1. I ordered Girl Scout cookies yesterday. For “family in Kuwait.” Okay- so I’m lying. After all- this is Tuesday Confessions, right? So I ordered 10 boxes yesterday for “family” so I wouldn’t look like a total fatty. The truth is that we bought 10 boxes for ourselves. Because we suck. And we’re fat.
2. I will be 26 old this year and I still get embarrassed to buy tampons. Really. How immature is that?
3.I didn’t wash my hair yesterday. That’s typically no big deal, I generally go a day or two between washings. HOWEVER I lifted weights at the gym the day before and got sweaty and STILL did not wash my hair this morning. I opted for a quick shower and 30 extra minutes of sleep. Because I am gross. And fat (read #1).
4. Will always asks me to make sure the lines on his gotee/beard/thing (I’m not sure what exactly it’s classified as now) are straight and almost always I have absolutely no idea if they are or not. So I say just yes.
5. I tend to be slightly obsessive compulsive. Ross and Rachel found this out last weekend when I had to triple check that the straightener was unplugged PLUS have Will confirm. So I have this system, this schedule, for cleaning my house- and I don’t deviate. I’m two days behind and it’s really, truly making me all itchy and sweaty and crazy. Must.Not.Deviate. So despite my obsession with having a clean house, since I’ve already missed two days of “The Holy Schedule” I would rather wait until the cycle starts over again. Because I am crazy. And gross (read #2). And fat (read #1).
Anything weighing you down (aside from 10 boxes of Girl Scout cookies) that you need to get off your chest? Leave it behind in the “Share the Love” section.
I’m pretty sure we lost from the second Will and I got on the airplane.
Although- it didn’t seem so at first.
We rode the same plan as Heisman quarterback Sam Bradford’s parents as well as Jeremy Beal’s parents.
Good sign, right?
We thought so.
We ended up getting delayed on our way there, which was a bit of an annoyance- yet we didn’t think it was the end of the world.
Ha.
We got to Miami late and had to wait almost an hour catch the Enterprise shuttle to get a rental car.
That whole slogan, “Pick Enterprise, We Pick You Up” is a HUGE lie. Apparently that holds true for all places except Miami.
We waited forever and finally caught the shuttle to enterprise.
When we got there we should have known there was going to be a problem. A mass of people, all clad in game gear, was standing outside waiting for a shuttle to take them to their hotels.
Hmm- that seems strange, right?
Will got in line and waited.
We waited, and waited, and waited.
Will finally got to the counter and the manager turned the lights off- all in attempts to say that Enterprise no longer had any cars- despite people making reservations for cars 3 weeks in advance- and that they were closing for the night.
Bad sign?
We thought so…
Yeah- Will wasn’t humored.
They offered to take us to our hotel and bring us back in the morning for a car.
Um- no.
They briefly mentioned trying to go to their sister company’s office to see if they would be able to honor our reservation.
Will and I decided to take a chance and walked over to the rental place. A tiny hole in the wall kiosk sort of place.
Nice.
Apparently a lot of Enterprise customers had the same idea. There was a line almost out the door all full of people hoping that this company didn’t give away all their cars just as Enterprise did.
We waited, and waited, and waited once again.
Will finally got to the counter.
The Oklahoma gods were looking out for us because we got the very.last.car.on.the.lot.
Everyone else was turned away.
Good sign?
We sure thought so.
We were the proud renters of a white Dodge minivan.
Oh yeah baby.
We loaded up and returned to the airport to pick up Ross and Rachel (we took different flights).
While we waited I made a video recapping the evening. As you will see- Will was not humored.
At all.
HA HA I look freaking hilarious in the freeze frame Flickr used. Nice.
We got Ross & Rachel, went to the hotel and called it a night- or late morning… whatever.
The next day we donned our Sooner gear and were ready to go to Miami!
We should have known we were destined to lose…
We got on the elevator and were on our way down (with a dozen other people, some OU fans, some Gator fans… fun times). As we arrived to the ground level, the elevator got stuck.
We couldn’t get the door open.
Bad sign?
We thought so.
This insane Gator fan started to panic and freak out. She began yelling and beating on the door. She started trying to pry it open yelling, “You don’t understand! I’ve got to get out of here! You don’t understand! HELP! HELP!”
We don’t understand that you’re psycho and need to calm the crap down in situations like this?
Yeah- we pretty much understood, lady.
All of a sudden we started to go up again.
Um- not a good sign.
We got to the 2nd floor and there was this huge jolt.
Yeah- I was thinking I was about to meet my Maker right there in a Miami elevator.
What a bad way to go.
We finally somehow got back to the ground level- with this woman going absolutely insane and really freaking us out. Ross and Will were trying to calm her down, but it wasn’t working.
The door finally opened and we tripped the lady on our way out.
Kidding.
But don’t think it didn’t cross my mind.
Bad sign?
We thought so…
The rest of the morning and afternoon was great. We went to Hard Rock for lunch, walked around, and took pictures. We went to South Beach and had fun there too. It was a really good afternoon.
Good sign?
We thought so…
We went back to the hotel to freshen up and get ready for the big game. We arrived at the stadium ready to claim our title. This game was ours for the taking.
Well- at least we thought so…
As soon as I entered the stadium I ran into a couple that used to teach me in Sunday school! Too crazy. They moved to Florida and got tickets to the game. I hadn’t seen them in years. What a small world.
I took that as a good sign.
While we were wandering the stadium we decided to get dinner.
As I was waiting in line I ran into my ex-boyfriend’s parents!
Random, right? I mean, I know a lot of people I knew were probably going to be at the game, but in a stadium that size I didn’t figure I’d run into one person- let alone a whole freaking family!
I hadn’t really talked to them since the breakup, so it was nice to catch up.
After my 2nd random encounter we had dinner and were on our way to our seats when…
I ran into not only my ex’s parents- but the whole entire family.
I was going to play it off like I didn’t see them (mainly because I’d seen my ex a few times since the breakup and he totally ignored me), but my ex actually called me over and we talked. He got to meet Will, and I met his wife.
It was sort of nice because things had ended badly. It was sort of like closure because we’re past all that now (I mean it was like 6 freaking years ago) and are both really happy in life.
So- I figured I ought to count that as a good sign.
We got to our seats and were ready for the big game.
Can we please glaze over this part?
Thanks.
I should have known it was going to be a bad game when the Gator girl in front of us flicked Will off.
Yeah- I probably should have taken that as a bad sign.
The game was slow the first half, and well- you know how the 2nd half ended.
We left the stadium bummed about the loss and decided a huge pile of fast food may dull the pain.
Well I thought that…
We drove around for literally an hour trying to find a place that was open.
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Don’t drive-thrus in Florida stay open late!?!
Apparently not…
We finally found a Wendy’s that had a drive thru open late. At this point it was 1:15. “Yes!! It says the drive thru is open until 2!”
As we approached the drive thru we noticed that the drive thru was open until 2 on Fridays thru Saturdays.
It closed at 1:00 Mondays-Thursdays.
Talk about irony.
We couldn’t catch a break!
So- we just headed back to the hotel.
The next day was pretty much full of airport stuff- which is generally never fun.
We got in Friday night, and it was so nice to be home.
The doggies were very happy to see us, as you can imagine.
My house is a mess, but I’ve vowed not to clean it until tomorrow.
Sort of a mourning thing, perhaps?
All-in-all it was a really fun quick trip.
I know I painted a depressing picture with all the “bad signs,” but I was sort of kidding about all that.
Sort of.
We had a nice time. It was really fun to go with another couple too. It made the trip a lot more fun.
So, we didn’t win our eighth this week and that’s pretty unfortunate. I have no idea what this means for the next season, Bob, Sam, everything…
I just know I’m sort of glad the season is over and now my husband can focus on going thru footlockers with me (ha ha).
Hope you guys had a good weekend. boomer sooner <3
I was up before 5:00 yesterday morning with a sick husband and barking dog.
Why are men so much worse about being sick than women? Seriously!
I don’t think men could ever handle pregnancy or childbirth or PMS… they’re the biggest babies ever!
“Feel my head.”
“I’m shivering.”
“Ow! My body is achy.”
“Will you make me tea? It tastes better when you do it, and I don’t know how.”
Sigh. I love him, and I know I’m bad too, but at 5:00 in the morning!?! Yeah- it’s enough to drive me batty.
In sickness and in health, right?
I had to go to three different stores yesterday- three!
Two pharmacies were closed until 10:00, so I decided to bite the bullet and go to Wal-mart.
Amazingly, their pharmacy was closed until 10:00 too.
Sigh.
For some ridiculous reason Will wanted me to talk to a pharmacist. Apparently because I’m a moron sitting in a pile of my own drool and can’t piece together the fact that a runny nose, sore throat, and slight fever equaled a freaking cold or possibly the flu.
Sigh.
I was over waiting until 10:00 to talk to a pharmacist. I grabbed a box of Tylenol Cold, a thermometer, juice, and a bag of Soft Batch cookies.
The cookies? Yeah- those were for me.
For my troubles.
For my strength in nursing my poor sick husband back to health.
I believe this purchase was TOTALLY justifiable and does not count towards my, “Eat healthier Resolution (I use that term very loosely, by the way).’”
I guess before starting another week I ought to reflect on the one that has just passed.
The obligatory recap post, if you will.
However this update is a little unique.
But we’ll get to all of that.
This was our first official Christmas back in the states. Granted, we spent a couple home while we were in Kuwait, but this Christmas seemed different in the fact that, well, we were finally in the states again. Not only that, but I wasn’t able to celebrate with my family which was a bummer for me this year. One nice thing is that I bought my parents Vonage for Christmas. It’s a stateside number they can use in Kuwait! That means I can literally talk to them every single day and it’s “free!”
This Christmas was different, but all in all, it was a really nice day.
We spent the morning with all of Will’s family at his grandparent’s house. They have a brunch there everyone attends.
As you can imagine, I ate way way too much.
But you’re not surprised by that anymore.
Did you see the oreo truffles I made? They’re posted on my Flickr. Those didn’t help either…
Okay- back to Christmas. Sorry.
We had a good time with his family.
I have to share this picture with you guys. Look how young we look (and how skinny my husband is!)! This was the first Christmas we spent together. We had only been dating a few weeks and I ended up going to his whole family’s Christmas gathering (it was a few days early that year). I guess we knew we were meant to be. This picture really cracked me up. We look so young!
After our brunch we went over to Will’s parent’s house for a smaller gathering with just us and his brother. We had finger foods, relaxed, and opened a few gifts.
This, my friends, is the part of the story which I’m sure will make you all chuckle.
Or want to scratch your eyes out.
Wait- that’s probably just me.
Oh well.
Guess what Will got from his parents (AKA Mom) this year.
Guess!
I love the guessing game.
Got your guesses?
He got cash and then this:
You know, because EVERYONE BUYS THEIR CHILDLESS SON A BABY BOOK FOR CHRISTMAS!!
Oh.
Sorry for all the caps. I don’t know what came over me.
I’m lying.
Yes I do.
You know this has been a whole thing with me. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, however, I sort of feel like this gift was a bit much.
Am I being crazy?
After watching Will open his gift, my mind was racing.
What would I have in my bag?
An ovulation kit?
KY Jelly?
A video camera?
Oh the horror!!
“Well I guess I know what ‘Pat’ wants for Christmas this year!” I wanted to say…
I know this sounds bad, but doing stuff like this (as well as the other things) pushes me in the other direction and makes me never want to have kids!
You guys know me well enough by now to know my stance on kids.
I’m just not ready for them.
We’ve talked about adopting a child down the road-
but that’s down the road.
DOWN.THE.FREAKING.ROAD.
More like- we’re on the highway in Oklahoma and this kid is hanging out on a dirt road somewhere in Africa- down the road.
That kind of down the road.
Not tomorrow and not next year.
Think yearS plural.
Do you think Will should gently talk to his mom,
or do you think I just need to let it go and let her be an aspiring grandmother?
I tend to be a little passive aggressive.
Who am I kidding- a little. HA.
I’m passive aggressive- and non-confrontational.
She has no idea how much this stuff really bothers me, and that’s because I don’t tell her. I’d rather just complain to you guys about it and not say a word to my mother-in-law.
I know she means well, I’m sure she does, but it really gets me fired up and angry when stuff like this is blatantly screaming, “HELLO! Make me a grandmother already!”
I mean, what the hell was I supposed to do when Will opened that?
I felt it was a little inappropriate,but there’s no way I would have said that around the tree with the whole family, you know?
“Be a duck Brittny,” Will says.
I know- I totally should. I should just let it all roll of my back and not care, but I do! I do care!
I really feel like she needs to butt out and not say a word. Like I said, when she does stuff like this I want to tell her that we’re never ever having children and are packing up and moving to Russia!!
Don’t ask me why the Russia part.
I don’t know.
I’m thinking all crazy.
Besides, everyone knows if you’re going to jump ship and bail on your child-hungry-mother-in-law you don’t go to Russia.
You go somewhere like China where the government totally supports your desire not to pro-create.
What do you guys think?
(about the baby book part- not the China thing)
Did she cross the line?
I know- you probably think it’s silly and really no big deal, but this is part of a series of events that have been ongoing and I guess I’m just getting really tired of all the hinting.
Hinting.
That’s hilarious.
I’m pretty sure giving your son a baby book is NOT classified as a hint.
Right?
Here’s what I think:
That’s my, “I’m not humored” look.
Or I need to pee.
I’m not sure which, really…
The whole event makes me miss my family and the fact that they’re understanding of our perspective. Don’t get me wrong- they’re baby crazy too, but they don’t ever pester or pressure or “hint.” Part of that is probably because they know my stance, which is why I wonder if Will needs to talk to his mom.
So that was my Christmas.
Interesting.
I hate to see what we get on our birthdays.
An offer to be the surrogate?
Shudder…
On a positive note, we have our imaginary kid’s first book.
Oh! And I bought new curtains.
Which was an issue in and of itself.
I’ll have to share the story with you some other time. They’re fashioned better than they were in the Flick pictures- because I know how you guys care. (ha ha)
Alright- enough yammering.
Hope you guys had a good weekend. I look forward to hearing about it.
Let’s face it. The quintessential “I went shopping at the last minute for Christmas gifts and had to fight the masses” story has been way overdone.
WAY OVER-FREAKING-DONE.
I mean really! How incredibly thoughtless of you! Do you really care about your loved ones?
Nothing says “Wow. I sure do love you and thought about these gifts for AGES” like getting your Mother-in-Law a Family Guy figurine set and your Father-in-Law Nickelodeon Gak.
(ha ha gak. Do you guys remember that stuff? It was so great…)
No one cares about your thoughtlessness!
No one cares that you waited last minute and had to go to the mall on the coldest day of the year and spent 27 minutes trying to find a parking spot.
No one cares that the only reason it only took you 27 minutes was because you cut off a Grandma and had your husband violently throw his body on the ground to cover the spot. He then began to throw his arms and legs in the air declaring, “Miiiiine!!! Alllll Miiiinnnne GRANNY!”
Yeah.
No one cares.
No one cares that you finally made it into the store and were engulfed by the crowd of all crowds. No one cares that you were just.trying.to.get.to.the.body.shop. and that everyone else was going the opposite direction.
No one cares that during the crowd fight of your life you began to sweat like a hog in labor- which most definitely includes the most disgusting sweat of all- upper lip sweat!
(shudder)
No one cares that you had to fight your way through the strongest, swirling human current ever- all the while being attacked by plastic bags filled with iPods and scarves, and Build-a-Bears.
No one cares. You should have done your shopping earlier!
No one cares that you finally fought your way through the “English Channel” and made it to your destination with only one naughty word uttered and two bruises. No one cares I you finally found the one thing you needed: the Satsuma gift package gleaming all bright and shiny in all it’s juicy and fresh glory.
However when you went to reach for it some tiny little teenage tart in tight black leggings and shiny ballet flats blew right by you (as she popped her gum while talking to “Connor” on her iPhone) and grabbed the set first!
(this is where I…er… I mean you proceed to imagine yourself bulldozing her like a professional NFL lineman and grabbing the gift back and kicking her shiny iPhone- all in Christmas joy of course)
No one cares that I was starving all day and wanted nothing more than to share a Panda Express meal with my husband but much to my surprise found the most. crowded. food. court. EVER.
Not only was the food court crowded but ever single freaking greasy, sticky chair was taken.
TAKEN!
ALL OF THEM!
I can not- CAN NOT- eat chow mein standing up! I just can’t!
Picture it! A Body Shop bag, a purse that weighs as much as much as Jon & Kate Plus 8, a drink, and a plate of chow mein and orange chicken- somehow miraculously in two hands.
It can be done by some.
But not by me.
But no one cares.
I should have planned earlier. Who shops on 23 December!?
I know.
But then there would be no over-told Christmas shopping story to share, right?
So today we had a little visitor come to our house.
Let’s play the guessing game!
The guess who came to my house game!
Okay ready set go!
...
Okay, I guess it won’t really work as I had envisioned.
I guess I should just come out and tell you.
The cops.
The freaking cops came to my little quaint suburban house.
THE FREAKING COPS.
And do you know why the cops came to my house?
Because one of our freaking neighbors behind us called to complain about our barking dogs.
They didn’t leave us a warning note in our mailbox saying if we didn’t shut our freaking dogs up that they would call the cops- you know, like a three strikes thing,
They didn’t come over to meet us or make sure that it was in fact our dogs that were the ones barking (because- we literally have dogs on all sides of us except one),
but instead did a drive-by of our house to get our address and report us to freaking 911.
911!! That number gets called when there’s a fire or murder or no ice cream at Dairy Queen-
not when a dog is barking! Freaking call us- you know!?
What makes the whole thing even more irritating is that we literally are surrounded by people with dogs- barking dogs.
Okay- so I admit I have a freaking zoo at my house, but that doesn’t mean it’s our dogs and no one elses’.
The biggest issue is that Boz and Lucy are barkers- annoying piercing barkers. I don’t think they called on Rocky and Teddy. Rotts are traditionally not barkers (and in fact, I’ve never even heard Rocky bark-weird, right?), and Teddy barks but it’s nothing out of the ordinary and is only occasionally. Boz and Lucy, however, are the loudies. I’m pretty sure if someone called the cops on us- and took the time to drive by our house to get our address and ensure it was our dogs and no others it was because of Boz and Lucy and not Rocky and Teddy.
Boz and Lucy are our inside dogs, however, when we’re gone during the day we leave them in the garage, which is pretty much like leaving them outside in terms of noise carrying. We’re pretty sure that’s what sparked the call.
So- we’re not totally innocent and Will and I agree we have to do something with our stupid little barkers (ha ha, stupid little barkers. I’m going to be a great mom someday… so uplifting), but at the same time I am so enraged.
Yes!
Enraged!
I feel like our neighbors could have handled the situation better. I feel very angry with them for not going about the matter a little more neighborly. I told Will I wanted to go confront them on the matter- especially if it is one of the neighbors that has dogs that bark too. Will had to calm me down. I was seriously about to start knocking on doors like a crazy person tonight. Like a freaking lunatic cat woman- only with dogs…
hmm… it made sense in my mind.
Anyway- I just need to post because my blood pressure is sky high and I’m so so so so so (yes 5 sos!) angry at our neighbors and the fact that it’s the Christmas season and we live in a nice neighborhood and we are surrounded by barking dogs and we’re always friendly to others on our street and then have to have the freaking cops come to our house! What the hell happened to Good Tidings of Comfort and Joy!?! Apparently that’s gone out the window! Merry Christmas to you too you Scrooge neighbors! I bet you guys were the ones who voted against the home association pool too!
I know Boz and Lucy are yappy and annoying from time to time with the mailman comes or someone pulls into our driveway- and Will and I are going to have to fix that, but I simply needed to vent because I feel that their barking today did not warrant the cops coming to our house.
So you may disagree with me and think it was totally warranted, and that is probably because of your own personal experience with constantly loud dogs, but what really burns me is that ours are nothing of the sort. Boz and Lucy dogs bark, but like I said it’s when someone comes to the door or does something that you would expect a dog to respond to by barking.
...
This post was supposed to calm me down and make me feel a little more like a normal functional society member, however, the more I type the madder I get!
“Be a duck, Brittny.” (you know- let stuff roll off my back)
That’s what Will says, but I can’t. At least not tonight. I’m so fired up about what happened!
Sigh…
You think I’m crazy, don’t you?
You think I’m a crazy weirdo lady that has 50 million dogs in some sort of sketchy puppy mill sort of backyard set up that howl and bark and growl and grunt all day long.
I promise, I don’t.
I’m just really hot over what happened and needed to blow off some steam.
Only it’s not working
and I still feel like going across the street to talk to these people or creating a banner to hang on the front of the house that says something really tacky about how our neighbors have lice.. or gas… or both (heh heh, just kidding… kind of).
I guess I just need to let it go.
But I don’t want to.
(throwing a child-like fit)
Get yourself together woman! You’re talking ridiculous!
I know! I know!
I need to get my crap together… good tidings of comfort and joy, good tidings of comfort and joy…
okay, I feel a little more in the Christmas spirit.
I ought to go make them some christmas banana bread and be all sweet and kill them with kindness, right?
...
or I could just spike it with exlax and leave it on the doorstep.
Just kidding…
Exlax bread… we’re such great neighbors. Who wouldn’t want to live next to us?
All I can think is- the home association meeting next month sure will be fun. Lots and lots of fun.
I literally just spent the last 30 minutes freaking out over a smear on my dishwasher.
Like almost had a breakdown.
I got all sweaty (think beady upper lip sweat- uh- yuck) and shaky and teary-
over my freaking smeary dishwasher.
In fact- I just got up from my chair in order to “check on it.”
Check on it.
My smeary dishwasher.
And do you know why I’m all bent out of shape about a smear on my dishwasher (and bedroom that needs dusting, and floors that need cleaned, and window that needs washed...)?
Because my in-laws are coming to stay with us this weekend, my friends.
That’s right.
They’re coming to stay with us- in our “perfect” house that is never dirty and never ever has a smeary dishwasher.
Smeary dishwasher- Ha! I laugh at you!
Okay, so I realize I’ve only written like 6 sentences, but it’s taken me a full hour to write those 6 sentences because
The dishwasher is fine and beautiful and sparkly. In fact, I think I may get ready in front of it tomorrow morning.
I would tell you what my secret was- but that would mean I would have to admit I had a smeared dishwasher, and we all know full well that I would never have such a thing in my house- my perfect, dustless, shiny house, right?
All I have to say is: Home and Garden TV
(As you can see, I’m getting into Fake House Mode)
I can almost guarantee I will have something blogable to share (um- walking with shoes on the carpet comes to mind. I would link you to where I freak out on everyone that does such a thing- but then I realized I had 2 goofy videos included in that post, and well, I just don’t feel like looking like an idiot today- you know, as opposed to every other day...).
I have so much more to cover- but it’s late, and perfect houses don’t clean themselves! So- I must get my rest.
I’m quickly realizing that “It’s that time of year again.” That time of year as in- running around with a bird on my head, event to event, and trying to remember everyone’s names- even after almost five year’s of marriage.
The holidays.
They’re here.
I would have thought by now that the days of “Angstgiving” were long gone. However, I’ve finally decided that Angstgiving is not just an event that lasts during the first few years of marriage.
Oh no no no no no.
Instead, it’s a way of holiday life that sticks with a married couple for all eternity.
FOR-freaking-EVER.
Only to get worse upon having kids that are insanely cute with huge rosy chubby cheeks that weird smelling aunts want to eat.
Oh yes my friends, it’s not going away.
Get used to it- for as long as there’s Thanksgiving and Christmas they’ll be the stress and pulls and tugs from every.single.person.ever.born.ever.
ever.
You know, this is our first holiday season home since 2004! Just typing that is very strange to me. Sure, we went home twice for Christmas- but we were “guests” during those stays.
There was no obligation to write Christmas cards or make the most amazing ambrosia salad for Turkey Day. This year, however, there is!
Okay- hold it.
Let me back up.
I’m SO excited about being home this year for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
In fact, I’m a little on the “is she okay?” side.
I’m elated walking into Walmart and seeing all the Christmas decorations. I get all glazed over like a Krispe Kreme donut and begin to grow giddy and laugh uncontrollably for no apparent reason.
I eat up all the Campbells green bean casserole commercials.
I’m all about the church Christmas pageant.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this time of year.
Having said that- I guess I’m just realizing that this year will be very different than years past because along with all the Christmas cheer and fun also comes Christmas stress.
I was a little annoyed the other day when my MIL (whom I love very much) casually mentioned this whole story about how important it was for grandparents to see their grandkids and how they drove all over the state of Oklahoma on Thanksgiving and Christmas every year to parade the kids around.
I don’t know why it rubbed me the wrong way- but it did.
You guys know me by know and know- you know- how I feel about kids.
Why would one say that then?
It really bothered me. I know it wasn’t meant to upset me- but it did! Not only that, but if we ever do have kids they’re going to enjoy Christmas and will play with their toys and won’t be dragged around the world and expected to be cute and cuddly and “on” when all they want to do is be home enjoying the day.
Sigh..
am I getting off track?
Because I think I am.
Anyway, it just rubbed me the wrong way, and as a person that worries about EVERYTHING- even things that aren’t going to happen for a few years- it still bothered me because it made me realize that this Angstgiving thing? Yeah- it’s not going anywhere and will only get worse.
Geez-a-lou.
I sound really negative right now, don’t I?
Why are you reading? Go read this or this or this … they’re way happier people than I seem to be right now!
What is my problem today, you ask?
I don’t know!
I think I’m missing my family and am bummed that I won’t get to spend the holidays with them. I’m also thinking about the expectations that there seems to be this time of year.
And you know what else?
I’m also thinking I’m being a negative worrier and it’s really stupid for me to be this way because I ought to be enjoying these coming weeks and not all stressed about the house and cooking and plans and family and plans and cleaning and getting everyone the right gift and plans and making sure I sent our 2nd cousin’s boyfriend a Christmas card and plans and- did I mention plans?
Just typing this out makes me feel a little better. I know- I know I’m allowing myself to get caught up in the whole hype and commercialism and stress and everything else. I know I need to focus my heart on the real meaning. I know I need a softer heart that embraces the love of God this time of year. I know! I know, I promise. I also know if I’m honest there’s absolutely no possible way that I won’t be stressed out during these coming weeks.
So- here’s what I’ve decided.
Angstgiving is here to stay. It’s not going anywhere.
I might as well embrace this time of year and make the most of it, as it is my favorite time.
I might as well suck up the fact that things absolutely will not go as planned,
that my ambrosia will probably suck,
that I’ll forever have people quietly praying over my ovaries in hopes that I’ll produce them a kid to dress in awful sweaters,
and that gift shopping, Christmas card writing, and a messy house are all inevitable.
I’m coming to terms with the fact that because we’re back in America now the holidays will forever be crazy and hectic forever. Forever
I’ve learned some very important lessons during my five years of marriage.
1. Boys may never learn how to put down the toilet seat. Ever.
2. The Superbowl is in fact a national holiday which should be properly celebrated.
3. Everything tastes better with a little hot sauce.
4. Apparently, despite what I learned my entire life, dirty clothes are meant to be carelessly tossed on the floor RIGHT NEXT TO THE FREAKING LAUNDRY BASKET.
5. Never under any circumstance forget your mother-in-law’s birthday. You can master everything in this world, but if you fail to learn this lesson you are doomed to suffer an eternity of awkward holiday gatherings,re-gifted argyle socks, and uncomfortable moments FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. SO JUST DON’T EVER DO IT.
EVER
okay?
I mean- what sort of COMPLETE IDIOT forgets their mother-in-law’s birthday?
This day ranks up there with Christmas- and is way more important to remember than your own. Who forgets this day? No one! You’d have to be completely comatose and drooling in a corner to have a valid excuse to do such a thing- and even then I’m pretty sure one could manage to make some sort of sticky drooly homemade birthday card. Right?
Right.
Do you want to know who would break such a cardinal rule (besides the aforementioned comatose drooling specimens)?
ME!
That’s right- you heard me.
Yes- I already know. I don’t need your gasping-for-air shocked tone.
I feel like such a doucheloserselfish idiot bad daughter-in-law.
All I can keep repeating is- what kind of freaking idiot forget their mother-in-law’s birthday!? I just can’t get over my own shock for doing such a completey stupid thing!
So here’s the deal-
Will and I have an agreement- I always take care of my family and Will takes care of his. That goes for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc. He doesn’t bother with my side and I don’t bother with his
HOWEVER
I always keep myself apprised of his side because, well, although we have an agreement- let’s face it- we both know who’s ultimately in charge of keeping our crap together.
Ha- well in theory that’s how it works. We obviously know what a bang up job I did of keeping that crap together.
Anyway- so it’s not only that I missed her birthday by like a day or two…
try 10.
10 freaking days.
10 days!
Do you know how long 10 days is? It’s a freaking long time!
This is now the time where I would provide you with the breakdown in hours and minutes. However, I will spare you. After all- only one crazy person can be reading, and since we now know it’s me and not you it means that I can’t get all weird on you guys by giving you the tens of seconds that have elapsed since my MIL’s bday.
Can I please hang my head in shame?
I feel so much responsibility for this one! I’m sick at the thought of having to see her (which will be next weekend. All.Next.Weekend.). I feel terrible guys, just awful! My heart just feels so lousy and guilty and there’s really no way to make it up. I know I say that Will and I have an agreement to take care of our own side of our families, but the truth is that I feel so responsible for being a complete idiot and missing the day. I have a really great mother-in-law and I feel so awful for taking her special day forgranted.
Enough lamenting. I feel awful and I’m sure you can imagine the dread I feel when I think of having to see her.
I’ll be all casual, throw my arm around her shoulders and let out a big, cheery, hearty, “Hey MIL! Happy belated birthday! It must suck to have a daughter-in-law like me, right?! Right!?”
Yeah- I’m so sure it will go like that.
I’m officially going to recommend that she opens a Facebook Account to ensure that there will be no future mix-ups.
I must premise this post with the fact that I have way overdone it with the Halloween candy- as well as eating out- a well as eating everything in freaking sight and absolutely no amount of treadmill running can undo this week’s fatness.
Do you know I ran 6 miles at the gym yesterday followed by walking 2 more on our way to the OU game because Will is a crazy slave driver and doesn’t believe in paying for parking and would rather make me suffer and SWEAT ALL OVER MYSELF and it didn’t even make a dent in my calorie bank?
Um- depressing!
Guys!!! What’s going on!!? I move back to America and everything goes downhill!
AS I’M FREAKING TYPING THIS POST I’M EATING A STUPID REECES CUP IN THE SHAPE OF A FREAKING PUMPKIN.
I’M DOING THIS THE VERY SECOND I’M TALKING ABOUT BEING FAT.
Oh my Lord, I’m officially sick in the head.
Seriously.
Who does that?
Who complains about being fat while eating a freaking Reeces!?
WHO!?
Crazy people!
That’s who!
Did I tell you guys I’m in a contest against Will right now too?
Yes- I’M IN A WEIGHT CONTEST AND ATE A JAR OF FUDGE TOPPING AND A BAG OF REECES THIS WEEK.
BY MYSELF
DURING A WEIGHT CONTEST.
Will you excuse me? I need to go run and cry in a corner.
***
Okay I’m back.
Anyway- this week’s weigh in is going to be incredibly depressing.
I’m off to the gym to run a few miles. Hopefully I’ll sweat off a Reeces or two…
Here’s to next week’s weigh in (let’s face it- this week’s was over before it started).
I'm B-Love. I've just returned to America after spending three years in Kuwait with my husband Mr. B-Love and our two maltese, Boz and Lucy. We recently added two more doggies to our family, Rocky and Teddy. I love weight training, OU football, and lazy weekends. Buckle up and get ready for my constant embarrassing moments, continual madness at a new job, and my daily effort to rely on Christ while adjusting to life back in the real world.
