After reading Jenny’s blog and her kind thoughts on blog friendships, I thought girl talk was the best topic for today’s post.

Friday night Will and I watched a Primetime Live called Cruel Intentions. It was about how vicious girls can be, and how they rip others to shreds and do some very shocking things! While I think we’ve all had our fair share of girl issues throughout our lives, I have to say- I think things have gotten even worse! I kept telling Will, “I’m so glad I’m not in high school anymore!”

The truth is, ladies- we are quite a group, aren’t we!? I’ll be honest and say I’m terrified of us! I really am! I’ve never had wonderful luck with girl friends. I’ve always had lots of friends that were girls, but only a small handful that I would ever really call dear and cherished friends. Like I said, we’re a scary bunch!

So many women I know enjoy criticizing other women. In fact, I believe a lot of times we get ready each morning for other women just so they can’t say something negative behind our backs! I think we could all agree the topic of we women and “our” (not really saying you or me, but more of a collective our) cattiness is one that we could write pages on, but that is not the topic of today’s post!

The topic of today’s post is how great this place is!

There are so many women on here that we probably don’t have tons in common with, but on a daily basis we’re reading, and encouraging, and interacting, and learning about each other. I think that’s so great. To be truthful, I’ve often wondered if blogs weren’t around and we were given a real life situation if we’d all interact the way we do. The truth is- I don’t know! I’m glad we don’t have to find out! This little women’s community has given me faith that large groups of women can totally get along and be a sounding board and not a big gossipy herd of hungry wolves. Don’t you just love this place!? I really do. You all have seen me through the best and worst and encouraged me just the same.

I look forward to the day when Will and I settle somewhere and I can find the same sort of friendship community in real life that I have here. Okay- I realize that sentence totally makes me sound like a hermit friendless girl that sits on the computer playing Star Trek with her Trekkie friends all day, but I promise that’s not the case! Hopefully you guys sort of get what I’m saying. I’ve lost touch with so many of my “real friends” during this transition, and having another place to fall back on has made my landing a lot softer than if I had nothing at all. Sigh… I’m really sounding like a loser! I hope you guys get my point though. Jenny conveyed it in a better way than I did here, but guys- I tried!

thanks for allowing me to get to know you through your daily postings. It’s been a lot of fun and I’ve learned a lot about myself in the middle!

There’s nothing like getting real mail.

Real, tangible mail.

The envelope is all worn from travel, and it’s so exciting to see your name on the front. Someone took time to put something in an envelope, address it, stand in line at the post office (which deserves its own post!) and mail something especially for you.

Getting mail is a special thing that I have to believe doesn’t happen as often as it used to. So often we’re glued to the computer. Hallmark E-cards have replaced the fun of physically opening one and seeing the handwritten message inside. Short little mass emails to everyone have replaced the intimate and intricate details one person writes to another.

I am the guiltiest of all regarding this topic.

Every single bit of my communication is through the computer. I am forced to handwrite Will’s grandparents only because they don’t want to join the new advancing world like most people their age (though I can’t blame them! I would miss the simplicity of life too.), but other than that (and like 1 card to my super friend Jamie!), I am a typer. That is how I keep in touch.

Isn’t that sort of sad? I mean, in some ways it’s great because you are able to immediately communicate with people and no longer have to wait for weeks for old news to arrive. However, it’s sad because I’ve gotten lazy! Getting mail is so much fun. How often do we get “real” mail? Will and I get bills and sports magazines and not much more. Getting a letter is such a fun surprise.

Have I rambled enough?

I guess I should get to the point.

Today I got the best surprise. Sweet and thoughtful African Kelli included me in her Calculated Acts of Kindness project. Now, I should tell you, this is what she is doing for lent and I’m not trying to draw lots of attention because I know Lent isn’t about “Wow! Look at what this person is doing for Lent!” but I was just so very blessed by her act that I had to write. I can’t even begin to tell you the elation I felt when I saw a cute little package arrive especially for me. It was such a day brightener.

I had a long morning and-as I have been doing a lot lately- was thinking about home. The sweet Indian mail deliverer came in with his usual smile and heavy accented, “Good morning!” I always smile when he comes in the office. “I’ve got some mail for you,” he says, sounding like the Indian convenience store attendant from the Simpsons. I took the package and contemplated opening it at work or at home. Because I have no willpower- and because I actually received mail that wasn’t one of Will’s sports magazines or wasn’t in the form of the AOL guy telling me I had mail- I was a little excited! I opened the package and totally smiled. I guess that is the point of doing something like this, but it’s so nice to actually experience it- especially on a homesick day!

Inside, I found an adorable apple apron she made (Yes, this woman will take Martha’s place whenever she retires), a Spring mix cd full of songs (which I’m sure is great and I can’t wait to listen to!), a Hershey’s king size almond candy bar wrapped in her own super cute adorable wrapping (I need to be creative like this!), and a sweet homemade card. It was the most fun surprise!

She went to a lot of work to mail all these packages for people. I imagine doing this every week for Lent took a lot of time and energy and I just want to share how it has totally inspired me to bless people like she blessed me!Remember Pay it Forward? It’s so true. Whether you realize it or not, when someone totally makes you feel special you so want to do the same thing for someone else so they feel that way too!

So, I keep looking over at my little package and smiling because first of all it made my boring “I Want to Go Back to America” day much brighter. Secondly, because I can’t wait to listen to the mix cd. Finally, because I ate half the 410 calorie candy bar and am totally mad at myself and am seriously considering just screwing it and finishing the entire thing (which hopefully I will not do!) and simply blaming it on PMS.

So, now I want to pay it forward. I’ll have to think of how I can do that. I hope some of Kelli’s other recipients feel the same way and we all just pass on our little warm fuzzy for someone else so they can feel the happiness of a little surprise the way we did! How can I do this? I really need to think. Here are just a few things I came up with:

*Bring some of the Eastern workers cookies.

*Buy lunch for the person behind me without saying anything.

*Buy the guards doughnuts (hmm, notice how all of these ideas entail food… what does that say about me??)

*Send my own little CAOK gift to someone. Unfortunately I’m not domestically blessed, but I bet I could think of something fun.

So anyway, I think I might go home and repost this with a picture of me and my cute apron just to show off A.K’s great creative goddess abilities.

Okay, Okay…So do I want to continue to ooooh and ahhh over my pretty parcel?

Yes.

Do I realize you want to vomit by now?

Yes.

Will I stop talking now?

Yes.

Thanks for letting me dote, and I’m sorry for going on and on (it annoys me when people do that) but it is lonely here and I feel out of place most of the time, so in my Kuwait life, little blessings aren’t so little. Does that make sense? I hope so.

I pray I am able to be a blessing to someone the way Kelli was to me- and I pray you are a blessing too

Just jumping on real quick because (as if you didn’t already know) I have obsession issues with this place.

I’m posting from my parent’s house. How fun is that!?

My poor sister was having boy problems so I thought (after yesterday’s post!) I would be a good friend to her and come right over. It took me an hour to get there but I made it. We talked boys and I told her how dumb they were and we laughed and had a good time.

Then I called Willy and told him to come over after work. He got here about half an hour ago. We watched a Seinfeld. My sister is doing her own thing (something she has done a lot lately since becoming a true 16-year-old!) and my parents are being totally goofy. I can’t way what they are doing but they are cracking me up.

Get this!

We are such a lazy nation in Kuwait.

We actually ordered food online we went to http://www.6alabat.com and typed in where we live and it automatically comes up with all the places that deliver to your area. How fun is that! We ordered pizza… yes… I’m eating pizza tonight. SOOOO unsouth beach. At least I’m being honest. I COULD say I ordered a side salad… but....no.

It’s too crazy. You order online and then 30 seconds later they call you on your phone to confirm. It is totally scary! It trips me out.

Hmmm, and yet I am left to wonder why Kuwait has a seriously high rate of diabetes…

Could it be that all restaurants- even freaking fast food can be personally delivered to your house at any time of the day??

Maybe…

I’m looking forward to hanging out tonight. I just dont know how much time I’ll be around my fam and I want to soak up as much time as I can.

I think we’re about to watch dr. Phil too. A girl we know was on the show!!! how crazy is that!? It was a few on in the states a few weeks ago. Both Lyna and my grandma taped the show for us. My grandma’s came in last week so I’m anxious to watch it! I was so shocked to see she was going to be on the show!

Okay, the food is here. I love you guys. I just wanted to say hi and let you know that as you’re eating breakfast I’m eating dinner!

Have a super day and I’ll talk to you guys soon!

<3

Not much going on today.

That’s never a good way to begin a post because people know you’re about to ramble about nothing right from the get go.

Oh well, at least I’m being honest.

My sweet “Ethel” bought me the SB pull-away calendar for no reason today. How sweet was that!? She might be the nicest person I’ve ever met.

The day before she spent $6 and brought me lunch from the Chinese place on base because I was going to work through the lunch hour.

This weekend she invited me over to her house for homemade pancakes, “Just because I think you’re great, Britt!” What a freaking nicey!

Her calendar put a smile on my face.

Today’s page is a recipe for edamame salad.  Hmmm, Will won’t even try any food with more than 3 syllables, but I would be open to it.

I think the real reason is that she’s trying to woo me because I’ve been cheating on her for lunch and going with my dad. I promised to be a faithful friend and have lunch with her everyday next week and on top of that eat “really bad” one day.

Now that, girls, is true friendship (in some sick way I guess)- risking your diet to eat greasy processed foods that make your butt congeal into a squishy jiggly fat before they even reach your mouth. Nothing screams “I like you as a friend!“ more than eating straight crap. Mmmm. I can’t wait for that day (sarcasm). Yeah. I think that wins the most devoted friend award. Ha ha, just kidding.

I have to be totally honest, I have a complex about this sort of warm fuzzy thing. Please don’t think I need help or make fun of me, but I seriously do!

I feel bad when people do such thoughtful things for me! Yes, I have serious issues. I think there’s even a Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm (or some similar show, I can’t remember) episode totally devoted to this subject.

I can relate!

I feel all warm and gushy and then right after I feel those two emotions I feel totally bad because I am such a sloppy loser friend! I go about my business, walking through life just being my sloppy loser friend self and then BAM! all of a sudden I get a random act of kindness.

I start to breathe rapidly and my palms get all sweaty. Blood drains from my head and I turn a sexy shade of ash. The room starts spinning and I let out a groany, “Oh noooo..” Then I feel a little faint.

Why!? Why is that!?

I

don’t

know.!!!!!!

Because honestly, I love my friends’ thoughtfulness! I really do! I feel like the most important person ever. So why do I feel a little guilty!?

I guess I feel like IIII should be the one giving the gift. I have a great network of friends and sooo do not let them know how great they are as often as I should.

“Quit being such a great friend!” I wanted to tell “Ethel” today.

I totally ditched her on her birthday (see last Wednesday’s post) when all this “moving and Will’s dad stuff” went down, and she totally responds in love. She’s like my freaking awesome, sweet, golden retriever that gets back up and licks my face and rolls over after I am like, “No doggie! Screw your birthday!”

Now, I had a good reason for missing her special day, but gosh, I still felt bad.

I so need to make Ethel feel as special as she makes me. She is my only “real friend” over here and dang it I need to make it known, take the bull by the horns and mark my territory! Ha ha, yes, that’s right, I will pee on “Ethel.”

I am a serious dork.

First I admit I have issues with random act of kindness from my friends, and then I tell you all I’m going to pee on poor “Ethel“… wow… at what point did this post start to take a plunging nosedive???

No one can be sure…

Another example is inspiring Kelli. She totally from the goodness of her heart has been checking on me to make sure all is well in Kuwaitville and then asked me if she could send me something. I told her I felt like this maniacal mad woman, reaching and grabbing and having a huge case of the “gimmeeees.”

She must have thought, “woah. Calm down lady. You seriously have acceptance issues. I just wanted to send you my latest and greatest and most awesome craft ever! Now I have to reconsider because, well… you’re a strange one...” (just kidding, Kelli, thanks for being so great)

Maybe I am, though! Feeling bad when you’re supposed to feel good is not normal under any circumstance! I think the root of it comes down to the fact that I feel my friends are way better friends to me than I am to then (hopefully they would argue that and say I’m a good friend, though!), and I feel that if anyone should be giving a freaking random sweet thoughtful gift it should be me!

Me, me me!

And so then I feel bad when they beat me to the punch line because I truly want to appreciate them the way they make me feel appreciated. My friends- including all of you FREAKING AMAZING (that’s right, I said freaking- you know I mean business when Is ay that) women on the nest- have made me feel so good, especially in my time of need.

I know that is what friends are for, but as I’ve gotten older I have truly come to really and genuinely appreciate the whole concept of friendship. I mean, I have all my life, but it is right now, at this point in my life, I really thank God for my friends and pray I can be the kind of friend Jonathan was to David before David became king. That has been my prayer over the last year and I know that when God has made me into a Jonathan, he will give me a David, and that will be the most awesome thing ever. Plus, if I’m really lucky, maybe my “David’s” husband will get along with Will which is even a bigger bonus!

Gosh, who knew a freaking 5 buck SB calendar could bring such restlessness!

Anyway, that is another strange facet of me that will make you scratch your head and think, “Who IS this girl!?” I guess that’s okay because sometimes I even surprise myself.

So, before all my awesome bloggy friends I hereby say I am going to beat my awesome friends to the punch and truly take time to tell them how much they mean to me. I only wish it wouldn’t take some goofy calendar to get me motivated.

Thanks for listening to me ramble, ramble, ramble.

I promise we will all catch up soon. Whether it is during my weekend or (prayerfully!!) when I get my system back up at work.

Have a wonderful day and be a nicey to all your friends.

The Italians were here today.

That means they stood around smoking and looking like typical hot Italian military men, and all the old divorced ladies constantly had errands to do that required them to leave our building and slowly walk pass the mass of dark haired and bronzed loitering Romanesque gods.

I find how the women here go from 50 to 15 pretty funny when these guys come to town. It’s like watching starved dogs being let loose in a meat locker.

Today “Ethel” came by to visit me and mentioned “the Italian meat.” She said they were totally checking her out, so she said she shook her butt in a “twist-like fashion.” I totally cracked up.

She was lying.

I was disappointed.

I would have paid to see “Ethel” shake her butt for the Italian soldiers. That would have made me laugh for a week.

I mentioned they were crowding the entrance to my office earlier that day and Ethel asked, “Did you shake your butt for them in a ‘twist-like fashion?’” all the while shaking her butt like a big goof.

“Oh yeah. You know me. I love focusing the world’s attention to one of my least favorite spots.”

She continued her silly butt shaking when all of a sudden a group of Italian soldiers walked by. She continued, with her back towards them until she heard, “Bella, bella!” She totally froze and looked at me like she wanted to die. 

I laughed so hard. The Italians got a show today!

That was the only remotely exciting thing that happened today. Oh, that and my mom came to my camp so I ate lunch with her and my dad today. That was nice. I wish we could do that more often.

I like them.

So yeah, my hot mamma friend dancing, and eating with my parents were the high points of the day. I don’t know what that means, but it can’t be normal.

Welcome back! Hope you guys had a great weekend! I am so behind on leaving feedback! don’t think I’m terrible! I still don’t have the internet up at work, so that has made keeping up with “important stuff“ hard.

Thanks for listening to my silly Italian story. hope you guys have a super day. <3

Today Will and I sat at the dining room table and had a nice, long level 4 conversation (that is what the pastor who did our premarital counseling would have called it).

Will had gotten a discouraging email from someone about the church he worked at before we moved here. Before taking the plunge to Kuwait, Will served as youth minister at one of the churches in town. Anyway, the email was really disheartening and talked about how the numbers have been killed in the youth group and how there are a ton of discipline problems. It was sort of sad to hear that. The group we had was so different than Will and I. All but 2 came from broken homes and had never met their fathers. They had problems keeping out of trouble and a lot of times we just had a hard time relating to them. We knew God had called us there so we pushed on and did what we were called to do no matter how hard the situation with the youth was- not to mention the draining situation of the entire church.

Anyway, we left thinking to ourselves, “At least we were there to lay a foundation for the next guy.” Sadly, I guess I foundation has been rocked! I know there was nothing we could do. It just made us sit and think about things for a long time today.

How long will they remain open?

Will we ever see our youth again?

What do you think the kids will be doing in 5 years? It was scary to think what would happen to some of them.

We talked for almost 2 hours about so many thought provoking memories and ideas. We got into our friends and people we used to know and wondered how often we would see them, and who we would see when we came home at Christmas. I asked Will if he thought it was bad that we don’t have a solid “couplefriend” at this point in our lives, so then we talked about that too.

Finding that perfect couplefriend is a difficult process. We both realize its important to have our own friends, but we would like to think one day we would be able to find a couple that we enjoyed hanging out with just as much. We had one before we left, but we never really got all that close. We did a lot of stuff together, but that was about it. For example, as were were getting ready to move over here we went out to dinner, gave hugs and said bye. No “email us!” or “Let us know what’s going on!” That was it.

Finding a couplefriend is just like dating again, only worse because there are two people involved.  It is crucial that the husband like the guy as much as the wife likes the girl (or at least in my goofy mind it is that way). I feel like we should take out a personal ad or something!

Coupledating is just like being single again. When trying to find the perfect couplefriend you have to initally be on your best behavior- just like I was on my first date with Will. No talk of chin hairs or sweat.

Also, you have to go through the whole getting to know you stage again- only its harder because you not only have one person to learn about- you have two. “Okay Will, so is their “kid” a Jack Russell named Scotty or a Scottish something or other named Jack?“

Then, afterwards you go home and analyze how everything went. “Did it go well? Do you think they’ll call? Should we call first or will that be too forward? Were we too enthusiastic? Not enthusiastic enough?“ Just like dating all over again.

I know I analyze EVERYTHING way too much, but finding a couple to do stuff with is a lot harder than finding a girl to go shopping with me with or a guy to watch football with Will. 

Okay- I could go on for another 7 minutes, but I think I not only killed a dead horse but probably came off like we have couplefriend issues. Oh well.

Better go for now. Will is ready to look for football cards online… lucky me…

had to laugh to myself today when I saw the birth control in Kuwait thing on the Nest- because that was going to be the topic of today’s post! What a Twilight Zone moment. Are you in my brain??

Well, now I have to think of something else to write about because two posts fully explaining my BC issues is enough- even for me!

Well, Sunday is the big day. The day I make the big switcharoo. I wouldn’t be as nervous except for the fact that I have decided to skip an Aunt Flo this month because Will’s birthday is next week.Okay, so how you are all saying. “My eyes have seen too much!” Sorry, I crossed the “we don’t know you very well and REALLY don’t want to hear about your birth control issues, let alone skipping aunt flos and God knows what.” I’ll stop. If you really want to play psychologist with today’s post, I am writing because of my anxiety of not only starting low dose of BC on the day I’m supposed to take my placebo pills, but also one that isn’t approved by the FDA. Yeah, that makes ya feel great.

So, now that I promised I wouldn’t stay on the birth control subject because we’ve all had our fill for the year, I will change subjects.

I am in love. I try to use the world Love carefully, because I hate saying I LOVE Taco Bueno with the same excitiment as I say I LOVE Will. It just happens that way. I know the love is different, but it just comes out with the same zeal. That’s terrible.

Anyway, I really am in LOVE, and as of this very instant it might just borderline the same excitement as a shouting acclamation of an “I LOVE WILL.”

PEANUT BUTTER FLUFF Sandwiches. Ahh, the power that eminates from these few words. Yes, they require capitilzation because they are their own entity. They are simply divine. Let me explain. Bread is a strange thing here. They sell it, but it is a little stale even when it is fresh. It comes in tiny loaves and you must use it within a day after you buy it or it gets moldy. It’s quite an interesting thing. If I knew a kid here that needed to do a science project, I would ask him to find out why their bread is the way it is.

Anyway, you just can’t get excited about plain bread as it is, let alone Kuwait bread. But then it happened. The blessed ordering guy, in charge of choosing the items that go in the military PXs put in an order for WONDER BREAD. The miracle substance of life. I never thought I would be so excited to see a plain, white, bleached flour with no nutritional value loaf of bread. The anticipation of opening a fresh loaf of WONDER BREAD- its almost overwhelming! When they get it in stock- and it only comes to one of the bases in Kuwait- so you actually have to make a trip to get it if you work elsewhere- and believe me, none of the camps are close together.

Anyway, once it hits the shelves it’s gone within the hour. People would give their children’s college funds for a bag. You have to be at the right place at the right time. Luckily, my mom was. She threw her elbows around and fought for the last 2 loaves and got ‘em. I never realized how much I liked slice bread until I couldn’t have it. I missed it so much I could have actually just eaten the “real bread” plain- but it’s like a forbidden rule to “waste” “THE” bread in our house. You’d think we had a stash of truffles around instead of plain white bread.

the one true satisfaction of having the rare and much sought after WONDER BREAD in our house is having the best additions to go with it. PEANUT BUTTER and MARSHMALLOW FLUFF. Just let me take a moment to write that again- PEANUT BUTTER and MARSHMALLOW FLUFF, and yes, I do find it annoyingly necessary to capitalize the words. It just sounds so sinfully terrible! How much more fattening and wonderful can you get?! I figure this bread only comes around here once in a lifetime, so I should at least get the full satisfaction from it. So, I have been consuming my “fluffer-nutter” sandwiches like it was the absolute last time I would ever have one again. I’m really relishing this WONDER BREAD moment. Yes, I am a goof- but I am currently blinded by love.
* * ******************************
I was going to leave you all with that today and start an entirely separate post for the following story, but I thought. “What the heck. I’m already here typing. I’ll just lump them into one big post.” The issues are totally different, and in all honesty they do deserve their own post (PEANUT BUTTER FLUFF sandwiches for crying out loud!), but I am just going to place them together anyway, despite their deserving their own post and title. Today was the most special day in our house! We had our first visitor in Kuwait!!

I wish you knew the elation that I felt today. One of Will’s friends, who is currently stationed in Iraq, contacted Will the other day to tell him he would be at Doha on his way back to the states to for the birth of his first baby! Well, he didn’t know the exact day, but we knew it would be soon. Today Will had a few missed calls on his phone and a few emails from Parker saying he was already here. Luckily he got a hold of Will and Will went up to Doha to hang out with him. He was really excited.

Well, about an hour after he had gotten to Doha, Will calls and says, “Can I bring a visitor home for a few hours?” I have never been more happy to clean house for a guest than today. We have never and will probably never again have a visitor, so it was a big deal. I rushed around and got ready and closed out bedroom door- which is off limits because we are living out of suitcases and everything is a mess.

Well, Will brings Parker over and the first thing he does is takes he stuff into our room! Grrr. Oh well. I needed a few Get Well cards on the dresser, like Crystal talked about in a post the other day.

So, Parker got a shower and we just hung out at the apartment for an hour and then decided to take him out to eat.Of course, we went to Buffalos. I think I might get sick of that place!

It was so much fun. Will knew Parker from teaching youth sunday school together at the church Will grew up at, so although I know Parker, I don’t know him that well. It was still so nice for Will and I to get out with another “person” and just have a good time. He had so many stories to share, some very sad, and some of awesome hope. It was just so interesting to get to ask questions about what is going on there and what he thought of everything since he is in the middle of it every day. It was just like my 4th of July experience but so much more personal. It was just really cool to get to hear his stories and for Will to get to spend time with his friend. Parker is coming back to Doha in a few weeks, so I hope Will gets more of a chance to hang out with him and (hopefully he will get access to get off camp) show him around. It was a really fun and really surprising day!

We had a visitor!

I’ve had lots of time to think lately. I’ve thought about 5 million different things since I’ve been here. How my life is totally different, what I REALLY want to do with the rest of my life… lots of things. One thing I’ve thought about lately is how my life will be totally different after this is all over.

Do you ever feel like you are just starting from scratch? That is how I feel right now. I feel like my score has been cleared to zero and I am starting all over again in so many things. One big thing I feel like I’m starting over in is life in Oklahoma. When Will and I get back, so many things will have changed. I feel like I am totally starting over there when I haven’t even really begun.

Friends are such a funny thing sometimes. I have thought about them a lot too, and I totally feel like I am starting on zero on that department. I remember right after I graduated high school I “just knew” I would keep in contact with my close friends. Now, I only keep in contact with one on a fairly continual basis- a 4 or 5 times a year. That seems so strange to me. I guess it is our own fault, but its also because we changed and became different. We grew up and missed things in each other’s lives. I mean, when we get together we just seem to pick up where we left off, which seems like how a true friendship should be, but we have missed out on so many little day to day things that affect a person that it is difficult to stay close when so much time elapses.  That is kind of where I feel like I am right now. I feel like I am starting all over again.

It is so strange. Since I have moved, I have heard from my best friend only 2 times. We talked everyday before I left and it just seems so weird to be reduced to one time every few weeks or something. I know she is busy with things, but I guess I have learned a lot about friendship and how sometimes something like a move can make someone totally move on leave another behind. I’m not naive, I knew things would change eventually and there was a good chance we would not be near as close after all this was over, I guess I was just surprised it happened so fast. I sort of feel like I have lost my friends to a certain degree. Obviously I have lost them in the sense I can’t call them up and say, “Hey! Meet me at the mall in 30 minutes,“ but I feel like all of this time that is going to pass by in our lives is going to make things totally different when I come back to the point where I will have to “start over“ meeting friends. Do I sound crazy? Maybe. But maybe someone that has moved to a different city can relate to starting over too. I don’t think my thoughts are too far fetched, but then again I think about and overanalyze just about anything I am faced with, so maybe I’m not a good judge.

Thinking of all of these things has made me want a “Lori.“ Lori is my mom’s best friend in the whole world. They shared an apartment together when they were going to college. They have the funniest stories about their few years together. I can still cry from laughing when my mom tells her stories. She was my mom’s MOH and was there the day I was born… she was just always there when she and my mom were younger. Time and and many states have separted them for a long time now, but they are still so very close. They are kindred spirits. My mom knows she can always always always count on Lori because they have this intense and incredible friendship. I thought I had found my “Lori,“ but now I’m not so sure. Okay, I’m positive.

This move has truly been a growth period for me. Whether I have enjoyed it or not, I have grown a lot and pondered many things. I never realized the importance of a good friend until I have been stripped of having any, not knowing a soul besides my family in a huge new world. Maybe all of this time has really helped me realized how I need to work on being a good Lori before I am able to have a Lori of my own. Making sense? Who knows, but I hope so.

I just needed to sort my thought out in my blog today, so thanks for listening

There are times when I wish I could express my feelings to others like men are able to. They can yell things like , “You are so stupid! open your eyes! Can’t you see you are ruining you life!“ And then 5 minutes later they are fine. They duke it out and then they are over it.

That is something I admire about Will. He says what he wants, even if it is something someone doesn’t want to hear.(he doen’t say the “hey you are stupid stuff,” I was just using that as an extreme example). He isn’t out to hurt people’s feelings, but he is able to be very truthful with people, and that is a reason why a lot of people respect him. He has no problem saying what he wants to say. I, on the other hand, don’t talk “like a guy.” I am “too nice” in situations a lot of the time. The past 2 days I have needed “guy talk” in my life.

My MOH and I have had our ups and down over this past year, but things have really become different. She has really changed. Our “boss” Sheri has even been noticing her change in work ethics and the fact that she has totally started to avoid her (they used to be running partners). Well the latest with her has got my head spinning and I get to be the confidant of everything going on in her life.

She is making such poor decisions and is asking me to support her for making them, because no one else is. A strength (which obviously can also be a weakness) of mine is that I am good at encouraging others. I think she is using my positive encouragement as a free ticket to make stupid decisions. I have listened to everthing with an open mind- but this is just not the girl I became friends with. She is longing to be accepted by this certain group and her new boyfriend (that’s a long story) that she is willing to compromise what she has stood for for so long- and expected others around her to stand for too. I don’t want to go into details, but its a bad situation.

I talked to Will about it last night, and of course, he told me to tell her all of the things I already wanted to say in my head, but just couldn’t muster out. I was proud of myself today because I told her that she is old enough to make her own decisions but she needs to realize that they may be wrong and has to be able to accept them (I sound like a parent! AHHH).

I know people change over time, but I feel like she is changing not for herself, but for those around her. That is where I wish I could just tell her to look at the situation from a different perspective. She has put life on hold to be a surgrugate (or however you spell it) mother as a 22 year old to someone she doesn’t even know, not to mention the other bad choices. I was a little more “firm” and forthcoming about my feelings today, but it sounds like her mind is made up. She can do what she wants, but it makes me sad because of how great she is. I just need to let it all out “like a guy” and hope she responds in a “guy” manner- taking it in, getting mad, and then being fine. More to come