Apparently the entire freaking world knows that I sweat.

Yep. I’m a sweater.

Okay, so let me back pedal a little. Yes, I willingly informed “the whole world” about the misery of being here in the summer and the fact it’s so freaking hot that when you walk outside you begin to rain on everything around you, creating a small little well amongst dry arid sand- I admit that (In case you’re curious about my tirade on “sweat” you can read “The Old Blog” archives. I’m pretty sure from May-September I mentioned it every freaking day.)

HOWEVER!-

For someone ELSE to talk about my sweatiness?

Well, those are just fighting words!

That’s right.

You better be careful or a hurricane of my sweat will come flinging in a violent force to swallow you freaking whole!

Shudder

Yeah.

So yesterday I was walking to the BIDFY, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I saw two of my coworkers moving furniture around.

“Hi guys!” I said cheerfully. “Looks like you’re working hard!”

They agreed and made mention that it was too hot to be outside moving furniture.

“Good thing you’re not having to do it,” one said, “I hear you get really sweaty.

What!?

What the freaking crap was that!? Did someone just say that to me? Are you serious!?

Ah- I remembered.

insert hazy dream sequence

One time the other guy I work with almost saw me “kill over.” According to him, that is.

We had to go to a building in early June to dig out some old archives. A building that wasn’t air conditioned. In June. In Kuwait. The Lake of Fire.

Wow. I started to sweat.

Imagine that!

Anyhow, he was all worried about me because my ultra pale face turned bright red from the heat and I started to sweat. “Are you going to be okay?” He kept asking.

hazy dream sequence ends

I bet he said something!

“Did you tell Mouth over there that I sweat a lot?” I asked.

He just laughed and said yes. What a moron.

I laughed too and told him to shut up about my sweating. “I drink a lot of water. It’s healthy. So I sweat a little when it’s 5 MILLION DEGREES in this country. What!? Girls aren’t allowed to sweat!?!”

Do you know what he said to that?

“Yeah you do drink a lot of water! Did you notice I gave you an extra box last week when I delivered it?”

What a moron. So now now only am I a big bucket of sweat, but I’m also a camel. A big sweaty camel. Huh. 

Friday morning I got the following text message from P:

Why don’t congressmen use bookmarks?

...

Because they just bend over the PAGES! Hahahahahahaha

When I got this text message I was confused. It was 7:30 a.m. on Friday morning (my “Sunday"), so I was still sleepy. I wondered why she asked me such a random question. I replied with:

I don’t know. To save money, maybe??

I didn’t hear back from her. I figured she was just venting for having to be a “coffee getter” or something.

However, this morning around 4:00 I was getting ready and thinking about P. I was thinking about the text messages I had gotten from her recently, that one in particular. It was then, at 4:00 in the morning, that it hit me.

I then totally laughed out loud and told her it took me 4 freaking days to get the joke. Ha ha. Nothing like a page’s political humor, right?

She couldn’t believe it took me that long to get it. Leave it to me.

I had a similar incident the other day. I came home to find a note on the table from our maid (yeah, yeah, shut up. It’s like 80 bucks a month here- you’d do it too) asking if she could change the day she comes. The letter said something to the effect of changing the day and “if you like send message so I know.”

I asked Will, “I wonder if our Indian maid watched the movie Clueless a lot.”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Well, because she wrote something a Valley Girl would- she said ‘If you’d, like, send a message so I can know changing is okay that would be totally rad and super!”

“No she didn’t. She’s still working on her English. She said it to mean, ‘ if you like the idea of me doing this, send me a message.”

We bantered back and forth, but I finally gave up and admitted Will was right. I still think it’s funnier to say she’s a Valley Girl though.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I (finally) finished transferring all my nest archives today. I feel very happy and satisfied that it’s finally over. I noticed I did a “Monday Update” post all the time. It was like (ha ha- “like.” sorry.) a staple during those days. I think I might implement it again, however perhaps it will be more of a Tuesday Update or something. I figure this is a way for me to slowly drive you all crazy with the boring mundane details of my life. What fun!! I was heavily tempted to begin this new (possible) tradition today, but I figure I will spare you- and warn you so you can run for the hills.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I got my Summer Swap gift in today!! I’m SO excited about it and I can’t wait to post about it tomorrow. That’s all I’ll say for today.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Okay, enough with the rambles. I hope you’re doing well and enjoying your morning. I’m anxious to head home and get tomorrow over so I can begin my extrememly thrilling (lie) and spontaneous (lie) weekend.

More to come…

<3

As you know, I’ve been transferring my old nest archives over to the new blog. I’ve gotta say, it’s been a lot of fun looking back. I found this one yesterday and thought I’d share it because well, there are often times I wish I could go back to those days. Just sometimes.

Hope you had a good weekend! Welcome back!

Wow, I’m on a roll- 3 posts in two days! Who is this kid!?! 

Well, this is a decision I’ve been thinking about long before the nest made it’s catastrophic change everyone has been crying about (don’t worry, I’m crying too), but guys, it’s been real.

I’m out.

I really wanted to post something real and meaningful about all my great times at this awesome place, but

I’m out.

My new blog is http://www.theblovelife.com It’s still a work in progress and i’m not posting just yet because I’m getting the page set up, but I should be posting in a few weeks- so hang on and stay with me girls! IT will just have a NameCheap “parking space“ page when you go, but this is in fact the right site. Like I said, I need about 3 more weeks, but there she be!

I really really really didn’t want to announce my new space until it was ready, but I felt it was important to let you guys know that I love you and I really miss “talking” everyday like we used to. So, no, I’m not leaving the blogosphere, I’m just taking a few week hiatus for my site to be built and all “fancified.” ha ha

I have to ask you to do me a HUGE favor-

Since we’re all jumping ship I haven’t been keeping track of your new addresses so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send me your new link so I can add it to my links page so we can all stay up to date.

Don’t forget about me in the next few weeks! I will be catching up with you guys everyday (as long as I get those freaking links!).

Wow, I feel like I should be saying so much more, but the truth is that I’ve been saving some funny stories for my new place. So, this is it for now.

Have a great day, keep me posted, send your links, and check out my site (soon, but seriously, not yet).

<3

To the nest and all the girls I’ve loved before:

You’ve been the best friends a girl in Kuwait could ask for. Thanks for all the fun.

Dear : ,

I love you just as much as I did March 13, 2004.

a>

But now it’s so much more powerful.

Happy Anniversary <3

I want the Heffernans to be our best friends.

Yes, you heard me right. I want fictional TV characters to magically move to Kuwait, become our neighbors, and think we’re the funniest and best couple to ever walk the earth.

I have a serious problem, guys. I really want that! Will thinks I’m the biggest nut ever- but seriously… I still want it.

Maybe it’s because the friend market here is lacking like a dry shriveled up California rasin in late July, or maybe it’s because, well, everyone knows Doug and Carrie Heffernan are great, but guys- that’s what I want for my anniversary gift: Doug and Carrie Heffernan.

We’re a match made in Heaven! I can see it now-

Will and Doug are off every weekend cheering on their favorite teams (depending on the season), while Carrie and I are out shopping, or eating at that new healthy café down the street, okay okay, and occasional taking Arthur to the Senior Center for Boggle Day.

Will has a built in buddy for all his sports events

I have a built-in gym buddy

Will has the perfect guy to play Madden with

I have the perfect girl to help me pick the perfect lip gloss.

What’s so strange about that!?

Is it strange that the one thing that gets me through the day is knowing I’ll come home and Will and I will sit on the couch to watch what Doug and Carrie did today?

Is it strange that I’m always telling Will, “Oh my gosh, Carrie would love that!” or “Hmm, I wonder if Carrie would wear that?”

Is it strange that I think about them during the day as if they’re real people?

No- that’s not strange at all! Totally normal.

Exactly!!

Doug is Will’s perfect best friend match! It’s almost scary! I mean- they both love to eat, they both love sports, they both love to eat, they both love sports… can we have any two people with any more in common!? I think not!

And I mean, Carrie and I are perfect too! We both like shopping, being healthy, and,

Uh…

Umm…

What else??…

I promote marriage, Carrie broke up a marriage because she didn’t gel with the husband

I buy my clothes, Carrie buys them, wears them until the

return policy is up and brings them back for a refund

I’m take joy in other’s victories, Carrie had to go to counseling because she enjoys when others are miserable

Hmm…

Well…

Carrie’s great, right? We have TONS in common. Me, Carrie, the best of buds, right?

Right?

(crickets)

…

Forget it, maybe Will’s right.

but I can still wish, right?

<3

So yes, I realize I’ve become one of those bloggers. You know, the ones that have the audacity to take up space in the blogoshpere and act all accomplished when they produce a measly 2 posts in a month or some patheticness like that. How dare one of those bloggers take up space in the “recently updated” section when they’re never posting and when they finally do it’s about the most BORING crap that’s ALWAYS the same:

“Our dogs are cute, I’m so busy, I work out at the gym, blah blah blah.” to which you respond,

“Wow, what a thrilling life- please don’t waste our blog-reading-time with the slothful way you talk about how sexy godiva chocolate is or how you have such a disgrace of a house you have to hire a maid to get your sickening life together.”

Yes, I’m ashamed to say lately I’ve become one of those bloggers documenting nothing but boringness. I’m not really sure why… okay maybe I am… but it seems as though the place I used to run to during times of “yuck” is the place I’ve starting running from. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m so busy and I feel like the worst blog friend in the world if I don’t write feedback to my favorite blog friends before I sit down to post (hence why comments are turned off today).

I’m not sure if it’s because all last year you heard me cry about the thing I feel like complaining about all over again… I really can’t pin it down. As I sat down to post I thought I would lay it all out on the table, but now that I’m actually here I’m remembered of the fact that all this “lay out on the table” crap is exactly what I’m talking about when I mention “those” bloggers, so again- torn.

Also, sitting down to write all about that “crap” is the last thing I feel like writing about when I finally do get around to posting. The truth is that I have lots of things to post about! You should see that goofy recorder of mine! It’s full of my “old day writing” nonsense, but it seems a little rude to post a million 3 sentence posts in a day, you know?

So, now I’ve got you here, reading my what? 3rd post of the month or something sad like that? So now what do I do with you??....

*Things in Q8 are fine. I can tell summer is fast approaching and I can’t help but wince a little at the thought.

Want to know something out of this world?

A few weeks ago the morning low was 45 and someone pointed out to me that it was literally 105 degrees cooler that day than it was in mid-July. Isn’t that crazy!? That’s insane! When you put the severity of weather here like that, well it’s just enough to make you realize just how ridiculous you have to be to live here.

Just FYI I’ve already broken a sweat more than once, so for my sake enjoy your cold weather.

*Will got offered a job last week.

A job offer so tempting I was packing our belongings before he even finished his story. After holding a normal conversation about the opportunity I realized what I had known all along, it wouldn’t be wise for us to do it. They have to know by Sunday, and unless I can find a job at the same place by then (which is a little unrealistic!) we won’t be taking them up on their offer. I am so proud of him, and I know with all that I am he deserves this opportunity, but I also know that this the timing probably isn’t right. So, we stay and wait a little longer.

*Yesterday I bought my authentic belly dancing skirt.

I’m so excited about it and I was just certain Will would be too. I put it on over my jeans and wore it for like 2 hours just because, jingling everywhere I went- just waiting for Will to be so turned on by my electric blue skirt with dancing silver coins- but no.

“Maybe he’s not hearing the rhythmic jingles? I should move into the living room.”

Nothing.

What’s up with that!? Apparently the NFL combine was last week and he had to check on “his OU boys” to see how they fared. Guys, I know you realize my husband is a huge football fan, but really- we need our own reality show or something!

*Speaking of me and Will- our 3 year anniversary is quickly approaching!

We decided not to spend much on each other because of the Super Bowl trip, so I opted to buy him some of the favorite John Wayne movies he surprisingly doesn’t already own. I may have shot myself in the foot on this one (because afterall, I’m the one that has to lovingly sit next to Will trying not to fall asleep), but I figured nothing says “I love you and can’t wait to spend another 40 of these together” like suffering through a John Wayne movie, right?<3

*I had a bit of an embarrassing moment last week.

Granted, it won’t sound as good in writing compared to me telling it- but I’ll try.

Wednesday was a crazy day. I was already 2 hours into working overtime and extremely ready to get off and start my weekend. Guys, I was edgy. It was going to be the wrong day to cross me.

My office is the only one able to go to the government’s office for things (ha ha, think of it like the government is the Wizard of Oz behind the big emerald curtain and only Dorothy and the gang and go behind it). When you go in you have to announce yourself all loudly (you feel like a huge idiot) so that they know that “an outsider” is in their office. Kind of like this,

“A freaking moron contractor is in the Hizz-ouse!!“

Like that, but not really.

Well, like I said, I was edgy. I walked in and announced myself only to have two random voices from behind their cubicle walls say, “You’re not saying it loud enough! We need to be able to hear you all the way in the back offices!” they then go on and on about needing to yell it, blah, blah, blah.

I had heard enough.Wednesday just wasn’t the day.

I dropped off the stuff and yelled, “Contractor leaving!” and as soon as I said it they answered, “You don’t have to say it when you’re...” SLAM.

That would be me slamming the door behind me while they were in mid sentence. I felt pretty good- and what a way to exit, right!? I proudly got back in the car and got ready to pull out of the parking lot, only to realize I had forgotten the most important item!! I felt my face getting hot with embarrassment. There was no way this drop off could wait until Saturday either, I had to go back in. So, I swallowed my pride and loudly annouced myself yet again. I darted where I needed to go, ran back out and made sure I quietly closed the door this time. What a freaking idiot.

That’s about all going on with me for the moment. It felt good to finally post! I miss you guys. I keep waiting for things to slow down, but that’s not happening. Hopefully I’ll just suck it up, deal with it, and manage to squeeze this in more often.

Have a great weekend!

<3

To the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known~

Happy Birthday (again!). I feel so special to have watched you grow into who you are these past 17 years. <3

So I bet you are guys whispering amongst each other about how I made my Flordia trip up and how I’m full of crap and just refusing to post. Am I right!?

Alright, I know it’s been a while, but I promise- I was in Flordia last week!

I’m about to reveal an earth shattering secret I’ve learned this week:

Vacation Life is three million times better than Normal Life.

I know, I know- I’m a genius right? I should be a millionaire with all this knowledge.

Then why am I back in Kuwait pounding away at a mountain of work?

...

Vacation was wonderful! Aside from the humidity, Miami was amazing. Will and I had so much fun. The Colts winning made our trip that much better! It is definitely a trip we’ll remember forever. We took over 100 pictures! Here are just a few of all our fun (in mega random order because it took 3 freaking hours to load them!).

Opening Show

Okay- it’s taking WAY too long to load these on here. I have to do some in thumbnails. :(

Donning our Cool Ponchos!

PRINCE! Will was REAL thrilled he was the halftime show (cough, cough). It was a great show, Will even agreed.

After the game. Throwing up our number ones for the champs!

After the game chaos

Ahh, the beach (I did mention these were out of order, right!? )

Famous sports announcers- can you believe I forgot their names (ha)!?

Outside the Super Bowl

Super Bowl MVP Peyton Manning

Me in South Beach

Perfection. The beach side view outside our hotel.

Outside our hotel.

Dolphin Stadium

la stadium

Our seats… and two random people.

Coach Tony Dungy

Beach Front Property

The Miami Herald

Trying to stay dry on game day.

Me- the football player. Believable, right?

Outside the Super Bowl

Please buy me this car!

My cute little field goal kicker.

Tickets in our hot little hands!

Ahh, we match.

Getting ready to go to the big dance!

Practicing our crazy victory antics.

***

As you can see, we had a blast. Why can’t EVERYDAY be the Miami Super Bowl!? Sigh. Wishful thinking.

Aside from our wonderful whirlwind trip to the Super Bowl and enjoying the comforts of the US (Walmart, Maggie Moos ice cream, sleeveless shirts, Walmart, doing whatever we want when we want, The Cheesecake Factory, oh- and Walmart), life has been the same as always.

Work is crazy,

the dogs are crazy,

my husband is crazy.

Yep, I’d say things are pretty status quo around here.

*** As for other things-

We have no food in our house and haven’t gone grocery shopping since, hmm, I can’t remember. You’d think we were obsessive dieters/over-exercisers (ha ha) with an intense fear of food or something. So, I went to McDonalds for a fruit and yogurt parfait a few days ago on my way to work. Just so you guys know- if you’re looking to get breakfast around 4:15 a.m. you’ll be sorely disappointed. I had to opt for an early lunch. Nothing says, “Good morning! Have a healthy day!” like a cheeseburger fried in animal fat. Who would have thought no breakfast!?

Next week Molly is spending the weekend with us! 3 dogs in our small apartment will definietly be an adventure. My parents are taking my sister (and her super cute British-Kuwaiti boyfriend) to Dubai for her birthday. As you probably figured, we planned on going before this whole Super Bowl thing came up. Anyway, I guess it worked out for us not to go so we can be the dog sitter! Yay for picking up 3 dogs’ poop!

I started a new weight program this weekend. I told the trainer I wanted free standing muscles (I’m such a dork. I know she thought I was an idiot when I said that- and yes, I really did say that). Don’t worry, I won’t become all manly on you guys (Will has been all worried I’ll be bulging from my pants).

Valentine’s Day was nice and very uneventful. Since it fell on our weekend it was easy to go on a date. Want to know a fun fact? People go Valentine’s Day crazy in Kuwait! I thought it was so ironic being that you can’t show affection or show your freaking pinky toe here. They are all over Valentine’s Day. How weird. We went to Hard Rock (because nothing is more romantic than blaring Alice Cooper and garlic potatoes smoothered in signature heavy metal sauce) and it was packed with Kuwaitis on dates. It was pretty cute. We had a good time.

The weekend pretty much went downhill from there. It was full of nothing but laziness and gluttony. My parents got us Godiva chocolates for V-day and I gottal level with you- my portion is about 75% gone. Ugh! I suck! What makes it worse is that Will is all about (and I quote), “Savoring his.“ which means by the time I woof down my last 2 pieces he’ll still have half his box.

I’m going to have to figure some sort of payment plan or something. Truffles for Madden hours. Sounds good to me…

Okay, I think we’ve all had enough today. I missed you guys! It’s good to be back (to posting- not work). Have a wonderful weekend!

More to come…

<3

To the Nice Army Gentleman I totally Punked in Front of All His Friends Yesterday,

Guy- I am so so so so so sorry. Yes, that’s right 4 “Sos.” I still feel terrible about what happened yesterday. Man, you must have felt like such a loser in front of your friends, right?

Yes, yes I’m sure you did.

I’m sure you had those terrible flashbacks to kindergarten when Brandon Sellers told everyone you ate his boogers and everyone called you Brandon’s Booger Eater all year. Yep, it was like that but worse. Trust me, that was never my intention, though I’m sure you have a hard time believing it.

I know you have no desire to relive your humiliation, but since I’m posting about this for all the world to see don’t you think they need to be brought up to speed? It’s only fair, right? Assuming you agree, let’s update our dear internet friends so they can think I’m the worst person in the world too.

Okay internet friends- I totally called this guy ugly! Alright, I didn’t flat out say, “Wow! You so ugly that when you look in the mirror your REFLECTION puts on a paper bag!” but I did in fact say he was ugly.

He was a very nice gentleman and paid me a complement- something about how standing next to me made him look better. Well, then his buddy chimes in, “Is it working?” to which I blurt out a big fat rude sarcastic,

“Pft- NO!”

Okay, before you think I’m scum, read on.

Alright, now that my friends are updated, I can continue.

The look on your face after I said that made my heart hurt. I’ve never felt like a more horrible person in my life. You are a soldier protecting me and I responded with such rudeness! The truth is, you never allowed me an opportunity to finish explain what I meant. Granted, I can’t blame you. I would have been pissed off at the snobby blonde who thought she was a big hot shot too. What I MEANT was that standing next to ME wasn’t going to make you look any better because I’m by no means a hot girl!

See! I told you when I said, “No!” it wasn’t malicious! In fact, it makes perfect sense. Sadly, you’ll never know.

Your face was all red and you looked at me like, “Seriously, how could you totally make me look like a moron in front of my buddies?” Instead you’ll never have the courage to compliment a stranger again.

Ugh, Mr. Army Man I feel like scum and you know what!? I shouldn’t!! I only wish you would have let me explain. But no… so yucky scum feeling remains, and instead I’m sitting here forced to pretend you’ll actually read my blog and know the truth just to make myself feel a little better. I’ve never in my life been out to purposely hurt someone’s feelings (okay- those horrible junior high years don’t count) and knowing I did that makes me feel really bad! Here you are away from your family and friends and out of your comfort zone. Here I am a Christian out to show Christ and boy you didn’t see that in me, whether it was an accident or not!

Alright, so now you’re probably like, “Hey, Mr. Rude Blonde- don’t flatter yourself. I’m totally fine. In fact I was fine a minute after you said it.” And, I’m sure that’s what you would say, but for some reason I can’t shake my bad feeling. I guess it’s because of the look you gave me. It made me feel pretty low. So it’s not you- it’s me (ha ha, I always wanted to say that). I just felt the need for posting therapy, and posting my apology to you has made me feel slightly better.

So Mr. Army Man, I apologize to you. I hope you always have the boldness to speak kind words to others, it can really lift spirits. Thank you for protecting me and Will (okay, okay and Boz and Lucy too) and allowing us to live our lives. You are appreciated.

Your not so snobby friend,

Brittny

Well it’s Saturday night in the big town and I wanted to get on real quick to post and say hello!

I had this great vision of posting all my pictures of the fun we’ve been having, only, when I went to get my camera adapter I realized I left it back in Kuwait. What a disappointment. Seriously. So- no pictures until I get back. I really wanted to share some pictures with you guys! Sorry, I’m whining.

We’re having a great time and enjoying every second of our trip. Well, okay, I’m lying. The humidity is kicking my butt and often has me in a snippy mood. You know, it’s funny. I can (somewhat) handle the 130 degree summers of Kuwait, but add in humidity and I’m done. I LOATE humidity. I don’t know how you FL girls (Christina, Melissa, Annie, Marisa) do it! I spent all day yesterday sweating all over myself while at the NFL experience. It was real sexy- let me tell ya. I knew it was bad when Will introduced me as his sister instead of his wife (kidding).

Anyway, enough about that. This isn’t really intended to be a “real post,” it’s more of a, “Hello! I suck and forgot to bring my camera thingy!” post. The only posting I planned to do on this trip was of pictures- ha, so much for that.

Well I’ll go for now. Will and I will be in matching white jerseys and blue warm up pants (it was Will’s idea to match! I knew he was overly thrilled about being here when he brought up the idea), so watch for us. Look up- FARRRR up.

Oh- I wanted to say the highlight of my trip so far has been going to Wal-mart. I gottal level with you, I hate that place when I live in the US, but love it so so so so so much when I’m visiting here. I went on and on yesterday about how great it was and how it was the happiest place on earth- and I wasn’t kidding.

Have a great weekend and enjoy the Super Bowl!

PS- I apologize for how crappy I’ve been at responding to you guys. I look forward to catching up and reading all I’ve missed the last 2 weeks.

More to come…

Go Colts!