I am absolutely positive that if someone handed me a container of vanilla frosting and a plastic spoon and guaranteed absolutely zero implications would result from eating the entire can, I would do it.

If it wouldn’t affect my skin, cellulite, attitude, weight, or anything else, it would totally happen. I would seriously sit there and eat the entire darn thing. At some point, I would have eaten most of the canister. And the spoon would just get in the way. Which means I would likely be up to my wrist in vanilla frosting trying to get the last.scoop.out.

Pathetic.

Which is pretty much what I nearly did over my pre-birthday birthday cake this week. Only sadly, no one promised that there wouldn’t be any negative implications. Which means that I made a poor, poor decision. A word from the wise today: don’t eat vanilla frosting. It will only leave you lumpy. I can only hope I have learned from this mistake and that next year, as I approach 30 (AHHHH) I will not have a repeat of the previous year.

Mainly because I will probably be lying on the floor in a sloppy stupor over the fact that I am no longer in my 20s.

Pass the frosting. 

Procrastinating. As if it was an assignment itself. I’ve never been much of a procrastinator. Until I started school. And then I became one. And then I became addicted to 5 Hour Energy drinks. And then I became great at hammering out giant papers in one weekend. And it has pretty much been an unhealthy and ugly cycle ever since. I am nearing one of those weekends very, very soon.

And then I have one more class.

Thank God.

Followed my a 30 hour comprehensive test.

In which I will repeat the above (energy drinks, hammering out papers in short duration, etc). And then I will be done.

Wow.

Do you even care?

Because I’m pretty sure all I talk (er complain!) about lately is school!

School!

Silly excuses.

Okay. Let’s stop talking about that. It’s not really that big of a deal. I’m hiding behind it as a way to justify my lack of creativity and time to set aside and compose a meaningful post.

Now I feel so behind in our chats that I don’t even know where to begin. Like- how I pretty much don’t eat meat or sugar or crap anymore.How my family is about to grow (you like how I hide that one all ambiguously and cryptic in the middle?). How Will and I are planning a fun trip. Now that’s what I’m talking about right!? See? That’s creative-ish.

Ish

Not totally there, but hey- better than school whines, right? That’s what I thought too.

I turn 29 this week, friends. TWENTY NINE.

And I’m struggling with it. I hope I make time to post about it and sort of work it out here. This seems to be the perfect medium to express thoughts such as these. I was 21 when I started posting on this blog, and it totally blows my mind that I have had this thing around as long as I have. Ha, if you go back and read some of the early posts it’s funny how young and goofy and silly they all are. I was such a baby. A baby pretending to be a grown up.

Funny. I still sort of feel like that from time to time. Yet here I am, standing at 30’s door.

29.

Sheesh.

Let’s tackle that after it happens, right? I mean, there IS life after 28 right?

More to come- from and older and much wiser Brittny.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. We spent the day with Will’s family today, and tomorrow we are having Thanskgiving with my family. The family that lives two doors down. Those ones. I’m making the bird so absolutely no pressure, right?

So very much has happened lately!

This is not an update.

It’s more of a mid-point check in. One and a half semesters to go until I have my life back, and Will gets his wife back.

For all those people that say going back to school is worth it?

They’re lying to you.

Turn around and run!

Anyway, I’m still here. Schooling away. Don’t forget about me and this humble site.

Actually go ahead. Forget about me until July. I’ll probably check in again during Christmas break here soon, but what I’m really looking forward to is the frequent posting again. And the only frequent posting I’m doing these days is to a stupid school website forum board. Thrilling.

A giant update to follow in a few weeks. Until then, Happy Thanksgiving!

In one month from today I’ll be headed to Chicago for what feels like a monumental sort of occasion.

P turns 21.

21/

It just doesn’t feel real for so many reasons. It makes me feel old! I remember her in nothing but my mom’s heels and a blue tu-tu. I remember her having Memorial Day concerts in our living room for our family. I remember her puking in my hair when we were on vacation in Iowa.

Let’s just say I have a lot of stories-

as does she.

Anyway, I’m sure we’ll talk more about that next month.

I thought I’d just commemorate that the countdown has begun. I’m pretty darn excited about it. Should we throw her a surprise party? The more the merrier, right? I’m sure all my blog friends in her apartment wouldn’t be weird at all.

Maybe we’ll grease the tracks for next year. 

Hi!

Happy New Year!

Oh no, be warned- I’ve started this post with back to back exclamation points. I see more in the future of this post. Please do not let the cheeriness deter you. I will try to keep the exclamations to a minimum.

But I make no promises.

I hope you all had a great Christmas, and Saturday, and New Year’s Eve. The random Saturday insertion just seemed like the right thing to do… I have no idea why.

Our Christmas was good. We spent the morning with Will’s family and then travelled home late that afternoon. I took that following Monday off which was nice. We ended up going to the “big town” of El Reno, Oklahoma to eat at Sid’s diner. It was a place featured on Man Versus Food. The place was super tiny but the food was good, as we had expected. It was a nice day.

I had Friday off this week which was nice too. We spent a lot of the day shopping. How two people can spend a small fortune at Sam’s I will never know. We went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner that night which was nice and spent the entire time reflecting on 2010 and talking about 2011. It was a good day!

Was all that boring?

Because I sort of feel like it was.

Sorry. The truth is- when Will and I were talking last night about some of the highlights of last year I couldn’t remember some of them and I realize I don’t really talk much about my life anymore here. Which is fine and what I have chosen to do, I suppose, but at the same time it’s sort of nice to be able to look back to my 2005 archives and actually recall a day after reading about it. So I was thinking that maybe once or twice a month I will try to capture more about what’s going on in my life. Mostly for me. I apologize in advance for the boringness.

Okay, enough about that.

Happy New Year!

Did I already say that?

Ah- yes. I did. And then went on and on about all! the! exclamation! points!

Are you a big resolution-er?

I’m not really per say. To a degree I suppose but nothing too extreme. Much like Angela , my goal is to never eat again or lose a million pounds. I never really take it seriously though. My other problem? I make about 15 of them and by mid January I’ve forgotten all of them!

“Wait- did I say I was NOT going to drink coffee and was going to drink more tequila?”

“Or was it not eating trans fats and drinking mroe coffee!?… Or was it tequila!? I know it that was in one of my resolutions somewhere...”

“This is so hard!”

I figure now that I’m another year older and wiser I should probably just suck it up and realize that I am going to have to eat. And losing a million pounds? Well that’s just silly, Brittny!

So this year is about sharing my goals and making them realistic. Also- not to make a dozen. Sure it’s nice to want to do things, I mean, I want to save the world! However, I realize I have to start somewhere. So that’s what I want to do.

Here goes.

1. Be a Failure

I want to fail in the gym this year.

Yes, you heard me right.

A big fat F.

For anyone that spends time in the weight room, you will know what I’m talking about. If you don’t- long story short is that in order to really see growth and really make progress you have to lift to failure which means you have to really exert and exhaust your muscles. I do that now… sort of… but I really take it easy on myself. I really want my time at the gym to be worthwhile, and it won’t be unless I put myself to the test mentally and physically.

My plan for meeting my resolution is to do it- to add the extra weight and document my progress. If I can only do four reps, well I can only do four reps. But with time it will grow to six and maybe even eight. Until I really start making things hard on myself, I won’t see the results I want to.

2. Be Squeaky Clean

The other day I was on the elliptical and a guy jumped on beside me and started working out. The second he walked past me, I gagged. No really- I did. And made a disgusting face.
,
The guy smelled as though he had sat in a 4x4 closet where 10 people crammed in there with him and smoked for eight hours straight. And then the 10 people left. But he decided to stay.So he could eat the cigarette butts.

No really- he did.

He ate them.

I’m pretty sure anyway…

As I continued on my second interval set I started to get mad.

Really guy!? Yeah- great plan. Go to the gym and work out but then go smoke six packs a day. That’s a way to be healthy!

How dumb.

I then spent my remaining 20 minutes on the elliptical gagging and turning my head away from The Ash Tray, thinking about how ridiculous this guy was.

I blame the high degree of my irritation on the workout. I think something about having my heart rate up and sweating tends to make me a little more intense than normal."Why bother showing up to the gym?! Your lungs are raisins.”

So as I started my cool down- and started to come back to earth- I realized it was wrong for me to feel the way I did. It’s that guy’s choice to smoke a carton a day. It’s on him. Granted, the second hand smoke is another issue- but let’s stay focused.

The second thing I started to think about was- “Wow pot! You’re calling the kettle black aren’t you!?”

Busted.

Guys- I live in a perpetual state of dissonance. I really do. I emphasize fitness so much in my life, and even go so far to say it’s my passion, yet not all of my lifestyle echos those words. I can go bust my tail at the gym and then go home and eat half a pizza and breadsticks.

And then complain about it for the next 2 hours.

But then repeat the same action the very next weekend.

My point is- I’ll never know how good I can be and what I’m capable of until I put.the.pizza.down!

Just put it down, Brittny.

Down.

I really love food.

I eat healthy just about every week day and then blow it on the weekend. Did I say blow it? What I mean is, calorically I eat enough for two people on the weekends. Maybe even three. Yikes! How awful is that to type!?

I decided that if I want to be my best and see what I’m capable of in the gym, which I claim is my passion, part of my success has to start in the kitchen!

So with all that being said my goal for this year is to eat a clean diet six days a week during 2011 and allow myself one “cheat” day. And when I say cheat day I don’t mean eating an entire box of cereal and washing it down with a double cheeseburger with fries. I mean eating things I enjoy but in much smaller portions.

Moderation Brittny!

So here’s how I plan on meeting this tough goal. I already made my menu for January and February because I know if I write it down and have a plan it will make it a lot easier on my life. I won’t have to spend time thinking about what I’m going to eat- because I’ll already know. This will be particularly handy when I’m start back to school this month.

3. Get Connected

I don’t think I ever told you guys about my funny story of the group we joined at church and then left. It’s too long to tell it here, but trust me, when Will tells the story it has people in tears. Pretty funny.

Anyway, we’re not connected in any sort of small Bible study group and we really need to be. Church is good but it’s also important to be around people our age and have that small group interaction, you know? We’ve become sort of discouraged by our journey in this area, so my hope is that this year we will find a group and get connected.

4. Do well in school.

My plan? Is to just freaking do it, darn it! To read, pay attention, and stay on top of stuff.

5. Be a Better Wife, Friend, and Employee

This girl right here can tell you I’m not always the best at keeping up with communcation. She and Retired Blogger Sarah will have exchanged about five emails to my one sometimes! Granted, there’s going to be times where life is busy, but friends are important and I need to remember that. I have lots of “friends” but very few real true friends and they’re very precious to me and I want them to know that by my actions.

I also want to be the wife to Will that I need to be. We’re a solid team, but I think after almost seven years of marriage (! when did that happen!?) we’ve sort of gotten comfortable with each other and have settled into our life. That’s good and all, but this year I wanted to be mindful of being “nice” and “thoughtful” and more of a “girlfriend” to Will (I have no idea why I put all that in quotations).

You think I’m crazy right?

Trust me, it all makes sense in my head.

Anyway- I went into my calendar and put random things on random days as reminders to do something nice for Will. I know it seems pathetic that I actually have to remind myself to do thoughtful things for Will or surprise him with something, but hey- I’m trying and this is a good way to make sure I’m staying on target!

6. Put it Away: The 2011 Laundry List

I really want to put my laundry away immediately after doing a load. I also don’t want to leave dishes in the sink. I’m pretty sure this is a resolution for me every.single.year. And every.single.year. I don’t follow through. Sure, I do for a few weeks- but before I know it I look at the chest in our bedroom and see a laundry pile the size of a small SUV stacked high. I don’t know why. I also don’t know how two people can generate so much laundry. But it happens. So, let’s hope I actually keep the pile manageable this year. I have a load sitting in there right now- which means I need to get off this computer and start folding! Hey-Rome wasn’t built in a day. I’m on it!

So there you have it. My goals for 2011. Knowing I have an action plan and a goal and am drawing a line in the sand by telling you guys, my friends, makes it seem more real.

Here’s to a solid 2011 for all of us.

Wishing you and your family a day full of happy memories, wonderful surprises, warmth, and blessings. I’m so thankful to have you all in my life and appreciate the friendships that have been forged as a result of this blog-o-sphere.

Merry Christmas and I can’t wait to catch up on what everyone did, as well as share a little about my day too.

Love,

Will, Brittny, Boz, Lucy, Rocky, & Teddy
(So many doggies! We’re on our way to an 8-man football team.)

Done with school!

Well- for a few weeks anyway.

My final was on the brutal side. What the hell is ANOVA and why don’t I remember reading about it during the last 8 weeks!?

Geez.

It feels good to have my first semester under my belt. Now I can focus on Christmas week.

Any cleaning my house.

It’s the messiest place on earth. I need someone to put me on that Clean House Showa pit.

Anyway- now that I’m done and have a few weeks off I can focus on cleaning and the important stuff like reading all the Women’s Health magazines I’ve been putting off for the last four months.

It’s the big things that count, really.

Okay- enough complaining about my messy house. Trust me, I’ve been doing enough. In fact, Will looked at me yesterday and was like- “You’re done with school. Sit down. Breathe. Take a couple of days off before you jump into boiling the house. And seriously, seriously please stop complaining about how messy it is.”

I get it. I’m annoying. I told him I’d keep it to a minimum.

So let’s move on and let me share with you how CRAZY Oklahomans are during the holiday season.

I don’t know if any of you have been to Oklahoma, or know any Oklahomans, or have some sort of stereotype in your mind about what people from Oklahoma are like (um- and if you’re using me as a comparison method and the word “goofy” or “awkward” keep coming to mind?… well please disregard)

Anyway, I like to think that as a whole, Oklahomans are nice people.

Sorry- let’s say that correctly. Everyone, get a slight southern drawl ready, and here we go-

Oklahomans are Naaaiiiccce.

There. Much better.

Well, it’s not true.

At least during the holidays, that is.

Will and I had to go to the mall Saturday.

A quick trip to the mall.

Because we needed two gift cards- and nothing else.

However, we should have known that at this time of the year there is no “quick trip to the mall.”

You may have intentions for a quick trip, but there is nothing quick about the experience at all.

Virtually every other Oklahoman had the same plan.

A quick trip to the mall.

Oh- and before we go any further.

Who doesn’t have their Christmas shopping done by now!? GEEZ. Seriously.

Okay, granted Will and I had to grab one thing, which is probably what everyone else out and about today was doing, but still- Saturday’s experience alone is enough to remind me that any amount of shopping the week before Christmas is a bad idea.

A.Bad.Idea.

And I hardly ever do it. Except, the girl who was going to get our boss’ gift had to leave town unexpectedly which meant I had to go to the mall to secure the gift.

And yes, I say “secure the gift” in a Jack Bauer sort of fashion, because it truly was some sort of operative mission involving stealth and skill and the ability to have no Christmas heart- even if it means taking out an old lady clad in a cute fuzzy Christmas tree sweater, equipped with holiday lights and bells.

You just have to do it. It’s Christmas. The season of joy and giving stealing parking spots and fighting over the last hideous pair of fuzzy Christmas socks for Aunt Margaret.

Speaking of stealing parking spots- I totally fell victim to a terrible little Christmas hater Saturday. The mall was fuller than a kid who downed a whole plate of oreo truffles and butter cake. We were driving around, circling, circling… much like sharks around a wounded seal.

As soon as a spot opened up- BAMO- it was taken.

Well I dropped Will off to start shopping while I tried to find a place to park and came upon the best.spot.ever. It’s almost as if it was golden and beaming and surrounded by a beautiful virginal choir clad in white robes singing and rejoicing, welcoming me into their space.

Except- as I began to make my turn into the spot a mini van-

That’s right- a VAN

A small little van full of a little soccer mom and her snotty kids and their Capri Suns and raisins and Christmas sweaters-

flew out of nowhere and descended right into my spot!

I was flabbergasted.

I was angry.

I laid on the horn.

I felt slightly better.

Do you not believe in Christmas joy you soccer mom Scrooge!?!

Granted, I’m sure she needed the spot more than I did- but I didn’t care.

It was the Saturday before Christmas. At the mall. It was war.

Except I couldn’t really wage war since I needed to continue on my hunt for a viable parking spot. Even if it meant parking on grass. Across the street. In a sketchy apartment complex.

Whatever it takes, darn it.

I needed to make that purchase and nothing was going to get in my way. Not even a Honda van.

I finally found a parking spot and fought my way through the army of Christmas resistance Christmas cheer.

First stop? JC Penneys for Will’s grandma.

I walked in and was greeted by a smiley young and pretty employee handing out candy canes and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.

Which made me breathe a little easier and loosened up my tense shoulders.

Ha.

It’s as if they knew that for 30 seconds I was going to forget about the hell that was the mall parking lot so that I would enter their store and stay.

Only to be confronted with the SAME parking lot hell machines only this time instead of being in the form of cars it was in the form of patrons!

That’s right!

Patrons!!!!

They’re so mean and competitive! Yes- it’s like a whole “sport.” Them against me. “Five yard penalty for cutting the person in line.”

“Unsportsman-like conduct on the receiving team!”

It was like a losing battle the whole time. Does anyone win the weekend before Christmas? Are the sales worth it? Can your blood pressure handle it?

Because I’m pretty sure mine couldn’t.

I crumbled like a week old cookie= “Go ahead, push me around. Go ahead take my spot! Hey- have my first born while you’re at it!”

That’s my passive aggressiveness showing itself.

What makes me laugh is that these same “patrons” that stole my spot and pushed and nudged me around all huffy and rudely are the same friendly faces you and I know and love and buy presents for!

It’s crazy!

What gets into us!?

It’s like all our tact goes right out the window.

It’s brutal.

It’s painful.

It’s not festive at all.

And thinking about the whole experience annoys me all over again. Rude Honda van spot stealer!!

...

I get it.

Much like the messy house complaining, I need to lay off the crazy Christmas shopper complaining too.

Merry merry Christmas- and I mean that in the most non-Oklahoma mall shopper way possible.

Hey what about you guys? I gotta believe it’s not just Oklahomans that morph into courtesy killers. What kind of Christmas shopping annoyances have you experienced this season?

More to come! Hey- I’m out of school for a while. Do I see more consistent posting in my future?!

In follow up to my last post- do you realize it would be healthier (um and I use that term very, very loosely) for me to go to the fridge, pull out two sticks of butter, and proceed to eat them like a Popsicle? At least I wouldn’t have to consider the ENTIRE box of powdered sugar or the whole box of cake mix AKA the “crust.”

Because eating straight butter would be healthier. It would. (again- using that word liberally) This gooey butter cake could be the death of me. Normal people would throw it away. I however like to keep it around like that lousy ex boyfriend. You know he is no good for you but you just can’t help but keep him around because you like the abuse. Plus he smells nice.

The gooey pumpkin butter cake is like that.

Maybe worse. But it was made by Paula Deen and I’m pretty sure she’s the sweetest lady around. So the butter powdered sugar concoction can’t be ALL bad right?

Dont answer. I have no intention of listening anyway. I just found it funny that eating straight butter (which I don’t even really like by the way) would be “better.” nice.

That is all, carry on.

Oh- and I posted this from my phone. The formatting is crappy, yes? 

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving! I hope you all had a great day. Mine was very nice. Will and I spent the day with his family and then came home and watched football. A pretty typical Thanksgiving day, but just what I needed. Plus I got to FaceTime with P which was pretty great too.

I’m looking forward to the next few days off. Today we got up late and didn’t do too much. I went to the gym in hopes of burning off a few of those thousands of calories I consumed yesterday (which was hopeless due to the gooey pumpkin BUTTER cake sitting in my fridge. Two sticks of butter is sitting in that cake pan. TWO STICKS. And Will isn’t big fan of pumpkin. Please don’t even tell me how long that means I’ll have to be on the treadmill. It will hurt too much).

We went and saw The Next Three Days- along with a plethora of others from Oklahoma. I guess I forget that seeing movies this time of year is sort of a “thing” people do. A post-Thanksgiving tradition, if you will. Much like Black Friday shopping, or putting up Christmas decorations. So now we’re home and contemplating pay per view movies. We shall see…

Tomorrow is a trip to Tulsa to see Will’s other side of the family. That will consume most of the day followed by the big game which will decide if we’re going to the Big 12 Championship or not. And then I’m scheduled to take Monday off! It’s my hope that I’ll be able to do so, but I might end up having to do some work but at least it will be at home, right?

So there you have it. As if you had even asked. Because I’m pretty sure you didn’t and I just volunteered it all.

More to come. We have lots to talk about!

Yes. I get it. My last twenty-five posts have somehow centered back to food. I clearly have a problem. I should be on Maury or Montel or The View discussing my awful obsession with frosting and dinners and celebrations that center around both.

Or maybe just the sick obsession with frosting.

I realize the food posts need to stop. However, today something happened that I simply had to share. I found myself hovering over the sink thinking, “Wow. I really don’t want to tell anyone about the shame I just experienced.”

And then five minutes later I was in the car laughing thinking, “Ahaha, I have to tell someone about this.”

So here we are.

Tomorrow is Will’s birthday. Yesterday we drove down to Will’s parent’s house to celebrate his birthday. We went to eat and afterwards Will’s mom sent us home with a dirty cake.

Heh heh. Dirty cake.

Doesn’t it just sound sleazy? Like you need to be listening to Keith Sweat or R. Kelly while you take the lid off? Or like you should be slathering it in some sort of edible oil?

Sorry for the visual. Let’s get back on track.

Anyway- dirty cake. Us. Taking it home.

We brought the cake home but didn’t have any last night. Which meant there was untouched cake in my house for more than 12 hours, which is pretty much a miracle.

In fact you may want to check page 22A of your local newspaper. I bet I’m in there.

So today for lunch I had to run to the post office to mail off my transcripts for my school application. I had already brought my lunch to work with me, so there was really no need for me to go home for lunch yet somehow I found myself getting into the car, as if on autopilot, and driving home. You know, to let Boz and Lucy out. Wink.

So I get there, let them out, and am standing around the kitchen thinking, “What am I doing here?” Knowing full well what was really going on in my mind. The cake.

So, I play with a little fire and open the fridge- and there it is.

In fact, as I opened the fridge I’m pretty sure I heard some Marvin Gaye playing in the back of the Crisper area- and as soon as I shut the fridge the music went away.

I peeked it open again, to be greeted with the same sound. Only this time I exercised some degree of willpower and got a nectarine.

Because, as we all know, nectarines are just as satisfying as chocolatey cake, yes?

I finished the nectarine and really realize I need to go back to work.

I mean that is Will’s cake! His mom made it for him! It’s meant for us to share it together in honor of his special day. What sort of sick, awful, hormonal person eats their husband’s birthday ca…

And before I could finish the word, there I was. Standing over the sink trying to slyly carve out a tiny piece of dirty cake so that Will would never know someone sampled it before he did. Only the tiny sliver soon became about half a cup.

Wow.

An all time low, I thought to myself.

So what was I to do!? I couldn’t let Will know I was such a selfish awful wife!

Think, Brittny, Think!

Ahaha!

If you’ve ever had dirty cake, you know that it’s topped with whip cream.

So, in my genius, I went to the freezer and pulled out our gigantic tub of Cool Whip.

Because, as you know, every two person household has a costco size bucket of Cool Whip in their house.

I went to work, almost artist-like, filling in the “tiny” hole I had created, and spreading the oreos overtop.

Brilliant.Before I knew it- Tada! Good as new. Like I never ate a giant hole through Will’s birthday cake.

So now I don’t feel so much like a heel. Now I simply feel like I need to spend all week at the gym.

I made myself laugh, so I figured I’d share the moment with you all.

Happy Monday!