Because I'm Terrible at Scrapbooks
Funny Ha-Has

clothes make the woman

Timing is everything.

I’ve heard this addage so many millions of times, but it really is true. I’m sure at one time or another we can say we are living proof of how timing is everything. From the moment we realized we wanted to spend forever with our husbands, to deciding it’s the perfect time to add another addition… for most people kids… for me a dog (at least now. Maybe in 27 years I will change my mind).

On a serious note I feel like I am having a never ending “timing is everything” moment in my life here in Kuwait. I know I have to wait on the Lord- His timing and not mine- because timing really is everything. I’ve messed up so many things by doing things at the wrong time.

My life is a big ball of wrong timing moments! Not ones that are bad really- just make for funny stories (though not so funny at the time) and embarrassing moments. Anyway, today the whole concept of timing is everything and playing the “what if” game gave my sister and I good laugh.

About 81% of our day is complaining about how fat we are. Okay- we are not fat, but this is the subject of the whole day for us. I think the reason we let the whole fat issue consume us is due to the fact that we are so lethargic. We are cooped up, sitting in the apartment all day and it is hard to feel like you’ve accomplished a lot of great things, even when we do go to the gym.

Anyway, that is the basis of today’s timing is everything story.

We talk about “fat” constantly (it probably doesn’t help that we make poor eating choices), it’s really annoying I’m sure. The new thing I’ve brought to the table is the idea that exercising in absolutely nothing but a sports bra would make you work harder to target those not so attractive areas- for me that means my butt, hips, and love handles. If only that could be possible. We joke a lot about how funny that would be… okay talk about intimate self disclosure with you guys… you thought I was crazy before, now you probably think I’m insane!!!!

Well, it gets better. You might just want to go back to the main page and read tomorrow’s post if you are thinking I’m crazy at this point because it only gets worse!

Today we were in nothing but little t-shirts looking at ourselves up close in the mirror and talking about all the things we need to work on at the gym. This was about a 15 minute conversation.

“Do you think I have a pear shaped body?”

“Look at how huge my hips are compared to yours!”

“Stand in front to me and see how far my hips protrude.”

Yes, I know. I am a dork. My 15 year old sister is going to be thinner than me. Deal with it Brittny.

Anyway, we decided to put our panties on to get ready to go to the gym (being that we had just had pizza for lunch… and I wonder why I feel chubby all the time...) and all of a sudden the doorbell rings! We freaked out.

We absolutely will not answer the door here when we are by ourselves because there should be no reason someone would be at our door and if there is, it is most likely a man. I was near the door, so I looked out our peephole and not only was it a man.. but there were 4 of them! I freaked out. I signaled to my sister to be quiet, put shorts on, and go to the kitchen, which is the farthest room of the house. We go there and close the door and all of a sudden the door opens!!!! These 4 men were in our apartment!!! I was hypervenhilating. I had shorts in the dryer (thank the Lord!) and threw them on and got myself together.

I knew I should have taken that stupid self defense class.

Do I get a knife?

Do I call Will?

My sister had my dad on the phone. The housing crew was supposed to come tomorrow and fix our AC, but NOT today! He thought that was who it might be.

MIGHT BE!? Great- so it COULD be normal working people doing their job, but it also MIGHT BE some crazy group of extremists!

I go out there a little flustered and the housing guy, the only American, shakes my hand and apologizes for the mix-up. The complex wrote the wrong day on the paper that was given to us, today was the day they were going to come… yeah, evidently!! I let them do their thing and my sister and I just stayed in the back room talking about, “what if he would have opened the door 5 minutes earlier!” He had the key- he could have just waltzed in! What a surprise that would have been. I can’t even BEGIN to think about the way I would have introduced myself to this guy that works at the same company as I will be working.

Yeah. That would have been realllll hot.

You think I would have learned the first time. This actually has happened to me before! Yes, this could only happen to me twice. You’ll have to look in March’s archives for that whole barge in on Brittny time number one. I guess old habits die hard.

Timing is everything.

Thank goodness today we were running early.

** ** **

A more tame subject you want? Okay. That’s fair.

My sweet Will won’t be home for a while tonight. His hair is super long and needs a cut. Every now and then I would go with him to his stylist back home, but women are stricly forbidden from a male’s “saloon” (isn’t that a funny name? I guess since alcohol is outlawed, that is the closest thing to a “bar” they have to get away and complain about stuff without women being around). Anyway, last time he went the guy attacked his face. Will was freaking out- it turned out to be a facial, but at first Will said he thought they guy was trying to break his nose. What a goof. I guess he must have liked it because he’s getting one again- and he used to say that was girl stuff. How funny.

I think I should just walk away from the computer now. I’ve done some real soul baring today .

Yes, I’m an American. Wow. Big Surprise.

This morning my sweet husband- having not put his contacts in- went to the bathroom-and failed to lift the lid- and peed all over the seat. I unknowingly hopped out of bed and headed straight to the toliet. Oh what I surprise I got this morning as I sat down. How lovely, Will.

Yesterday can be equivilated to a a “sitting on a toilet seat with pee everywhere” sort of day. Okay, it wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t overly wonderful either. If I sound overly negative, I apologize because it wasn’t terrible or anything, just different.

We all rolled to the airport around 2 yesterday afternoon and of course had to park in the long-term area since my parents would be gone all weekend. You’d think after living in the hottest place on earth, the architects would have made it a little more bearable to walk the 8 minute trek from the parking area to the airport by making some of it indoors, but they didn’t see this as a priority.

I had tried to look cute for Will (since the first time I would see him all day would be when I got into Kuwait for the night), but I was all wilted before I even got to the airport.

We got in line to check in. That was fun. For some weird reason you are not issued seats until you check in, so we had to wait for 15 minutes while they tried to find seats for us together. I think my dad told the guy about 4 times, “We don’t all have to sit together.” The guy ignored him 4 times. He told us one of us was going to have to fly stand-by because they couldn’t get us together.

“Maybe my dad wasn’t speaking English the first 4 times! We DON’T have to sit together!” (This is that I was thinking, and NEVER in a million years would have vocalized, though it might have been funny- but probably not).

So, after that shananagan we all had to get our visas stamped. I, of course, had to have the difficult one since it was expired. I was trying to hear what the Kuwaiti army guy was trying to tell me, but all I heard was my goofy sister whispering, “He is SO hot” in my ear, so I didn’t hear all the important information that I needed. All I heard was that I needed to go to imigration.

We started aimlessly wandering around and the guy was like, “No! No! Over there,” as he pointed to aimless space. Then laughter errupts from him and all his friends and the 87 other Arabs waiting in line.

“Yes. Hi. Hello. Mmhmm. It’s us. The stupid Americans living in your country, and yes, we have no idea where we are going.” So much for trying to lay low and keep a low profile.

At this point I wanted to pull a Carla Tate from The Other Sister and make a scene and yell, “Stop laughing at me!” in front of everyone, but I exercised self-control for the sake of us all. It might have been funny, but probably not. smile

So, after that we went to immigration and got everything ready to go and headed to our gate. I should probably tell you upfront now that all I did yetsrday was eat. Eat and eat- and had absolutely NOTHING (I’m not joking) of nutritonal value yesterday. After my cherry chip cake with rainbow frosting for breakfast and my sour Jujy fruits in the afternoon, I polished off a happy meal for lunch. (I don’t think it would be bugging me near as much if I would have went to the gym more this week, but I didn’t go like I should have.. that’s another post though!)

Anyway, so then since we had time on our hands guess what we did!? Ate. My sister and I got shakes from Sweeney’s. It wasn’t like we were hungry, we just did it. That part of the story gets better. After that depressing fun, we sat down and waited to get on the plane. It is a free for all here. They just come out and say, “Okay, you can get on now.”

There is no calling by row number.

Ladies first? heh. Right. you would have thought we were in the middle of the Running of the Bulls and they were headed our way or something. Everyone shot up and ran to the door and pushed and shoved. Did they not get their seat number at check in or something? smile

I think the goal of the Kuwait Airport is to make you want to get out of there as fast as possible. Between the “desert walk” to the airport and next event, they accomplished their goal easily (and then some) with Brittny.

We headed down the terminal thing and as I thought we were apporaching the plane, it only got hotter. We made a turn and were greeted with the outside. Outside? What? We have to go outside! I’m sweating like I just ran a marathon and you want me to go outside again…

We hopped on these nasty, unairconditioned busses along with a large number of others. The smell? I don’t think I need to tell you it burned our nostrils.

We got to the plane and got one. “finally, some AC,” I whispered to myself. I really thought I was really going to lose it as I got on the plane. It was so hot and stuffy. I know this Is Kuwait Air, but believe, me I’ve already had the “Kuwait experience” these 3 months, you don’t have to remind me of how miserably hot it is in your country.

It was hot and smelled just as bad as the bus. I don’t know what the theme the airline was going for was. Depressing maybe? I don’t know.

All I know is that they were playing the creepiest music ever. Didn’t they do testing groups to see how people responded to certain things? Did they not test the music selection? I don’t know if the speakers were shot of if that was really how the music was supposed to sound, but it was creepy. It sounded like it came from an old 50s horror movie. A string orchestra playing all muted and strange things. My sister just sort looked at eachother and had a conversaion with our eyes. I really can’t do the music story justice, because you had to be there, but trust me, it was weird and eerie.

Well, what the lacked in ambviance they made up for in food. Go figure I would be the one to say that. Just give me chocolate and I forget about everything else.

Kudos to Kuwait Air- they serve REAL snacks on their flight and you don’t have to freakin’ pay for them like in the States. It wasn’t a snack. It was a small meal, and of course I had to try it. It was a pita, one half stuffed with feta and the other half stuffed with tuna salad. They were really good. They finished it off with a mini Bounty chocolate bar. I forgot about all the bad attributes of the flight and simply thought, “They gave us a meal for a snack. You rock.”

I’m such a sucker.

The flight was only 45 minutes, so that was good too- that way I didn’t have time to change my favorable opinion of this yucky airline.

We landed and were greeted with another bus and a person that simply said, “Welcome to Qatar, where it is hot as hell and humid as a rainforest.” (okay- so I threw in the weather analogy myself). The windows on the bus waiting for us were raining condensation. It was so humid, even worse than Kuwait has been lately. (kuwait still beats the world in miserable heat I think)

We got to the airport and I got a sinking feeling in my stomach as I saw the layout. I was positive I was going to have to go through the gate alone and without my family. Lucky for me I, the flight was leaving about 45 minutes from the time we got to Qatar, so I didn’t feel so nervous. I said my goodbyes and thought I was going to throw up all over myself because I was so nervous.

I went through and checked in and got my seat assignement with no problem. I asked for directions of where I was going next and went straight there. I gave the guy my ticket and he was like, “I’m going to keep this for now, you just sit down.” I was freaking out. I was the only one he did that to. I don’t know if he was just being a jerk and giving me a hard time because I was a Westerner and by myself, or what, but everyone else got their ticket torn and given back to them.

A small group gathered and started taling about me. This man (who worked for the airlines) came over to me and asked to see my passport. My stomach was in knots. It’s not the greatest thing to flash around an American passport. You pretty much only show it when you absolutely have to. So, I didn’t really know what to do. I wanted my stupid ticket back, so I showed it to him and in a loud voice he tells his colleagues at the front desk, “she’s American!” Great. Do you want a P.A. for that!?

About 5 minutes later I got my ticket and calmed down from the small panic attack I was suffering. Everyone pushed their way to the bus and were blasted with the sea of humidity. I was in Qatar for maybe 35 minutes. That wasn’t too bad. I did it! Wow! smile

I got on the exact same plane I had gotten off of a few minutes earlier and sat two rows back- but this time I had a window seat. About 10 minutes in they begin shoving food at me again. Do you think I took it? Do you really have to wander? This time it was two little tea sandwiches. One was cucumber and cheese and the other was bologna. I had the cucumber one and then sweetly tucked away my mini mars bar away for Will. I tried to freshen up in the plane so I would look nice for Will. What I really needed was a perfumery to douce their creations on me. I was put through a lot of interesting smells yesterday.

As we were flying into Kuwait and I could see the fire burning off the top of their oil well things (I don’t really know what they’re called, but it is a good fire) in the dark of the night I was actually happy. Okay, so we are coming here for a goal and Kuwait isn’t our home, but I was so glad to be back. I guess the main reason was because I knew Will was waiting for me.

We landed and finally didn’t have to be bused! I found the visa desk and took a number. I waited a few minutes and had the army guy get everything ready for “Brittny Spears.”

Ha Ha, so funny- just give me my flippin’ visa.

I got it with no troubles. I breathed a sigh of relief. Now was the time for a little apprehension! It was time for the “gauntlet” as it has been dubbed by many Westerners.

You are in one area of the airport, it is fairly quiet and not too overwhelming, but then you go through these glass doors and if you are not ready you are getting the shock of your life! (I’m glad my mom and sister came to Kuwait before we did so they could warn us when we first came!) The gauntlet is this long aisle walkway, and the sides are roped off. So, those arriving walk out of the glass doors and are met with hundreds of yelling Arabs, trying to find those who are coming in to meet them.

It is straight chaos.

They are yelling and waving hands, taking pictures of girls that come out and everything in between. It is a mess. I walked through the “gauntlet” and fought my way past the crowd in the back and called Will. He was smart, he stayed on the second level so he could have a clear view and could find me.

He came downstairs and we were out of there! We stopped by Hardees and Baskin Robbins (he hadn’t eaten and I figured we’d get some icre cream for the weekend alone).

I was hoping for a romantic evening since we were alone for the first time in ages, but I had a splitting headache (from freaking out all day) and we were both exhausted. We crashed as soon as we got home.

So, that was my day. It wasn’t too bad, and it was definitely eye-opening. I was impressed with how well I handeled the stress of doing everything alone here.

I was sad today because Will and I woke up at 11:30- so there went half our day. I don’t think we are going to do anything exciting, which is sort of disappointing. There is so much I want to see here. I really want to get better aquainted with my surroundings, but I think we agree it’s too darn not for that now. Come October or November it will be more bearable and we’ll get out and do more things. At least we will be together and have the freedom to do what we want. I can’t wait to get our own place soon! how much fun!

Thanks for sticking through this extra long edition of my crazy life’s post.

I hope you are having a great thursday.

As always, more to come… <3

not by the hair on my chinny chin chin

To the majority of people I’m a “young pup.” I’m 22 and up until I got an engagement ring I would sometimes be asked, “So, ‘sweetie,’ what are your plans after high school?’” Pretty irritating, but I guess I’ll take it.

Anyway, as depressing as this sounds, I realize that each day I am aging. I realize each minute that ticks makes me that much older. The 2 1/2 (yes I have “half” of one) lines that run across my forehead- and frustrate the mess out of me since I am only 22 while all of my friends are smooth and linefree- are going to deepen. 5 years from now I will look like myself but be a more “adultish” version. I have to be honest- I can’t be Drew Barrymore and say, “I am looking forward to getting older” in the physical sense, but I am aware of it.

Well guys- yesterday I had a scare. One of the aging scares that should only happen to women at LEAST 40- and I’m being generous with that number, I should probably push it up 5 years. This scare has me certain that we should all start searching for the fountain of youth- or invent something like the potion in Death Becomes Her.

Yesterday I was sitting around with my sister watching BBC Food for like the 3rd hour. We’re talking and having a good time. Laughing and just being girls when all of a sudden she looks at me in disgust! She just stares at me with squinty eyes and then just busts up laughing and says, “You have a chin hair!” I know it was just my sister, and I am queen of embarrassing moments, but I was totally embarrassed!

I’m 22! I can’t have an old lady chin hair! So, we went in my parent’s bedroom, opened the curtain for adequate sunlight, and got the mirror. “Holy crap! It’s freakish!” There it was, right under my chin. Not only was it a chin hair- it was a LONG one! What’s up with that!?

I felt like this really old lady at my church back home. She had a beard going on under there. I figured that if you get to be that old you should be able to keep whatever hair grows wherever you please. If it’s still growing- keep it lady. After about 75- that crap is a badge of honor. I also remember all of the foods my grandpa would tease would put “hair on your chest, girl!” I was freaking out thinking, “Maybe he was serious! What if that is next!?” Okay, so I acutally did think that but I realize I was just overreacting. smile

I examined the area. It wasn’t just a chin hair- it was like another entity gaining nutrients from me and was just along for the ride- like a barnacle with a whale or something. I wouldn’t have been utterly shocked it it branched out on its own and started breeding right there on my chin! I’d be just like Veda at church! It was about half an inch long. Yuck.

So, I tweezed it and really wanted to save it for Will when he got home because not only would he say “You’re weird, that’s gross,” but I know he would have totally laughed.However, I decided not to. I am an official “chin checker” now. If it struck once, be certain it will strike again. It will have to be a constant thing now- just like making sure I have deoderant on or something. I am too young to have to add yet another body check to my list!

I am just glad my sister saw it before it was braidable and I was just going on with my unobservant life thinking everything was just fine. That would have been bad!

The story of my life…

Have a good day. <3

posted in Funny Ha-Has,PDub,The Old Blog bullet permalink bullet 8.02.2005

have another cookie, it will make you feel better

The last few days have been mindnumbingly boring.

My sister and mom are contemplating the serious decision of staying here or going home. My sister hates her school here, and I can’t say I blame her. I would want to go home too. No Friday night football games or prom or just regular teen stuff like getting to drive.

Anyway, I didn’t intend that to be the topic of today’s post. I guess that has been weighing on my mind a lot because I too wonder if Will and I will stay or go home. The selfish side of me wants my sister to stay because she is my dearest friend. I would miss her tons. The practical and honest side of me wants to help her pack and find and find a flight home with a decent movie. She has to decide very soon because school starts in a few weeks. If I was a betting girl I would say she will stay this year and move back next year because she knows my mom wants to stay at least a year. but I guess we’ll see.

It has me thinking about what I am doing here! I have been here almost three months and am far from being able to say I’m simply in a “rut” anymore. I think my articulate and planned schedule would probably have others thinking that my doing nothing is a actually a career- definitely no longer a rut. I feel like I am in the movie groundhog day when I get up and do the exact same thing each day. I have it to a science. Here are some tips to doing nothing everyday:

1. It is not a crime to have a plan on days such as these. So many people just want to go with the flow, but I say that if you are going to do nothing and don’t have a plan you will miss out on “something” if you are just going by the seat of your pants.

2. There must be dangerous amounts of imported jiff peanut butter (peter pan will also suffice) and Kraft Marshmallow fluff. You are doing nothing and deserve to eat a little slobbish.

3. You must have “your show” which you will stop doing anything- even to the point of hanging up on your sweet grandmother so you can sit down and watch it. Mine, for example, is the GREAT Australian hit Home and Away. It is the best and has me wondering what I’m going to do if I ever have to do something. smile Its that good and is only half an hour so you don’t feel too bad for watching a “soap” type show for half the day each and every morning.

4. Comfort is key. If you are sitting around all day PJs are incredibly permissible and expected at my house. Simply change when you go to the gym and then get ready after you get back- around 3 in the afternoon. You’re kind of on European time here- theres no rush and it will get done before your husband sees you.

5. Maybe you have willpower, but my willpower can be compared to a kid at fat camp smuggling choclate cake in on the first night. It’s terrible. there must be a lock on the kitchen door. It must be hidden. Sitting at home has a strange affect on people after about 3 weeks in which you are simply hungry all the time because you know you can have it, and you know there are cherry poptarts that are simply staring you down all the way in the living room. There must be some self-control exercised during doing nothing days. This, is my hardest rule to master. Hopefully I’ll get a job soon and I won’t have to worry about it!

I have a ton more but I’m sure I’m scaring you all at this point. I really need a “real” job don’t I? Living at home and without a job really makes for dramatic yet boring blogs.

Have a good day

Ladies Sweat

Does any woman actually like to sweat?

I haven’t found one yet. The old addage, “Horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies glow” crap is such a farce. I don’t glow. I certainly don’t “perspire.” I am a “sweater,” and believe me, although its not a great thing to be- I could be worse!

My sister makes me ill. We go to the gym and her pretty face gets all flushed and red, but very rarely does she sweat. My dad had the same problem when he was younger- it just wouldn’t happen! Meanwhile, I am wiping the huge drips off of my face and I just walk to the car! I wouldn’t be surprised if a doctor ever approached me as I’m sweating everywhere and said, “Ma’am, I think you may be suffering from hyperhydrosis.” That sure wouldn’t be the shock of the year. Thank God for Certain Dri.

Anyway, it is miserable here and I hear it is only going to get worse. Will’s car temp reader thing has consistenly said 50 degrees celsius for the last week For those of you who are like me and celsius means absolutely nothing, that means it is 122 F! Even the nationals call this place the oven.

The last few days have been by far the worst and I’m told it will continue until September. The humidity has been rampant! I walked outside yesterday and I felt like I had gone swimming!

There was like this muggy haze outside and out windows were full of condensation and Will’s sungalsses were fogging up. It was gross. I had to go to the bakery and was totally embarrassed because I was sweating profusely as soon as I walked outside! I felt like I had just jumped in a pool with all of my clothes on and ran around for an hour and decided now that I was all hot and gross that I would go buy bread! It was terrible. My hair was matted to my face… 5minutes ladies! And I had that disgusting upper lip sweat that really makes me want to throw up when I see it on other people. It was terrible.

For fun I just opened the window and stuck my glasses outside and at 8:00 at night they still got foggy and the windows got all wet. It geels like this huge earth sized dog is just breathing all over your face. I will take my dry heat any day over this misery. At least you have a good 5 minutes before you start sweating when theres 0 humidity! It just smells humid out. Mmmm

This will make you chuckle a little- or at least I found it a little humerous. Kuwaiti law states that if the temperature reaches 50 all outside work must cease. Well, these people realize that time is money so they will never ever report when the temperature reaches 50 or above. It could be 55 and it will still be 49 “officially.” Why don’t they just change their rules??

This heat plus humidity is terrible and is really dangerous for the people that do work outside everyday!

So today, we went to the gym and as usual I’m raining all over myself and my sister is simply “glowing.” They are really cheap at our complex and they don’t turn the air down on the ground level so it was almost 90 in the gym- plus the humidity! I was working out next to this older lady and she was riding the crap out of this elliptical trainer. Hery eyes were closed and she looked very determined. I have no sense of balance, so how in the world this lady was able to run like an Olympian with her eyes closed is beyond me. She was going so fast and so hard that I thought she was going to take it off of its spinners and fly away. I wanted to laugh so bad, but obviously I refrained. She got faster and faster and faster I thought she was really about to break the thing and then all of a sudden she just gets off. No cool down or walking around afterwards or anything. The lady was near death and she just hops right down, takes a swig of water and skips on out of there. I was waiting for to collapse, leaving me to try and remember everything from my college blow off first aid class. Seriously, as she was going to town on that elliptical I was thinking, “Okay- she really does not look well. If she falls, doo I elevate the legs and call for help? Cold compress?...” All I could remember were the 3 Cs of an emergency: check ,call, care (can you believe this is a college class!!?). What a failure. It was less than a year ago and that was all that came to me. smile

My shirt was soaked afterwards. Working out in the “swimming pool” was not the plan for today.

foot in mouth

I love Will, but we definitely have to work on our nonverbal communication skills.

I used to be a big Mad About You fan when the show was on. Paul and Jamie were so fun together. There is a specific episode in which I draw today’s post. In it, Paul and Jamie are at a party and have split up to talk to other people. They have these “couple signals“ to give eachother incase they are in a boring or sticky situation. For example, if they ran their fingers through their hair it meant something like, “Get me out of here, I’m dying!“ They had a few more, but you get my point. Anyway, Paul ends up telling this lady their secret signals not knowing it is some big producer that he wants to work for. Jamie ends up talking to her later and ferociously starts running her fingers through her hair to Paul, who is across the room. Busted. Paul didn’t get the gig.

Anyway, I recap that entire episode because I watched it pre-marriage. I think all men should have to watch this episode. As you will see, Will missed it.

Tonight we were all sitting around the table eating supper. We sat around eating and talking for almost two hours. I’m dying here. Not only because I’ve been sitting at the table for 2 hours, but because my parents may as well have escorted me to the asylum with their talk about my whole job situation. They went over it over and over and over and.... you get my point. My right eye is twitching with frustration. My dad says something that just pushes me over the edge, so I do “it.“ The signal. It wasn’t a signal we have ever discussed but I figured any normal breathing person can figure out what it means.

I slowly slide my leg over and give Will a little kick.

“Ow! What did you kick me for!?“

My thoughts: You are blowin’ it! What are you doing letting me out to dry! Thanks hun!

“Nothing,“ I say nonchalantly.

Paused silence at the dinner table. “Did I say something?“ my dad asks.

“No, dad.“

Will then says, “I’m not saying anything else for the rest of the night,“ thinking I kicked him because of something he had said. (sigh) How hard can this be?

So conversation resumes for another 15 minutes and continues to be about work related issues that deal with me. I’m freaking out by this point and am ready to scream. Then someone says something that just is icing on the cake at this point, so if I don’t give Will a “Can you believe they just said that“ kick under the table I am going to lose it.

I go in, slowly and carefully. Kick.

“What did I do, Britt!?“

My sister, who understand what these “kicks“ mean ( I should have been kicking her instead of Will tonight apparently- it would have kept me out of trouble) has an entire conversation with me through the “look.“ I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. If you have a sister you’ve had these “discussions“too.  It basically said, “I can’t believe he doesn’t get that you’re trying to tell him you are annoyed with the comments!“

So then it doesn’t matter because everyone knows I was annoyed with the comment.

“Don’t you know that when you kick someone after another person says something it is a quiet signal! You AREN’T supposed to say anything. It is a way for a wife to tell her husband something without having to say it. I means, ‘We’ll talk about this later,’ or ‘I can’t believe she just said that!’ I figured you would understand. If I wanted everyone to know I was upset i would have nudged your elbow on the table so everyone could see.“

So much for being discrete.

We will have to work on this nonverbal stuff.

2,000 a Day

My sister and I had a good laugh today. We created our own goofy reality show called 2,000 A Day.

We were in the kitchen having sharing a package of pop tarts talking about how much we needed to eat healthier and start working out again (ironic since we are eating a package of oh so healthy pop tarts). This has been the basis of our entire relationship the last month I have been here. Since its been a few months since my surgery I can start working out about 30 minutes each day, so we agreed that is how we would start out.  So we finished our breakfast and decided that it was really dumb to share a package of pop tarts because they have a million calories in one and you are still left hungry. So we just made small talk in the kitchen for a few minutes and then were like, “okay lets just go ahead and eat something, dang it.” So we carefully weighed our options:

*We could split another “healthy” package of pop tarts and eat nothing until lunch

*We could stop where we were and have a healthy mid morning snack (it was 5 when we had breakfast, so our bodies seem to think its lunchtime at 10 in the morning)

Well, today we decided to keep “runnin’ with the fat girls” as my sister says. So we ravenously opened our second package of pop tarts and attacked them like we hadn’t eaten in a month. I told my sister when we were done, “ Okay, this is what we are going to do. I am going to close the door to the kitchen and lock it. Then I am going to hide the key so you we can’t get in. I will be the caretaker of the key today, and you can be the one to hide it tomorrow.” We both died laughing. She was like, “This could be a reality show. If you end up finding the key and getting into the kitchen, you have to cut your calorie intake in half the next day.” We had a good laugh. I guess you had to be there because it just doesn’t do the story justice in writing. I promise, it was really funny…

Well since we are on the subject of food, I almost died the other day when I was looking at our grocery bill. We went for just a few odds and ends. A recipe I wanted to make called for cheddar cheese soup, which of course they didn’t have. So my mom thought maybe we could try it with cheese whiz (I promise, we don’t always eat unhealthy- you probably think I sit around and eat chocolate frosting on crackers all day or something- I promise I don’t J). So we ended up getting it and I didn’t even think anything about it. Well when I checked the bill I saw how much the stinkin’ thing cost us! That jar must be considered a holy treasure or something because in US dollars it was 9 bucks! What a rip off. I never thought processed calorie packed cheese would require a loan. J

Okay, off with the food talk. Will and I went to the movie store to buy some more movies, and boy was that an adventure. I always thought that now that my sister and I were here all day we could venture to the beach across the street or down to the movie store- just as long as we didn’t go too far… ha ha yeah right. I was totally freaked out last night. My mom told us she thought the place was only about a block away so we thought we would just go ahead a walk since it was so close and parking in this country requires an entirely separate post. So we start walking… and walking… turns out it was not just a block away. On the way there, there was a car full of guys that pulled over next to us when we were walking and just came almost to a stop and just slowly followed us as we were walking. I was freaking out- but it gets even better. THEN a little white car jumps the curb where we are walking and just sits there, watching us in his rear view mirror. He just sits there until we walk past him and then he follows us on the curb for a while and then drives off. Guys- I am totally adding that to the list of the top 5 scariest moments in my life. Crime is really low because you can get body parts chopped off and stuff, but I still felt nervous. This lady I interned with back home lived in Saudi Arabia when she was a teenager and she told me that the guys there think totally different then they guys back home. Their minds are just totally different. I guess she was right. We’ve been out several times in public, but that has never happened. I think since we were walking on a busy street, just the two of us, maybe it was different. Kuwait is considered the most liberal country in the middle east, and many Arab women don’t even wear the full abbaya when then go out, but I think I might get at least the veil part if I’m going to go anywhere alone. I guess P and I won’t be going anywhere alone during the summer that’s for sure!

being a spy’s wife

My life is full of embarrassing moments. Maybe I am even being too kind when I say embarrassing. I guess I should just call it like it is and tell you that I regularly have “blonde moments.”

Stop where you are, and don’t let your mind wander and think I am a ditz or not smart- I graduated cum laude (I don’t say that to be a pious snob, I say that so you really know that an “educated” person can consistently have these types of lapses grin ). So now you are probably like, “Okay, shes smart, but shes one of those that has NO common sense.” Its not really that either, I just have stupid moments sometimes I guess. smile

My life is full of moments when I will do something “blonde“ when I’m by myself and I just breathe a sigh of relief and think, “Thank God no one was in my presence. Talk about a ‘Jessica Moment’.“

Well, last night I had one of those moments. I obviously had the option of letting my family have a good laugh and then tell no one else (probably the better option), or tell my fellow Nest Bloggers about my silly moment. I guess I’m sharing…

Its always hard to write a funny moment, so I don’t know how this will go- there is no room for inflection or motions to explain things better… so if this story makes absolutely no sense, you can chalk it up to my Mrs. Hamlin, my 8th grade English teacher.

If I had to rank the times I have been most scared in the last 5 years, last night would have made the list.

It was about 12:30 at night, and Will and I had already been asleep for a few hours. Well, for some reason, I wake up and Will has his right arm (the arm closest to me) pointed in the air at about a 45 degree angle and is doing all of these crazy hand motions and number signs or something. By now, I’m wide awake and am asking Will what is going on. He tells me, “I have to see who else is up.“

“What do you mean Will?“

“I can’t tell you.“ So now I am totally disturbed.

“Why can’t you tell me?“

“Don’t worry about it. If it was important I would tell you.“

“Tell me, Will!“

“I can’t tell you. Don’t worry about it. Go to sleep.“

So, he then rolls over and goes to sleep. And I turn over and do the same....

Yeah right.

I sat up in bed against the headboard for almost 2 hours freaking out about our conversation. I was thinking all sorts of things like:

-Is our apartment monitored for safety? Have they seen everything I have done for the last 2 weeks ( so that sent me on a 20 minute tangent as I tried to retrace my every move for the last 2 weeks and think about what “they“ were able to see)

- I read an article on the plane over here about a business planting chips in people- have I seen any cuts or scratches on Will? Could that have happened??

-Does Will have a different job? Is he one of the people in the company that has to have a special security clearance? Is there something I don’t know?

For the sake of my dignity (it might be too late) I will stop there with all of the thoughts I was thinking. I assure you they got much worse. I watch and read WAY to many political thrillers. I had everyone in my family being brainwashed and… I’ll just stop there.

The next morning Will woke me up and I asked him what he was doing last night. He told me he was just dreaming. Since we have been married, there have been a few times when Will has talked in his sleep and done stuff (one night he jumped out of bed and told me there was a snake in the bed. AHH). I guess just being in a totally different environment made this sleeptalking escapade a little frightening. Plus, it was different then the other few.

So either my husband has strange dreams and feels the need to share them through his sleep with me by scaring me senseless… or he really is working for the CIA as a spy and has been brainwashed with an implanted chip....

Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let Down Your Golden Hair!

Welcome to our Fairy Tale Blog Episode of Rapunzel!

Today the role of Rapunzel, the fair-haired maiden trapped on the 10th floor of a Kuwaiti apartment complex, will be played by Mrs. Brittny. The story line will take place here until Saturday, when the maiden moves to her new apartment which lacks the internet and all other communication with the outside world!

Director’s comments: “Okay Brittny, the look you are going for is bored out of your mind, restless, cabin feverish… kind of like Jack Torrence in The Shining.“

Now, lets set the scene. Rapunzel will remain confined to the apartment until: her knight and shining armor arrives to rescue her. The knight will be played by the valiant Will… or Orlando Bloom (whichever is available for casting) The only other way the maiden may be rescued is if she receives word that she the employment she seeks is gained.

Now, the typical movie lasts about an hour and a half these days… so why don’t we really give the public a show and make it last… I don’t know… 3 weeks!? That’s a great idea! Let’s see just how miserable you can get when you are unable to go anywhere at all for 3 weeks (minus weekends). This is going to be great!

**********************************

Welcome to my current existence. smile Things have been pretty boring here. I have been unable to go anywhere and have literally been confined to the apartment the last 3 days. It’s likely that it could be like this for at least 3 more weeks. If I were to get hired tomorrow, it would take at least 2 1/2 weeks to get the paperwork in, so it’s been hard to stay positive. smile The worst will be Thursday when we move to our own place because I won’t have the internet or TV. Okay, I lied we have TV, if you want to call it that, but we have no network provider. Our TV consists of almost 250 channels of nothingness… I seriously felt stupider after flipping through them all. Plus, the majority of them are arabic news networks which I can’t understand anyway… so I’m trying to take one day at a time and at least enjoy the few days I have with the internet before we move. smile I thought my confinement days were over after my surgery this spring… boy was I wrong! smile

I guess I better go! Thanks for listening! Have a good day.

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About

brittny I'm B-Love. Lover of God, my husband Will, my doggies, OU football, weight training, plyometrics healthy eating (mostly!), peanut butter, and all things health related. Buckle up and get ready for my constant embarrassing moments, health and fitness tips,and my effort to rely on Christ while living life in the real world. Follow me on Feedly! Sign up for monthly emails at blove@theblovelife.com!


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