finally! Someone answered. This woman across the street had just had a baby and was home- thank God for your baby woman! It was if God allowed you to have your kid so you would be home at this exact.moment.in.time.

Okay- so maybe not, but it did feel a little like a divine moment after trudging up and down my neighborhood in the pouring rain, pretty white dress, and tacky flip flops.

Anyway- she was gracious enough to let me in and use the phone. I called Will- who was not in town today (of course!). He told me to call a locksmith and work it out that way.

Oh- and he was annoyed that I managed to lock myself out.

Happy birthday honey!

Anyway, the lady told me that she could just go ahead and take me back to work so that I wouldn’t have to wait for a locksmith and pay for him to come out. I thought it was so nice of her to offer. I have very nice neighbors. I graciously accepted, took my tacky flip flops, got in her car and went back to work.

As we rode back I realized that there were a few bad things I had failed to think through when deciding not to call the locksmith.

1. My purse was in the truck, totally exposed for all the world to see and steal.

Genius Brittny.

Will tells me time after time, “Brittny- bring your purse inside and don’t leave it in the car!” And for once in my life he was so very right (actually, he’s always right about this one...). My freaking locked house was beyond safe at this point. I could most certainly confirm all doors were locked! Sigh…

Then there were the doggies.

The doggies stay in a kennel all day long because you may remember they’re quite naughty and cannot be trusted to roam around the house all alone.

Just recall this post or this one or this one.

Good times.

Anyway- they’re bad doggies and cannot be trusted.

And I had left them in the house.

All alone.

Home alone doggies.

To roam free.

And chew my wood.

And the shoes I was wearing as of 11:30 this morning and should have been wearing as I was riding to work.

I could just imagine what was happening to my house.

What a mistake to leave them out!

Sigh…

Will loved finding that out.

Oh- and I didn’t tell him. I just let him come home and be surprised.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

Anyway… it’s been quite a day.

Will picked me up from work and I felt back because I had to have him drive me to get his cake oh- and I had intended to get his birthday card on the way home too. Opps.

So- there you have it.

There’s probably a ton more I’m leaving our and need to share but Will wants me to watch “Dating in the Dark” tonight because this guy on his favorite sports talk radio was talking about how funny it was.

I think it’s weird.

But hey- it’s his birthday, and I did leave our kids home alone today.

Oh- and locked myself out.

Let’s not forget that one.

Genius. 

Or Agony.

But really- aren’t they one in the same?

Oh- and sorry to all you auditors out that that may read this. I know it’s your job and it’s helpful to us and all that crap- but seriously?- audits suck.

And I’m sure you hear that all the time.

P says I should be glad I’m having a work audit and not a life audit. She says scientologists have life audits or something like that.

Is that true?

I’m pretty sure I would fail a life audit.

It would go something like this:

Have you been diligent to stay below your alloted fat and calorie intake on a daily basis?

(silence)

Have you helped old ladies across the street?

(silence)

Have you read all the Harry Potter books?

(silence)

Have you read any of the Harry Potter books?

(silence)

Have you made sure not to daydream about famous actors such as Orlando Bloom or James Franco?

(silence)

Do you know who the Secretary of Agricultural Relational Studies and Law is? (ha ha)

(silence)

Yeah… pretty sure I would fail a life audit. Although, I thought of a ton of freaking hilarious questions that may have come up during this life audit of mine- only to avoid you guys thinking I’m a total wack-o I kept it mild.

So, there you have it. Getting audited- but thankfully not life audited.

Hope you guys are having a good week!

It’s only Monday and my brain seems to be enjoying its three day weekend early.

I honestly feel like a restless fifth grader during the last week of school. I’m finding it so hard to concentrate and stay on track. All I can think about is swimming this weekend and being lazy and fireworks and fun (um and loads of terrible food- followed by the gym of course… perhaps...).

I think the dog days of summer have hit me hard. Our neighborhood is full of kids and I secretly envy them everyday I get home from my work, clad in my dress clothes and clunky purse. I’m fully convinced our school system sets us up to drag during this time of the year as professional adults. I mean- you get three whole months off your entire life and then all of a sudden- BAM- the no fun zone. The occasional single day off observed on Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day.

Um- yes, I’m whining- but I secretly think you agree.

Or at least I like to think so.

I’ve been humming, “School’s Out for Summer” all day today- and it’s killing me slowly.

I think I like Monday holidays better than Friday holidays. I think I stay on track better. I have no idea why- so let’s not camp out here.

I have a few pictures to share with you guys I’ll have to post soon, and a short little video of our little Patriot babies! Our groomer always dresses the dogs up in the cutest little bandannas for each season. Right now they’re all red, white, and blue- it’s so cute. I’ve been calling them all sorts of random made up Patriotic names, big long ones that annoy Will. Like, Little Lucy Martha Washington or General Bosworth John Hancock. I’m loving it. Will isn’t. But I secretly think he does.

But I’m probably wrong.

I usually am about those sorts of things.

You would think his annoyance would prompt me to stop- but it only spurs me on. You’re so lucky you don’t live with me. I would most certainly drive you crazy. There are times in which I think Will is on the edge- but I think that’s why God gave me someone so freakishly strong and stubborn. Nothing is going to drive this man crazy, not even me.

So what are you guys doing for the 4th? Are you taking time off this week? Going out of town? Hanging out with lots of friends? Guys- all this talk is making me want to start our weekend of festivities early! Let’s have a potluck at my place this Thursday? Yay for cook outs with friends! Um- only we still don’t have a grill (depressing, I know) and the George Foreman? Frankly. It sucks. I should reserve this frustration for its own post.

However- I will sarcastically say, “Clean up is SO easy!” HA. have you ever tried to clean that thing? You literally need a freaking car sponge followed by a brillo pad, acid, and holy water.

But I digress.

So, perhaps the cookout won’t work as easily at my place-unless you want to load up your grill and come over? If you’re lucky I might even get all wild and crazy on you guys and breakout the sparklers!

I know- I’m out of control!

Sigh… it’s only Monday night and sadly I have several long and busy days ahead of me.

Here’s to happy thoughts of swimming, (finally) getting tan, eating, friends, fun, and freedom.

Happy Short Week!

1. I bought a shirt the other day from The Gap that Will doesn’t know about. In fact- it was only $5 but I still gave it to Rachel to hold until our next gym date. I’m a dork and have no idea why I did that. Perhaps because we’re going through Dave Ramsey’s course and I felt a little guilty? (yes- a freaking $5 shirt. What a crazy.) Anyway- I figured it was a good confession to share.

2. I saw someone I work out at the same gym with at Walmart this afternoon. I secretly LOVE that I ran into someone that works out at the same place I do- especially when I’m having a good hair day and look put together. I.look.beyond.awful. when I go to the gym, so I always feel Ace when I run into someone who has seen me sweating all over myself (you know- sweat dripping from every nook and cranny, red puffy face, veins popping...)- and then sees me “normal.” Trust me guys- I’m a scary sight on gym mornings.

3. I ate fried alligator today. Really- I did.

4. I did end up bringing a bottle of “water” with me to the wedding weekend extravaganza. It turned out to be a good decision.

5. I found out this afternoon that someone I work with was a stripper to pay his way through college. This in and of it self is sort of hilarious- to find out someone you have a professional relationship with used to wear textured and colored thongs and probably had some sort of signature “move."However, what makes it even more hilarious is how totally out of character it is for this person- a very cerebral, brainiac. Not the stripper type at all. Anyway- my confession is that everytime I saw him this afternoon I couldn’t stop laughing. I literally had to excuse myself from an office he was in today because I thought I might snort trying to keep myself from laughing. Good times.

Anything you need to share?

P:I just read your blog. I’m pleased to hear you were wearing underwear.

Me:Yeah- I was just going to direct you there. It was bad. I felt all dent-y and fat all day.

P:Believe me he wasn’t looking at that. He hasn’t seen young a** like that in 30 years. You just gave him his Father’s Day early.

***

Coworker:You should have just played it off and talked about it- making everyone else uncomfortable too! You should have been all, “Hey Mother-in-law- I didn’t mean to leave you out! I guess you need to see too!” and then pretend to lift your skirt.

HA HA

Yeah- I can just imagine how that would have went over with Pat.

Fun times. Just thought I’d share because both these comments cracked me up.

Watching “Jon and Kate” right now. I think they’re announcing their divorce tonight. I know we’re outsiders looking in, and we only see a portion of their life, but anybody have opinions on this situation?

More to come <3

It’s Thursday night and I still have nothing to talk about.

It’s so bad in fact that I’ve contemplated opening the phone book to a random page and calling some random person with an awful cliche’ prank joke.

Yeah… it’s been that uneventful.

Sadly, Will won’t let me. He says it’s totally immature to do something like that. 

What does he know, right? He never has any fun (ha ha).

Finally Friday. I’m sure more interesting posts are in my future. After all, the weekend has arrived!

I’m sure there’s all sorts of exciting and interesting things that I need to share with you today-

only all I seem to be able to think about it how much I love daylight savings time and the long sunny evenings.

It makes me almost giddy- like cup runneth over happy.

Amazing how small things like that seem so great.

This will be our first season to enjoy daylight savings time in full, which doesn’t seem all that great but for some reason to me it does.

So as I try to think about all these so call exciting and interesting things I could share with you, the truth is that there’s not a whole lot to report.

(the small remaining grain of interest you were clinging to is now ripped right out of your hand)

I’m overjoyed about the three day weekend, as I’m sure you all are as well. Like many of you, this will be my first day off since new year’s day- so I’m seriously in need of a long weekend. I guess we’ll talk about all these things later in the week. After all, it’s only Monday.

...

I’ve got nothing guys. I’m seriously forcing myself to ramble on- and there’s absolutely nothing of any real substance being produced.

Eh- no use forcing something if it’s not there, right?

Have a good night. Enjoy the sunny warm evenings!

<3

I wish I could tell you I’ve been busy this week baking homemade brownies and learning how to cross stitch and therefore have been unable to post - but the truth is that I haven’t been doing any of those things.

But for fun can I just just tell you that’s what I’ve been doing? That way we’re both happy and feel good?

Lets!

Okay- so the reason why I haven’t posted in the last few days is because I’ve been very busy making brownies from scratch as well as cross stitching something very important.

I have no idea what one cross stitches, therefore I am unable to disclose what this important item is.

But seriously- I’m cross stitching.

I’m not lying.

In fact- I’m stitching right now, while I type.

Okay… I may be lying.

I will tell you I’m sitting here eating plain chocolate chips.

That, my friend, is no lie- though I wish it were.

Like the rest of you I’m thrilled tomorrow marks the end of another work week. To celebrate the weekend Will and I are going to go to eat a cheap dinner at the mall food court followed by a movie! You pretty much can’t beat cheap fatty fast food followed by 3 hours of sitting sedentary in a germy movie theatre seat, right?

Sigh…

I swear- if I didn’t love to eat as much as I do I would look like Jillian Michaels.

Ha- I guess we all would.

The first step to looking like Jillian would probably be rolling up this stupid chocolate chip bag and putting it in the cabinet.

Better yet- putting it in the trash.

But we wouldn’t want to waste them right?

We’ll go ahead and put them in the cabinet.

As you can see from my ramblings, you haven’t missed too much in my life. This week is one I kind of want to forget, so I’m really ready to begin the weekend and my date night with Will.

Ha- okay so Will just came out of our bathroom and saw me sitting on our bed with my computer and a bag of chocolate chips and just looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Okay… so you’re eating a bag of chocolate chips?”

I told him no. Do you think he believes me?

Um, my bet says no.

Alright- enough rambling for today. Happy Friday!

So Will has a pair of pants he uses to do stuff around the house in. I call them “work pants.”

Today we discovered they had a small hole in the crotch- and Will asked me to “fix them.”

Fix them.

As if I ran around the house in a big fluffy skirt and pearls and had breakfast prepared at 6:00 on the dot each morning. Perfectly prepared eggs over easy- never too runny.

Sigh.

The truth is that I’m no Donna Reed.

Times are tough these days in America and I really thought it would be a good idea to help stretch these work pants- so I went to Walmart today in hopes of finding a sewing kit.

Only Walmart- the place that has “everything-” did not have a sewing kit.

So I opted for a needle and thread and a prayer that all would work out.

But we’ll get to that part soon.

So I began aimlessly threading my needle, wandering in and out of the fabric.

Um- it pretty much looked like a three year old hacked away at it. Remember those yarn paper weaving arts and crafts things you used to make?

It looked like that.

You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?

Trust me. That means it was bad.

It was at that moment- when I realized I sucked and was cutting the yarn and hopelessly pulling it out- that it hit me.

I think as a whole we’re not nearly as domestic and self sufficent as we used to be.

I mean think about it- I freaking slapped pudding into a pre-made pie crust and topped it with cool whip and called it a pie.

AND

AND

I even complained about not being able to use INSTANT pudding.

Wow. How said is that!?

Sure- it technically is a “pie"- but seriously? That’s no pie.

I can barely sew a button. I will if I’m in a pinch, but the truth is that I have like 3 items of clothing that I plan on taking to a seamstress simply to sew.on.a.freaking.button! Seriously- I suck.

Do you guys realize that basic sewing used to be a household MUST like a decade ago? It’s so crazy to me to think how much things have changed over the years. It seems like are a lot of these sort of things in which were very common just a couple decades ago but are not as widely practice these days. Um- like making our husbands breakfast every morning, or stitching a dime size hole for crying out loud!

Yes- I realize it’s because we’re “out there” in the world, making a difference, changing the world, being amazing career womans AND wives and mothers. I get it.

I mean- sure I realize I suck for not being able to sew my husband’s pants, but the truth is that I’m in good company. I’d say there’s quite a few of us out there that don’t “make” our pies.

We hide dirty dishes in our oven when unexpected company comes because (gasp) there are times in which our house isn’t spotless.

We’re no Donna Reeds.

I’ll admit, I felt a little discouraged tonight when I couldn’t simply fix a tiny hole in Will’s pants. I should be able to do that! I should be capable of weaving a piece of freaking thread neatly in and out of a piece of thin cloth and taking care of my family! How hard can this possibly be!? Apparently pretty tough.

So I’m sitting here throwing myself a pity party because I’m not Donna Reed.

And I know you guys may think less of me-

but I want to be a Donna Reed.

There. I said it.

I want to wear high heels and make breakfast for Will and never sweat when I’m cleaning the oven. I want to be able to freaking sew.a.hole. for crying out loud!

more pity partying

So here’s what I’m thinking.

There are definitely things I can work on to improve my household. Small things.

The big things- you know- the seriously HUGE crisis things like sewing a pair of pants (ha ha)- I figure I’ll handle one case at a time.

...

Actually.

Guys-

maybe I am becoming a little bit of Donna Reed.

I mean- it’s 2009.

I can’t sew my husband’s pants.

I admit it.

However I know exactly where to go to get it fixed the right way. The first time.

I call that being smart. And resourceful.

Not only that- but I mean, while someone else is doing what they’re good at, I can work on doing something marvelous!

Like baking a real pie,

or- you know, painting my nails…

We’re living in a different time and Donna Reed is evolving. I guess it’s not about living our life like they did in the 50s. It’s about living smart in Donna Reed fashion, but also enjoying the modern technologies time has afforded us and combining the two into greatness!

So, although I can’t sew my poor husband’s pants, I can make a mean pie. And wear high heels. And paint my nails. And dial the pizza guy.

Genius.

xo,

The New Donna Reed