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A Series of Short Posts: Will’s Dad

Thanks for all your kind words and prayers the other day. Will’s dad was taken out of ICU and is now in the cardiology center of the hospital. He will still be there a few more days, but it’s been a blessing to know he’s breathing on his own and is expected to make a full recover. Thanks again, I appreciated your thoughtfulness. 

reflections from a 25 year old

I turned 25 on the 14th.

Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s not old, but it does seem as if 25 comes with a whole new host of responsibilities and expectations. 25 is so… adult. I know I’ve been an adult for quite some time now, but when I look back and think about the times I heard someone tell me they were 25 I assumed certain things about them and their life. I’m quickly finding how silly assumptions are!

25 comes with financial stability, “when are you having kids?” and a real career. It’s not playtime anymore. It’s not a “cute” age. If I had a dollar for every time I was called a “baby” at work because I was 24 I wouldn’t have to live in Kuwait anymore. I could go home and retire. 25 surpasses all those things. I’m officially not at the kids table anymore. It’s all silverware and white tablecloths from here on out.

I guess I’m feeling reflective because 25 seems as though I should be at a certain point of my life and I don’t feel as though I am. Sure, you can’t plan life. You can spend a whole lifetime planning life and be disappointed when all those plans never come to fruition. It’s not that I mapped out my life, it’s just that I guess when I think of being 25 I don’t think of “this-” as in me this very second.

I don’t know…

I guess it’s got me thinking about a lot of things. About kids. About how I always thought as I got older I would want to have them. How I constantly told myself I didn’t want any ever and how I knew I was saying that just because I was young and I was just sure I would change my mind as I got older. Granted, perhaps that’s true. I’m still young, and maybe as I creep into the late 20s my mind will change, but I’m really starting to think that maybe what I’ve said all along is honest- I really don’t want to have kids.

It’s got me thinking about what the hell I’m doing here. Seriously- what am I doing here? Is God using me the same way He could use me elsewhere? I don’t know. I’ve been so convinced He’s had me here for this huge purpose and plan- but is that true? I mean, I know God is in control and he can do whatever he wants, but I guess I’m wondering if perhaps He’s trying to tell me something and I’m not listening. Are we really here for “God’s glory?” I truly believe he has allowed us to live here for some reason I just don’t know what reason that is. Maybe I’ll never know. Maybe it is some huge “purpose and plan” as I mentioned earlier. Maybe it’s something totally unnoticed by all but one. I don’t really know.

The above subject inevitably gets me thinking about home. Do you realize that initially, when we first arrived here back in 2005, our goal was to stay 3 years and then go home? Can you believe 3 years is already done? In about 3 weeks I will have lived here 3 years. Technically, if we go back to that “mapped out plan” I referred to earlier we’re supposed to be closing up shop and heading home. We talk about another year, another 2 years, and sometimes leaving tomorrow… we have no real plan just yet.

Then I think about how badly I’ve been hurt and constantly screwed by my job and it’s got me thinking I really just need to start looking for something elsewhere. I think about how I don’t think I’m ready to leave. How I want to stay so badly. How it would break my heart and will to have to move home right now. I’ve lived near my family for the last 25 years and to think of them being in Kuwait, my sister being in college over here, and me back home? It pains me. I think about how maybe that’s all apart of God’s plan. I think about if that is part of his plan and how much it would hurt me. How mad and ripped off I would feel. How hard it would be to obey God, and how heartbroken I would be. I know obedience is not always easy, but what I know and what I feel are so different.

I think about work this week and how awful it was. How in the last year I have seen so many people come and go, come and get fired… just so much pain and turnover. It takes a toll on the people that have had to come here everyday and witness these constant changes- it gets tiring after a while! I feel like my department is the kid whose parents have gotten divorced and now there’s some huge custody battle that never ends. I’ve had a very crappy week professionally, and the thought of coming in to work today really took a toll.

Then I think about Will’s dad. In the middle of the night yesterday we got a call from Will’s brother (I started this post before we got this call).

Middle of the night calls are never good.

We learned that his dad had collapsed- and thankfully Will’s mom was still at the house to find him and call 911. They rushed him to the hospital where they’ve placed him in ICU. He has a massive blood clot in his heart and lung. It was a real close call and very scary. Will and I took the day off yesterday as we awaited updates. He’ll be in ICU for the next few days, but thankfully he started breathing on his own again yesterday afternoon so that was an encouragement. We’re hoping the worst is over. It was such a scare and I worry about Will. He’s so close to his dad. Yesterday’s news really drove home the fact that life is short and we really need to begin thinking about our future plans and were we’re supposed to be. Is it here? I’m not sure…

I just have a lot on my mind my first few days as a “real” adult. Life is about so much more than the small package we seem to create for it. I don’t know what all that means, but I know it’s got me thinking about a lot of different things and possibilities.

Please keep us in your prayers. I will update you guys on Will’s dad as I hear things. Thanks for your support and letting me vent. It’s been quite a week.

checking in

I have a lot on my mind and heart today, but I feel like crap and have no desire to write it all out today.

More to come soon. I just don’t have the desire today.

<3

March 13, 2004

It’s so funny how on my wedding day I felt as though I could never love or know you more than I did that very instant,

but as each year passes us by that love grows so much stronger.

I love you so much. Thank you for all you do and the sacrifices you make for us.

Every time I look at this picture it brings me back to the day we were in Jordan, and what a wonderful trip that was for me. We look so happy there. It’s one of my favorite memories. It reminds me that even though things are tough sometimes, I’m always safe in your arms.

image

Happy Anniversary.

Love,

Britter

PS- Happy Anniversary T2 <3

it’s in your best interest NOT to read today. Yes, I’m seriously telling you to come back tomorrow.

Have you ever felt like you’re facing a full blown marathon, and you’re showing up late dressed in spiky heels and fitted skirt?

Oh- and you’ve never run a mile in your whole life.

I sort of feel that way today.

I’ve felt that way a lot lately.

I feel as though I’m showing up for a marathon that will be almost impossible to finish and the mere thought of processing this marathon makes me exhausted. It makes my heart hurt.

It’s no secret I’ve been frustrated with work lately. It’s not so much my actual job. I like that. It’s the situation I’m in. I think some of it has to be with where I’m located. It’s difficult to get “real” people that will come to Kuwait and work. I’ve also found that some managers here would never in a million years be able to make it in America. There are a lot of factors… no need for me to get into that today.

Have you ever faced a “marathon” that was so long and uphill to the point where you felt like throwing your hands up and walking away?

I sort of feel that way. I feel so bogged down with things to the point where I feel like packing up and going home and not worrying about it.

I know we probably all feel that way sometimes, and I certainly don’t want to sound like a “work martyr” (though I probably do), but I just need to blow off some steam today or I’m liable to up and quit, feel great for five minutes-

And then totally regret it.

There are so many frustrations I feel right now to the point where I can’t even verbally process them, so I won’t try. I just feel sick over everything and that’s all I really know how to verbalize. I just feel like yelling, “Why won’t you listen to us?!!” to my managers. We’ve made it no secret that this marathon is going to take a long time to run, much longer than they’d like, yet they’re pushing forward with no concept of the actual situation…

Just one of my many grievances today. Couple that with the fact that we’re forced to move and, well, you’ve just mixed yourself a potent cocktail.

I also feel sad because I’m going to miss my anniversary and mom’s birthday, all for “the mission.” I know in the grand scheme of life it may not be that big of a deal, but right here and right now in the moment it seems so.

Why is it that when you’re feeling down you think of absolutely every possible negative thing going on in your life?

I mean seriously! My toast could have come out slightly burned and I would have lamented about it all day. I guess I’m sort of like that today. I’m lamenting about work, then missing my anniversary and mom’s birthday, then P going away to college, and not shaving my legs for a few days… see? You think of anything and everything to make you even more down.

How silly, right!?

Maybe I’m the only person that does that- but I bet not. There’s a lot of country songs to back me up.

I did get a nice surprise today, though. I got a text from my mom today saying my parents were going to pay for my cruise! I was shocked. What a loving gesture! Now all I have to cover is airfare and excursions. What a sweet thing. Getting that news was a day brightener. In fact, this cruise has definitely helped me get through the day lately. That and coming home to see Will.

Poor Will.

He LOVES when I have to work like I am now (<- a full blown sarcastic sentence).

I keep telling myself, “You just need to get through the next 2 weeks and things will be better,” and then once those 2 weeks are over, another thing comes up and I make myself another promise, “You just have to get through the next month and it will all be okay,” yet that day never comes. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard “After March things will be so much better” I’d be so rich. Here it is March and now we’ve just stretched things out until only God knows how long.

Believe it or not, I’M TRYING TO LIVE A LIFE HERE. I know work is #1 priority above God and family to you all (you being most people in my company, not you as in YOU), but I’ve made the decision to put work below those things.

I’m ready for my ship to sail. P, how many days is it again?? I ought to do a countdown of my own.

Instead I’m sitting at my desk, mentally shut down and dreading the moutain I’m about to climb. There seriously comes a point where overtime pay doesn’t matter.

See why I asked you to come back tomorrow?

Love you guys. 

Goodbye Brett

It’s one of those times where there are are a lot of things that could be said, but I won’t try to say any of them.

Instead I say we will miss you, Brett.

Will and I had a wonderful time freezing our butts off and watching you play. It was a rite of passage (mostly for Will, but I guess me too...) watching you at the Frozen Tundra.

We ate breakfast at Perkins that morning. Will got the eggs benedict (this is where he fell in love with eggs benedict) and I got pancakes so I could try 50 different kinds of syrup. Then we went to K-Mart to get me a scarf that ended up not keeping me warm at all. We went to the gift shop next to the stadium and the Packers Hall of Fame, where we watched a documentary on the Green Bay Packers.

I don’t remember much after that. I think we went back to the hotel to watch the Colts game before heading to the stadium to eat dinner- where it froze before we could finish it (literally). For some crazy reason Will thought it was proper to eat dinner in the open stadium as part of the “experience.” I must say, frozen chicken strips and cheese curds aren’t all that great.

Oh- and by the way- for all my lovely bloggy ladies, this story is probably somewhere in my December 2005 archives, if you care. I know you ladies love Packer football (ha ha).

Anyway, you and the Pack were having an awful season that year, and I think you only ended up winning 3 games all season or something terrible like that. Thankfully, we watched you win- in overtime. It was freezing- a bitter cold. I think it was -13 with the wind chill. I was so ready to leave, but looking back, it was a pleasure to watch you play. I only wish we could have seen one more.

You will be missed.

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P-Dub Is Legal.

P-Dub~

I simply can’t believe you’re 18. I feel so full of adult (albeit parental) feelings right now, and once again I’m reminded that you’re grown up and are about to venture out on your own to begin a whole new part of your life.

The last 18 years of my life have been full of so many fun memories, and so much of that is because of you! I love you so very much and hope you’re having a great time in NYC. I can’t wait to hear all about it.

As you can imagine, this is one of those posts where I could drone on and on, but I figure I ought to save that emotional crap for when you leave for school. Probably a good idea, right?

So here’s a short list I compiled about all the FUN and EXCITING things you can do now that you’re the big 1-8:

*Drink in virtually every country other than Kuwait and America.

*Rent rooms from sketchy back alley motels. 

*Be tried as an adult- and then get sent to seriously terrifying maximum security women’s prisons where you have to bunk with a 7 foot tall hairy-legged woman with Russian ancestors. Oh- and you’d have to wear those scary orange jumpsuits too- except for every 6th Tuesday- that’s Pajama Day.

*Run for public office. You could totally instate Cute Belt Day!

*Vote. For yourself. Do I smell a write-in?

*Get into posh clubs- where you can handout pamphlets about your campaign.

I’m sure there’s more… but it’s been a few years since I was 18 (ha ha, I sound so old!)

I love you bunches. I hope today is full of happy surprises- and a little bit of warm weather! Come home soon- I want sushi!

Just a few pictures over the last year:
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(last year’s b-day)

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Oh and PS- you look totally gorgeous in this last picture.  excaim

Love,

Britter

Valentine’s Day Then and Now

Valentine’s Day Year One of Marriage Compared to Valentine’s Day Year (almost) Four of Marriage:

Valentine’s Day Then
Shave your legs and go over them with a magnifying glass to ensure no stubble remains

Valentine’s Day Now
Shave a few days before and feel very accomplished that you’ll only have a little stubble come V-Day

Valentine’s Day Then
Starve yourself the whole week before your fancy dinner out so you can fit into the hot dress you bought last week.

Valentine’s Day Now
Eat the entire box of chocolates you got for your husband and ask if you can stop by a Walgreens on the way to dinner so you can replace the box without him knowing.

Valentine’s Day Then
Ensure you wear the sexiest red stain bra and panty set ever created by Victoria

Valentine’s Day Now
Ensure you don’t wear those oversized gray sweatpants from junior year of college.

Valentine’s Day Then
Buy an assortment of chocolate sauces, whipped cream, and various other goodies to have fun with that night.

Valentine’s Day Now
Buy an assortment of chocolate sauces, whipped cream, and various other goodies to have fun with that night…
But then decide hot fudge sundaes sound better.

Valentine’s Day Then
Have a deep meaningful conversation about your love for one another.

Valentine’s Day Now
Have a deep meaningful conversation about your love for one another…
During SportsCenter commercial breaks.

Okay, I’m freaking cracking myself up. You guys have to leave some then and now stuff in the comments section. C’mon! It’s V-Day! You have to share the love!

Oh- speaking of-

Happy Valentine’s Day my loves!

Do you guys remember when Valentine’s Day was the biggest deal EVER? I mean, I would spend two weeks before thinking about how maybe I’d have a secret admirer, or how somebody might send me flowers!

Who could forget Valentine’s Day back in grade school? That was almost worse! I’d always get the cutesy Barbie Valentines and pick the prettiest one to give to the boy I liked, because, well, “duh”- giving him the prettiest one OBVIOUSLY meant that I liked him!

Then, after the valentine party at school, my friends and I would obsess over the cards we got from the boys, trying to decipher some sort of code from the sloppy way they wrote their name. “Look he signed mine in a red pen! That means me must like me!”

“He signed mine in red too- he must like me too!”

“No he doesn’t- The B and the R letters are bigger than yours so he likes ME!”

The madness I say! The wondering, the day dreaming, the hoping, the crying, the laughing… Valentine’s Day was exhausting!

I have to admit, there are times when I miss the “old” days of V-day. The days when you wondered if all of a sudden at 3:28 pm the hottest guy ever would walk right into your office with a dozen red roses, a gigantic box of Godiva, and a huge Valentine card with tickets to Italy inside. He’d sweep you off your feet in front of all your coworkers and announce his love to the whole world.

He’d also mention how incredibly rich he was and how you would no longer be an employee of Company XYZ because he was going to take care of your every need.

Sigh, yeah, the old days of V-day were fun.

However, there’s something so comforting about having an incredibly wonderful built-in Valentine. The suspense and sweep-you-off-your-feet romance isn’t exactly the same as that of the old days, but it’s better. It’s “home.” It’s the constant daily “everyday love” that makes my world go round. Now I look forward to Valentine’s Day in a different way because I have a built-in date. Whether it’s Papa Johns on the couch watching a movie or being dressed to the nines at The Terrace Grill, it’s nice not having to be all stressed about being on my best behavior, or if I have food in my teeth, or if what I just said was totally stupid (it probably was). It’s just 100% me in all my goofy glory. I like Valentine’s Day in a different way now!

I got Will a funny ha ha card this year that says, “Happy Valentine’s Day to the perfect husband!” on the outside, and then on the inside it says, “Don’t get too cocky! I worked my butt off making you that way!” I thought that was too funny. He told me he got me a funny one too, so I’m anxious to see what his says. I have a feeling we’ll go out to dinner tomorrow instead of tonight. Last year we went out on Valentine’s Day and it was in-freaking-sane. Those Kuwaitis love love!

Alright, that’s all for now! I hope you all have a wonderful day full of love and happy surprises!

<3

the good, the bad, and the ugly (you’ve been warned)

The Good

P and I are going out tomorrow night. We’re going to have sushi- something I’ve never tried and have had no desire to try. I’m taking one for the team tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t spend the evening hurled over the toilet with projectile vomiting. I’m looking forward to this time with P. There won’t be many more opportunities like this and I really need to make the most of them while she’s 20 minutes away instead of 8,000 miles away.

The Bad

I have to work the weekend- again. I’m truly getting disgusted with work. It makes me feel sick to my stomach and I spend most of the day totally pissed off at the world. I hate that. That’s not who I am. Today has been a bad day. Long story short: I have to come in tomorrow to wait God knows how long on someone else to complete their part of a project when I already did mine. Then I have to assemble the thing and submit it. What a stupid waste of time. Can I tell you how tired I am of feeling this way? It’s not so much having to work all these hours (okay- a lot of it is), but it’s also so much more I just don’t feel right sharing on my blog. There’s so much stupid crap going on and I hate it all. I wish I could just call you guys up and tell you the whole story, but since I can’t I have to focus on the only bad part I feel I can share- the stupid piece of crap hours.

The Ugly

Here’s the kicker (this day gets better and better)- Will called and told me we have to move!

I seriously about lost it right there on the phone.

I’m already feeling fragile today, and this news just about pushed me over the edge. To make matters worse, I was totally ugly to Will because of my already bad mood and I was snippy with him on the phone. I hate that! Why was I such a grump to my poor Will today? There was no need for that. I totally let my frustration with today carry over into our conversation and I feel lousy for it.

Anyway- Will got a call from the housing manager today saying they’re refurbishing our apartment complex (good!), but that they aren’t going to allow dogs anymore (bad… very bad and ugly and terrible and no good- just awful). So- they’re booting all of us dog lovers out.

I’m totally bummed. I really love our apartment. I love it so much. Granted, it’s not home, but it’s our little refuge from the chaos of life here. It’s our secret hideout and they’re taking it away. This is the place we’ve lived the longest since we’ve been married. It’s going to be sad to move and go somewhere else.

Not to mention we’ve acquired a TON of crap during our three years here. Moving is going to be

SO

MUCH

FUN

YAY!

Moving is going to be a major pain in the butt. Especially into an apartment complex where everything has to be transported via a tiny elevator in a thousand trips. The sheer thought really stresses me. We’re going to talk about it this weekend and see what we think the best move is to make. We will have about a month, but I told Will we might as well see what’s available now and maybe move in the next few weeks.

What a serious bummer.

Another major downer is that I live close to my gym, and it’s incredibly convenient. I already paid through September because it’s cheaper to pay for a year than to pay by the month. For all of you that live in congested cities you know what a pain it is to get out at night and fight traffic to go anywhere. When we get home, we stay home. I’m definitely going to be losing money on my gym membership, even if I’m able to make it once or twice a week. FRUSTRATION guys! Frustration.

I’ll probably look back tomorrow and see what a drama queen I’m being about everything and be annoyed with myself. Today, however, I’m giving myself a free pass to whine and vent. So, please feel free to roll your eye over my crises. If I were you, I would too. I sound like Chicken Little today don’t I? “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!” I realize these issues are so minor in the grand scheme of life, but I truly felt the need just to let everything out- and this is my choice venue.

I’m so ready to skip over tomorrow (minus dinner with P-dub). Heck- I’m ready to skip over the moving part and just be moved in. Okay, I’m getting all Adam Sandler and Click on you guys. I don’t really mean that. I just feel as though I am not myself at this place (work). I’m some quiet person with a terrible attitude. Granted, I rarely show that side, but it’s how I feel on the inside which is just as bad. Yesterday I prayed that God would simply just do what is best for me- whatever that is. That may not mean it’s what I think is best. I just have to continue to pray that God would do what’s best for me and take care of everything.

I just feel emotional (and fat) today- as you probably gathered. The house thing, the whole gym issue, work… I just want to go home and have a weekend to hide away and I won’t even get that. I feel totally blah today, which I believe is allowed from time to time, right? It’s got to be in some woman book of laws somewhere. I’m certain.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I know how much people LOVE reading about other people’s problems when they’ve got their own to deal with (ha).

<3

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About

brittny I'm B-Love. Lover of God, my husband Will, my doggies, OU football, weight training, plyometrics healthy eating (mostly!), peanut butter, and all things health related. Buckle up and get ready for my constant embarrassing moments, health and fitness tips,and my effort to rely on Christ while living life in the real world. Follow me on Feedly! Sign up for monthly emails at blove@theblovelife.com!


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