Good: I got up on time and made it to the airport really early.

Bad: I planned on using my extra time at the airport to do some work, only to find out the OKC airport charges for WiFi. I hate those guys.

Good: Leaving on time from OKC.

Bad: Not having enough time for lunch in Cincinnati and having to go straight to our gate.

Good: Getting a window seat on my stretch to D.C.

Bad: Having the ice sensor thing break on the right wing, which caused us to be an hour delayed.

Good: The cookies they gave out on our trip.

Bad: The fact that those cookies were the only thing I had eaten all.day.long.

Good: Getting to see a few landmarks as we flew into D.C.

Bad: Being here for work, not pleasure (it’s a super fast trip).

Good: Setting up my computer and catching up on emails- all in my comfy clothes.

Bad: Catching up on emails and having to squint due to the poor lighting.

Good: The giant fattening burger I had delivered to my room tonight. I <3 room service.

Bad: Um, I think I’m over per diem. I should probably look into that…

Good: Having time to post!

And let’s end on a happy note. I’m enjoying my trip out of the office. I’ve never been to D.C. (and I’m not sure if this even technically counts since it’s such a quick trip!) so the whole 10 minutes I’ve been here have been great! (ha ha)

Hope you are doing well! 

There are two things in life you can be certain of:

Death

and

Taxes.

I think right about -> ______ there is where I’m supposed to insert some sort of pithy comment or remark about this subject, but sadly I have nothing pithy so share today.

More like lamenting.

I won’t get into all the terrible details but let’s just say Will and I got this huge random surprise in the mail this past weekend.

Um- and since we’re both alive you can probably guess it’s not the death part I speak of.

Although… it sort of felt like that. I began to feel all claustrophobic and itchy and sweaty as if I were trapped in some cheap velvety low quality wood coffin.

Good times.

Anyway there was this big misunderstanding (Um that’s my cute and polite explanation of what happened. If we were discussing this issue with you in person I would definitely not say “big misunderstanding.” I would instead say something that would probably make you blush a little.) and much to our surprise we owe taxes we thought we had already paid.

Like I said- a “big effing misunderstanding.”

Good times.

Oh- and it’s Monday.

Oh- and it’s freaking hot.

Oh- and it’s supposed to storm tonight.

Wow! This day just gets better and better. Okay- I realize I can’t blame all my troubles on Monday, but it just feels so darn good!

Don’t you guys sometimes seriously miss the days of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and naps on the blue cushy kindergarten mats? It’s days like today where I do.

Actually, it’s days like today where I think, “Seriously. What in the HELL am I doing living here!?! Why am I here!? I could be back in Kuwait away from all this stupid ‘real life’ trouble and crap.”

I’d be lying if I haven’t been thinking that a.lot. lately. I guess it’s normal. I mean we seriously found this amazing “loophole.” Where the real world worries are distant memories. I realize that what we had wasn’t exactly normal and that what happened to us this weekend happens to people all the time, but it’s days like today, when Uncle Sam has kicked me square in the stomach when I was already down- and wearing my Sunday best- that I really wish we never even moved back.

I realize we moved back probably at the worst time ever- which is something I often have to remind myself- and a lot of people are experiencing the same things we are. I also truly believe everything worked out so perfectly to move back and was definitely of God. I’m still not sure of how it fits into “the master plan,” but I know I had a peace about coming back.

I also know I love my job and where we live. I’m very blessed. However, I’m not going to lie- days like today seriously make me miss life in Kuwait.

Oh- and days when I have a messy house. So you know… like Monday thru Sunday (ha ha).

Sorry to vent. It’s just been a seriously lousy day and has me bummed. “Big misunderstandings” suck. I know we’re not the first to experience them and we’ll certainly not be the last. I know everything will work out and we’ll be okay, but I just felt the need to blow off some major steam.

You know- because I know how much you love hearing about other people’s problems when you have a slew of your own!

More typical Brittny posting to come soon. I’m traveling this week and you may remember what happened last time I travelled. Who knows what’s bound to happen!

More to come.

<3

Or Agony.

But really- aren’t they one in the same?

Oh- and sorry to all you auditors out that that may read this. I know it’s your job and it’s helpful to us and all that crap- but seriously?- audits suck.

And I’m sure you hear that all the time.

P says I should be glad I’m having a work audit and not a life audit. She says scientologists have life audits or something like that.

Is that true?

I’m pretty sure I would fail a life audit.

It would go something like this:

Have you been diligent to stay below your alloted fat and calorie intake on a daily basis?

(silence)

Have you helped old ladies across the street?

(silence)

Have you read all the Harry Potter books?

(silence)

Have you read any of the Harry Potter books?

(silence)

Have you made sure not to daydream about famous actors such as Orlando Bloom or James Franco?

(silence)

Do you know who the Secretary of Agricultural Relational Studies and Law is? (ha ha)

(silence)

Yeah… pretty sure I would fail a life audit. Although, I thought of a ton of freaking hilarious questions that may have come up during this life audit of mine- only to avoid you guys thinking I’m a total wack-o I kept it mild.

So, there you have it. Getting audited- but thankfully not life audited.

Hope you guys are having a good week!

So last weekend Will and I were getting ready to go see a fireworks show with Ross and Rachel.

It was bloody hot last weekend. Granted- not Kuwait hot, because really, what is hotter than stepping outside and feeling your eyelids fuse to your eyeballs and your skin shrivel like a California raisin- however, it was hot nonetheless.

I didn’t feel like getting myself all “gussied” up and ready for this lovely outdoor occasion.

Oh- and before I continue, can we camp out at “gussied?” Are we allowed to say the word “gussied” anymore? I said it to Will today and he looked at me as if I were a black and white film star, clad in a big fluffy skirt with a giant spatula in my hand. So, I’m led to believe gussy is an “old person” word, and the more I type it and say it in my head, the goofier I feel.

Gussy.

Gussied.

Am I even spelling this right!?!

Anyway- let’s move on.

So, I didn’t plan to get all “gussied” (ha ha) up for the evening. As I was tossing my hair in a pony tail and putting nothing but mascara on my eyes, Will looked at me and said the words which had the potential to kill him dead on the spot or make a valid point.

He said, “Why don’t you get dressed up and curl your hair for me like you do for work? I like it that way.”

Lucky for him, we were running late so the whole killing on the spot option was out of the picture.

He said it, and it annoyed me, and I made a big deal out of it- and again, lucky for him we were running late so there wasn’t a lot of time for me to him and haw.

Hmm- note to self: him and haw is probably a lot like gussied. Don’t say it.

I was annoyed by his comment. I get dressed up Monday-Friday and would like to spend my weekends comfortable and relaxed and casual. There’s nothing wrong with that!

Seriously- he might as well had said I looked fat in the dress I was wearing. The nerve.

However, the more I thought about it on the way to our friend’s house the more I thought he was right. I really ought to take an extra 15 minutes on the weekend to curl my hair they way he likes and wear something other than my annoying black skirt that I wear virtually every.single.weekend.

It’s not like it takes that much more time to do something nice for my husband, which makes him happier and in turn makes me happier, right? Okay- so some of you might say it’s totally stupid to agree, but at the same time, why wouldn’t I want to take some extra time on the weekends for Will? I mean, I know I sure appreciate it when he shaves and doesn’t go all scraggly and sandpaper-ish all weekend long. It’s the same thing. Plus, I remember 6 summers ago I would spend literally hours getting ready to see Will. Ha- don’t you guys remember those days? The days of courtship and butterflies and the perfect tasting lip gloss? Good times.

So anyway, I can’t believe I’m telling you this story but I thought maybe some of you have been in the same boat. Do you ever get tired of dressing up all week and want the weekends to sort of bum? Do you have any tricks to make getting ready on the weekends any faster? Like I said- my weekend trick are skirts and dresses. They are uber cheap and casual but they look nice on and turn a crappy bum day into something a little dressier. I’m curious to see if you guys can relate and if there’s something you do to feel good about yourself when all you want to do is leave your hairy legs in sweat pants and not brush your teeth all day.

Hope you lovelies had a great 4th!

It’s only Monday and my brain seems to be enjoying its three day weekend early.

I honestly feel like a restless fifth grader during the last week of school. I’m finding it so hard to concentrate and stay on track. All I can think about is swimming this weekend and being lazy and fireworks and fun (um and loads of terrible food- followed by the gym of course… perhaps...).

I think the dog days of summer have hit me hard. Our neighborhood is full of kids and I secretly envy them everyday I get home from my work, clad in my dress clothes and clunky purse. I’m fully convinced our school system sets us up to drag during this time of the year as professional adults. I mean- you get three whole months off your entire life and then all of a sudden- BAM- the no fun zone. The occasional single day off observed on Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day.

Um- yes, I’m whining- but I secretly think you agree.

Or at least I like to think so.

I’ve been humming, “School’s Out for Summer” all day today- and it’s killing me slowly.

I think I like Monday holidays better than Friday holidays. I think I stay on track better. I have no idea why- so let’s not camp out here.

I have a few pictures to share with you guys I’ll have to post soon, and a short little video of our little Patriot babies! Our groomer always dresses the dogs up in the cutest little bandannas for each season. Right now they’re all red, white, and blue- it’s so cute. I’ve been calling them all sorts of random made up Patriotic names, big long ones that annoy Will. Like, Little Lucy Martha Washington or General Bosworth John Hancock. I’m loving it. Will isn’t. But I secretly think he does.

But I’m probably wrong.

I usually am about those sorts of things.

You would think his annoyance would prompt me to stop- but it only spurs me on. You’re so lucky you don’t live with me. I would most certainly drive you crazy. There are times in which I think Will is on the edge- but I think that’s why God gave me someone so freakishly strong and stubborn. Nothing is going to drive this man crazy, not even me.

So what are you guys doing for the 4th? Are you taking time off this week? Going out of town? Hanging out with lots of friends? Guys- all this talk is making me want to start our weekend of festivities early! Let’s have a potluck at my place this Thursday? Yay for cook outs with friends! Um- only we still don’t have a grill (depressing, I know) and the George Foreman? Frankly. It sucks. I should reserve this frustration for its own post.

However- I will sarcastically say, “Clean up is SO easy!” HA. have you ever tried to clean that thing? You literally need a freaking car sponge followed by a brillo pad, acid, and holy water.

But I digress.

So, perhaps the cookout won’t work as easily at my place-unless you want to load up your grill and come over? If you’re lucky I might even get all wild and crazy on you guys and breakout the sparklers!

I know- I’m out of control!

Sigh… it’s only Monday night and sadly I have several long and busy days ahead of me.

Here’s to happy thoughts of swimming, (finally) getting tan, eating, friends, fun, and freedom.

Happy Short Week!

1. I bought a shirt the other day from The Gap that Will doesn’t know about. In fact- it was only $5 but I still gave it to Rachel to hold until our next gym date. I’m a dork and have no idea why I did that. Perhaps because we’re going through Dave Ramsey’s course and I felt a little guilty? (yes- a freaking $5 shirt. What a crazy.) Anyway- I figured it was a good confession to share.

2. I saw someone I work out at the same gym with at Walmart this afternoon. I secretly LOVE that I ran into someone that works out at the same place I do- especially when I’m having a good hair day and look put together. I.look.beyond.awful. when I go to the gym, so I always feel Ace when I run into someone who has seen me sweating all over myself (you know- sweat dripping from every nook and cranny, red puffy face, veins popping...)- and then sees me “normal.” Trust me guys- I’m a scary sight on gym mornings.

3. I ate fried alligator today. Really- I did.

4. I did end up bringing a bottle of “water” with me to the wedding weekend extravaganza. It turned out to be a good decision.

5. I found out this afternoon that someone I work with was a stripper to pay his way through college. This in and of it self is sort of hilarious- to find out someone you have a professional relationship with used to wear textured and colored thongs and probably had some sort of signature “move."However, what makes it even more hilarious is how totally out of character it is for this person- a very cerebral, brainiac. Not the stripper type at all. Anyway- my confession is that everytime I saw him this afternoon I couldn’t stop laughing. I literally had to excuse myself from an office he was in today because I thought I might snort trying to keep myself from laughing. Good times.

Anything you need to share?

P:I just read your blog. I’m pleased to hear you were wearing underwear.

Me:Yeah- I was just going to direct you there. It was bad. I felt all dent-y and fat all day.

P:Believe me he wasn’t looking at that. He hasn’t seen young a** like that in 30 years. You just gave him his Father’s Day early.

***

Coworker:You should have just played it off and talked about it- making everyone else uncomfortable too! You should have been all, “Hey Mother-in-law- I didn’t mean to leave you out! I guess you need to see too!” and then pretend to lift your skirt.

HA HA

Yeah- I can just imagine how that would have went over with Pat.

Fun times. Just thought I’d share because both these comments cracked me up.

Watching “Jon and Kate” right now. I think they’re announcing their divorce tonight. I know we’re outsiders looking in, and we only see a portion of their life, but anybody have opinions on this situation?

More to come <3

There are times in my life where I really believe things happen to me simply so I will get off my duff and post about them. It’s as if the “blogging gods” look up from their golden computers and say,

“Hey! That ‘B-Love’ girl hasn’t posted in a while. What’s her problem!? Writers block? I guess she needs us to help our out. We’ll give her something to write about and make her so afraid of it happening again that she’ll continue to post on a regular basis to avoid our wrath. Muahahahaha” <- a giant strike of lightening flashes behind them and they all rub their hands together all evil-like…

And then the lightening hits their servers and they all cry and put their nerdy glasses and pocket protectors back on and try to remedy the problem.

Oh- but not before cursing me, of course.

So- yesterday that’s exactly what happened. It has been a while since I’ve posted- which of course translates into some sort of calamity. I should have known some sort of awful moment was lurking around the corner for me! I can’t go a week or more without posting and not have something happen to share.

We went to visit Will’s family for father’s day yesterday. We decided to have an early lunch, so we hopped in the car and headed to the restaurant. Pat and I sat in the backseat, while Will and his dad sat up front. As we pulled into the restaurant Will’s dad thought it would be nice to get the car door for me. He opened the door- and then it happened.

However, before we discuss “it,” I should explain something so the incident is clearer. I’m pretty low maintenance on the weekends. I try to do as little as possible to get myself ready. I’ve also become a big cotton skirt and dress wearer during the summer. They’re so comfortable and breathable and easy to throw on and look decent in… they’re amazing. Oh- and they’re even better when you’re feeling gigantic because they hide your fat and somehow make you feel a little better about yourself.

So- that being said, I was wearing a flowy black cotton skirt.

As Will’s dad opened the door a giant wind, what I have now begun to call, The Great Wind came upon us all. I swear it was so windy I saw a Chihuahua fly right past me. The wind angrily howled all around us- and before I knew it, the wind had somehow crawled underneath my skirt and raised it all the way up against my back- thereby exposing my entire lower body- black underwear and slightly hail dented legs for the whole world to see-

Oh and right (and I mean RIGHT) in front of my father in law!

Yes- go ahead and cringe. You can even scream if you want to, I know I wanted to.

Oh- and to make matters way, way worse- not only has Will’s dad seen downstairs- he’s also seen upstairs too. You may recall this post in which he saw me in my leopard print bra?

Yeah- I pretty much wanted to bawl my eyes out of embarrassment, and gouge his mind’s eye out of its socket.

I’m sure you understand.

So I grabbed my skirt and ran straight to the bathroom and tried to gain my composure. I was so so so mortified!

Mortified.

So what do I do? I run and tell someone what happened, you know, because that’s the totally normal thing to do- have something awful happen to you that you want to forget but run and text someone the whole story. Brilliant.

So, I texted P.

I kept thinking to myself, “Maybe he didn’t see?” Maybe I blinded him with my ghastly white legs so he wasn’t able to see a thing! I knew I hadn’t been tanning for a reason. I just kept thinking of ways that maybe I was overreacting and it wasn’t that bad.

But it was that bad.

I realized I couldn’t stay in the bathroom the rest of the day and that eventually I would have to come out and expose myself to the world. (<- ha ha, I’m pretty sure I had done enough exposing for one day. What I mean to say is that I needed to get out of the bathroom already and try to enjoy a meal with my in-laws.<- ha ha, that's funny. Enjoy a meal with my in-lawsIsn’t that sort of like an oxymoron?)

So- I came out of the bathroom and sat down at our booth. I always sit across from Pat when we eat- always. Always but for some reason yesterday of all days Pat took the inside and Will’s dad took the outside. Will was already comfortably sitting in his spot so I couldn’t really make a big deal about the whole seating arrangements. So- instead I gracefully sat down, directly in front of my FIL, and placed the menu right in front of my face.

Will’s dad made jokes like normal (um- NOT about what had happened, of course) and basically acted like nothing had happened which sort of made me feel better. I really wanted to believe he hadn’t seen my giant derriere flapping in the wind, so him just acting normal helped me to pretend that he didn’t.

Even though let’s face it- he so did.

Let’s just say yesterday’s lunch felt like the longest day of my life.

And let’s also say that a valuable lesson had been learned today-

No, it’s not that you should never wear skirts.

It’s not that you shouldn’t let your father-in-law open the door for you either.

It’s not even that you should have Casper white legs.

It’s that the wind is one sick, perverted, ancient old man that seriously needs to be contained.

1. The weekend wasn’t as bad as anticipated.

2. Pictures are posted and I think they turned out pretty good. I think Will needs to wear a tux everyday.

3. I never became more aware of the fact that Will and I truly and seriously treat our dogs like real life children more than I did this weekend. I listened to all our family members with kids and the little common trigger phrases they said and thought to myself, “Wow… I say that too. To my dogs. I think Will and I need help.”

4. I actually thought about kids this weekend (as in maybe having them one day down the road) and sort of freaked out but sort of did not. Long story short- I saw a lot of couples this weekend with small kids that seemed miserable (not with their children, but with their spouse) and it freaked me out. At the same time I thought about how I also know a lot of people that seem even happier with their spouse. I guess some of that could have been because of the circumstance (um I’m pretty sure traveling and having to stay up late for a family dinner can make EVERYONE grumpy). What do you think?

5. I honestly wore more makeup than the bride this weekend and felt a little ridiculous. She’s very simple and I so should have remembered that. Eh- I don’t get to dress up much so I figured I might as well do it right.

6. The AC in our truck went out. Thankfully it went out on the way home and not on the way there. I’m certain Will and I would have ended up in marital counseling had it gone out before. Have I mentioned I turn into a raging psychopath when I get hot? Probably not.

7. I felt really old Sunday when I went to bed at around 8:30.

8. I like Will’s family- despite what I say on my website sometimes. I’m pretty lucky to have his family in my life. I could definitely have worse- and realized that this weekend.

9. I didn’t even get to dance with Will at the reception. :( Do you know the last time we danced was back in 2002 when we met in ballroom dancing class!? I thought I was getting a dancer, but um- notsomuch. The 3 or 4 times they had a slow song Will was helping to get the bride’s overnight bag into Dr. Vet’s car, or tagging the car, or something else. Will and I were going to dance to the last slow song they played, but Dr. Vet and Mrs. Dr. Vet snatched us up and we danced with them instead. Oh well. Hopefully someone else will get married soon?

10. I’m beyond behind on reading and commenting on your blogs. Therefore I’m turning off comments today until I catch up. Sorry I’m a sucky blog friend but I promise to catch up soon. 

You don’t have to tell me.

I’ve been gone a while.

Have you guys gotten so behind in something to the point where you simply start avoiding it at all costs?

Take laundry.

It literally sits on my couch unfolded for days on end and the longer it sits the more I want to forget about it because I realize how awful it is to let it sit there. You’re a freaking adult darn it! Clean up your crap!

Heh- I’m a freaking adult darn it- therefore I can do what I want and let the laundry sit.

That’s what I think anyway.

So- the computer sort of became like the laundry on the couch. I believe I’ve eluded to that before- I’m a sucker for daylight savings time and the longer the days get the more I seem to want to stay away from the computer.

I hadn’t checked my email in almost two weeks! Craziness I know.

So the truth is that there’s a whole lot going on. Dr. Vet is tying the knot this weekend so things have been very busy.

I must admit, I’m just ready for them to be married already! Geez-a-lou let’s get this weekend started and over.

So this weekend will be devoted to an array of wedding festivities. P told me to bring a “bottle of water” to keep myself loose and carefree hydrated. At first I thought she was crazy, but now I simply think she’s on to something.

There’s definitely a lot to talk about in the coming days and I promise not to suck at posting next week and I promise to post pictures.

Because I know how much you guys love looking at pictures of random strangers, right!?

Have a lovely weekend and let’s plan to catch up soon (I say that for my own benefit- not yours).