Because I'm Terrible at Scrapbooks
The House

Losing Lucy

I’m pretty sure I’d make a crappy parent.

It could be the fact that I’ve caught myself on a daily basis occasionally calling the dogs names such as “freaking idiots”

“Pieces of crap”

“Accidents”

It could also be the fact that they haven’t had a bath in -oh- about 2 months,

Or even the fact that there are many times sometimes in which I notice Boz has marked our trashcan and I just pretend I don’t see it so Will can clean it up.

Oh shut up- I know what you’re thinking and the fact of the matter is that Will does that to me ALL the time so I’m totally due for an occasional ignored trashcan pee- but that’s a different post for a different day.

Anyway- back to the matter at hand- confirmations that I would be an awful parent:

I lost Lucy.

Yes- Lucy. My dog. Gone. Wandering the streets… or perhaps eaten by a vicious Doberman.

Okay, not really- she’s alive, but I did lose her and that’s the truth.

Friday was moving day. As I mentioned in my last post we got to move right next door.

Side note: How amazing is that, right!?! Moving is a pain, but it’s hard to complain much when you’re simply taking things from one side of the hall to the other!

Well, the doors were wide open so we could feely pass with stuff in tow without having to constantly open a door. The dogs loved this open door thing. They ran back and forth between the two apartments and really had fun with all the space.

Well, around noon I went downstairs to pick up our lunch. I got back upstairs and proceeded to get everything ready for me, Will, and my family to eat. As we’re preparing to sit down Will asks, “Where’s Lucy?”

We call her several times but get no response. We go over to the old apartment and try the same thing- all to no avail. We quickly realize that Lucy is not in either apartment and is officially a missing person- or whatever.

Guys- I’ve never seen Will act so maniacal. It really freaked me out. I mean, sure I knew he loved Lucy, but my gosh that guy is crazy about her! He was like a bloodhound after a steak. Up and down the elevator. Outside, asking around. Shaking and yelling at people. Crazy, I tell you! Crazy! (okay, so the last part was a lie- but wouldn’t that have been funny?)

I had a feeling I knew where she went, so I hopped on the elevator and went up a few floors. Sure enough- our Lucy was there, wandering around the lobby area! She looked at me and cocked her head as if to say, “ Who’s the freaking idiot now!?” and I didn’t argue. I scooped her up and showered her with kisses. I was pretty scared for a minute there too! Lucy is so curious and when you couple that with her friendliness it’s just a recipe for disaster. Apparently she hopped on the elevator when I got off with lunch and took a ride.

As you can imagine, Will was very relieved to have his Lucy back in one piece, and I think Boz might have even been happy too (though I’m sure he’d never admit it).

It was quiet an exciting move day, that’s for sure.Oh, and don’t worry- I’ve moved the hour hand on my biological clock back a few hours because of this incident. I’m not prepared to lose a toddler just yet. 

She Must be a Cat Person

The other day I met the person that lives one floor below me.

As I stood in front of the elevator waiting for it to (finally) arrive, she entered the ground floor. I gave her a friendly hello and pressed the hold button so she could get on with me.

She looked me up and down, gave me this awful scoff and went and waited for the other elevator- which was at the top of the building.

Um- Tacky!

Extremely irritated by what just happened, I got into my super-spy Jack Bauer mode to see where she lived.

Sure enough, it was directly below me.

I laughed at the whole event and decided just to let it go.

Well, sort of…

I gave Boz and Lucy a tiny bite of birthday cake and then let them run around the house barking for about an hour straight all hyped up on sugar.

And then I clunked around the whole apartment in heels for a while.

Seriously- who wouldn’t want to live next to us?

the good, the bad, and the ugly (you’ve been warned)

The Good

P and I are going out tomorrow night. We’re going to have sushi- something I’ve never tried and have had no desire to try. I’m taking one for the team tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t spend the evening hurled over the toilet with projectile vomiting. I’m looking forward to this time with P. There won’t be many more opportunities like this and I really need to make the most of them while she’s 20 minutes away instead of 8,000 miles away.

The Bad

I have to work the weekend- again. I’m truly getting disgusted with work. It makes me feel sick to my stomach and I spend most of the day totally pissed off at the world. I hate that. That’s not who I am. Today has been a bad day. Long story short: I have to come in tomorrow to wait God knows how long on someone else to complete their part of a project when I already did mine. Then I have to assemble the thing and submit it. What a stupid waste of time. Can I tell you how tired I am of feeling this way? It’s not so much having to work all these hours (okay- a lot of it is), but it’s also so much more I just don’t feel right sharing on my blog. There’s so much stupid crap going on and I hate it all. I wish I could just call you guys up and tell you the whole story, but since I can’t I have to focus on the only bad part I feel I can share- the stupid piece of crap hours.

The Ugly

Here’s the kicker (this day gets better and better)- Will called and told me we have to move!

I seriously about lost it right there on the phone.

I’m already feeling fragile today, and this news just about pushed me over the edge. To make matters worse, I was totally ugly to Will because of my already bad mood and I was snippy with him on the phone. I hate that! Why was I such a grump to my poor Will today? There was no need for that. I totally let my frustration with today carry over into our conversation and I feel lousy for it.

Anyway- Will got a call from the housing manager today saying they’re refurbishing our apartment complex (good!), but that they aren’t going to allow dogs anymore (bad… very bad and ugly and terrible and no good- just awful). So- they’re booting all of us dog lovers out.

I’m totally bummed. I really love our apartment. I love it so much. Granted, it’s not home, but it’s our little refuge from the chaos of life here. It’s our secret hideout and they’re taking it away. This is the place we’ve lived the longest since we’ve been married. It’s going to be sad to move and go somewhere else.

Not to mention we’ve acquired a TON of crap during our three years here. Moving is going to be

SO

MUCH

FUN

YAY!

Moving is going to be a major pain in the butt. Especially into an apartment complex where everything has to be transported via a tiny elevator in a thousand trips. The sheer thought really stresses me. We’re going to talk about it this weekend and see what we think the best move is to make. We will have about a month, but I told Will we might as well see what’s available now and maybe move in the next few weeks.

What a serious bummer.

Another major downer is that I live close to my gym, and it’s incredibly convenient. I already paid through September because it’s cheaper to pay for a year than to pay by the month. For all of you that live in congested cities you know what a pain it is to get out at night and fight traffic to go anywhere. When we get home, we stay home. I’m definitely going to be losing money on my gym membership, even if I’m able to make it once or twice a week. FRUSTRATION guys! Frustration.

I’ll probably look back tomorrow and see what a drama queen I’m being about everything and be annoyed with myself. Today, however, I’m giving myself a free pass to whine and vent. So, please feel free to roll your eye over my crises. If I were you, I would too. I sound like Chicken Little today don’t I? “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” I realize these issues are so minor in the grand scheme of life, but I truly felt the need just to let everything out- and this is my choice venue.

I’m so ready to skip over tomorrow (minus dinner with P-dub). Heck- I’m ready to skip over the moving part and just be moved in. Okay, I’m getting all Adam Sandler and Click on you guys. I don’t really mean that. I just feel as though I am not myself at this place (work). I’m some quiet person with a terrible attitude. Granted, I rarely show that side, but it’s how I feel on the inside which is just as bad. Yesterday I prayed that God would simply just do what is best for me- whatever that is. That may not mean it’s what I think is best. I just have to continue to pray that God would do what’s best for me and take care of everything.

I just feel emotional (and fat) today- as you probably gathered. The house thing, the whole gym issue, work… I just want to go home and have a weekend to hide away and I won’t even get that. I feel totally blah today, which I believe is allowed from time to time, right? It’s got to be in some woman book of laws somewhere. I’m certain.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I know how much people LOVE reading about other people’s problems when they’ve got their own to deal with (ha).

<3

Party Pooper

There’s something so strange about living in an apartment.

My apartment is no exception.

For some reason, sound bounces off our walls like you wouldn’t believe. I can often hear my neighbors- and cringe to wonder what all they know about me and Will.

The other day I was tinkling (yeah yeah, too much info I know- I figure “tinkling” is cuter than peeing. Can the word tinkling be constituted as cute? Eh- probably not. Oh well, we’ll go with it.) and could hear my neighbor plain as day playing his guitar and singing an Elvis song.

It was loud. It’s almost as if he was in my shower holding a small concert and we were sharing some super awkward and uncomfortable moment (okay Tuesday confession- I actually checked my shower. Yeah, yeah, I knew the guy wasn’t there, but it was one of those stupid things you do “just incase.”).

Yes, I had a live concert.

In my bathroom.

Performed by “The King” himself.

It was like a little party- only no huge mob dancing around, and no bras hitting the stage.

I felt a little bad when I had to flush.

I hope he doesn’t think that’s an indication of his performance.

I’m really ready to own a house.

Lucy and Boz: The Great Floor Saboteurs

I swear, my dogs’ mission in life is to turn our house upside down on the exact day our cleaning lady comes. I’m hesitant to say that dogs are geniuses, but guys-my dogs are.

Geniuses.

Yep. I’m not lying. Okay maybe a little. Boz is, quite honestly, mentally challenged (seriously- I’m not kidding. The guy’s play mechanism is kaput. We’ll throw a ball his way and he just stands there, cocks his head and looks at me as if I’m a complete moron- as if to say, “Why in the crap are you throwing stuff at me, you idiot?” We try to play with stuffed animals and he runs away as if a rabid hyena is the hand behind the stuffed animal and is surely reeling him in to EAT LITTLE BOZZY’S TAIL- OH MY! See what I’m saying?) Poor Boz, he’s broken but we love him anyway. Boz is kind of like Spongebob’s sidekick Patrick, or any other not-so-smart sidekick in history. Lucy is the brains of the operation, and he’s the one that follows behind and does whatever she says.

However, when it comes to tearing up the house- he’s a genius. Just like Lucy-Goosey.

It’s as if they conspire all day long, and each hour passes that I’m not home is another hour they stew and scheme and make fun of what I wore that day.

“Ahahaha, Boz, can you believe she went out of the house donning ( yes, Lucy even says fancy words like donning) those dangle-y earrings with that shirt? Uh- it’s a bit much if you ask me. I feel sorry for those pants too! I think she exaggerated a bit with the weight she gained on vacation WHILE WE WERE STUCK IN Q-8 YOU SORRY PIECE OF CRAP EXCUSE FOR A MOTHER!”

Boz is all, “Duuuhh yeah!” and then erupts into that terrible Patrick-like laugh.

After they make fun of my attire, they continue to pace and growl and be the vicious dogs maltese are known to be:

image

“How could she leave us locked up in this spare bathroom all day, Boz?”

“Duuh- we’re in a bathroom?”

“She must pay! She must suffer! Boz we have to revolt! Revolt I say! Do you have the number to the NAACP?”

“?”

“Do I have to do everything myself!? Geez!”

“Crap, Boz. I’m too small to reach the phonebook. We’ve gotta do something- we just gotta! This is a human rights violation, Boz, and I won’t stand for it!”

“Guuh- I thought we were dogs.”

“Oh nevermind! Think Boz, Think.”

“…”

“Okay- I guess this is on me,” Lucy says.

“I know! We’ll drive her crazy with our stinkiness!”

“Duuh. I like being stinky. Stinky is fun!”

“Yeah- stinky IS fun, Boz!

We’ll make her go crazy by peeing and pooping on the

Same

Exact

‘Random’

Spot

Every.

Single.

Day.

Brilliant!”

“Duuuh. That’s smart, Lucy. I like poop. Poop is fun. Especially to eat. Yum.”

I’m positive this is how their conversation goes. They’re slowly killing me, guys. They’re wearing me down one piece of crap at a time.

For some really strange reason they have decided that the open space in our dining room is where their new bathroom will be. Multiple times each day I find an array of feces and urine,

And it’s driving me crazy.

I can’t catch them in the act to scold them, but when I do… it could be bad guys.

I was seriously at my wit’s end the other day. I get so excited when my cleaning fairy comes to my house. It’s the highlight of my work week. However, because Boz and Lucy are conspiring against me, they know this and want to make sure my happiness disappears like a 50% off pair of black Limited trousers.

Lately it seems as soon as I get home and let them out of their room, the revolt begins. Guys- they are so naughty. I’m pretty sure I cuss 32 times and vow never to have children each day this revolt occurs.

To make matters worse, they are so cute on the nights they totally piss me off. It’s like they try to counter the attack with their cuteness. It’s painful guys.

(That’s all apart of their plan, you know.)

I would clean up one mess, and then another would follow, and then another, and another until I really started to wonder what in the world they were eating to produce so much crap! I was so grouchy and poor Will had to deal with my constant, “No! No! That’s naughty!” yells on top of a bad headache.

My house was perfect- it was the “fake house” that no one ever has in real life. However, it was quickly destroyed by Boz and Lucy’s evil plan. Why!? Why must they hate me so much? They know I love cleaning day.

So, I finally calmed down and their bodily fluids finally dried up, and all was well in the WB house once again. They continue to combat me with their crap, but this time I’m better prepared and ready to take them on.

I just wish I could be a fly on the wall. I have this really funny feeling that Lucy has sketches drawn out all over their room marking “X” where Boz needs to pee, and as soon as they hear the key hit the door they quickly transform the room back into its normal state- rotating walls, tearing down maps, and erasing tasteless caricatures of me that were drawn on the floor.

Sneaky geniuses, I tell you.

I’m watching you pups- be careful. Very careful.

(I want to let you guys know I’m just kidding about Boz- sort of. He’s not the brightest bulb in the box, but he sure is the sweetest. I’ve never seen a more loving dog. He wants nothing more than to be held and loved. He’s such a sweet boy and is a great lap dog. Don’t think I don’t love him, you crazies, I certainly do.)

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About

brittny I'm B-Love. Lover of God, my husband Will, my doggies, OU football, weight training, plyometrics healthy eating (mostly!), peanut butter, and all things health related. Buckle up and get ready for my constant embarrassing moments, health and fitness tips,and my effort to rely on Christ while living life in the real world. Follow me on Feedly! Sign up for monthly emails at blove@theblovelife.com!


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