I will simply say today: be warned. The beginning isn’t bad… but it gets worse.

With that said I will start.

I flushed a wash cloth down the toliet.

Isn’t it amazing how many of my posts deal with crap? If I look through the archives I can think of at least 3 with toliets as a main topic- and that’s 3 too many!

My junior high best friend’s parents teased that I would have to start going to the bathroom outside after a plug up incident at their house. Oh if they only knew all the major feats I had yet to accomplish in my high school and college career… they would be so proud.

Anyway, I flushed a wash cloth.

I am officially an idiot. I just finished my work out and headed to the bathroom. Because I have the elliptical in the privacy of my own home I can do whatever the heck I want! If I want to exercise in MC Hammer pants and a lime green sports bra with a purple sweatband on my head I can freaking do it! Since I have hyperhydrosis (I say that but I don’t know for sure. I sweat like a man that’s all I know. To me that’s too much. Thank God for Certain Dri) I have to constantly towel myself so that my eyes don’t burn from all the salt infused sweat I rain. I keep my little cloth tucked in the back of my shorts- like in the waistband by the small of my back. Okay, enough of all the stupid details.

I finished working out (as I already said) and went straight to the bathroom. As I flushed I noticed my toilet paper looked a little fluffy. Then it hit me. I flushed my freaking wash cloth!!

And you know what!?!?!

IT WENT DOWN!!

Will has been freaking out about it. Apparently just because it went down doesn’t mean we’re in the clear- at all. There’s a good chance it will get lodged in there, and with my luck I will have eaten a load of mexican food and overdosed on Fibercon only to flush after birthing a moose and have my toliet violently puke all over the floor in protest to the whole wash cloth thing.

Ew.

Yep. That is sooo my luck.

Next week you’ll see a post about this. I pray not, but probably.

As I flushed, and as Will was freaking out as I yelled what I had done, I had flashbacks to my early grade school years. I had the flu and was really sick and shaky and had the runs so bad it was probably unnatural.

Anyway… PAUSE- am I REALLY talking about this to you guys!? Do you REALLY care!? Of course not! Why then am I sharing this horrifying information with a large group of pretty and sophisticated ladies!? AGH. I feel so embarassed. I’m debating whether I should delete this… I know I should… but I won’t. I’m in too deep to my story.

Okay, anyway, I was changing the toliet paper roll when all of a sudden I dropped the plastic holder thing the toliet paper rests on in the toliet! As a 7 year old I had no clue what to do- I just knew I wasn’t going to fish that thing out!

So, I call my dad.

That’s what dad’s do right?

Well because I was a young and dumb (ha, now I’m old and still dumb. so sad...) I thought it was best not to verbalize what I had just done and instead lift a cheek so that poor old dad could see my damage.

“Ew britt, flush,” he said so tenderly and sympathetically (ha!).

I had to say, I was shocked to hear him tell me to flush, but he was dad and he knew everything and if it was going to flush and he wasn’t concerned, then by golly, neither was I!!

I finished up and flushed and then mentioned that the roller went down just fine. he looked at me with shock and asked what I was talking about. Apparently he just thought I wanted to share my love with him by showing him the art I created on the toliet bowl. He falied to notice the freaking black toliet paper holder floating right in the middle!!

Dad- why in the world would you think I would just want to show you that! Yeah, I was 7, but please! I have a little more couth than that- even at 7!
The toliet was surprisingly fine that day but then the next day it turned into a huge mess. Water went everywhere and warped some of the wood in the next room. It was just a little lake in our house. All from a little 7 -year-old.

huh. 

We had to have a German plumber come and fix it. that’s all I remember.

anyway, that was my flashback. I could just see us having some huge leak and water splurting everywhere and having to call a plumber to come here on a holiday weekend (it’s a Kuwaiti holiday this weekend- sidenote, it is PANDEMONIUM here, but maybe I’ll talk about that later). We would be told Ensha Allah (not sure of the spelling, sorry!), which means “If it’s God’s will.” So- Ensha Allah I will be there tomorrow, but it could also be 2 months. It’s sort of a scary term because you never really know when things are going to get done.

So, now we play the toliet waiting game. Praying that little washcloth will join the ranks of all the other great “non flushable” items that have gone on before it.

“Swim little wash cloth! Swim!”

So there you go. Another stupid and embarrassing story I am sharing with you guys even though I shouldn’t. Oh well. I guess I’m brave… or just weird. One of the two!

When I told Will what I was going to title this post he gave me a disapproving look, but I just had to do it.

Lucky for me he doesn’t read, but I’ll apologize nonetheless.

Sorry Willy.

Have you ever had a phase or period in your life when everyday the alarm goes off, and you are in the early stages of alertness, you rub your sleepy eyes and think, “I wonder what thing will morph into an incredibly diabolic mess today?“

Maybe not, but I’m sure you’ve had a day or two when you’ve woke to feel that.

Welcome to the last few months of this crazy girl’s life.

Okay, I shouldn’t say everything is going straight to hell. God has truly blessed us, but if you’ve followed me for a while you know things haven’t gone as smoothly as one would like- such is life I guess.

Well, today I woke up thinking, “YAY! moving day!!“

I annoyingly said this exact phrase every half hour on the dot. I really drove Will crazy. I continued to prance around and express my jubulation all morning.

We got around and got our first trip of stuff ready to go. We got there and decided to check out the place before we lugged our life upstairs. As we got out of the car I did a dorky little jump, grabbed Will’s hand and said- and I quote:

“Yay Will! We’ve waited sooo long for this moment and it’s FINALLY here! We get to be married again and have our very own beautiful apartment! Yay for moving day!“

A dead woman’s last words.

We got to our apartment, opened the door and got the shock of our lives. Things get fuzzy from here. I think I seriously hit the floor, but I can’t be too sure. Will had to pry my eyelids open and bribe me with a Snickers bar so I would not stay in the hallway, unwilling to go a step farther.

I’m such a freakin’ sucker for chocolate. What’s wrong with me. It honestly would have been better for me to have stayed where I was.

PAUSE: Okay, before I give you the good stuff let me explain how this stuff works. When a person moves out they are supposed to get everything inventoried and have an inspection- both of which did not happen in this case.

Okay, back to the story.

At this point it was just kind of like, okay pick the room you want to throw up in because you will seriously be sick at the sight.

I picked the WRONG room.

I picked the kitchen.

There is something crucial about the kitchen. It is one of those rooms that HAS to be clean. I don’t care if you are the slobbiest person in the world and sit around in a moo moo slathering Betty Crocker frosting on graham crackers all day with your 52 cats and 13 birds- you MUST keep your kitchen clean. There are a million reasons why this is a required rule written into law, but that may have to be saved for another post.

So, I went into the kitchen first. The floor was sticky and disgusting. My shoes were stuck to the floor and made that terrible Riiiip sound as I tried to pick my feet up to walk. Yum. I wonder what deliciously dried puddle of crap I just stepped in. There were dishes still in the sink. Cups full of only our Lord knows what on the counter. Sticky crap latched onto the stove. Get THIS!! There was crap all on the CEILING!! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN!? How in the world can so much crap get stuck there? Is this Pippy Longstalkings where they hung out on the walls and made dinner from the ceilings or something!? “Hey sweetie! Throw some ketchup up here! Let’s see if I can squirt it into the pan!!“ The fridge, once white, was smeared with brown handprints and had a yellowish tinge. The kicker was that there was rotting food in the fridge as well as on the floor next to the fridge. Dinner at my place next week ladies!!

I wish you all could have been there with me because my descriptions DO NOT do it justice. It was like the Fiji fraternity had their national convention at our apartment.

I should have just walked out right there, but Will made me go farther in so we could make sure we could see what else was wrong before we called someone. Not a great idea sweetie.

There was nasty food glued to the furniture. I said refried beans, Will said pudding. You KNOW it’s bad when you can’t even decide WHAT is stuck to the furniture you will soon be plopping down on in just a few hours (YUCK! I can’t believe we are going to live there!).

There was food ground into the carpet, which was stained brown because of the filth. There was food attached to the coffee table. It was not going anywhere. It was stuck to that freakin’ table like Britney to Kevin. Her lovely shower cap and a slew of trash we left sprawled in one of the bathrooms. It was just horrifying. Think Amityville but kick it up a notch.

Things were flat out bad. I could give you all a room by room analysis, but I think you get the point and I honestly don’t have the time to do it justice.

We seriously got screwed. We called the housing lady, which I totally love, and she was very aplogetic. She said things would be taken care of within 3 days. I know she will do her best, but the problem is that I think she is going to make the lady clean the place herself, which never quite works out because when you are cleaning something that is not yours anymore you don’t do as good of a job as if it were yours. Am I making sense? What they REALLY need is a team of engineers to overhaul the entire place and steamclean every room from top to bottom. Another problem is that we were given this day to move, which was an inconvenience to those we work with, especially those who work with Will because they are in the process of moving to a new camp. This deplorable mess has inconvienced a lot more people than just us (not to mention my parents that got the call this afternoon and had to hear, “We’re baaaack.”)

I was very upset. I want to go on about the whole ordeal, but I should probably start to wrap things up.

I think what bothers me the most is that the place is beyond unacceptable. I don’t think I’d even let someone I didn’t like stay there. I am sick with the whole problem.

I think what makes me the maddest is the fact that we still have to live there. Yeah Yeah, I know they are going to clean it, but there are somethings I KNOW they will not clean properly, like the furniture (she’ll probably just do a “half-arse“ job to make it look decent), and this is the furniture we will be sitting on, the bed we will be sleeping in- it just disgusts me to think. I get mad thinking that I KNOW I will have to go behind this lady once we FINALLY do get to move in and clean the place the way it needs to be.

I was very disappointed. I’ve been very impressed with the way they have set up the rooms for newcomers I had seen before, so this was an utter shock. The housing lady is so great, so I know someone is going to get in trouble, but that doesn’t help us now.

Do I have some aura around me that yells, “Let’s see what makes the nice girl not nice!! Let’s make a game out of it!“

So this afternoon we are going to meet my mom at the apartment so she can see it, not that we need someone to validate the filthy conditions, just so she can get pissed off too I guess. She is bringing her digital camera, I’m sure we’ll capture some beautiful shots of our first apartment in Kuwait. heh.

Sorry for the vent session. I was so looking forward to this day, and now who knows when we will get to move. It has been quite a shocking day, and now with our schedules I’m not really sure when things will get fixed and when we will get to move in.

ARGHHHHH.

So, back to the current living status. Business as usual indefinitely.

I may post the pictures at the apartment later, but not really sure.

All I have to freaking say is that I better have cheered SOMEONE up out there today that was having a bad day by telling today’s crazy story.

<3

Yes girls, that’s right. Let me be alone a few days.

It’s moving day tomorrow.

Ahhhh....
Music to my ears.

We got the day off to move our stuff to our new place. I’m hoping it will only take a few trips in the car, and then we’ll be able to unpack and enjoy the weekend, as a married couple again.

It’s crazy to think that a third of our year was spent cohabitating with parental figures.

Yeah, THAT doesn’t make for awkward situations.

I do have to admit though, that it will be strange not having 50 million people around all the time. It will seem weird having just our clothes to wash and not 36 other white t-shirts that look just like Will’s. It will be weird having to make dinner when I get home after a long day from work. It will be weird not having to say, “I wish we could have the TV for a few minutes!” or “I really don’t want to eat that, do you think she’ll be mad if we get fast food and bring it back?”

There will be a lot of things that will seem weird this weekend as we are able to wholly enjoy eachother for the first time in half a year.... but I’m sure I’ll manage.

As for other things going on in my working life? nothing seems to be working in this working life, but I’m sure it will start to piece together in good time. I actually met a little friend today, so that made me happy. No more getting Subway alone and eating in the office.

Yes, I am a dork.

Remind me to tell you a story that happened to me yesterday. It was one of those moments when I wish one of you was there to give me a play-by-play on all the action. Maybe I’ll post that one tomorrow.

Until then, I will be enjoying the fact that I can walk around in my bra if I want to, be on the toliet only to realize I have no toliet paper and be able to yell down the hall, “Hey! I’m on the crapper and don’t have any TP!!!!!!!” I’ll be able to sit and watch hours of mindnumbing BBC food with absolutely no guilt for hogging the TV from everyone else. i will enjoy having the little time I have with Will all to myself (finally) again.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Have a great day all.

Timing is everything.

I’ve heard this addage so many millions of times, but it really is true. I’m sure at one time or another we can say we are living proof of how timing is everything. From the moment we realized we wanted to spend forever with our husbands, to deciding it’s the perfect time to add another addition… for most people kids… for me a dog (at least now. Maybe in 27 years I will change my mind).

On a serious note I feel like I am having a never ending “timing is everything” moment in my life here in Kuwait. I know I have to wait on the Lord- His timing and not mine- because timing really is everything. I’ve messed up so many things by doing things at the wrong time.

My life is a big ball of wrong timing moments! Not ones that are bad really- just make for funny stories (though not so funny at the time) and embarrassing moments. Anyway, today the whole concept of timing is everything and playing the “what if” game gave my sister and I good laugh.

About 81% of our day is complaining about how fat we are. Okay- we are not fat, but this is the subject of the whole day for us. I think the reason we let the whole fat issue consume us is due to the fact that we are so lethargic. We are cooped up, sitting in the apartment all day and it is hard to feel like you’ve accomplished a lot of great things, even when we do go to the gym.

Anyway, that is the basis of today’s timing is everything story.

We talk about “fat” constantly (it probably doesn’t help that we make poor eating choices), it’s really annoying I’m sure. The new thing I’ve brought to the table is the idea that exercising in absolutely nothing but a sports bra would make you work harder to target those not so attractive areas- for me that means my butt, hips, and love handles. If only that could be possible. We joke a lot about how funny that would be… okay talk about intimate self disclosure with you guys… you thought I was crazy before, now you probably think I’m insane!!!!

Well, it gets better. You might just want to go back to the main page and read tomorrow’s post if you are thinking I’m crazy at this point because it only gets worse!

Today we were in nothing but little t-shirts looking at ourselves up close in the mirror and talking about all the things we need to work on at the gym. This was about a 15 minute conversation.

“Do you think I have a pear shaped body?”

“Look at how huge my hips are compared to yours!”

“Stand in front to me and see how far my hips protrude.”

Yes, I know. I am a dork. My 15 year old sister is going to be thinner than me. Deal with it Brittny.

Anyway, we decided to put our panties on to get ready to go to the gym (being that we had just had pizza for lunch… and I wonder why I feel chubby all the time...) and all of a sudden the doorbell rings! We freaked out.

We absolutely will not answer the door here when we are by ourselves because there should be no reason someone would be at our door and if there is, it is most likely a man. I was near the door, so I looked out our peephole and not only was it a man.. but there were 4 of them! I freaked out. I signaled to my sister to be quiet, put shorts on, and go to the kitchen, which is the farthest room of the house. We go there and close the door and all of a sudden the door opens!!!! These 4 men were in our apartment!!! I was hypervenhilating. I had shorts in the dryer (thank the Lord!) and threw them on and got myself together.

I knew I should have taken that stupid self defense class.

Do I get a knife?

Do I call Will?

My sister had my dad on the phone. The housing crew was supposed to come tomorrow and fix our AC, but NOT today! He thought that was who it might be.

MIGHT BE!? Great- so it COULD be normal working people doing their job, but it also MIGHT BE some crazy group of extremists!

I go out there a little flustered and the housing guy, the only American, shakes my hand and apologizes for the mix-up. The complex wrote the wrong day on the paper that was given to us, today was the day they were going to come… yeah, evidently!! I let them do their thing and my sister and I just stayed in the back room talking about, “what if he would have opened the door 5 minutes earlier!” He had the key- he could have just waltzed in! What a surprise that would have been. I can’t even BEGIN to think about the way I would have introduced myself to this guy that works at the same company as I will be working.

Yeah. That would have been realllll hot.

You think I would have learned the first time. This actually has happened to me before! Yes, this could only happen to me twice. You’ll have to look in March’s archives for that whole barge in on Brittny time number one. I guess old habits die hard.

Timing is everything.

Thank goodness today we were running early.

** ** **

A more tame subject you want? Okay. That’s fair.

My sweet Will won’t be home for a while tonight. His hair is super long and needs a cut. Every now and then I would go with him to his stylist back home, but women are stricly forbidden from a male’s “saloon” (isn’t that a funny name? I guess since alcohol is outlawed, that is the closest thing to a “bar” they have to get away and complain about stuff without women being around). Anyway, last time he went the guy attacked his face. Will was freaking out- it turned out to be a facial, but at first Will said he thought they guy was trying to break his nose. What a goof. I guess he must have liked it because he’s getting one again- and he used to say that was girl stuff. How funny.

I think I should just walk away from the computer now. I’ve done some real soul baring today .

Just posting for the sake of posting today.

Its amazing. I wrote all of this stuff about going crazy living with my parents, and today they hand me a “paycheck” for cooking and laundry and stuff. I felt a little bad saying how much I hate it here after they told me how much they appreciated me helping out right now. I guess to them that is my “job“ right now. Great.

I’m not upset with them, I’m just upset with the situation.

Today I told my mom how I was feeling about my job situation ( my REAL job situation, not this current job position which was created by my parents without me knowing). It was really hard for me to talk to her about it for some reason. Will got me started, and then I went from there. I didn’t tell her every single thought I had, but I told her the most important things. I haven’t written much about all the details that are going on with this whole ordeal because it would be too confusing and take too long, but I feel like I’m in the middle of a job mess… and I don’t even HAVE a job yet.

After we talked I actually told her about my Real World revelation, and my sister totally laughed and agreed. “Do we get to vote anyone off in this one?“ It’s the Real World, not Survivor P. Then we had a 5 minute conversation about how we actually spent money on the Survivor board game (how embarrassing!) only for Pto be voted off and throw a huge fit the first time we played. We only played it once more after that… I wonder why.

Anyway, so that is where I stand on this whole job thing… in the middle of a crossroad that seems to have road blocks at all of the paths, but it felt good to say what I thought.

* * *

Today we are going to go to an IMAX movie, so I’m excited about that. They have this interesting one called the Fires of Kuwait that I wanted to see, but its not showing today. Its about the gulf war. I think we are seeing one with extreme sports or something. I’m not positive, but it should be fun.

I guess that is about all for now. Hope you all have a good Friday

Theres something about that “first house” when you just get married. For most of us, theres nothing really overly special or extravagant about it on the outside, but there is something so unique about coming home that night from your honeymoon to the first house you two will live in together.

I remember coming home from our honeymoon late at night, thinking of all of the unpacking I would have to do the next day, but when we walked in, our parents had surprised us and set up a lot of our house already. That was really special, and a big relief since I had school that Monday.

I never realized how much I really loved our little condo until the night we were about to move.

Will and I were sleeping on the floor because or mattress was already in storage and the air compressor his mom gave us for the inflatable one didn’t have a nozzle to air it up. We were exhausted from our very long day of packing, trashing, or storing our belongings. I am almost positive Will was just about to head off to sleep when I started to tear up, realizing this was the last time we would ever sleep in this house. I started crying thinking about all of the great times we had had there. So, I inturrupted Will from his sleep so he could listen to me cry and be all sentimental about our little house (lucky him).

I thought about our pre-health insurance meals- when we were able to eat really well because we hadn’t gotten my out of this world expensive health insurance yet (where all of our grocery money seemed to go).

I thought about lazy evenings in our living room, when I would sit in Will’s lap on the recliner and we would talk about our days and watch TV.

I thought about our air conditioner breaking down and how we had to use the last of our wedding gift money to pay for it.

I remember how that summer we got the “sacred” letter in the mail telling us we got OU season tickets. Will was so happy that day.

I remember my first Easter there with my sweet basket surprise, and my first Christmas there with my Christmas tree surprise. 

I remembered last summer and how Will decided to start landscaping our yard (his dad is a landscape contractor, so its in his blood- or so I thought). He and his friend Billy made this gorgeous rock bed on the right side of our condo. Will had “good intentions” of rocking the other side that next month, but It somehow didn’t get done until I don’t even remember- sometime that late fall maybe. So then we had this beautiful rock bed full of nothing but weeds. About a month and a half ago, Will decided to finally finish the beds. He and his dad put cedar wood chips in it and filled it with pretty green plants. I loved coming home to it. The sad thing was that it wasn’t even 100% done until literally the week we were moving, so I never even was able to fully enjoy the entire front of our little condo.

Anyway, I cried about a lot of things. I mean, it was the first house we had ever lived in. We filled it with a lot of memories. <3

Well, today we found out our little house will be getting new owners on July 6. I am happy that we no longer have the financial burden of paying for a house we aren’t living in, but (this is probably crazy) I am a little sad because someone else will be living there now. I mean, I always knew we weren’t going to live there very long, and its not like we were the first people to live there… I guess its because it was the first house we had together as a team- our own place where we could have our own rules and could do what we wanted (a luxury I am desperatley missing since we have been living with my parents).

Anyway, that is what is on my mind this afternoon. I am sooo glad that “Friday” has arrived. I’m not sure what we have planned for the weekend, but I know it will be nice to finally get some time with Will. For everyone else, have a good hump day.

Welcome to our Fairy Tale Blog Episode of Rapunzel!

Today the role of Rapunzel, the fair-haired maiden trapped on the 10th floor of a Kuwaiti apartment complex, will be played by Mrs. Brittny. The story line will take place here until Saturday, when the maiden moves to her new apartment which lacks the internet and all other communication with the outside world!

Director’s comments: “Okay Brittny, the look you are going for is bored out of your mind, restless, cabin feverish… kind of like Jack Torrence in The Shining.“

Now, lets set the scene. Rapunzel will remain confined to the apartment until: her knight and shining armor arrives to rescue her. The knight will be played by the valiant Will… or Orlando Bloom (whichever is available for casting) The only other way the maiden may be rescued is if she receives word that she the employment she seeks is gained.

Now, the typical movie lasts about an hour and a half these days… so why don’t we really give the public a show and make it last… I don’t know… 3 weeks!? That’s a great idea! Let’s see just how miserable you can get when you are unable to go anywhere at all for 3 weeks (minus weekends). This is going to be great!

**********************************

Welcome to my current existence. Things have been pretty boring here. I have been unable to go anywhere and have literally been confined to the apartment the last 3 days. It’s likely that it could be like this for at least 3 more weeks. If I were to get hired tomorrow, it would take at least 2 1/2 weeks to get the paperwork in, so it’s been hard to stay positive. The worst will be Thursday when we move to our own place because I won’t have the internet or TV. Okay, I lied we have TV, if you want to call it that, but we have no network provider. Our TV consists of almost 250 channels of nothingness… I seriously felt stupider after flipping through them all. Plus, the majority of them are arabic news networks which I can’t understand anyway… so I’m trying to take one day at a time and at least enjoy the few days I have with the internet before we move. I thought my confinement days were over after my surgery this spring… boy was I wrong!

I guess I better go! Thanks for listening! Have a good day.