Do not be alarmed.

This is NOT going to become Brittny’s foodie/fitness blog.

Trust me.

As I mentioned, I’m healthy every single day of the work week, so aside from the weekend pain of not eating a pound of beef and an entire strawberry cake, I’ve pretty much got this thing down. However- I thought a good start to my laundry list would be to tell you guys what my plans are for the day!

Everyone lets out a resounding, “Yay!”

...

Or maybe not.

Anyhow, I’m off work today which is pretty exciting.

I started my morning off right with an egg on whole wheat toast. Chick-Fil-A is giving away their spicy chicken sandwich this week so I printed off my coupon and am going to sit with Will this morning while he eats his breakfast.

After that we’re going to see an early movie which will be fun. We’re going to see True Grit. You may remember it has a special place in my heart (ha). I figure if anything it will give me more material to bug Will with. I told him he should give me five bucks for every time they say “little sister.” I could be rich. 

I’ll have my carrots and hummus during the movie. Lunch is a taco salad with extra lean ground turkey, black beans, tomatoes, spinach, and a couple tablespoons of salsa. I made it yesterday and got everything all sectioned off and measured, since I’ll be having it a couple more times this week.

Later this afternoon I’ll have Greek yogurt.

Around the time I have my afternoon snack is the time that Will and I will have probably started arguing.

I believe I’ve mentioned that Will and I aren’t the best at home improvement projects. I don’t know what it is, but the second you get a hammer and nails out at our house it’s as if we rang the boxing bell to begin the brawl.

“In this corner, weighing (muffled by the microphone) and standing at 5 feet 6 inches tall put your hands together for B-Loooooooove!!”

“And in this corner, weighing whatever grown men weigh these days, and standing 5 feet 10 inches tall put your hands together for Misteeeeeeer B-Loooooove!”

And then the bell rings and Will and I knock our gloves together and go at it.

I even joked with Will yesterday about how we should start fighting (ie- hanging our picture) around 2:00.

I’m not sure he thought it was funny.

Maybe it won’t be so bad?

I mean, it has been a while since we’ve taken a major hanging project on. Maybe it will be easy and we’ll find a stud and everything will be even and perfect and thirty minutes later we’ll be sitting on the couch holding hands and complimenting each other’s picture framing abilities.

But I doubt it.

Way to be optimistic, right?

Eh…

I’m not sure what else is in store for us today. I know for dinner I’ll have tilapia with steamed carrots and then later tonight I’ll bake an apple with a little cinnamon and lemon juice.

I’m hoping to squeeze in a workout before dinner or right after. I usually go on the morning but my alarm failed me today so that didn’t happen. Today is an upper body day. I’ve posted my workout below. I superset so I’m constantly working a different muscle group without stopping. Once I hit all the areas I end the set with an ab and rest for a minute or so and start the next.

Yay for days off! Happy Monday to you!

More to come…

Today’s Workout
Chest
Bench Press
Inverted Row
Decline Barbell Press

Back
Bent Over Row
Pull Up
Row Machine

Shoulders
Bent Over Flyes
Barbell Shoulder Press
Front Raises/Flyes

Triceps
Skull Crushers
Cable Tricep Extension
One Arm Cable Tricep Extension

Biceps
Incline Curls
Hammer curls
Concentration Curl

Pushups

Abs
Plank
Elevated Plank
Side Plank
Bear Crawls
Cable Crunch

Hi!

Happy New Year!

Oh no, be warned- I’ve started this post with back to back exclamation points. I see more in the future of this post. Please do not let the cheeriness deter you. I will try to keep the exclamations to a minimum.

But I make no promises.

I hope you all had a great Christmas, and Saturday, and New Year’s Eve. The random Saturday insertion just seemed like the right thing to do… I have no idea why.

Our Christmas was good. We spent the morning with Will’s family and then travelled home late that afternoon. I took that following Monday off which was nice. We ended up going to the “big town” of El Reno, Oklahoma to eat at Sid’s diner. It was a place featured on Man Versus Food. The place was super tiny but the food was good, as we had expected. It was a nice day.

I had Friday off this week which was nice too. We spent a lot of the day shopping. How two people can spend a small fortune at Sam’s I will never know. We went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner that night which was nice and spent the entire time reflecting on 2010 and talking about 2011. It was a good day!

Was all that boring?

Because I sort of feel like it was.

Sorry. The truth is- when Will and I were talking last night about some of the highlights of last year I couldn’t remember some of them and I realize I don’t really talk much about my life anymore here. Which is fine and what I have chosen to do, I suppose, but at the same time it’s sort of nice to be able to look back to my 2005 archives and actually recall a day after reading about it. So I was thinking that maybe once or twice a month I will try to capture more about what’s going on in my life. Mostly for me. I apologize in advance for the boringness.

Okay, enough about that.

Happy New Year!

Did I already say that?

Ah- yes. I did. And then went on and on about all! the! exclamation! points!

Are you a big resolution-er?

I’m not really per say. To a degree I suppose but nothing too extreme. Much like Angela , my goal is to never eat again or lose a million pounds. I never really take it seriously though. My other problem? I make about 15 of them and by mid January I’ve forgotten all of them!

“Wait- did I say I was NOT going to drink coffee and was going to drink more tequila?”

“Or was it not eating trans fats and drinking mroe coffee!?… Or was it tequila!? I know it that was in one of my resolutions somewhere...”

“This is so hard!”

I figure now that I’m another year older and wiser I should probably just suck it up and realize that I am going to have to eat. And losing a million pounds? Well that’s just silly, Brittny!

So this year is about sharing my goals and making them realistic. Also- not to make a dozen. Sure it’s nice to want to do things, I mean, I want to save the world! However, I realize I have to start somewhere. So that’s what I want to do.

Here goes.

1. Be a Failure

I want to fail in the gym this year.

Yes, you heard me right.

A big fat F.

For anyone that spends time in the weight room, you will know what I’m talking about. If you don’t- long story short is that in order to really see growth and really make progress you have to lift to failure which means you have to really exert and exhaust your muscles. I do that now… sort of… but I really take it easy on myself. I really want my time at the gym to be worthwhile, and it won’t be unless I put myself to the test mentally and physically.

My plan for meeting my resolution is to do it- to add the extra weight and document my progress. If I can only do four reps, well I can only do four reps. But with time it will grow to six and maybe even eight. Until I really start making things hard on myself, I won’t see the results I want to.

2. Be Squeaky Clean

The other day I was on the elliptical and a guy jumped on beside me and started working out. The second he walked past me, I gagged. No really- I did. And made a disgusting face.
,
The guy smelled as though he had sat in a 4x4 closet where 10 people crammed in there with him and smoked for eight hours straight. And then the 10 people left. But he decided to stay.So he could eat the cigarette butts.

No really- he did.

He ate them.

I’m pretty sure anyway…

As I continued on my second interval set I started to get mad.

Really guy!? Yeah- great plan. Go to the gym and work out but then go smoke six packs a day. That’s a way to be healthy!

How dumb.

I then spent my remaining 20 minutes on the elliptical gagging and turning my head away from The Ash Tray, thinking about how ridiculous this guy was.

I blame the high degree of my irritation on the workout. I think something about having my heart rate up and sweating tends to make me a little more intense than normal."Why bother showing up to the gym?! Your lungs are raisins.”

So as I started my cool down- and started to come back to earth- I realized it was wrong for me to feel the way I did. It’s that guy’s choice to smoke a carton a day. It’s on him. Granted, the second hand smoke is another issue- but let’s stay focused.

The second thing I started to think about was- “Wow pot! You’re calling the kettle black aren’t you!?”

Busted.

Guys- I live in a perpetual state of dissonance. I really do. I emphasize fitness so much in my life, and even go so far to say it’s my passion, yet not all of my lifestyle echos those words. I can go bust my tail at the gym and then go home and eat half a pizza and breadsticks.

And then complain about it for the next 2 hours.

But then repeat the same action the very next weekend.

My point is- I’ll never know how good I can be and what I’m capable of until I put.the.pizza.down!

Just put it down, Brittny.

Down.

I really love food.

I eat healthy just about every week day and then blow it on the weekend. Did I say blow it? What I mean is, calorically I eat enough for two people on the weekends. Maybe even three. Yikes! How awful is that to type!?

I decided that if I want to be my best and see what I’m capable of in the gym, which I claim is my passion, part of my success has to start in the kitchen!

So with all that being said my goal for this year is to eat a clean diet six days a week during 2011 and allow myself one “cheat” day. And when I say cheat day I don’t mean eating an entire box of cereal and washing it down with a double cheeseburger with fries. I mean eating things I enjoy but in much smaller portions.

Moderation Brittny!

So here’s how I plan on meeting this tough goal. I already made my menu for January and February because I know if I write it down and have a plan it will make it a lot easier on my life. I won’t have to spend time thinking about what I’m going to eat- because I’ll already know. This will be particularly handy when I’m start back to school this month.

3. Get Connected

I don’t think I ever told you guys about my funny story of the group we joined at church and then left. It’s too long to tell it here, but trust me, when Will tells the story it has people in tears. Pretty funny.

Anyway, we’re not connected in any sort of small Bible study group and we really need to be. Church is good but it’s also important to be around people our age and have that small group interaction, you know? We’ve become sort of discouraged by our journey in this area, so my hope is that this year we will find a group and get connected.

4. Do well in school.

My plan? Is to just freaking do it, darn it! To read, pay attention, and stay on top of stuff.

5. Be a Better Wife, Friend, and Employee

This girl right here can tell you I’m not always the best at keeping up with communcation. She and Retired Blogger Sarah will have exchanged about five emails to my one sometimes! Granted, there’s going to be times where life is busy, but friends are important and I need to remember that. I have lots of “friends” but very few real true friends and they’re very precious to me and I want them to know that by my actions.

I also want to be the wife to Will that I need to be. We’re a solid team, but I think after almost seven years of marriage (! when did that happen!?) we’ve sort of gotten comfortable with each other and have settled into our life. That’s good and all, but this year I wanted to be mindful of being “nice” and “thoughtful” and more of a “girlfriend” to Will (I have no idea why I put all that in quotations).

You think I’m crazy right?

Trust me, it all makes sense in my head.

Anyway- I went into my calendar and put random things on random days as reminders to do something nice for Will. I know it seems pathetic that I actually have to remind myself to do thoughtful things for Will or surprise him with something, but hey- I’m trying and this is a good way to make sure I’m staying on target!

6. Put it Away: The 2011 Laundry List

I really want to put my laundry away immediately after doing a load. I also don’t want to leave dishes in the sink. I’m pretty sure this is a resolution for me every.single.year. And every.single.year. I don’t follow through. Sure, I do for a few weeks- but before I know it I look at the chest in our bedroom and see a laundry pile the size of a small SUV stacked high. I don’t know why. I also don’t know how two people can generate so much laundry. But it happens. So, let’s hope I actually keep the pile manageable this year. I have a load sitting in there right now- which means I need to get off this computer and start folding! Hey-Rome wasn’t built in a day. I’m on it!

So there you have it. My goals for 2011. Knowing I have an action plan and a goal and am drawing a line in the sand by telling you guys, my friends, makes it seem more real.

Here’s to a solid 2011 for all of us.

1. We hardly ever have bread in our house. Like ever. Likely because I’m capable of eating an entire loaf in two days.It would be like an alcoholic keeping a bottle of Jose Cuervo in their pantry. Probably not a good idea.

2. There’s almost always a load of clean laundry piled atop the chest in our bedroom. I think Will would kill over if it was missing, so I like to keep it there for consistency’s sake. And to keep him alive.

3. I really love my sister. I know you know that, but recently (like the last couple of years) I’ve really, really grown to love her more. I think it has to do with our ages and where we are in our lives.

4. I really like the Bridget Jones movies. A lot. I’ve decided most either love or hate them. There’s not really an in between.

5. I like Extra Spearmint gum. I personally feel it’s the best.

6. I hope I made the right decision with a two year masters program. It has pros and cons. The pro is that you definitely aren’t as inundated as you are with a one year accelerated program. The con is that you spend two years of your freaking adult life doing school when you could have been done in a year.

7. I don’t own a coffee maker and I’m a grown woman. It’s probably more common than I think, but it’s sort of weird to me. Although Will doesn’t, I love coffee, and now that I’m back to school feel as though I may rely on it more. Perhaps I should invest in one.

8. I bought my first Scentsy last week. I think women are WAY too fanatical about that stuff. Yet, I became one of them and gave in and bought one. I’m skeptical because Will and I really like the Glade Plug-ins, mostly because we have Boz and Lucy inside with us and like to have a continual flow of good smelling-ness throughout our house at all times. With a Scentsy it only works when it’s on. Eh who knows. Perhaps I’ll be a crazy fanatical convert too. I’m just ready for it to come in!

9. I actually dreamed about APA citation last week. Who does that!?

10. Go download the YouVersion app if you haven’t already. It’s definitely been so great for me to have the Bible on my phone. There’s absolutely no excuse for me not to read it! In fact, I’ve spent several mornings reading as I blowdry my hair in the morning. So efficient.

More to come…

There’s nothing like a repairman calling to let you know he’s coming early that will get you in a 30 minute cleaning frenzy in anticipation of his arrival.

I honestly got more accomplished in 30 minutes than I sometimes do in 2 hours! How crazy is that!?

In fact, I think from now on I’m going to have Will schedule random appointments for our house and have him give me last minute notice so I can clean faster and smarter.

It will be like a game.

Like a fire drill. Only for cleaning.

Brilliant. 

It’s funny that even after almost six and a half years of marriage I’m still all about proving a point. Sure, I fully acknowledge marriage is about give and take, open honesty, and all things good. But let’s face it- we’re still women, and we don’t like being wrong.

Which means there are times in which we do silly things out of “principle” to ensure we’re always right.

Let’s begin in 2008.

When we first moved from Kuwait and into our house the previous owners left some pretty maroon curtains behind. I had my own plan for the curtains in the living room, however they were nice and I didn’t just want to get rid of them. So- Will thought they would fit nicely in his future “man room,” fill of OU crimson memorabilia and all things boy. I sort of scratched my head as to how regal curtains such as these would fit into the Room O Testosterone- but whatever.

We took them down and hung them nicely in the closet of Will’s future OU room.

And didn’t think anything else of them.

Last spring, the spring of 2009 mind you, I was in Will’s room and came across the curtains. I had intended to get them dry cleaned after taking them down but had long forgotten to do it, so I decided what better time to get these curtains dry cleaned?

I took them to my local dry cleaners that spring. The spring of 2009. I dropped them off- 4 curtains total (they were doubled up on each side of the rod) and was on my merry way.

Hmm… let’s camp out at the dry cleaners for a second. It’s somewhat necessary for the story.

To my knowledge there are only 2 dry cleaners in close proximity to me. This one, and another one. This one is what I would consider a “fancy” dry cleaners. Mainly because I’m a dork. It’s in a nice shopping center and the building is nice and the inside is nice and the people are nice, and well- it’s just nice. I feel like my clothes are properly tagged and put away and nicely cared for.

And the other one? Well it’s okay. I’m sure it’s a quintessential dry cleaners. Only, when compared to the “nice” dry cleaners, it just seems pretty dumpy. I don’t like going in there and I fear that as soon as I drop off my clothes they’re being worn my some old cougar with fuchsia lipstick.

So now that we have an understanding of the differences of my dry cleaning establishments, let’s move on.

A few days later I returned to the nice dry cleaners and paid and picked up the crimson curtains. I brought them home and put them in Will’s closet, where Will proceeded to tell me, “You know… those don’t look as thick as before. Are you sure you got all of them?”

Rolling my eyes “Yes, Will, I got all of them.”

“Are you sure? I’m telling you, I really thought these looked thicker.”

“Yes, Will. I’m sure. I wouldn’t have forgotten them.”

And then on and off for the next three days Will proceeded to make comments about how he really thought the curtains looked fuller before and how he was afraid I didn’t get all of them.

To which I continued to assure him that he was wrong, and I was right.

What’s funny about this whole scenario is that neither of us ever bothered to open the plastic bag they were wrapped in to count them.

Ha.

Anyway- about 2 weeks later, during the spring of 2009, I received a phone message from the nice dry cleaners. They had my curtains! I had in fact only picked up 2 of the 4 and I needed to get the rest! Opps. So now not only was I wrong, but I had to pick up the rest of our curtains and somehow explain to Will that he was right and I had not paid attention- despite promising that I had.

Which wasn’t going to happen.

Unfortunately, through a series of events, I never went and picked up the curtains.

And every three months or so, the nice dry cleaners (because they’re so darn friendly, of course!) called and left me messages to pick up my freaking curtains.

Only for some reason, like a bad episode of Seinfeld, the calls deterred me from going. Too much time had passed! It would be too awkward! I was “that annoying girl with the two curtains!” I just couldn’t do it. Not to mention I wasn’t going to be wrong. Let’s not forget that whole matter.

Which is funny too because at some point Will would have opened up the bag to hang those girly curtains in his man’s room only to realize he was missing two.

However, when you’re doing stupid things such as avoiding picking up curtains YOU OWN from your dry cleaners, you’re just not thinking logically.

...

Okay, so anyway-

Let’s not forget that throughout this time I still had to get my clothes dry cleaned. Only, I for sure couldn’t go to the nice cleaners! How could I show my face there? I was the weird girl with a complex that wouldn’t pick up her curtains FOR NO GOOD REASON. So, I had to resort to the sketchy cleaners.

And soon realized that I couldn’t do that for long.

And then it turned 2010.

A new year. A year of new chances. Perhaps I would pick up my curtains?

The truth is, by then I had totally forgotten about those curtains. I mean, it had almost been a year. A year!

So pathetic.

I was quickly reminded of the curtain issue yet again when I needed to get something dry cleaned. Only I didn’t and nicely laid the item to the side in my closet.

And did it again.

And again.

And again.

Until my nice little pile became a little ridiculous. Plus I’m pretty sure Will began to wonder what in the world I was doing.

“Oh sorry honey- I don’t want to risk you coming home while I’m sneaking in the curtains I swore to you were already there!”

Did I mention pathetic?

At the time it didn’t seem so awful. Only now do I realize how utterly ridiculous I was.

So, two weeks ago I got another call from the cleaners saying that if I didn’t pick up my curtains within 30 days they were going to get rid of them.

I mean, even nice dry cleaners have their limits, right? Understandably.

So I realized I was going to have to do something. I began laughing to myself over the whole entire series of events, which meant I had to share my story with someone.

My mom and sister are visiting for a couple of weeks, so I told the whole lame story to them- which made them laugh. Of course they had the same expected questions of, “Why didn’t you just get them!?” and “Didn’t you think about the fact that at some point Will would have found out there were only 2 curtains instead of 4?”

Good times.

Anyway, we had a good laugh about the whole thing and I decided that I was going to go in there and get those freaking crimson curtains. I was going to use the whole, “My phone changed and I just checked my messages recently” excuse.

You know, because that makes perfect sense.

So I was resolved to go and do it, only later that day I got a text from my sister telling me that she had beat me to the punch. Apparently my mom went and got them for me! And not only that, but that awkwardness I had feared for so long? Wasn’t there at all. My mom had used the truth, “I have been out of the country for a while,” which made me laugh. What’s really annoying is that I had already paid for the curtains! I’m so weird sometimes.

My mom had saved the day, and I really could have taken care of the whole thing an entire YEAR before, had I not been such a crazy.

The only thing that remains now is to bring them home, as they are currently hiding out in my parent’s house. After having to go through this whole rigamarole I wasn’t about to just parade them into the house, so I will sneak them in later this week.

Because that’s what crazy wives do. And they’re always right.

Always right.

After almost six and a half years of marriage you would think I would know by now not to ask my husband the loaded question- “Does this make me look fat?”

I mean- we all know how ridiculous it sounds coming out of our mouths, and we know how our husbands shudder the second they hear, “Does this (insert clothing item here -> X <- dress, blouse, skirt, bikini, stirrup pant) make me look...”

we don’t even have to finish the sentence. They know exactly how it’s going to end the second we start in.

At this point they mentally go into the fetal position.

Yet for some reason we feel compelled to ask anyway. It’s almost as though we anticipate a brutally honest answer- which is what our head totally wants, but let’s face it- our hearts and our saggy butts really want a different answer.

What makes me laugh the most is that Will has the same answer all the time. Again, you’d think by now I’d know not to ask- yet I do. Because that’s what women do. We silently torment our husbands with unnecessary questions we already know the answers to.

I mean, let’s be honest here- if we have to ask the question? You shouldn’t be wearing it. I think that’s a good rule of thumb.

Let’s agree on that.

Sorry- we were talking about Will’s habitually exact, right on par, answer, weren’t we?

Anyway, anytime I ask Will if something looks okay or fits alright or makes me look fat Will always answers safely.

“Haven’t you been losing weight?”

As if to say, “You’ve been losing weight, so of course it fits, right?”

Verbatim, word for word, that’s what the guy says. Such a people pleasing politician.

Then he always talks about how much I work out. As if to say that I could eat 4 deep dish pizzas and work out for 10 minutes and be able to easily hop right into a pair of skinny jeans.

What a funny guy.

Apparently Will “believes” that I’ve been consistently losing weight since the day we got married. In fact, at this rate I should be able to start shopping at Gap Kids this November.

And what makes me laugh just as much is that he thinks I really think he thinks that I’ve been losing all of this weight for the last 6 years (wow- there was a lot of thinking going on in that last sentence! I’m tired).

So after he gives me the, “Haven’t you been losing weight? So it should fit- right?” statement I laugh to myself and agree with him. I could have buttons busting left and right but I would still agree with him, just because he’s so funny, and really thinks he’s mastered the right way to answer.

Every now and then I’ll throw him for a loop and go into how I weigh more now than I did when we got married, but now I have a lot more muscle, and how I’m not necessarily losing weight but I’m toning up, etc.

And it really throws him off. As if I’ve totally shaken his steadfast, firm- AND RIGHT (ha ha)- answer. So I try not to incite panic in the poor guy.

It’s bad enough that I ask him, and then I have to challenge the fact that he’s saying I’m losing weight? “What more do you want from me, woman!?” is what I see when I go into my tirade.

And the truth is, nothing. Again, if I have to ask I shouldn’t wear it. I don’t know why I even bother asking.

Because I’m a woman. There’s really no other good answer.

Here’s to pants that fit well!

Yes. I get it. My last twenty-five posts have somehow centered back to food. I clearly have a problem. I should be on Maury or Montel or The View discussing my awful obsession with frosting and dinners and celebrations that center around both.

Or maybe just the sick obsession with frosting.

I realize the food posts need to stop. However, today something happened that I simply had to share. I found myself hovering over the sink thinking, “Wow. I really don’t want to tell anyone about the shame I just experienced.”

And then five minutes later I was in the car laughing thinking, “Ahaha, I have to tell someone about this.”

So here we are.

Tomorrow is Will’s birthday. Yesterday we drove down to Will’s parent’s house to celebrate his birthday. We went to eat and afterwards Will’s mom sent us home with a dirty cake.

Heh heh. Dirty cake.

Doesn’t it just sound sleazy? Like you need to be listening to Keith Sweat or R. Kelly while you take the lid off? Or like you should be slathering it in some sort of edible oil?

Sorry for the visual. Let’s get back on track.

Anyway- dirty cake. Us. Taking it home.

We brought the cake home but didn’t have any last night. Which meant there was untouched cake in my house for more than 12 hours, which is pretty much a miracle.

In fact you may want to check page 22A of your local newspaper. I bet I’m in there.

So today for lunch I had to run to the post office to mail off my transcripts for my school application. I had already brought my lunch to work with me, so there was really no need for me to go home for lunch yet somehow I found myself getting into the car, as if on autopilot, and driving home. You know, to let Boz and Lucy out. Wink.

So I get there, let them out, and am standing around the kitchen thinking, “What am I doing here?” Knowing full well what was really going on in my mind. The cake.

So, I play with a little fire and open the fridge- and there it is.

In fact, as I opened the fridge I’m pretty sure I heard some Marvin Gaye playing in the back of the Crisper area- and as soon as I shut the fridge the music went away.

I peeked it open again, to be greeted with the same sound. Only this time I exercised some degree of willpower and got a nectarine.

Because, as we all know, nectarines are just as satisfying as chocolatey cake, yes?

I finished the nectarine and really realize I need to go back to work.

I mean that is Will’s cake! His mom made it for him! It’s meant for us to share it together in honor of his special day. What sort of sick, awful, hormonal person eats their husband’s birthday ca…

And before I could finish the word, there I was. Standing over the sink trying to slyly carve out a tiny piece of dirty cake so that Will would never know someone sampled it before he did. Only the tiny sliver soon became about half a cup.

Wow.

An all time low, I thought to myself.

So what was I to do!? I couldn’t let Will know I was such a selfish awful wife!

Think, Brittny, Think!

Ahaha!

If you’ve ever had dirty cake, you know that it’s topped with whip cream.

So, in my genius, I went to the freezer and pulled out our gigantic tub of Cool Whip.

Because, as you know, every two person household has a costco size bucket of Cool Whip in their house.

I went to work, almost artist-like, filling in the “tiny” hole I had created, and spreading the oreos overtop.

Brilliant.Before I knew it- Tada! Good as new. Like I never ate a giant hole through Will’s birthday cake.

So now I don’t feel so much like a heel. Now I simply feel like I need to spend all week at the gym.

I made myself laugh, so I figured I’d share the moment with you all.

Happy Monday!

Before we get started I just have to laugh and share. So I just wrote this post and reread it and see that on this same page, just a few posts down, I posted about cake in April. Nice. Does this mean I have a problem? Actually… don’t answer that.

Will turns the big 3-0 next week.

The big one.

Well, one of the big ones. A major milestone for sure.

We decided in honor of the big event we would take a trip. However, with a trip to Branson for his dad’s 60th right around the corner, Theresa’s wedding, oh and a small insignificant nuissance called OU football season, we decided it was best to put the trip off a few months.

Plus, I think I’m way more into this birthday than he is. Likely because it’s not me who is turning 30. It’s him.

So we’re doing a trip later this year or early next but I still obviously need to acknowledge the day of his birth right?

I mean, in my mind sure a belated birthday trip is great and all but to me it’s just a great trip at that point. You’ve been 30 for 5 months. In fact, let’s just celebrate your 30th and a half birthday while we’re here, yes? So to quell the craziness in my mind I have been pestering Will nearly to death about making plans for this weekend.

In fact, I’ve been annoying him so much he may die and never make it to 30.

“29 year-old man dies just short of his 30th birthday due to wife’s constant nagging for a ‘plan.’”

I can read the headlines now.

Will’s mom always makes a cake, which is so great and thoughtful and delicious and great. But I want to make one too. Which is wonderful in my mind, right? One cannot have too much cake. There is no such thing, and I’m sure it’s written in some sort of statute somewhere confirming I am correct.

Will doesn’t want me to make another one- “One is plenty,” but we all agree above that the statute will not allow me to just settle for one. I have to produce one as well. I don’t make up the rules. I mean, I don’t even like cake all that much.

(lying. totally lying through my teeth)

So I found out today that Will is going to spend most of the weekend running back and forth from his parents town getting our cars detailed, which is what he really wanted for his birthday.

With all of this time on my hands (when I’m not scouring the house, volunteering at the senior center, and working on my secret patent) I figured I’d make something delicious.

Only, I have this awful feeling I’m going to make it and then as I sit there waiting for Will all day I will find myself in a goey frosting stupor, wearing chocolate and crumbs all over my face.

It is a definite possibility.

Hey, I figure 30 is a big enough celebration to be shared.

Bring on the cake.

Disclaimer: The decision to eat an entire cake all by myself for Will’s 30th birthday in no way hinders my decision to shed a few pounds for Theresa’s wedding. Actually I’m lying. It does. It really does. Please disregard this post. I would delete it but, well, I’m lazy.

I think there’s something about getting older that seems to squeeze the fun spontaneity and creativity out of a person. I was convinced that would never be me. Ha! Let a mortgage and responsibilities turn me into a boring old tool? Never! Well- here I am at home on a Friday night blogging. I might as well be drinking Metamucil and reading an AARP magazine. Perhaps the lack of creativity and the pain I experience trying to squeeze some amount of pithiness on this screen has kept me from blogging- oh, you know, for like a YEAR now.

Did you guys know that when I started blogging, way back in 2005, when my posts were actually pretty funny (and annoying. I went back and read some the other day and wow- I found a way to add a smiley face to freaking EVERYTHING. It really annoyed me. A lot. In fact I contemplated going in and removing the thousands-yes thousands- of smileys that occurred from 2005 to about 2007 but I refrained) that it was mostly right after I moved to Kuwait and wasn’t working? Translation- I had hours upon hours of time on my hands to create brilliant works of art (okay- I’m kidding, but you get the point). I would spend a ridiculous amount of time phrasing each post. Putting a lot of thought and love into every smiley face I placed (haha).

Then I started working. I use that term loosely. My boss once told me to shop online for work. Yes. No lie. Your tax dollars hard at work. Which meant once again I had plenty of time to blog and pontificate and create smiley works of art (again- kidding with the works of art stuff).

And then I changed jobs. And was actually busy. However, I still had access to my blog at work which meant I could type a few sentences (with smileys of course ) here and there and by the end of the day have a full fledge post ready to go.

And then we moved to America. Where I had tons of time on my hands all of a sudden. What a weird feeling. I should have been a blogging machine! Yet I wasn’t. When I look back at the decline of my posting it all started when we moved back, which is sort of weird. I’ve contemplated it before and there are a lot of reasons. Don’t worry. We won’t explore them. I guess I thought being back here would make me more consistent and it did the total opposite.

So lately I’ve wondered if I actually still like blogging anymore. And I haven’t come up with an answer. I hope it’s okay to be this honest with you. I really don’t know if I like posting anymore. I used to love it. It was my “passion.” My “thing.” Wow! Getting a little crazy with the quotations. They may be the new smileys.

That’s me being honest. I don’t know how I feel about blogging anymore and honestly it sort of makes me feel sad. It makes me feel sad that something so important to me could possibly not be important to me anymore. I know it sounds silly to feel sadness when I think about it, but I do. How is it that you can feel so strongly and so resolved about something at some point in time only to change your mind? I mean, I know that sometimes circumstances change the way you feel about something, but my blog didn’t change. I didn’t really change… I just sort of stopped caring. Why do you think that happens? I mean, I still enjoy writing. In fact I’m willingly freaking enrolling myself in school to pursue my masters- where I will be writing and writing and writing until I might want to die. Yet, again, I enjoy writing. It’s something I like. So why the blog lapse? I know that’s what you’re thinking.

Anyway, I’ve thought about a few options if I’m going to keep this thing active. I think I will try them and see how it works. Don’t worry, I will not now go into some long drawn out vow to post. Scouts honor.

Wow. You guys got like this whole long blog history. Definitely more than you wanted or bargained for. I will say, though, I have this feeling few people are reading my blog these days and the crazy thing about that is that it makes me SO HAPPY. I know I said I wouldn’t get into the reasons why I went “dark” (Ahh! Again with the quotations!), but I will say that very issue is definitely one of the reasons. I went from being a blog attention sleaze- pay attention to me! Read my blog!- to really resenting the fact that people I knew personally were reading my blog and judging me and that the potential for running into them at Walmart was all of a sudden a real possibility. That is one thing that I really hate. Which can be remedied I suppose…

Okay. Enough of the blogging talk. I’m annoying myself which means you- assuming you’re still reading- are VERY annoyed. Oh, sorry, I mean “very annoyed.”

So there’s actually been some things going on in my life. Where should I start?

Let’s not waste time elaborating on crap. I’ll just give you the high points.

I got a promotion this year! I now how a fancy, shiny “Sr.” in my title. Something about being a senior- a S-R-period- is so exciting to me. I was pretty excited about it.

I decided to get my Masters. Mainly because I’m a glutton for punishment and obviously don’t like myself very much. I’m going to study Organizational Communication. I tried, really tried to make myself get my MBA- because really, isn’t every other Masters a waste?- but the more I looked at everything and considered the whole package I wanted to drive a stake in my left eye, so I decided if I was going to willingly go back I should study something I would like- hence the degree choice.

Will and I are the same. Actually, we’re pretty darn good. We went through a rough patch over the last few months, which was the first one we’ve had in our 6 years of marriage, which I guess is pretty good? I don’t know. I guess it’s normal, which is what I had to realize. For so long I was used to us having this picture perfect life and marriage and then to go through a period where I was frustrated all the time was sort of like a reality check- like “Hello!! You’re freaking NORMAL. It happens sometimes.” You know? Anyway, it was sort of like- “Ahh, okay- so this is what that whole for better for worse stuff means.” (Wow. Again with the quotations. Sorry! I will now supplement with a smiley. Because we all agree they’re so darn great, right? )

I turned 27 this April. Which isn’t old, yet in some ways it seems as though it sort of is. My 20s are starting to come to a close and I’m a big fat grownup. I have been for quite some time now, but turning 27 really hit me. Not necessarily in a bad way.

Will turns 30 on the 27th. Which may hit me harder than it hits him. We shall see. Will’s dad turns 60 this year and we’re going to do a weekend a Branson (a quick whirlwind weekend full of lots of driving there and back) to celebrate. Will and I hope to take a trip for his big day but it will be postponed.

Still no babies. Which makes our families sad. But it’s just not something we’re talking about yet.

Speaking of families, I did mention to you that my parents are moving two doors down from me, right? If THAT’S not enough to thrust me back into the blog world quite honestly, I don’t know what is.

I still eat like crap most of the time. I don’t think there’s any need to elaborate on that. Besides, there’s like a daily story about it.

I got a personal trainer for a month and it was so freaking great and I loved every painful, sweaty, drippy, yell-y minute of it. I only wish I could afford him all the time. Plus I’m pretty sure it would allow me to justify a calorie increase. Bummer I can’t really justify it now.

We have a wedding tomorrow and Will gets to dress up again which is exciting since I never see him in a tux. In fact that’s one of the reasons that I’m still awake.  I couldn’t take off work today, so he went to the rehearsal by himself and I stayed here. He’s on his way home (it’s a 2 hour drive) but I figure by the time I get to sleep he’ll come in and wake me up so I might as well just stay awake. And possibly eat something terrible. I rarely stay up past 10 but I’ve been told that people that stay up late snack. I believe it’s called a “midnight snack?” (AHH! Attack of the quotations). Yes… a midnight snack sounds great.

So I think that’s the recent highlights since my last post. I guess in a sense, the highlights were of themselves a bit of a snack. Tiny pieces of information totally unhealthy for you yet necessary at midnight.

Help me to remember to tell you guys the life group story. It’s pretty funny and worth telling but I think I’ve written enough for tonight.

And it feels good to just get on here and unload. Really good.

Thank you blog, for putting up with my crap and just being here.

Thank you friends, for reading and understanding.

You simply eat the whole thing so as to ensure there are no jagged edges to haunt you in your sleep.

My MIL made me my annual double decker strawberry birthday cake and brought it up yesterday afternoon.

It’s not just any strawberry cake.

It’s pretty much the best strawberry cake I’ve ever had. It has crushed up real strawberries in it and everything. It’s delicious. And it’s fruit. So it’s healthy.

I shared my cake with the family yesterday- cutting four nice sized slices.

It left a little more than half after that.

Then Will and I, being incredibly slothful and fat, had another generous piece each after our evening walk last night.

So then there was less than half.

Then I came home for lunch today.

And started “evening out” the cake.

A sliver here. A cut there.

You know… to even it out.

Two giant “even-ing out” slices later and there were just two nice size pieces left.

Fat.

Then I came home from work.

Went for an hour long walk outside.

And came home and killed the rest.

Two pieces.

By myself.

After already eating like literally half a cake in a 24 hour span.

I’m pretty sure that type of gluttony is outlawed any other time except for your birthday week.