Hi guys.

Guys?

Guy?

Anyone?

Probably not- not that I would blame you. At all. At all times a million.

The answer to your question is- I have no idea why.

The other answer is yes, I am going to post soon. A real one. Because I’m a “blogger” and that’s what bloggers do. Even if they don’t blog for oh- like four months.

Yikes.

We’ll talk about all that later.

Not that there’s much to discuss really.

But I do feel like we should talk anyway.

About anything.

And everything.

Welcome back, Brittny. You’re home again.

More to come (soon)…

1. I have way, way more patience than I think I do.

2. A banana isn’t enough for breakfast.

3. But monkey bread someone brought in for the office is.

4. I have bad luck in San Antonio, and it looks like that streak will continue.

5. I have a really hard time liking people that work in the field of finance.

6. Did I say a really hard time? I’m sorry. I meant to say I think I may drive a stake through my eye if I have to hold another conversation with someone from finance this week.

7. When I joke about wanting Coldstone Creamery for lunch, I actually mean it. Other people don’t.

8. I suck at history homework.

9. I really like having dessert after dinner. Unfortunately, it’s something I’ve become accustomed to. I decided to wean myself off this dependency this week- which I have now 100% decided that it’s a really stupid decision. So I like chocolate. What’s the crime in that!?

10. I need to become a millionaire.

Boredom will make you do crazy things.

Like eat.

Or post for no good reason.

Or watch totally stupid crap on TV (Hello MTV True Life!).

Or quite possibly the worst of all-

Facebook.

I know.

How dare I speak ill of our beloved Facebook right?

Ha- don’t worry, I’m not.

Truth be told I think I’ve spent more hours on there the last month than I have my entire Facebook “career.”

Heh.

Facebook Career.

But something gets terribly skewed when you’re so.incredibly.bored and sit online for hours despite having plenty to do.

(cough- cleaning)

You start on the homepage looking at all the updates.

Then you go to your page (for the billionth time) to see who’s left you a comment.

And then you go to a few of you favorite friends’ pages and say hello, see what’s been going on etc.

And then you sit there.

Bored again.

You could clean.

Who are you kidding? You’d way rather sit in front of a computer screen than face your laundry pile.

You could go for a walk.

Eh… fresh air is overrated.

So once again you’re in front of the computer screen.

And then it happens.

You start looking at all your friend’s pages.

You begin looking at all their posts, their pictures, and their friends.

There’s no nice way to put it.

You’re facebook stalking.

The more friends you look at the crazier you get. It’s like this switch flips on and you’ve become this crazy ex girlfriend sitting outside your Facebook friend’s house waiting for them to come home from their date so you can size up the girlfriend’s car and hair and shoes.

It’s like you’ve become the creepy guy that calls your crush a million times but every time she pics up the phone and says hello you panic, chicken out, and hang up.

It’s like you’re BE FRI part of the BEST FRIENDS necklace and are watching to make sure that ST ENDS is not cheating on you.

You’re completely out of control!

Sigh…

As you can see, I’ve been way too bored the last few days. Although I don’t think I’m anywhere near the crazy ex girlfriend facebook stalker status, I must admit I’ve logged a lot of hours on that poor site. It’s like I’m studying for an MFA- and it’s not a Master of Fine Arts. It’s a Master of Facebook Activities.

Thankfully I can say I have never gotten into the whole, “So and So wants to invite you to have a drink on them! or So and So thinks you’re the 9th nicest person they know! Vote for them too!” So, I mean my Facebook activity could most definitely be far worse I suppose.

Right?

It’s like this awful drug that keeps reeling you in! You want to stop so bad. You want to stop and be a productive member of society but you’re so tempted by that high. That “one last hit” on someone’s wall…

it hurts so good.

So, I’m trying to quit.

Okay, I’m lying. I’m not trying to quit.

Although I’d be a genius if I could invent a patch for quitting Facebook.

Hmmm....

Anyway- I really need to tear myself off of the computer a little more so I can be more productive this fall.

I could take up knitting.

Or basket weaving.

Or sopapilla making.

Or maybe just learn how to spell “sopapilla.”

...

Or I could just stay on Facebook.

I could do that too.

Maybe I’ll try to quit another day. That sounds like a plan.

See you on your wall (or outside your house).

I swear I’m only kidding about the house part. I’m not a Facebook stalker.

Hey I saw that look! I’m not and you know it. Scouts honor.

<3

Going over my sister’s grocery list and having full detailed discussions about the food she plans on buying.

You’d be amazed at how fascinating 100 Calorie Packs, avocados, and yogurt can be. 

So there’s like a slew of things-

very important things I might add-

that we need to discuss.

Only

I’m lying and there’s really not much worth sharing.

Actually…

I could share some pretty freaking HILARIOUS text messages back and forth between myself and sister involving all sorts of random topics.

But for the sake of sparing our pride it’s best I do not share.

Then there’s the fact that we have a mouse in our garage that we’ve been trying to catch for um

like two weeks now

but that sneaky bastard keeps outsmarting us.

It’s a genius mouse.

A genius mouse!

Like the freaking Einstein Bill Gates Macgyver of all mice.

I hate that guy!

So we’ve tried everything

and yet he’s somehow managed to escape from everything we’ve planted.

Except…

this week he was no where to be found,

and the cheese we left out remained untouched.

Which freaks me the crap out because:

A. It’s inevitable some awful smell is going to start permeating the garage because by some freak chance we actually managed to kill the guy with who knows what.(And don’t you love how I just assume it’s a guy? I mean we all know it has to be! He eats and leaves without cleaning up after himself! Enough said.)

B. There’s a bigger more skilled Einstein Bill Gates Macgyver of all mice that ate the late Einstein Bill Gates Macgyver of all mice and is now going to way, way, way outsmart us.

Like we’re going to walk out to our cars one day and he’s going to be smoking a pipe reading a Sherlock Holmes novel and asking for me to bring him his slippers.

Nice.

Anyway, it’s been eerily quiet this week and I’m not sure I like that. I mean, unless of course he is in fact dead and there’s no second mouse lurking around the corner.

Then we’re good.

Then of course there’s the fact that it’s GAME DAY.

Okay

Like in one hour it’s GAME DAY.

Yes.

I still say it with excitement in my voice. Who cares if we blow this year (okay I’m totally lying. I most definitely care if we blow this year… this is simply a psychological tactic to prepare myself for any potential future disappointment), I’m excited about game day.

I’m also excited about Olive Garden’s Never Ending Pasta Bowl.

We’ll be indulging after the game tomorrow. Hello fatness! Who am I kidding? I’ll get one bowl and be done (um… I hope anyway), but it’s still more economical to do it that way.

Sure Brittny… keep telling yourself that’s why you need pasta soaked in alfredo sauce.

Ramble Ramble…

I guess I need to get off so I make sure I’m up early enough to work off a small fraction of my lunch at the gym tomorrow morning. Hope you guys had a great Friday!

When I see hilarity like this it makes me think to myself, “I might want a little mini-me one day after all.”

I crack myself up and can’t help but think my spawn would crack me up just as much, if not more.

Oh- and of course annoy, frustrate, and bring me to a slow death

(only kidding about the above, of course. Well… mostly anyway).

Anyway, what in the world do you think is going on in this picture?

A. Throwing a big fist in the air while jubilantly saying, “Yessss! Cookie Time! But wait! What am I going to do with my red balloon? I know! I’ll stick it down my pants! Great place holder.”

B. Throwing a big fist in the air while jubilantly saying, “Yessss! Cookie Time! Good thing I’m only two! If I were 26 and lived in Oklahoma and ate dozens of these every day while blogging and complaining to my blog friends about fatness my stomach would look like this red balloon here tucked away in my pants!”

C. Throwing a big fist in the air while jubilantly saying, “Yessss! Cookie Time! Let’s pretend like I’ve got a baby in my belly so I can pretend I need to feed her too!”

D. I have no idea. You should seek therapy.

E. Please feel free to insert your own observation here.

An interesting phenomena has occurred at the B-Love house this past week, and every time I think about it I laugh.

I’ve found the perfect babysitter for Will so that I can play on our new iMac.

It’s called fantasy football.

Yes, I realize this is no new babysitter, and something that occupies an exorbitant amount of time of Will’s life during the fall months. However instead of being annoyed with it I’ve come to embrace it.

Well… for the most part anyway.

The funny thing is that Will thinks he’s found the perfect babysitter for me.

The iMac.

He figures he can stick me in the office to play on our new computer and iChat with my sister and I’ll be content for hours- and he’s pretty much right.

Only we all know who’s really getting one over on the other person, right?

(incase you’re wondering- it’s me).

Um and as a side note, do you guys remember The Babysitters Club books? Good times. I was so in love with those girls and used to want to have a club with my friends just like theirs… Do you think it counts if you and I start our own adult version of The Babysitters Club and use things such as NFL Sunday Ticket, Playstation 3, and pizza to occupy our husband’s time while we go shopping? Is that bad?… Don’t answer that.

The madness begins this weekend. If you’ve known me for a while you know that “the madness” refers to football season. Both pro and college. They both consume Will’s life, and for the next few months I become a football widow. Will galavants around with his mistress (football) from September to January, fully consumed with each point scored, each stat, and every matchup.

And I no longer pretend to “get it.” Because although I fully understand his passion for the sport, I’ve given up on trying to understand the obsession behind it.

I have to admit, though, I’m a little jealous of Will this weekend. He and Ross are going to the OU-BYU game at the new Texas stadium- which I think is going to be pretty amazing.

Don’t feel bad for me though, I’ll be having plenty of fun myself. I’m spending the weekend with my mom and sister and get to see my sister’s apartment, school, and everything else. See? More babysitters. I’ve got Will occupied with the game, he has me occupied with my family.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Oh and don’t worry- this doesn’t mean we’re not getting any quality time in together. We still have season tickets, remember? I’ll be alongside him for plenty o’ games this year you can count on that. Plus who could forget OU-Texas

and OU-Nebraska (!!!),

both out of town trips which I’m very excited about.

It all balances out and we’re both (much) happier for it. I’m not a nagging wife, and (in my mind at least) he’s not some crazed football fan. Who am I kidding? We know that’s a lie. Well- at least this way I’m a tiny bit removed from it.

Hey- at least he never paints his chest.

It’s the small things really.

<3

When in the world did I become so boring!?!

...

Okay. When I say it like that it implies that at some point in time I was a wild child.  A barrel of laughs. A party waiting to happen. And, well, you guys know that’s never been true. Lately, though, I feel like I’ve brought my boringness to an epic level.

Is it possible to become even more of something- to include boring?

I guess so.

I mean, I think Carrot Top has become uglier over the years. Jessica Simpson has become more annoying. Orlando Bloom has become more gorgeous. So yes, one can definitely become more boring.

Perhaps this is all part of the natural progression of life- only they just don’t tell you about it because they don’t want to bum you out. I mean, how would you feel if you really knew the truth?

“Well, Suzy, when you get grow up you’ll go to college, and graduate, and get a great job, and get married, and have babies, and have bills, and a yard to maintain, and a house to clean, and fat to fight, and wrinkles to hide, and nothing to do, and then you die!”

Yeah… it’s probably good they skip over the last part.

Okay- so I’m exaggerating. A lot. Adult life definitely has its perks, we all know that. I mean how many seven year olds can have a Miller Light and Lucky Charms for dinner and then watch MTV until 11:00 (and um who am I kidding? I can’t even remember the last time I was up at 11 on a week night. Oh well, you get my point.)?

However, it does seem as thought since we’ve moved back Will and I have become really boring. Perhaps that is what happens when you’re in your mid to late twenties and live in Oklahoma?

Oklahoma.

Quintessentially the most boring of boring places one can live.

Maybe that’s my problem? The good old Sooner State.

I suppose I can’t blame all my infirmities on my state. I suppose there’s also nothing wrong with being “ok” with a night in (all.the.freaking.time :( ). Ha ha. Being “OK.” No pun intended. I’m hilarious.

I say all this because the other night Will and I were talking about what we wanted to do this weekend. Usually we go to church on Saturday and then go out to eat. I thought it would be fun to go to Bricktown and walk around and have dinner and see where the night took us. I even hinted that maybe he could take me dancing. Will, however, thought it would be more “fun” to go to a Chinese buffet.

Again.

(we did this exact same thing two Saturdays ago. I swear my anthem lately has been NIN’s, “Everyday is Exactly the Same” only I’m wearing different clothes.)

A Chinese freaking buffet.

There’s nothing wrong with that I suppose, but I mean… it’s Saturday night and we’re young and “fun” and carefree and childless. We should save the buffet days for, well, not Saturday nights. Something about a buffet on a Saturday night just screams awful and old and sad. And fat. 

I know- you guys think I’m utterly ridiculous. I probably sound silly. I’m not saying I want night after night of late nights and toilet hugging- I’m not saying that at all- I guess I’ve just got this urge to go have a fun night out.

What do you girls think? Are you in?

Now we just have to find a way to pry our husbands off of the Cashew Chicken and get them on board.

Here’s to a bunch of regular, boring, old married couples having a wild and crazy night on the town!

Don’t worry- I’ll make sure our fun ends at 9:00 on the dot. I know how you like to be in bed early.

Okay- so how many you of you guys noticed I totally spelled sandwich wrong in my last post?

What a moron.

I fixed it- so I just told on myself for those of you who thought I was a smart-y and would never spell something so elementary as sandwich with an “h” after the “w!”

Thanks for the credit, guys- you shouldn’t have. No really- you shouldn’t have.

Anyway, I felt like I owed you guys an update about what’s been going on my life. I know how much people love reading about the mundane and boring tasks of others, so I figured I owed it to the crowd three of you to let you know what I’ve been up to.

I used to be really good with updates, didn’t I? In fact- I have a whole category devoted to “annoying weekly updates!” I guess I should get better about my updating. Perhaps we should change it to “Annoying Bi-Monthly Updates” or “Annoying When I Get Around to it Updates?”

Anyhow, I always tell people that there just isn’t much going on in my life- which is probably true- but when I sit down to write this post I seem to be flooded with things to share. All trivial and not that exciting, but nonetheless something I feel like rambling about.

I guess the biggest thing is that my parents are coming to visit me for a few days next weekend. I’m looking forward to their arrival. I haven’t seen any of them since September, so it’s basically a year since we’ve spent time together. It’s been strange not having them around all the time like I did the first 25 years of my life. It will be nice to spend a little time with them next week. I’m looking forward to it. I’m also taking a day off next week which is exciting- followed by another day off the following week! I’m taking days off quite possibly at the worst time ever- but is there ever really a good time to miss work? I don’t think so.

I’m not sure what all we’ll do while my family is here-but I imagine a large portion of our time will consist of “visiting” and eating at places they don’t have in Kuwait.

Visiting.

That word makes me laugh.

Will’s grandma and mom always like to come and “visit” when they’re in town. I don’t know why that word tickles me, but it does. And when you say it you have to put a little drawl into it with special emphasis on the “v” and “i"- VIIIIsit.

Ha.

Sorry- I think I’m the only one amused by this conversation.

Anyway, so my parents are stoping by in route to take my sister to her new University. The exciting thing is that I will be joining my mom and sister there for a girl’s weekend the week after they visit me here in Oklahoma! Very exciting.

In not as fun news it looks like Al Qaeda was planning to attack Camp Arifjan, Kuwait which is pretty scary. That’s where I used to work. I was all totally freaked out and called my parents-

I reached my mom and she had no idea what had happened.

Nice.

I love how I’m an ocean away worrying and she’s having coffee like it’s any other day.

Ha- I guess I can understand Will’s parents angst the whole time we were in Kuwait a little better now. I love how we become all parental with our own parents as we get older. I think I even had the overly serious and concerned “mom tone” in my voice when I talked to my mom today. Scary.

What’s funny is that the last few days I’ve been feeling this intense need to just slip away somewhere- and then I’m slapped back into reality with the news of the Mallorca bombings and Al Qaeda threats in Kuwait.

Perhaps it’s a sign that I need to stay put a while?

We shall see.

So moving on- work has been busy, but that’s to be expected this time of year. I suppose it’s a good thing to be busy given the economy, right? Perhaps that’s another reason I’m feeling the urge to go elsewhere. I’m sounding like a pessimist, aren’t I?

Will and I are gearing up for football season to begin here in a few short weeks.

I take that back.

Will is gearing up for football season. I’m sort of along for the ride. I can’t believe that it’s already here! Will has been devoting hours each week to his fantasy football draft and has been listening to sports radio anywhere we go- convinced all along that “this is our year.” I hope so- but I hope that every year.

Once again- sounding like a pessimist!

It IS going to be our year!

Is that better? Do I sound convincing?

Truth be told I’m looking forward to football season. Despite the fact that I lose virtually every Saturday and Sunday for months at a time (ha) I actually enjoy game day. Will is like a little jolly kid, we always have a great time together, and I rarely have to cook- unless it’s a home game and we have people over. Which I don’t mind. It’s a win-win for everyone. Unless we’re losing. Then it’s just a win-lose. Or is it a lose-lose? I’m confusing myself. Let’s stop talking on these terms.

Will is going to the first game versus BYU. It’s at the new Cowboy’s stadium so I’m a little jealous, but I’ll be having plenty of fun with my mom and sister that same weekend so I have nothing to complain about.

Aside from the fact that my shins are killing me from running (need new shoes, maybe?), having a spoonful of peanut butter and chocolate frosting with my dinner, and buying a new coffee table for our living room there just isn’t that much more to share.

Hopefully your lives are much more eventful than mine. And if not, hopefully you don’t pain your readers by making them read on and on about your parents coming to VIIIsit or how you’re excited about football season.

Hope you’re having a good week!

I locked myself out of the house this afternoon.

But wait- there’s more.

There’s always more.

I keep waiting for a time in which my bad fortune no longer follows me, however that time has yet to come and once again reared its ugly head in the form of a locked door today.

Let’s get started.

Okay. So today is Will’s birthday. Yay for Will’s birthday!

I was determined to make today great.

Which was my first mistake.

I should know by now that if I’m out to make a day great something is lurking around the corner to squash my plans.

Will I ever learn?

Work was really busy all morning and I really needed to work through lunch, however I thought it might be a good idea to run home today, check on the doggies, and grab a quick lunch- which is what I did.

As I finished my lunch I noticed it was raining pouring outside. I thought I better get an umbrella to take with me to avoid the downpour, only I realized my umbrella was in my car- and Will had my car today.

Aha! I remembered I had a random umbrella out in the garage. So- barefoot and all I ran out to the garage (closing the door behind me, of course) and grabbed the umbrella. As I went to enter the house it happened.

The door wouldn’t open.

I then began to feel a little panicky, sick to my stomach and started experincing that yucky upper lip sweat.

I pryed and jolted and yelled (you know- because yelling always unlocks bolted doors) but nothing happened.

I then got the genius idea to use a screwdriver to leverage the door between the frame.

Um, the terrible dig marks in the door frame clearly yell, “That wasn’t a good idea you freaking moron!!!”

Yeah- so don’t do that.

So then I began to get totally irrational and ridiculous. Like a mad woman. “I know, I’ll run and thrust my body against the door to force it open!”

Okay- so I didn’t really do that, but trust me- I was quite irrational nonetheless.

So… what to do, what to do…

I had a pair of nasty old tennis shoes and a pair of tacky black cheap-o flip flops.

Choices, choices.

I lifted the garage, opened my umbrella and started knocking on doors up and down my street.

In the rain.

The pouring rain.

In a pretty white dress.

A pretty white dress.

In tacky black cheap-o flip flops (I figured that went better with my dress… in that trashy sort or, “I like to dress up but have no regard for what I wear on my feet” sort of way).

No one answered.

Why would they? They were al at work- where I needed to be.

Up and down the street. Finally! Someone answered. This woman across the street had just had a baby and was home- thank God for your baby woman! It was if God allowed you to have your kid so you would be home at this exact.moment.in.time.

Okay- so maybe not, but it did feel a little like a divine moment after trudging up and down my neighborhood in the pouring rain, pretty white dress, and tacky flip flops.

Anyway- she was gracious enough to let me in and use the phone. I called Will- who was not in town today (of course!). He told me to call a locksmith and work it out that way.

Oh- and he was annoyed that I managed to lock myself out.

Happy birthday honey!

Anyway, the lady told me that she could just go ahead and take me back to work so that I wouldn’t have to wait for a locksmith and pay for him to come out. I thought it was so nice of her to offer. I have very nice neighbors. I graciously accepted, took my tacky flip flops, got in her car and went back to work.

As we rode back I realized that there were a few bad things I had failed to think through when deciding not to call the locksmith.

1. My purse was in the truck, totally exposed for all the world to see and steal.

Genius Brittny.

Will tells me time after time, “Brittny- bring your purse inside and don’t leave it in the car!” And for once in my life he was so very right (actually, he’s always right about this one...). My freaking locked house was beyond safe at this point. I could most certainly confirm all doors were locked! Sigh…

Then there were the doggies.

The doggies stay in a kennel all day long because you may remember they’re quite naughty and cannot be trusted to roam around the house all alone.

Just recall this post or this one or this one.

Good times.

Anyway- they’re bad doggies and cannot be trusted.

And I had left them in the house.

All alone.

Home alone doggies.

To roam free.

And chew my wood.

And the shoes I was wearing as of 11:30 this morning and should have been wearing as I was riding to work.

I could just imagine what was happening to my house.

What a mistake to leave them out!

Sigh…

Will loved finding that out.

Oh- and I didn’t tell him. I just let him come home and be surprised.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

Anyway… it’s been quite a day.

Will picked me up from work and I felt back because I had to have him drive me to get his cake oh- and I had intended to get his birthday card on the way home too. Opps.

So- there you have it.

There’s probably a ton more I’m leaving our and need to share but Will wants me to watch “Dating in the Dark” tonight because this guy on his favorite sports talk radio was talking about how funny it was.

I think it’s weird.

But hey- it’s his birthday, and I did leave our kids home alone today.

Oh- and locked myself out.

Let’s not forget that one.

Genius.