Embarrassing Moment Number 16,374:

I was a the gym this morning, just like every Saturday morning. Nothing new or out of the ordinary- except for the fact that it was especially busy with what I like to call the “New Years Newbies-” people that join to lose those last 25 pounds and drop out by March after losing only 4.

I’m such an encourager, aren’t I?

Anyway- the gym was full of New Years Newbies as well as a ton of guys that that think they can monopolize the weights because they’re so strong and cut and lean and stupid. I never see any other girls at the gym that lift weights, which is really sad! Anyway, since it’s pretty much me by myself I’m always surrounded by these grunting yucky men that think they’re so hot.

Those guys really annoy me- but maybe I should post that another day and just stick to this story, right?

But wait- those guys actually are pertinent to my story because I totally blame them for the events to follow- so it’s totally legit for me to proceed to tell you how irritating these grunting sweaty guys are.

“Oh- let me help you with that 10 pounder.”

Um yeah- you’re cute and SO charming (HA) but I could probably lift as much as you.

Um- in relation to ones weight, of course.

These guys irritate me. Did I mention that?

Anyway back to the story.

The gym was full of New Years Newbies and grunty men weight lifters- which you already know because I’ve said that a million times.

I figured I ought to “step it up a notch” to show these Newbies that I was a Gym Veteran and not one of them-

because that matters, apparently.

I also wanted to shut the stupid Monopoly Men up too. They really bother me.

What an idiot- by the way.

So I decide, “I know! I’ll do squats with heavy weights on a Bosu Ball!”

It’s not like squats on a Bosu Ball are an exceptionally special exercise or anything, but they are sort of hard if you don’t do them much, especially with weights - and as a stupid idiotic “Gym Vet” that has to fight for weight time amongst the sweaty grunty men, I thought I ought to give them a try with weights and all.

I get on the stupid Bosu Ball and do one squat and am doing okay. I’ve done it before-

while my right hand was clinging to a wall for dear life-

but never with weights-

and always clinging to something to stabilize me.

I go down to do a second one and I know something is about to go wrong.

My legs were shaking,

my whole body looked like jello-

my whole squat literally went into slow-mo

as I went down for the squat I literally fell straight on my back like a freaking idiot.

Like a New Years Newbie.

And if that wasn’t bad enough- you know being all prideful and stupid and trying to look all cool- I let out this huge, “Oh wow! I just fell on my butt,” totally stating the obvious and totally trying to play it off, but trust me- there was no playing it off.

The gym was packed and every one saw me fall backwards,right on my butt, crashing to the floor.

Sigh.

You know the funniest part of all?

I toweled off a bit and did two more sets like I didn’t even care. Trust me, though, I did.

ha ha, what a dork.

So yeah- don’t be a gym snob. That’s what I learned today.

I <3 New Years Newbies.

1. Kill the power to my blog all day.

2. Tell me “you’re working on it” and have no estimated time as to when it will be back up.

3. Provide your husband with a shopping list for the following:

Milk
Evaporated Milk
Pasta
Coke

Come Home to Find:

Honey Buns
Donuts
A 17” Walmart Pizza
Chocolate Chip-Peanut Butter Cookies
Reeces Brownie Kit
2 Twix Bars
Egg Nog
2 Types of Dip
2 Bags of Chips (you know- one for you! one for me! As if one bag wasn’t enough to put your arteries into shock...)
Milk
Evaporated Milk
Pasta
Coke

4. Proceed to watch your husband stuff, shove, and pray the aforementioned items into the most awkward crannies of the fridge and cabinet. I’m pretty sure the fridge is so full it’s about to throw up all over the freaking tile.

5. I mentioned the blog already, didn’t? Screw it- seriously, it’s twitch-worthy enough to be up here twice. I was on edge all day yesterday. Just ask Angela. I’m pretty sure she and retired blogger Sarah got the brunt of my twitching regarding that matter.

Thankfully all is well with numbers 1, 2, and 5.

3 and 4?

Yeah, currently sweating all over myself in an angry twitching frenzy.

Anything causing you trouble?

This weekend was one of the best ones I’ve had in a long time-

and it’s partly due to my work Christmas party!

Who would have thought, right?

I have so much to chat about today- are you ready to sit for a while?

Good.

So Friday was my big work Christmas party (see the below post).

Guys- I had a freaking blast. I came thinking it would be alright, but it turned out to be so much fun.

As expected I saw some funny dancing- to include our vice president! I loved it. People were totally getting down. It was too funny. I sat by my boss and another girl I work with and we had a good time.

By the way- who decides to play musical chairs three hours into an adult Christmas party where 95% of the attendees have been drinking?

Crazy people, that’s who!

I must say, though- it was pretty funny.

I somehow got roped into being one of the players. I only made it two rounds.

I blame my high heels. My feet were killing me by the end of the night.

I don’t think Will had as much fun as I did.

Wait.

I know Will didn’t have as much fun as me, but I guess that’s because I know these people and Will didn’t.

Anyway- it was a lot of fun, and yes, I will be laughing on the inside when I see some of my coworkers tomorrow morning.

Yesterday was just as much fun.

We went to dinner with Ross and Rachel followed by going to a Christmas play at their church, so that was nice.

After the play we came home and watched the Heisman Presentation (we DVRed it. I love that thing.)!

As you can imagine, we were stoked to see Bradford win.

Stoked.

I think “Stoked” needs to be added to my running list of stupid words I’m not allowed to say anymore…

Anyway- we were very excited to see Bradford win (How’s that? Better than stoked?).

As you can see from my Flickr pictures, we had a good night. I’m partial to the one of me and Rachel doing the Heisman pose. Don’t ask me how we ended up in my belly dancing skirts. I don’t remember. I do remember it was funny though.

Can I blame it on the fact that we were so happy about Bradford winning the Heisman that it impaired our judgement? I’m going to go with that.

This year has been so freaking fun to be a Sooner fan. Just thinking about it gets me fired up. The last home game- against Tech- was freaking amazing. I’m so excited for the National Championship.

Wait.

Did I tell you guys I’m going?

I know most of you don’t care about football- but as you know, Will is highly obsessed, and now that we’re back in the states it’s only worse.

Anyway, because of our season tickets we qualified for four season tickets through the school so we didn’t have to pay outrageous prices so that was very exciting!

So- Ross and Rachel are going with us to the big dance! I’m so freaking excited, and now having Bradford as the Heisman winner makes it that much sweeter.

We spent a week in Miami in February of 2007, and I figured that’d be the only time we’d be there. Now we’re heading back!

Sigh- I want to go on, but I realize you don’t care, so I’ll shut up.

I’m sure you’ll be hearing more in time…

After the game we celebrated which was oddly enough followed by a 1:00 am game of Scrabble.

Random.

Oh and just for my own odd benefit- let me tell you what a freaking cow I was last night!

We had leftover pizza from dinner so I ended up eating like 2 pieces of that at like 10:30, followed up with a Reeces Christmas Tree,

(sidebar- have you guys had those yet? They’re freaking AMAZING. They’re like the Easter egg ones. I love those things. They’re way better than the regular ones because the annoying ridged chocolate doesn’t get in the way.)

3 (or 4… I can’t really remember) regular Reeces- because apparently I WANT to be fat,

chips (Reduced Fat!… although… I think after about 2 cups it doesn’t really matter...)

a peanut butter sandwich,

and Cheetos.

MOO.

No amount of working out will undo that carnage.

BOO.

I’ll sure try at the gym tomorrow, though, guys- I promise.

Sorry- I just felt the need to unload my weekend fatness on you. I generally share this information with my sister, but she’s asleep right now, so you guys have to suffer now.

Sorry.

Anyway, we had a really good Saturday night too. In my life it’s not very common that I have two nights of big fun. A party, a play, Scrabble!? Too much fun to handle! (ha ha- I’m kidding about the Scrabble part)

Wow. I realize you guys probably could care less about:

“What I Did This Weekend!” - a short story by Brittny

However, I figured I ought to use my blog to chronicle certain things I want to remember so I can look back and, well, remember them! So- sorry for the lame post.

More (less boring crap) to come…

What did you do this weekend? 

I can’t be sure of the final count, but I think I just ate 20 or so Chick-fil-a nuggets covered in Polynesian sauce.

and I pretty much feel like throwing up all over my multi-colored carpet (afterall, now that the puke-free streak has ended, does it really matter?).

Oh- and I also had a Chick-fil-a brownie too.

Because apparently I enjoy gorging myself to the point of vomiting on game day.

Game day.

What is it about game day that will make people do stupid things like break open a keg at 9:00 in the morning, go shirtless in sub-zero weather, or eat 34,000 calories!?

Oh- and I probably also failed to mention the sausage velveeta queso dip I made (Yuck! That just sounds white trash, right?). In my defense I used “lite” sausage.

ha- you know, because 10 grams of fat per 2oz. serving is SO HEALTHY! You’re really doing a bang up job keeping your family clear of heart attacks with that “lite” sausage, Brittny!

But because it’s “game day” all rules of health and sanity go out the window.

Apparently.

boomer sooner

I send him for stamps and he comes back with the following:

2 packages of slice and bake cookies (you know, because one package isn’t enough for two sedentary people)

Hot fudge

Mint chocolate chip ice cream

oh-

and stamps.

Does he want to hurt me?

I’ve mentioned on more than one occasion my ten year long streak of being puke-free.

As odd as it sounds- I’m pretty proud of that streak. Sort of like Jerry Seinfeld was- until he ate the black and white cookie and erased ten years in a mere matter of minutes.

“My stomach is a freaking tank!” I tell people.

Some people are proud of their marathons or coin collections? Yeah- I’m proud of my amazing ability to keep my crap together when everyone else is on the floor.

Unfortunately, however, yesterday- 8 November 2008 my freakishly long puke-free streak came to a screeching halt.

Not once.

Not twice.

Maybe not even three or four times…

The streak has ended and my stomach is no longer made of iron.

It’s a sad, sad day in the B-Love house.

I feel as though this post ought to be full of hilarious vomit references embedded in each sentence, but I’m not feeling very creative. I think I flushed some of my pithiness down the toilet last night (amongst all sorts of other interesting things- way cooler and more colorful than pithiness).

So- here’s to day one on the long road to 2018.

Chances are history won’t repeat itself and I’ll find myself eating bad fish or chicken and hugging the toilet by 2010- but hey- a girl has to have goals right?

Let me be upfront today- I’m going to ramble.

I’m at the computer and watching the OU-A&M game because I’m an incredible multi-tasker.

“Ross” and Will are watching the game and reminiscing about old times. Did I spell reminiscing right?I don’t think so, but I just did my spell check and guess what? It says it’s right- or it’s so wrong that the spell check didn’t even register it. Who knows. Do you care? I don’t. I bet you don’t. So why are we still talking about the correct spelling of reminiscing?

So we’re inheriting another puppy for a few days.

YAY!!

(lie. a big fat huge lie)

I can’t wait to clean dog pee stained carpet!

Oh the joys of puppy-dom.

The truth is that I love this puppy. It’s so tiny and soft and cute.

The other nice thing is that they’ll return the favor whenever we go out of town, so that’s the best part of the deal.

So Thursday night I went to the gym and I’m pretty sure everyone there was secretly on standby to perform mouth to mouth upon my passing out.

Guys, I don’t know why, but when God created me I think it might have been at the end of a very long tiring day full of earthquakes and miraculous healings and revivals, because somehow I ended up with waaay too many sweat glands. I ran six miles and was sweating like a pig by mile one. Dripping sweat. Panting dog sweat. I pretty much felt embarrassed just existing at the gym. I’m pretty sure people were doing secret sign language codes about how they would take turns watching out for me just in-case I began to drop to the floor in a sweaty, slippery stupor.

Good times.

I love the gym.

(lie)

Why!? Why am I such a sweater?! I had to text my sister during my run just to prove to on-lookers I still had enough coordination to phrase coherent sentences- although, I think my sister may have been confused by the text that read the following:

“ So I finally got myself to the and amsoaked! Im sure everyone on standby to bring me tolife. so embarrassing!”

Lovely.

So today instead of doing the cardio I desperately needed to do, I only did weights because it was busy and I thought I shouldn’t fling sweat on poor innocent by-standers.

Oh-and you know what makes things even more horrifying? I’ve heard people at the gym give other people nicknames. Heck- even Rachel and I are guilty of it. We have nicknames for the weird guy that makes loud moans when he lifts (we call him The Grunter), there’s this weird guy that won’t stop inviting me to his church (we call him The Weird Guy- but I also secretly call him The Missionary) and the list goes on.

SO- I know that karma is biting me in the butt and that surely I am Sweaty Drippy Man Girl or Pool Boy or The Girl That Sweats A Lot.

Yeah. I’m pretty sure I’ve got a name.

Okay. I’m bummed now. Can we please stop talking about the gym and my sweatiness?

Thanks.

So remember how we bought a new chair to go with our new desk? Well the new desk had a crack in it so it has to be returned and will not be available for like another 2 months! What’s up with that!? I practically get felt up by the salesman and had to deal with all their crap and they can’t produce another desk in a timely manner? Sigh… So I’ll continue to live on the dining room table- along with all our bills and mail and everything else. Yum. There’s nothing like eating a home cooked meal right next to mail touched by half of America.

What else??…

I’m starting to really miss my family. This summer was such a whirlwind with the move and the trip and everything in between, but now that we’re a little more settled I’m starting to realize how much I miss our little circle that was my family. P is doing well in school and is very busy. I miss our daily dialogues. I talked to my parents today which was nice. They’re coming to the states to see my grandparents in a couple weeks and I’m seriously debating something incredibly stupid just to see them- leaving here around 4 Friday afternoon, driving all the way to Colorado, spending Saturday there with my family and then driving home Sunday. I feel ridiculous for even entertaining the thought, but I guess I realize it may be a while until I see them again so I feel like I ought to go see them. So- we’ll see.

There’s really not much going on. My weekends are full of football and my weekdays are full of work. We’re still looking for a church. I think we’re going to try the one we went to last week again, so we’ll see. I feel as though I’ve allowed my relationship with God to lapse a bit since the move, which I hate. Finding a place to consistently go will help that I’m sure. We’ve only visited three since we’ve back, but we’ve been to each a few times. I want to try another one or two so hopefully after we do that we’ll be able to make a final decision. Sorry for the long ramble, but as this is Saturday night it’s on my mind right now!

What else could I possibly share with you guys?

...

The “kids” are doing well. We had a grooming massacre last week with Boz and Lucy so that was sort of crappy. They look absolutely ridiculous.

Rocky and Teddy are doing well. I’m so, so, so happy we held on to Rocky. He’s turned out to be the best little pup. I love him so much. We’re going to get him fixed this month in hopes of keeping his aggression to a minimum. We’re also going to begin taking him to obedience classes. He’s so great with people so that’s the best part. I think part of the problem was that we kept him in a tiny kennel all day long so when we finally let him loose for an hour each day he’d have so much energy built up that he would play rough. Now that he’s outside full time he is so full of love and he loves meeting people which makes me so happy. I can’t believe we ever thought we’d get rid of him. So- that’s the Rocky update.

There’s not much more I could possibly bore you guys with. I hope you’re having a lovely weekend. I’m now going to go cheer on the Red Raiders to victory- we really, really need them to win.

If you actually read all of this- you’re a very good friend of mine. I’m sorry for the rambles. It’s Saturday and allowed, right?

More to come…
<3

I apologize in advance for all the caps…

I must premise this post with the fact that I have way overdone it with the Halloween candy- as well as eating out- a well as eating everything in freaking sight and absolutely no amount of treadmill running can undo this week’s fatness.

Do you know I ran 6 miles at the gym yesterday followed by walking 2 more on our way to the OU game because Will is a crazy slave driver and doesn’t believe in paying for parking and would rather make me suffer and SWEAT ALL OVER MYSELF and it didn’t even make a dent in my calorie bank?

Um- depressing!

Guys!!! What’s going on!!? I move back to America and everything goes downhill!

AS I’M FREAKING TYPING THIS POST I’M EATING A STUPID REECES CUP IN THE SHAPE OF A FREAKING PUMPKIN.

I’M DOING THIS THE VERY SECOND I’M TALKING ABOUT BEING FAT.

Oh my Lord, I’m officially sick in the head.

Seriously.

Who does that?

Who complains about being fat while eating a freaking Reeces!?

WHO!?

Crazy people!

That’s who!

Did I tell you guys I’m in a contest against Will right now too?

Yes- I’M IN A WEIGHT CONTEST AND ATE A JAR OF FUDGE TOPPING AND A BAG OF REECES THIS WEEK.

BY MYSELF

DURING A WEIGHT CONTEST.

Will you excuse me? I need to go run and cry in a corner.

***

Okay I’m back.

Anyway- this week’s weigh in is going to be incredibly depressing.

I’m off to the gym to run a few miles. Hopefully I’ll sweat off a Reeces or two…

Here’s to next week’s weigh in (let’s face it- this week’s was over before it started).

If I have to eat one more Big Mac, drink one more McCoffee, or order one more large fry I seriously might die-

of trans fat poisoning.

Or fatness.

Either way, it’s not looking good.

I’m not sure what I hate more this very second- the fact that it’s Monopoly Time at McDonalds or the fact that my husband loves the fact that it’s Monopoly Time at McDonalds.

Oh- and of course they don’t have the stickers on all their 3 healthy options- because apparently health-conscious people are not deserving at a shot of $1M.

We missed 3 years while we were in Kuwait, and before that we never played. For some reason, however, this year Will decided it would be fun for us to peel off the stickers at the same time and have this whole serious drum roll and parade and the whole 9 yards.

It was cute at first.

Now I’m just fat.

I secretly think that he’s using this as an excuse so he doesn’t have to eat my cooking.

I’m pretty sure he’d sell our first born for Boardwalk, so if you have it- call me. 

Hello my loves!

I feel as though I ought to start out this post with a big Boomer Sooner for our 3rd victory, but I won’t.

Ha- but I basically did, so I might as well just say it right? Okay, if you insist- BOOMER SOONER!

Alright, now that you’ve gaged for 2 minutes and are back, let’s get started, shall we?

I figure since it’s a weekend edition post I can “get away” with posting things that I may not normally post during a work week.

No- I’m not going to post some big juicy secret.

Sorry.

I figured with all the recent blogs I’ve been reading about all my lovely lady friends getting fit I would post my most recent workout playlist!

The workout playlist I’ve affectionately named “fatty,” I might add. Ha Ha

I’ve found that the best music to workout to is Trance. It’s probably my favorite type of music (largely in part to my awesome sister P- hello P! I miss you.), and is by far the best thing to listen to if you want to sweat all over yourself- and fling sweat on the weird treadmill hogging guy next to you.

So, this stuff probably isn’t most of your guys’ style, but I’m telling you- nothing regulates your breathing or pace like a good 20 minute trance song! Most of what I’m listening to right now isn’t hard, deep, fast type trance so you’re not going to die on the elliptical or anything. Nonetheless it’s still good stuff that keeps my breathing consistent for long periods of time (these songs seem to last forever).

Download the following, keep in pace with the rhythm (or do double time of the rhythm depending on the pace of the song), and expect results:

Find, (Andy Moor Remix) by Ridgewalkers Featuring El

Your Body is a Temple by Argonaut, In Search of Sunrise 3 cd

Crush, Paul Van Dyk

Fade, Solu Music Featuring Kimblee. <= download the 5 min 37 second version for a faster song, there’s a slower version I like better, but not conducive for a workout

Crash & Burn, (DJ Shah Magic Island Remix) by Nadia Ali

Crawling, (DJ Shah Remix) by Sunlounger Featuring Zara

Ecstasy- ATB

Woozy-Faithless

Big Sky, (Original Mix) by John O Callaghan Featuring Audrey Gallagher

In Ohm, by JES <= this is off the DJ Sam Opus cd so it might be hard to find but it’s a good song if you do

Hold on To Me- Armin Van Buuren Featuring Audrey Gallagher

Southern Sun, (Tiesto Mix) by Paul Oakenfold

Stop Me, by Mark Ronson Featuring Daniel Merriweather, not trance but I’m really loving this song right now

Hayling, by FC Kahuna <= this song is way too slow for a workout but I had to toss it in because I’m totally loving it right now. I discovered it-and many others- while on the cruise with P. She has the best music ever, by the way. If all else fails with that college thing, she could totally DJ

So there you have it. Too bad we can’t all go to the gym together now!

Have a great rest of the weekend. Trying a new Sunday School class tomorrow so I’m sort of nervous- sort of like being 5 and going to kindergarten for the first time. ha ha. I’m sure I’ll manage alright.

Note to self- bring the huge box of Crayolas and under no circumstance whatsoever eat paste.

<3