Yes. I get it. My last twenty-five posts have somehow centered back to food. I clearly have a problem. I should be on Maury or Montel or The View discussing my awful obsession with frosting and dinners and celebrations that center around both.

Or maybe just the sick obsession with frosting.

I realize the food posts need to stop. However, today something happened that I simply had to share. I found myself hovering over the sink thinking, “Wow. I really don’t want to tell anyone about the shame I just experienced.”

And then five minutes later I was in the car laughing thinking, “Ahaha, I have to tell someone about this.”

So here we are.

Tomorrow is Will’s birthday. Yesterday we drove down to Will’s parent’s house to celebrate his birthday. We went to eat and afterwards Will’s mom sent us home with a dirty cake.

Heh heh. Dirty cake.

Doesn’t it just sound sleazy? Like you need to be listening to Keith Sweat or R. Kelly while you take the lid off? Or like you should be slathering it in some sort of edible oil?

Sorry for the visual. Let’s get back on track.

Anyway- dirty cake. Us. Taking it home.

We brought the cake home but didn’t have any last night. Which meant there was untouched cake in my house for more than 12 hours, which is pretty much a miracle.

In fact you may want to check page 22A of your local newspaper. I bet I’m in there.

So today for lunch I had to run to the post office to mail off my transcripts for my school application. I had already brought my lunch to work with me, so there was really no need for me to go home for lunch yet somehow I found myself getting into the car, as if on autopilot, and driving home. You know, to let Boz and Lucy out. Wink.

So I get there, let them out, and am standing around the kitchen thinking, “What am I doing here?” Knowing full well what was really going on in my mind. The cake.

So, I play with a little fire and open the fridge- and there it is.

In fact, as I opened the fridge I’m pretty sure I heard some Marvin Gaye playing in the back of the Crisper area- and as soon as I shut the fridge the music went away.

I peeked it open again, to be greeted with the same sound. Only this time I exercised some degree of willpower and got a nectarine.

Because, as we all know, nectarines are just as satisfying as chocolatey cake, yes?

I finished the nectarine and really realize I need to go back to work.

I mean that is Will’s cake! His mom made it for him! It’s meant for us to share it together in honor of his special day. What sort of sick, awful, hormonal person eats their husband’s birthday ca…

And before I could finish the word, there I was. Standing over the sink trying to slyly carve out a tiny piece of dirty cake so that Will would never know someone sampled it before he did. Only the tiny sliver soon became about half a cup.

Wow.

An all time low, I thought to myself.

So what was I to do!? I couldn’t let Will know I was such a selfish awful wife!

Think, Brittny, Think!

Ahaha!

If you’ve ever had dirty cake, you know that it’s topped with whip cream.

So, in my genius, I went to the freezer and pulled out our gigantic tub of Cool Whip.

Because, as you know, every two person household has a costco size bucket of Cool Whip in their house.

I went to work, almost artist-like, filling in the “tiny” hole I had created, and spreading the oreos overtop.

Brilliant.Before I knew it- Tada! Good as new. Like I never ate a giant hole through Will’s birthday cake.

So now I don’t feel so much like a heel. Now I simply feel like I need to spend all week at the gym.

I made myself laugh, so I figured I’d share the moment with you all.

Happy Monday!

Before we get started I just have to laugh and share. So I just wrote this post and reread it and see that on this same page, just a few posts down, I posted about cake in April. Nice. Does this mean I have a problem? Actually… don’t answer that.

Will turns the big 3-0 next week.

The big one.

Well, one of the big ones. A major milestone for sure.

We decided in honor of the big event we would take a trip. However, with a trip to Branson for his dad’s 60th right around the corner, Theresa’s wedding, oh and a small insignificant nuissance called OU football season, we decided it was best to put the trip off a few months.

Plus, I think I’m way more into this birthday than he is. Likely because it’s not me who is turning 30. It’s him.

So we’re doing a trip later this year or early next but I still obviously need to acknowledge the day of his birth right?

I mean, in my mind sure a belated birthday trip is great and all but to me it’s just a great trip at that point. You’ve been 30 for 5 months. In fact, let’s just celebrate your 30th and a half birthday while we’re here, yes? So to quell the craziness in my mind I have been pestering Will nearly to death about making plans for this weekend.

In fact, I’ve been annoying him so much he may die and never make it to 30.

“29 year-old man dies just short of his 30th birthday due to wife’s constant nagging for a ‘plan.’”

I can read the headlines now.

Will’s mom always makes a cake, which is so great and thoughtful and delicious and great. But I want to make one too. Which is wonderful in my mind, right? One cannot have too much cake. There is no such thing, and I’m sure it’s written in some sort of statute somewhere confirming I am correct.

Will doesn’t want me to make another one- “One is plenty,” but we all agree above that the statute will not allow me to just settle for one. I have to produce one as well. I don’t make up the rules. I mean, I don’t even like cake all that much.

(lying. totally lying through my teeth)

So I found out today that Will is going to spend most of the weekend running back and forth from his parents town getting our cars detailed, which is what he really wanted for his birthday.

With all of this time on my hands (when I’m not scouring the house, volunteering at the senior center, and working on my secret patent) I figured I’d make something delicious.

Only, I have this awful feeling I’m going to make it and then as I sit there waiting for Will all day I will find myself in a goey frosting stupor, wearing chocolate and crumbs all over my face.

It is a definite possibility.

Hey, I figure 30 is a big enough celebration to be shared.

Bring on the cake.

Disclaimer: The decision to eat an entire cake all by myself for Will’s 30th birthday in no way hinders my decision to shed a few pounds for Theresa’s wedding. Actually I’m lying. It does. It really does. Please disregard this post. I would delete it but, well, I’m lazy.

I locked myself out of the house this afternoon.

But wait- there’s more.

There’s always more.

I keep waiting for a time in which my bad fortune no longer follows me, however that time has yet to come and once again reared its ugly head in the form of a locked door today.

Let’s get started.

Okay. So today is Will’s birthday. Yay for Will’s birthday!

I was determined to make today great.

Which was my first mistake.

I should know by now that if I’m out to make a day great something is lurking around the corner to squash my plans.

Will I ever learn?

Work was really busy all morning and I really needed to work through lunch, however I thought it might be a good idea to run home today, check on the doggies, and grab a quick lunch- which is what I did.

As I finished my lunch I noticed it was raining pouring outside. I thought I better get an umbrella to take with me to avoid the downpour, only I realized my umbrella was in my car- and Will had my car today.

Aha! I remembered I had a random umbrella out in the garage. So- barefoot and all I ran out to the garage (closing the door behind me, of course) and grabbed the umbrella. As I went to enter the house it happened.

The door wouldn’t open.

I then began to feel a little panicky, sick to my stomach and started experincing that yucky upper lip sweat.

I pryed and jolted and yelled (you know- because yelling always unlocks bolted doors) but nothing happened.

I then got the genius idea to use a screwdriver to leverage the door between the frame.

Um, the terrible dig marks in the door frame clearly yell, “That wasn’t a good idea you freaking moron!!!”

Yeah- so don’t do that.

So then I began to get totally irrational and ridiculous. Like a mad woman. “I know, I’ll run and thrust my body against the door to force it open!”

Okay- so I didn’t really do that, but trust me- I was quite irrational nonetheless.

So… what to do, what to do…

I had a pair of nasty old tennis shoes and a pair of tacky black cheap-o flip flops.

Choices, choices.

I lifted the garage, opened my umbrella and started knocking on doors up and down my street.

In the rain.

The pouring rain.

In a pretty white dress.

A pretty white dress.

In tacky black cheap-o flip flops (I figured that went better with my dress… in that trashy sort or, “I like to dress up but have no regard for what I wear on my feet” sort of way).

No one answered.

Why would they? They were al at work- where I needed to be.

Up and down the street. Finally! Someone answered. This woman across the street had just had a baby and was home- thank God for your baby woman! It was if God allowed you to have your kid so you would be home at this exact.moment.in.time.

Okay- so maybe not, but it did feel a little like a divine moment after trudging up and down my neighborhood in the pouring rain, pretty white dress, and tacky flip flops.

Anyway- she was gracious enough to let me in and use the phone. I called Will- who was not in town today (of course!). He told me to call a locksmith and work it out that way.

Oh- and he was annoyed that I managed to lock myself out.

Happy birthday honey!

Anyway, the lady told me that she could just go ahead and take me back to work so that I wouldn’t have to wait for a locksmith and pay for him to come out. I thought it was so nice of her to offer. I have very nice neighbors. I graciously accepted, took my tacky flip flops, got in her car and went back to work.

As we rode back I realized that there were a few bad things I had failed to think through when deciding not to call the locksmith.

1. My purse was in the truck, totally exposed for all the world to see and steal.

Genius Brittny.

Will tells me time after time, “Brittny- bring your purse inside and don’t leave it in the car!” And for once in my life he was so very right (actually, he’s always right about this one...). My freaking locked house was beyond safe at this point. I could most certainly confirm all doors were locked! Sigh…

Then there were the doggies.

The doggies stay in a kennel all day long because you may remember they’re quite naughty and cannot be trusted to roam around the house all alone.

Just recall this post or this one or this one.

Good times.

Anyway- they’re bad doggies and cannot be trusted.

And I had left them in the house.

All alone.

Home alone doggies.

To roam free.

And chew my wood.

And the shoes I was wearing as of 11:30 this morning and should have been wearing as I was riding to work.

I could just imagine what was happening to my house.

What a mistake to leave them out!

Sigh…

Will loved finding that out.

Oh- and I didn’t tell him. I just let him come home and be surprised.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

Anyway… it’s been quite a day.

Will picked me up from work and I felt back because I had to have him drive me to get his cake oh- and I had intended to get his birthday card on the way home too. Opps.

So- there you have it.

There’s probably a ton more I’m leaving our and need to share but Will wants me to watch “Dating in the Dark” tonight because this guy on his favorite sports talk radio was talking about how funny it was.

I think it’s weird.

But hey- it’s his birthday, and I did leave our kids home alone today.

Oh- and locked myself out.

Let’s not forget that one.

Genius. 

It’s only Monday and my brain seems to be enjoying its three day weekend early.

I honestly feel like a restless fifth grader during the last week of school. I’m finding it so hard to concentrate and stay on track. All I can think about is swimming this weekend and being lazy and fireworks and fun (um and loads of terrible food- followed by the gym of course… perhaps...).

I think the dog days of summer have hit me hard. Our neighborhood is full of kids and I secretly envy them everyday I get home from my work, clad in my dress clothes and clunky purse. I’m fully convinced our school system sets us up to drag during this time of the year as professional adults. I mean- you get three whole months off your entire life and then all of a sudden- BAM- the no fun zone. The occasional single day off observed on Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day.

Um- yes, I’m whining- but I secretly think you agree.

Or at least I like to think so.

I’ve been humming, “School’s Out for Summer” all day today- and it’s killing me slowly.

I think I like Monday holidays better than Friday holidays. I think I stay on track better. I have no idea why- so let’s not camp out here.

I have a few pictures to share with you guys I’ll have to post soon, and a short little video of our little Patriot babies! Our groomer always dresses the dogs up in the cutest little bandannas for each season. Right now they’re all red, white, and blue- it’s so cute. I’ve been calling them all sorts of random made up Patriotic names, big long ones that annoy Will. Like, Little Lucy Martha Washington or General Bosworth John Hancock. I’m loving it. Will isn’t. But I secretly think he does.

But I’m probably wrong.

I usually am about those sorts of things.

You would think his annoyance would prompt me to stop- but it only spurs me on. You’re so lucky you don’t live with me. I would most certainly drive you crazy. There are times in which I think Will is on the edge- but I think that’s why God gave me someone so freakishly strong and stubborn. Nothing is going to drive this man crazy, not even me.

So what are you guys doing for the 4th? Are you taking time off this week? Going out of town? Hanging out with lots of friends? Guys- all this talk is making me want to start our weekend of festivities early! Let’s have a potluck at my place this Thursday? Yay for cook outs with friends! Um- only we still don’t have a grill (depressing, I know) and the George Foreman? Frankly. It sucks. I should reserve this frustration for its own post.

However- I will sarcastically say, “Clean up is SO easy!” HA. have you ever tried to clean that thing? You literally need a freaking car sponge followed by a brillo pad, acid, and holy water.

But I digress.

So, perhaps the cookout won’t work as easily at my place-unless you want to load up your grill and come over? If you’re lucky I might even get all wild and crazy on you guys and breakout the sparklers!

I know- I’m out of control!

Sigh… it’s only Monday night and sadly I have several long and busy days ahead of me.

Here’s to happy thoughts of swimming, (finally) getting tan, eating, friends, fun, and freedom.

Happy Short Week!

1. The weekend wasn’t as bad as anticipated.

2. Pictures are posted and I think they turned out pretty good. I think Will needs to wear a tux everyday.

3. I never became more aware of the fact that Will and I truly and seriously treat our dogs like real life children more than I did this weekend. I listened to all our family members with kids and the little common trigger phrases they said and thought to myself, “Wow… I say that too. To my dogs. I think Will and I need help.”

4. I actually thought about kids this weekend (as in maybe having them one day down the road) and sort of freaked out but sort of did not. Long story short- I saw a lot of couples this weekend with small kids that seemed miserable (not with their children, but with their spouse) and it freaked me out. At the same time I thought about how I also know a lot of people that seem even happier with their spouse. I guess some of that could have been because of the circumstance (um I’m pretty sure traveling and having to stay up late for a family dinner can make EVERYONE grumpy). What do you think?

5. I honestly wore more makeup than the bride this weekend and felt a little ridiculous. She’s very simple and I so should have remembered that. Eh- I don’t get to dress up much so I figured I might as well do it right.

6. The AC in our truck went out. Thankfully it went out on the way home and not on the way there. I’m certain Will and I would have ended up in marital counseling had it gone out before. Have I mentioned I turn into a raging psychopath when I get hot? Probably not.

7. I felt really old Sunday when I went to bed at around 8:30.

8. I like Will’s family- despite what I say on my website sometimes. I’m pretty lucky to have his family in my life. I could definitely have worse- and realized that this weekend.

9. I didn’t even get to dance with Will at the reception. :( Do you know the last time we danced was back in 2002 when we met in ballroom dancing class!? I thought I was getting a dancer, but um- notsomuch. The 3 or 4 times they had a slow song Will was helping to get the bride’s overnight bag into Dr. Vet’s car, or tagging the car, or something else. Will and I were going to dance to the last slow song they played, but Dr. Vet and Mrs. Dr. Vet snatched us up and we danced with them instead. Oh well. Hopefully someone else will get married soon?

10. I’m beyond behind on reading and commenting on your blogs. Therefore I’m turning off comments today until I catch up. Sorry I’m a sucky blog friend but I promise to catch up soon. 

I realize you don’t care what I had for lunch today or how nice people were to me yesterday but the truth is- I really feel like I need to post about the last few days in my life because I really want to remember them- and when you have a bad memory like me, it’s important you write everything down!

So Sunday was nice. Will’s parents showed up with a dozen roses for me, a homemade strawberry cake (with real crushed strawberries in it!), and my gift. It was so sweet. We also went out to Olive Garden for lunch. It was a nice Sunday.

From there the week continued to get better (okay- I realize we’re only mid-week...)

I’m not sure how long you’ve been reading, but if you’ve read since the Kuwait Days you know that most of the time I really, really hated my job (I’ve linked you to my “This Isn’t CTU” posts so you can take a walk down memory lane). Things were done so backwards. People were total unprofessional morons… it was tough. Moving back to America and working where I do now was such a giant shock. Like a tall glass of ice water with a squeeze of lime. Even after being here for almost a year I still have to pinch myself- and I always say, “Wow! It’s so weird working for a “real” company!”

It’s just so different.

So Monday I got to work and one of the ladies I work with on a regular basis (and was also the girl who was my secret pal) got me a Vanilla Frappuccino and a box of Crystal Light On the Go and wished me a “happy birthday week!” I thought that was so sweet.

Yesterday was so nice. Will surprised me with the I Love Lucy boxset (she’s so great) and Dunkin Donuts for breakfast.

I got to work and had this super duper cute bright pink box in my chair. I opened it up and there was the cutest Halmark Hoops and YoYo card. I’ve linked it here. You so have to check it out because it makes me laugh. What’s even funnier about it is that the guy that got it for me is gay. There was also the cutest Hoops and YoYo stuffed animal that talks and these really cute Hoops and YoYo sticky notes with funny sayings on it. It was the sweetest surprise.

Another coworker brought me a hilarious homemade card and breakfast for everyone (two pastries for me- on top of my donuts… wow… what a way to start off 26)

It was so thoughtful.

Then my “secret pal” coworker and boss surprised me with this giant coffee mug planter filled with gorgeous tulips! It was so sweet.

We went out to lunch and I ate more. Ugh. Fat.

I got back from lunch and there were more flowers on my desk! My parents and sister sent me the most beautiful bouquet. They’re so gorgeous and pink and happy and vibrant. It was the sweetest surprise.

After lunch there was more eating.

The Cheesecake Factory’s 30th Anniversary Cake.

Delish.

Seriously amazing…

You have no idea.

It was wonderful.

The only damper was that I had a dentist appointment yesterday- no cavities so I guess that’s a plus!

It was just a really nice series of days full of really thoughtful people and surprises.

Like I said- I’ve never had a good working environment before. It’s been such a blessing to be where I am.

Today the hits kept coming. My boss and coworker wished me a Happy Birthday Week again today. I told them to stop being so nice to me and they laughed and said- “No-you’re nice!” I opened the card they got me and it made me laugh. Check it out.

HA HA

So you’ll never guess what I got today.

Remember my purse post? I mentioned the fact that I’ve had my current purse for three years- and they did something about it. Today I got the most awesome pink purse! It was the sweetest thing ever. I felt so loved!

There are a lot of times in which I miss Kuwait. We came home at the worst.time.ever. Could the economy be any worse ( ha ha- say that like Chandler Bing when you read that)? However, it’s days like this week in which I remember that my working environment is a lot better than it was before and I’m really blessed.

So- my birthday week has been great.

So I know this post was a sucky read, but I needed to post it just for memory’s sake.

More to come- and less annoying happy personal life update crap.

I know. It’s not old.

I’m not saying it is.

I’m just saying, “Wow- I’m 26. 26!”

Like I said- I don’t say that in sadness. I don’t say it like it’s all downhill from here. I guess it’s just hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I’m 26.

Don’t you still sometimes feel like you’re the exact same person as you were in high school and college only a little wiser? When I used to see 26 year olds I used to have this certain image in my mind. They were most certainly “grown ups,” had solid careers, a house, a dog, and kids. Because that’s what grown ups do! However, now that I’m 26 and a grown up I realize that 26 is so different when you’re actually sitting in the chair and not an outsider looking in.

I just feel the same. I guess as I got older I thought I would feel older. More “grown up.” Have you been there too?

I guess I’m beginning to realize that you don’t just wake up one day and have all the answers. In a lot of ways I am the same Brittny I was in high school, only wiser and more mature. When I have no idea what I’m doing I just work through it. It has nothing to do with being a certain age- after all, age is just a number.

Sorry for today’s ramblings. I’m 26 today. I have no idea what I’m doing half the time. But I’m figuring it out as I go and getting a little wiser each and every day.

Here’s to 26.

Tomorrow we’re going to OU’s official Red and White game. It’s a scrimmage they do every year and is somewhat of a big deal around here- for sports fans anyway.

It’s funny to look back and see that four years ago this time I was doing the exact.same.thing. I guess life is cyclical a lot of times.

So- even though we’ve missed the last 3 Red and White games, Will and I are restarting this tradition. Although there are a lot of times during the week in which I miss our life in Kuwait, it’s days like today in which I think about how a normal American weekend sounds nice.

I’m trying to talk Will out of the Ted’s part though because it’s my “birthday week” and darn it- I should get to choose what we have, right!?

Okay- I know I’m stretching here…

So Saturday should be fun and I’m looking forward to it.

Oh- and did I mention I’m going to try my darndest to go to the gym before the game? In some really sick way I’m tempted to text The Gym Nazi to see if she wants to meet up with me….

Because I’m insane.

I’ll let you know what I decide.

If I don’t post in a few days please come looking for me as there’s a good chance my body parts will be strategically stuffed within gym equipment.

Oh wow- that would really be a bad way to go…

Okay no more psychotic murderous gym talk.

Anyway- so the verdict is still out about whether I’m going to text The Gym Nazi- but between the two of us? I so am.

Okay so anyway- Sunday is Easter.

Yay for Easter Sunday.

I’m not going to get into the whole importance of Easter discussion in this post, but I will say part of me is sort of blah about Sunday.

Okay blah AND excited.

If that’s at all possible.

And- I’m pretty sure it’s not…

Which therefore means I guess I need to choose whether I’m blah or excited.

…

How about we split the difference and just say I’m neutral about Sunday?

My in-laws are “surprising” me on Sunday because my birthday is next week. They’re going to drive to our house with a cake and my present and have lunch with us after church.

It’s really sweet and thoughtful- I know. Not only that, but Pat called Will and wanted to get me a birthday cake I really would like.

I seriously heart boxed strawberry cake with regular old canned vanilla frosting on my birthday, and Pat is going to take time out of her busy weekend to “surprise” me with my favorite cake.

I say “surprise” me because Will absolutely knows I would kill him if my in laws up and showed up without any sort of advanced notice.

I mean REALLY! He knows I have to create the fake house before people come over or he would be the one stuffed within a treadmill belt (um- totally kidding about that- don’t arrest me).

I guess the “blah” part is the creating the fake house part. I was really hoping I’d get to be lazy Sunday afternoon, but it doesn’t appear that will happen.

Oh well- it’s still a nice gesture and I should focus on that I suppose.

Please for my sanity say a prayer that Pat doesn’t say anything about the miracle of BIRTHdays and how they celebrate LIFE and how 26 years I was being BORN and how special NEW BORN BABIES are on their BIRTHday.

Because I seriously might launch a wad of strawberry cake up against the wall.

Ha-

Who am I kidding!? You guys know I could never waste a good cake.

That’s blasphemy.

I know you’re shocked, but I’ve dubbed the road to year five The Year of More Changes.

I can’t imagine why.

This year was so different than I ever would have imagined. I never thought we would have been back in America. I honestly thought we’d be in Kuwait for a couple more years. Ha- and here we are, almost in America for a whole year!

This year was such a whirlwind, full of many changes.

From resigning, to two weeks later being back in America, and two weeks after that finding our house- to almost losing it to other buyers- to getting it again and then finally moving out of the in-law’s house and into our own place- and an awesome 20 day cruise somewhere in the fray!

It was full of learning a new job, housing guests, and getting used to the American life. Oh- and buying two pups which have quickly turned into horses.

And who could forget expensive gas, no maid, and taxes!?

It’s been quite a year of changes, and yet again we’ve adjusted and plowed through- although this year was sort of a tough one. I guess life can’t always be easy, right? If only!

This year has been full of lots of things, both good and bad. I miss my family a lot. This has been the first time in my life in which I’ve lived away from them. I also miss living in a foreign country. I really enjoyed living overseas. However, I must say life in the slow lane definitely has its perks. I forgot how many things I missed.

It’s been full of adjustments and getting used to different things, and it has continued to grow us. This is our life, and this is the life we have made for ourselves- together as a team. We have become a team- albiet a team that doesn’t get along very well when needing to do home improvement projects- but nonetheless a team. It’s almost like I can’t remember my life before Will. It’s always just been us, and I’m thankful for just “us.”

I have no idea what the road to year six will be dubbed. I hope it’s the year of Winning Five Million Dollars, or the year of Inventing Something and Retiring or even another year of Fun.

I have no idea what this year will bring our way- but I’m thankful to God for the things He’s brought us through thus far. I look forward to the road to year six with Will, and I hope you stick around to share the trip with me.

Tonight will consist of making dinner and hanging out on the couch together at home- so thrilling I know. The secret truth is that we’re major home bodies and I’m very excited about our “big” Friday night anniversary plans. Tomorrow we’re going to Zios for a late lunch (um yum!!) and then we’re going to hear Dave Ramsey (google him) speak! I’m excited about our date night. Like I said- we’re not very exciting, even when it’s our fifth anniversary.

Happy Five Year Anniversary, Will. It’s been a really interesting run full of lots of twists, and I’m so glad we’re in it together.

<3

Okay.

This is my blog. Mine. All mine! Iinsert evil laugh right ______<- here.

This is my blog and it's something very important to me. Something that keeps me sane and a place I run to during all times of my life. This blog as been my life's journey and is a giant part of my life.

When I started this thing- way back in 2005 on the nest I had no idea anyone would ever read it- let alone that I would have “blog friends” I talk to on a regular basis, some of which I have met. I had no idea that this “blog” would do so much for me and become part of my identity. No idea at all.

With that said, I feel like I need to share something with you.

I’m beginning to feel like I can’t be myself on here anymore. When I started this blog- 1. I never thought anyone would read it (as previously stated!) and 2. It was not created for people I know to read it.

I know that sounds silly, but it’s very true. The thought of people that I actually know and see and talk to knowing about the time I plugged up my in-law’s toliet or the time I left my lunch in the fridge for half a year or…

well- you guys read my blog- you know the list goes on and on…

that stuff isn’t made for people I know! It’s made for you guys! The people I like!

Ha ha- kidding.

sort of…

Anyway-

now that I’ve moved back I feel incredibly censored by myself.

I feel like I can’t share my heart like I want to and I hate that.

I hope you hate that too.

I think about all the people I think I know that read my blog and it makes me feel all bummed- because

as I said before-

this blog isn’t for them!

Okay wait-

it is.

I guess.

There are several people that I know in real life that I know read my blog (Hi guys! You know who you are...), and I’m so fine with that. It doesn’t bother me at all. I appreciate that we can keep in touch in this medium, and am most appreciative of them outing themselves.

It’s the people I know that read my blog and I don’t know about it that bothers me. The possibilities are endless.

Unfortunately I’m getting to the point in which I’m considering going partially private- and I really, really don’t want to do that. That’s not why I started this blog and it was never my intention to feel as though I need to be careful in what I say. I wanted this blog to be raw and honest and “me” and I want it to stay that way.

However, now that I’m back home I feel like it can’t as easily as before.

Do you guys know how many people from Oklahoma are reading my blog these days? A freaking ton!

Okay- so I officially went from 3 readers to 9- but seriously- it feels like a ton!

I think I was most freaked out when someone searched for something specific about my family on my blog. Perhaps it was innocent, perhaps it was by one of those people I mentioned above- people I know that know me and read my blog, however I can’t help but think it’s those people that think they know me and have somehow found out about my blog. Sadly, there are a lot of people like that in my life. People that knew me before I went to Kuwait and have judged me for my decisions and have said some pretty hurtful things.

Sigh.

If I really wanted to I could take hours upon end to figure out who everyone was but I’m not that dedicated in reverse blog stalking (ha ha- I think I just made up a new term). 

I know this is what I get for having a public blog- the unknown of who’s out there. The inability to control who visits and what they do with the information I write.

I don’t want to feel like I have to tip-toe around what I want to say because of other people- like I said- this is my blog.

So I’m going to try my best not to do so, and that’s my commitment to all (ha ha- all...) nine of you who read my blog. We’ll see what the future has in store, and don’t worry you won’t show up to my site and be completely locked out. If I like you- I’ll tell you first (ha ha).

To my fellow Okie readers (the ones I don’t know in real life)- thanks for stopping by. If you ever see me at Teds or an OU game or at The Dollar Tree (see below post) please say hi! <- and please also don’t be a creepo. Thanks. Also, if you feel inclined to say hi in the comments section, please do! It will probably put my mind to rest a smidge.

Smidge.

What IS a smidge?

...

Anyway-

I have no idea why I shared all of this with you guys (the blog stuff- not the smidge stuff)… I guess it’s been weighing on my mind for a while now.

I suppose that’s all, really. I just needed to vent a little and do some sharing. Thanks for listening.

Now go have a good day!