Seriously.

They really do let anyone become parents these days.

I think there needs to be some sort of Parental Application we should all have to get before having kids. God would draw it up (because seriously, I think we would all piss our pants if we broke a Contract with God- right?) and we would sign it and then he would be like, “Thou shall spawn,” and Bam! You’re harvesting children in the womb and yelling at your husband to get more Cooler Ranch Doritos to go with your peanut butter.

I’ve seen kids younger than my sister walking around about to pop- oh, and sporting their “cute” little gray sweatpants that say, “Sexaay” across the butt, and I think, “Hmm, does that poor child have a chance?” When I say child I mean both the baby and…well..the other baby (the one wearing the sweat pants).

They really do let anyone become parents these days.

Well, “they” are at it again- this time with someone you know.

Y

ep- someone you freaking know:

Us.

Don’t get your panties in a wad- I’m not Pregnant (ha ha, I bet I scared you though!).

However, I thought I’d ease you all into the idea of the weirdest person ever having kids and just stick with a dog for now- which, if you see things from my perspective is sort of like a trial run for the real thing- ie:

stick the kid in their little locked crate all day,

go to work,

come home,

feed it and play with it,

stick it back in the crate and go to bed- right?

What’s wrong with keeping a kid in a crate!? You people! Be open to unconventional methods! Gah.

Thankfully there is no Parental Application drawn up by God just yet- we were able to sneak by. I seriously feel like Will and I are about to become real life parents (everyone that really IS a parent simply laughs and says, “Pft. You’re an idiot and you really have no clue. At all.”)- hence the whole first paragraph about how they let anyone become parents these days.

So, as I said- we’re getting a dog. We’ve found a breeder and made contact, etc., but I I feel like we’re adopting a freaking real life kid from Sri Lanka or something!

Because we’re doing this all from Kuwait, it’s been a weird process. The breeder asks me what we’re looking for in a “child.” She asks for certain traits we like and don’t.

Do we like a smaller “child?”

One with a pretty face?

Playful?

Meek?

One that cranks out Show Tunes at the drop of a hat?

Jess- I hope your baby adoption process isn’t as painstaking as this dog process! (totally joking, I know your process is very detailed- and for good reasons!!!) She’s sending pictures in the coming week so we can take a look at our “little boy” options and make a decision as to which little doggie we want to make our own.

Seriously- just slap a moo moo on me, add 95 pounds and hair curlers, and the whole Mom thing will be complete (though I promise you all in real life I will never do any of those things as a mom).

Okay, okay. The truth is- I’m very excited that we’re getting a little pup. Here about 50% of you guys are either pregnant or are trying to be and I’m just now warmed up to the idea of “another little edition” to our family in the form of a dog. Ha ha, I seem to be behind the curve in that area, but that’s totally fine because there really is no curve on when you’re ready for parenthood- obviously- we just covered the 14 year old in Sexaay sweatpants.

I found a breeder in Oklahoma, and Will and I put a deposit down on a tiny little furry friend. We have no idea what we’re getting (boy/girl, playful/meek, singer/dancer...)- although we filled out the “Adoption Form” to the best of our ability. The lady has been great, and I can’t wait to get pictures of the pups they have. I’ll be sure to post them whenever I get them.

See! I’m already becoming parental! I devoted an entire freaking post to a dog- and now I’m all talking how cute he’ll be he and how I’ll post pictures so you can all see him and post obligatory “Aww what a cute dog” comments and such. Guys- please don’t let me become one of those obsessed dog people. You know the ones I’m talking about.

So- that’s my news. We own 1/3 of a dog right now- hopefully the cute face part.

Go ahead, contact the Humane Society and warn them about me. You know you want to.

***

I also wanted to extend a big shout out to my Okie friend Jacqueline that randomly found my blog the other day. What a small world! It was good to hear from you. When I got your feedback I was thinking about all our good memories growing up: children’s camp, Falls Creek, “dude and cool,” our mutual love for SS (how crazy that he’s married now!), and me trying to pay for a $16 pizza with a $4 coupon and 12 bucks. How funny. We had some good times and it was good to hear from you! Hope you’re doing well. Love, Dude.

PS- Do you have a blog??

After reading Jenny’s blog and her kind thoughts on blog friendships, I thought girl talk was the best topic for today’s post.

Friday night Will and I watched a Primetime Live called Cruel Intentions. It was about how vicious girls can be, and how they rip others to shreds and do some very shocking things! While I think we’ve all had our fair share of girl issues throughout our lives, I have to say- I think things have gotten even worse! I kept telling Will, “I’m so glad I’m not in high school anymore!”

The truth is, ladies- we are quite a group, aren’t we!? I’ll be honest and say I’m terrified of us! I really am! I’ve never had wonderful luck with girl friends. I’ve always had lots of friends that were girls, but only a small handful that I would ever really call dear and cherished friends. Like I said, we’re a scary bunch!

So many women I know enjoy criticizing other women. In fact, I believe a lot of times we get ready each morning for other women just so they can’t say something negative behind our backs! I think we could all agree the topic of we women and “our” (not really saying you or me, but more of a collective our) cattiness is one that we could write pages on, but that is not the topic of today’s post!

The topic of today’s post is how great this place is!

There are so many women on here that we probably don’t have tons in common with, but on a daily basis we’re reading, and encouraging, and interacting, and learning about each other. I think that’s so great. To be truthful, I’ve often wondered if blogs weren’t around and we were given a real life situation if we’d all interact the way we do. The truth is- I don’t know! I’m glad we don’t have to find out! This little women’s community has given me faith that large groups of women can totally get along and be a sounding board and not a big gossipy herd of hungry wolves. Don’t you just love this place!? I really do. You all have seen me through the best and worst and encouraged me just the same.

I look forward to the day when Will and I settle somewhere and I can find the same sort of friendship community in real life that I have here. Okay- I realize that sentence totally makes me sound like a hermit friendless girl that sits on the computer playing Star Trek with her Trekkie friends all day, but I promise that’s not the case! Hopefully you guys sort of get what I’m saying. I’ve lost touch with so many of my “real friends” during this transition, and having another place to fall back on has made my landing a lot softer than if I had nothing at all. Sigh… I’m really sounding like a loser! I hope you guys get my point though. Jenny conveyed it in a better way than I did here, but guys- I tried!

thanks for allowing me to get to know you through your daily postings. It’s been a lot of fun and I’ve learned a lot about myself in the middle!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words:


I’m inclined to agree, however, I couldn’t help but have to include a few other thoughts.

Yes guys- Barf dishsoap. What gets things cleaner than barf, afterall?

What can you count on to disolve that pesky baked on lasagna? Barf!

What gets you cleaner than clean- and leaves your hands silky smooth? Barf!

What has the variety of fresh apple or sweet lemon scents? Barf!

Okay, I could go on, but I think you guys get the point. A coworker took this picture at one of the local co-op grocery stores here. I died laughing and I thought you guys might appreciate this too. I’m going to have to randomly send this home to someone and give them a good laugh. That’s just funny stuff…

Forget the Palmolive- it’s Barf all the way

We got a new guy in the office today.

It’s such a funny thing- new people.

I feel so sorry for the guy. It’s like everyone in the office has become a 5 year old male St. Bernard and they’re out to hump his leg as long as it takes to get some attention.

Seriously, this guy’s poor leg. It’s getting more action than Paris Hilton. Don’t you think a St. Bernard would make you fall over? They’re huge, right? Well, apparently this guy is The Hulk because he’s patting their heads and is like (in his best “dog voice”):

“You’re such a good boy! Yes you are! Yes you are! You love your new boss, don’t you? Don’t you? Now, get down! Get down!” And they (well notsomuch they, it’s more one head St. Bernard I’m talking about) get down for like 5 seconds and then are back on him like Aqua Net on a Texas Woman (sorry Sarah, I know you don’t have big Texas hair). Did I say I feel bad for the guy? I do.

What is it with new people that make us act like raging lunatics!?

I mean, we attack them with “This is THE way- the ONLY way things are done. We’ve done things this way forever and you need to learn it and never ever think outside the box.”

We bombard them with our rules, “social systems”, what to do , what not to do, and we end up making their heads spin because we’re talking (literally!) 1,00 words a minute and wonder why at the end of the day the guy is rubbing his temples.

Seriously- we start talking like the micro machine guy (do you remember him? From those 80s commercials?) and dislocate his poor shoulder from dragging him here and there with so much zest and enthusiasm (as well as making sure to point out all the negative aspects of the system- zestfully and enthusiastically, of course).

Rule number one- be warm, be friendly, be available to answer questions, but don’t maul the guy! Gah. Seriously! I guess this is the PR degree in me coming out. I’ve just sat back and watched all day. One thing that has already bugged me is how (subconsciously) he has begun to reciprocate the things he’s learned. Long story, but the short of it is that it’s pertinent. “We’ve” fed this poor guy with so much:

“They system here sucks, things are bad, we feed your children to HR, blah blah blah”

and instead of being eager to begin work and make change, you sort of feel a little disenfranchised your first day. Anyhow, I think he will be really good for the department, despite all the leg humping and negative talk from the St. Bernard.

I just had to post to tell my future employer (whoever you may be) to please never hump my leg to death. Just be available to show me things and answer questions. My leg can’t take it, and really, someone will totally end up writing in their blog about you.

Thank you very much and have a nice day!

Short post today (perhaps a recent record for me??). As always, more to come…

My life has truly revolved around football this week.

Thursday at 3 a.m. was spent watching the NFL season opener.

Saturday night was spent listening to the OU game on yahoosports.com.

And 3:00 a.m. today (or something terrible like that) was spent sawing logs as Will got up to watch the Manning brothers duke it out in the Colts-Giants game.

Again- my life has truly revolved around football this week.

Dinner times changed.

Sleeping patterns changed.

All for a game.

All for a game!!!!!!

I’ve only watched one of the three from start to finish (I slept through half the OU game and didn’t even budge for today’s game), yet because Will has altered his sleeping and eating schedule, I too have had to make some compromises.

Although I enjoy football, I’m not exactly thrilled with these compromises, but I will say Will has been super wonderful lately. I think it’s because subconsciously he’s ecstatic about football season, and also looking forward to going home (where we will watch more football live as well as on tv). It’s sort of comical because I can see the correlation between football/vacation and Will’s excitement and I don’t think he even notices it. How cute.

I mentioned this to will last night as I was making dinner and for no reason he stopped me in the middle of chopping, gave me a big hug and kiss on the forehead, stared deep into my eyes and told me how much he loved me and how special I was to him, etc. (Awww). Will and I say we love each other about a billion times a day, but the soul bearing stuff isn’t really a daily thing.

I told him what conclusions I had drawn from my recent analysis and he just sort of stopped, thought about it, and said it was a good point! So, am I saying I LIKE being a football widow? Hmm… I’m not ready to step out and say something that bold, but I will say football season has always been a great time of togetherness and fun for our marriage. I do, however, get a little annoyed by the excessive TV hogging and need to plan every single event around a 7:00 p.m (or in our case 3 a.m.) kickoff.

So- I think I have no official opinion on the matter- except that lately my life has revolved around football. Also that our upcoming vacation will largely revolve around football (but I will spare you the details because you’ll be reading plenty of that in LESS THAT ONE MONTH).

As for the other things in my life that are battling space for the huge football team that seems to sleep in our bedroom, eat with us at dinner, and have even been known to walk into the bathroom with the door shut- well those other things are fine too.

I had my big measurement test at the gym Thursday. It was discouraging and encouraging at the same time. As it turns out, I gained a freaking kilo! I’m sure it’s largely due to my terrible weekend eating habits as well as the fact that since I’ve lived in Kuwait I retain water like a camel. I might as well invest in a hump to slap on my back as a water reserve.

However, my body fat test was very encouraging. I’ve lost almost 3% of my atrocious body fat! I was really happy to hear that. See? An encouraging and discouraging day at the gym. So, that’s that.  Yay for the loss in body fat, boo for the gain in weight. I’m so frustrated with the way I eat. I think I’m doing good and then I log onto sparkpeople and am in shock! How can I consistently eat over my target calories? Each and every freaking day!? It’s beyond me.

I have this huge elephant in the room as I type. See, there’s something I need to get out here on my blog, but the fact of the matter is that I fear my blog is the very thing that has caused me to feel the need to vent. It has to do with one of my friends.

Do you ever feel like your blog is a blessing and a curse? Like you love keeping a record of your life, sharing thoughts, venting, the sense of community, etc. but hate the fact that sometimes you feel you have to hold back for fear that someone you know is reading this thing?

I feel that way sometimes. I know there are a few people that I know personally that read this thing. Some know that I know, others don’t know that I know (by the way, you should come out of the closet and say hello! ). Anyhow, there’s been something weighing on my heart and it’s sad that I can’t share it here. So- why did I even talk about it!?!? Sorry. Maybe another place and another time.

The puppy search continues.

Are you guys tired of this topic yet? I know I am.

We’re still not 110% sure what we’re going to do, but I figure it’s best to be fully prepared. I’ve found several breeders that will have puppies available when we’re home, so that’s good news. One big selling point would be if MY PARENTS LET MY SISTER GET A DOG!!! She wants one terribly, but they’re not too keen on the idea. I thought it would be nice for our puppy to have a playmate when we see each other on the weekend. P agrees. My Parents? Not yet. YET.

I’ve been emailing them cute emails with yorkies (that’s what my sister wants) saying how they want to go home with my sister, etc. I’ve also sent texts that they receive simultaneously regarding getting a dog. They love it, I’m sure.

Guys, as usual, that’s about all I’ve got: dog, gym, football. Isn’t that all I ever have?? Thank goodness vacation is coming up so I’ll have something else to talk about- like living with the in laws and plugging up toilets (though I pray that doesn’t happen this time!).

Welcome back

Today I remember Gerald Francis Hardacre, 62.
When I received his name, I was anxious to gather as many facts about him as I could. I searched a variety of places only to come up with a remnant of information.  Despite only have a small amount of information on Mr. Hardacre, I’ve grown to care about him, develop feelings for him, imagine what he was like.
Today I proudly remember the life of Gerald Hardacre.
Gerry, as his family called him, spent most of his life in California. He attended San Diego State University with a degree in environmental engineering. “His career path allowed him to make the San Diego area a cleaner and better place to live,” his brother Larry once stated. Gerry was even one of the founding members of the San Diego Industrial Environmental Association. I came across a site where a few of his former coworkers had posted their thoughts about Gerry Hardacre. Time and time again I read how he excelled at what he did, and how he always took care of his employees. Even more, people always said how great a man he was. Just from the small things I know about Gerry, I too believe he was a special man to many people.
Gerry was not only a talented engineer and wonderful boss, but he was also a good story teller. He could tell yarns with the best of them, and often made people laugh until they cried. In fact, he was known for being able to take even the saddest of stories and give them a positive spin. He often did so when talking about his own life. Born with a bad foot that caused him to limp, Gerry liked to tell the story of his boyhood Boy Scout hiking trip and how he would have to get up extra early just to keep up with everyone else. His brother Larry retells the story noting, “They would catch up to him and give him lunch. They they’d pass him. Then he would catch up to them after dinner. Then he would go to bed and do it all over again. The way Gerry tells that story- with him limping off in the distance… it used to make me laugh so hard there would be tears rolling down my face.”

Gerry truly had a way of touching others with his humor and always finding the best in bad circumstances.

From all I continue to read, Gerry was an optimist who rolled with the punches. Gerry inspires me. I know I never met Gerald Hardacre, but his ability to touch others touches me and for that, I am grateful.
He is survived by his wife Judith and daughters Colleen and Kristin (one of whom he had visited in Boston before boarding flight 175). If I ever got the chance to meet them I might tell them a yarn of my own in honor of Gerry. I would hope it’d bring a smile to their face.
Gerry, I celebrate you today. Although I only got the chance to get to know you in a small way, you touched my heart in a very big way.
2,996. We will never forget you.

I got a cultural lesson at the gym yesterday, a lesson far beyond what I could have expected.

From what I’ve gathered the majority of the women at my gym are very traditional. Most of the ones I have seen coming in and going out wear the full black abbaya ( but not to work out in, of course). See, it seems as though the trend of the full black abbaya isn’t as widespread here and that most just wear the hijab (scarf over the head), but notsomuch at my gym. These ladies are traditional, abbaya-wearing conservative women- or so I thought.

That was until I saw breasts everywhere.

Okay, not bare naked ones, but well… ones that were just all over the place. Quite honestly, I was a little frightened!

I finished my workout yesterday morning and like to walk the track a couple times to cool down. As I started my regular, nothing is ever exciting journey, I could hear Arabic music blasting from one of the aerobics rooms. I round the corner, and guys, what I saw… well there just aren’t any words that could really do it justice.

Now, I’d expect to see a scene like this at a lesbian sorority house after about 5 or 6 rounds of Rob Roys, but not so much at my conservative muslim gym. These girls were getting down! Not like, the electric slide either. Ladies- I swear these girls were featured in 50 Cent’s last video and we just didn’t ever notice. Butts poppin up on other girls, boobs flying everywhere due to the girations… just to type it makes my stomach hurt a bit.

These “Kuwaiti Pussycat Dolls” drew quite a crowd too. There must have been about 50 of them in that workout room, dancing, watching… it was like MTV Spring Break without the funnel and sex-crazed guys. They were on each other and everything. Crap, you take those black abbayas off and these girls go crazy! Seriously.

So, anyway, I did my first walk around the track and did another with the same sight, by the 3rd round the class had actually started- it was a hip hop class (how fitting), only this time the dancing was more uniform and there was less touching and suggestive material.

Guys, I feel bad for saying this, but I wanted to die laughing each time I rounded that corner. I mean, it’s not like I’ve never seen that before, but the fact that here I am seeing the se quiet Muslim women come in fully robed only to let loose and use their abbaya as a lasso while riding a mechanical camel… well… that’s just stuff you don’t see often! (I’m lying about the mechanical camel, although, I’m sure some of those girls would have used their abbaya as a lasso). My thinking has become a little morphed since living here. I saw a lady in spaghetti straps just lalst week and I told Will she was trampy! What the crap!? What am I- 80!? The truth is, here in Kuwait that IS trampy- but then I see this spectacle and I just have to shake my head and laugh.

So there really is a whole secret side to the women of Kuwait. I feel like I got to take a peek behind the veil they wear (literally!) and see them for who they really are. Although it was a little shocking, it was sort of eye opening! Here I am seeing them one way- and boy did they prove me wrong. Those girls could have outdanced any of us.

So the lesson of today is: watch out guys, don’t let the abbayas fool you. There’s a beast underneath.

You might remember my frustrating bathroom situation. If you don’t I’ll catch you up to speed from an earlier post.

There is one bathroom in my whole area of camp. There are portable trailers down the road that I use in the morning before it gets too hot, but when it’s a million degrees any liquid inside of me evaporates on the walk there. Going down to the trailer is a wasted trip because you’re all dried up like a California Raisin before you get there.

There is one bathroom with running water that’s closer.

The problem is that it’s a unisex bathroom with one toilet and one urinal. It’s this tiny little room. To make matters worse, it’s literally right in the middle of an office, like in the waiting room area. You can hear EVERYTHING. It makes me feel like I’m peeing in front of the whole office. It’s like the walls fall down and you’re sitting right there on the toilet right next to Maude, the sweet old lady that innocently sits at her desk and listens to German polka each day. I’ve been in that office when other people are in the bathroom and you can totally hear them going. I hate it and so I really try hard not to use that one if I can help it.

You might remember yet another reason why I hate that bathroom so much- because I totally farted in there one time and I literally thought I might die on the spot, in the bathroom, melting of embarrassment. The cleaning crew would have to charge the door to mop me up and then launch an investigation as to what caused the right side of the wall to be blown from the building frame- only to realize it was due to my tiny toot.

Yeah, I hate that bathroom. Maude hates me too. She totally said the f bomb when she heard me that day.

Well guys, I’ve shyly and meekly started to bring my face around those parts lately. It’s too freaking hot to use those trailers. I’m on all fours dog crawling and panting by the time I reach the steps. My tongue starts to shrivel, crumble, and turn to sand, and quite honestly- it’s not worth it! I like my tongue and finally decided to swallow my pride (and my crumbly tongue) and start sneaking back to the unisex bathroom. Poor Maude.

The trouble is that I’ve begun to encounter a continual and awkward situation, and I’m just not sure I can keep using the unisexer.

Enter Mr. Chatman, old hippie rocker guy.

Mr. Chatman is the nicest man you’ll ever meet. He sits next to Maude and sort of keeps her calm and prevents her from flinging German schnitzel upside people’s heads. He also ensures her freaking polka music is kept to a minimum (we all love you Chatman).

The trouble is that he is so freaking nice.

So nice to the point where I’m sneaking into the bathroom, door is almost closed and I get a boisterous,

“Hey! It’s Britney Spears! Howyadoin Britney Spears!?”

He might as well be all like,

“Hey! It’s Britney Spears! Oh my Lord! It’s Britney Spears! Right here! About to take a whiz in our office bathroom! How’s it goin’ Mrs. Spears!? Oh wait, maybe you should tell us AFTER you get out of the bathroom! Hahahahahahaha!”

“Oh hey! Do that thing you do! You know- when you’re wearing the school girl uniform in your ‘Hit me Baby One More Time’ video!? That is jus tto great. YOU are just too great, Mrs. Spears.“

I then have to open the door, force a smile and say, “I’m good Chatman, thanks.” I then rush to shut the door and contemplate whether or not I can REALLY pee now since he totally announced my arrival. I usually can, sometimes I can’t. That is it’s own post, but we’ll skip it today.

Does anyone else think it’s totally awkward to have someone recognize you’re about to go to the bathroom 2 feet from where they’re sipping coffee? I sure do. It’s uncomfortable enough that I have returned to the bathroom as it is, and the fact that the walls might as well be glass don’t help either, but the fact that people are making an effort to greet me before I use the restroom totally freaks me out. No pressure or anything, right?

I know you all think I’m crazy and that this whole thing is no big deal. It’s such a big deal. I lie awake in a cold sweat contemplating how I can avoid Chatman each day just so I can use the unisex bathroom. I can’t shake him guys! He’s everywhere.

I swear one day I’m going to walk into the bathroom and he’s going to be sitting on the toilet seat with one leg propped on the lid. He’ll be eating a bean burrito and through mouthfuls be like,

“Hey! It’s Britney Spears! In my bathroom! Here, don’t mind me. I’ll sit in the urinal while you do whatever you need to do. Man!… This burrito rocks!”

It’s only a matter of time.

Well guys, nature calls. I guess it’s off to the trailers. Say a prayer for my crumbly tongue.

I’m alive and breathing American air (which is MUCH better than Kuwait air).

It’s amazing to be home, guys. I wish I could convey to you the amazing release I felt the moment I had to stand in the annoying customs line at the MSP Airport.

I have so much to talk about (my first day of work, the plane ride here, day one...) but due to time restraints (AKA- a hungry husband) I have to be quick and to the point.

Vacation has been amazing. Monday was spent just the way I stated in my last post. Yesterday we got a late start to the day and after a quick lunch we (okay, I) covered some of my favorite stores of mall of america. I find it very difficult to shop in the fall. I have very little need for winter clothes in Kuwait and that is obviously all stores have right now. I managed to do okay, but I’m sure I got entirely too much cold weather clothes. Oh well.

After shopping We dropped off our bags and went to the cheesecake factory. Can I simply sum up my dining experience as orgasmic? I think I will. I had salmon with mashed potatoes and asparagus (by the way, I totally blew away the poor innocent lady in the bathroom stall next to me after dinner. I felt so bad. I barely washed my hands and darted out of the room so she wouldn’t come after me and try to strangle me with her purse. Why- why oh why must asparagus be so freaking lethal?) and finished it off with the Chocolate Tuxedo Cheesecake (think black tie mousse cake from Olive Garden).

After dinner we went to the theatre right across the street and watched Invincible. Will had been wanting to see it. It was good, Will even bought the book that inspired the movie today.
so, that was Day Two. Where does the time go when you’re on vacation!? I mean seriously!?!

Today has been great too. We got up, went to Perkins for breakfast and then headed back to MOA. I had a Limited gift card from my mom and sister that I forgot to bring yesterday. I went to Old Navy first but only ended up getting 2 shirts. I then hit up New york & Co and didn’t do much better there. My next stop was The Limited. It’s always so fun to go shopping when you have a gift card. After that I went to Steve Madden and bought 2 of the cutest pair of shoes. I’m not one of those typical women that has a million shoes and purses. I actually hate spending money on shoes. Today, however, I thought I needed a couple good pairs of shoes in honor of my big girl job. After Steve Madden we headed back to the hotel.

Because of the new weight restrictions on suitcases, I knew for sure Iwould be over my limit. I picked some of the things I could part with and we headed off to the Eagen Post Office to mail some of my new purchases back to Kuwait.

I hate shipping stuff home.

I swear, there is something that truly makes someone go crazy when they walk into the post office. Even the most mild mannered, sweet little old women become complete “postal” wackos upon walking through the door. Will and I got all our supplies: tape, marker, box, and headed to the counter to pay. The lady told us we needed to get in “the other line” which was 10 people long and full of people actually shipping things.

After waiting semi-patiently for our turn, We got to the counter only to be told to go freaking back to the OTHER counter to purchase our items. As in the other counter that initially told us to stand in the mile long line. Will slammed his head repeatedly on the counter, slammed the flat box against the wall a few times and went to the other counter- one with no line- and paid. After that fiasco we were complete loons. Like I said, the post office does it to you.

It was now time to pack our items. Can I simply say that if Will and I were ever on a Team Challenge sort of game show not only would we lose miserably but we truly might kill each other (don’t worry, we’ve been aware of this for a long time. We’re okay with not ever signing up for The Amazing Race or anything of the like. I wish there was a camera crew that could have followed us during our trip from Kuwait here. It would have been pretty comical).

I’m trying my best to hold the box evenly together as Will tapes, only to get it crooked and have the flaps fold over each other. Will begins to get frustrated with me, which in turn of course means he’s cursed to have the tape stick to everythibg BUT the box. It’s doing that annoying stick together thing, when the tape creases and sticks to itself and becomes absolutely worthless. I swear, we must have wasted two feet of tape because of this folly. Will finally gets frustrated with my box holding antics and does it himself (see- no Amazing Race for us!). We then place our items in the box, only to realize the box was way too big for our stuff. We say screw it and tape the crap out of it and get in line.

We FINALLY get to the counter and then are grilled about if we have personal items in box. “What do you mean? The item list is right on our claim form?” We then get into a really confusing conversation with the Post Office man to the point where both parties are totally confused and finally give up. We beat our head against the counter a few more times, pay the man, and leave.

The post office is a frustrating place. I’m afraid Will and I will have a few more dealings with this place during our stay here.

So, that’s been most of today. Tonight we’re headed to Acme to hopefully laugh our hinies off. We’re going to grab a quick dinner and then head that way tonight.

AGHGHAH (my awkward sound for frustration)!!! I have sooo freaking much I want to tell you guys. Oh well. I missed you so much and just had to post, even if I’m leaving a million things out.

Tomorrow we’re off to the big D (Dallas)!! Will’s parents are meeting us at the airport and I have no idea what the rest of the day entails (besides perhaps doing several drive-bys and stalking your house, Sarah. ha ha. Just Kidding. I’ll leave that for my second night there).

You know those days when you REALLY want to post but at the same time you really DON’T want to post because you feel bad that you’re writing about nothing more than your boring life and venting about your job and “forcing” people to read it because you read their blog all the time and leave feedback about how cool you think they are, which only guilts them into reading about your mundane life to the point where if they have to hear the words, “Monday Update” one more time they may shove a black ink Bic pen through their eye??!?!?!?!?!

That’s sort of where I am today.

Nothing to say but a desire to say it. Thankfully it’s a holiday in the states so I don’t feel so bad sneaking yet another “Monday Update” in (for the record- that annoys me too, but please, don’t shove a Bic in your eye, okay?).

My holiday weekend came and went and was fairly forgettable (we got our day off on Saturday instead of Monday). It wasn’t bad by any means, it just wasn’t a typical Labor Day weekend. Want to know something ironic? Last Labor Day I started my job here. Ha ha- get it I was Laboring on Labor Day… yeah I know that was stupid but I was just thinking back to what I was doing last year at this time and it wasn’t much more thrilling!

Just a random weekend story for fun that isn’t all that funny but for some reason is still making me laugh even know. On Wednesday night we went to Hard Rock with my mom and sister. Will and P were playing a game of football with a wet wipe wrapper, and Will went to flick the football for a field goal when all of a sudden it flew over my sister and slapped some poor woman in the back of the head. I was laughing so hard. Will was really embarrassed. I think that just might have been the highlight of my weekend!

Will had to work Saturday so I was on my own, and instead of enjoying the day fully I spend almost all of it cleaning. How depressing, right!? Why is it that we women feel the need to clean on our extra day off!? Really! Well, I know why I felt the need- because my house needed it! Badly. I feel much better now. Maury- stay away!

The Pooch.

I haven’t mentioned our dog situation in a while (and I know how this keeps you up at night, ha ha). I think Will thinks I will be an unfit mother (could it be the fact that I say freaking all the time? Or maybe it’s because at times I have the patience of a gnashing rattlesnake?)

After talking about dogs for weeks on end I think we might not be getting one. I’m not really sure, but that’s sort of how it seems. I have sooo many questions and apprehensions about getting a puppy. I worry about not having enough time to really love it like it needs to be, but then I think about how much I would love to have one and how we’re always home on the weekends and it would be a nice addition to our family. I waiver back and forth so many times. This is pretty much “it” for us. If we don’t get a dog on this go around we won’t be getting one for a long time. Will told me it was ultimately my decision, but he could tell I was vexed and he sort of hinted at waiting a while to get a puppy. So, guys, I don’t know what we’re going to do. I have all the information about bringing it over here, but now it’s just whether we’re bringing one over here! That’s the puppy update.

Fantasy Football

The Fantasy Draft has finally ended. Don’t get too excited- now we go from Draft Mode to Game Mode. Yep. The draft is only the beginning… in a couple short weeks we’ll be playing other guys in our division and hoping poor innocent football players get busted for speeding and drug possession and violently thrown in jail- all because we’re playing the guy that has that player and could really use a break. It just takes a turn for the worst from here.

Will has 3 leagues to keep track of (comparison: like being blog of the week on 3 different sites and trying your best to come up with a humdinger of a post for each one) and I have no idea how he does it. I secretly think he doesn’t sleep. Ever. I think he lies still, staring at the wall until I go to sleep and then he creeps out to the living room and meets “the other woman” in his life for a night cap. (the other woman being AntSports, the site that hosts our league(s)).

It’s been fun doing this with Will, although if I’m totally honest I haven’t done a single thing. In fact, the last 5 rounds he decided on his own. I’m sure I’ll be more proactive when the season actually starts and I can visually see our guys playing on the field.

It has been cute though because Will always “CCs” me when someone emails us a trade offer. I know the guy on the other end getting our emails is like, “Ha ha, what a pansy! This OUObsession guy has to CC his wife first to ask for permission. HA HA, ‘Hey wife? Can I go to the bathroom?’ “Hey wife, can I blow my nose!?” I think it’s cute though. Hopefully we can shut him up with a victory at the end of the year! I bet he won’t be teasing us after that.

The Weigh-in

Well Saturday was supposed to be my big measurement test at the gym. I went to get it done and the nurse wasn’t going to be in until later that day, so I opted just to workout and go sometime later. It looks like Thursday will be the day. I know there haven’t been any changes really, but I’m just hoping I didn’t gain weight or that my body fat went up (though I’m not sure that was humanly possible!). A success to me will be if my body fat went down, even if it’s the most minute of percentage points. If you remember, last time the lady told me she had never seen someone my size have such a high body fat (thanks!), so I can only hope this time instead of saying, “Huh (in a shocked tone), I really didn’t think you could pack any more fat on that frame,” she’ll say, “You’ve got to be freaking kidding me. You’re down .0000001% Gosh, I mean really- do a push up or something!” to which I will jump for joy because that’s .0000001% less than I had before! Ha ha, okay so I hope it’s more than that. Speaking of fat- guess what just opened in Kuwait!? C’mon- guess! A Dunkin’ Donuts! Yep! I’ve resisted the urge to order a dozen chocolate honey dipped and blueberry cake donuts- but it’s only a matter of time. Perhaps I will go with donut holes instead of actual donuts- not so bad… unless you eat like 30 or something.

All Work and No Play.

Today has been extremely nice because The Emperor has been away all day (you KNEW I was going to talk about work, didn’t you?). It’s not that we don’t get along- in fact we get along really well- but it’s more of the fact that I am unhappy in my job. So- I was proactive yesterday and applied for another one. One I’ve been thinking about for about 2 weeks (that’s how long it’s been open). I said a prayer and turned in my application. Now it’s just a matter of waiting and praying! Everything seems to take forever here, so it really would require an act of God to be able to post something regarding this situation in my next Monday Update (Bic pens armed and ready to fire).

Wow, if I didn’t cover everything I sure better leave it out! This is really long and boring. At least I warned you all, right??

Enjoy your day off!