Everyone kept telling me how “dead” it would be at work this week.

They were lying pieces of crap.

Who are getting coal for Christmas, I’m sure.

Oh- and by the way- I had quite possibly the most HILARIOUS POST EVER EVER EVER written last night,

and then my internet locked up and died.

I’m pretty sure the internet is getting coal for Christmas as well.

The world will never get to see my masterpiece…

tears…

Here’s to hoping tomorrow is actually quiet as promised,

and here’s to hoping I can recreate yesterday’s post…

Let’s face it though-

You can’t redo perfection right?

Sigh.

(ha ha)

Talk to you guys soon. Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

This weekend was one of the best ones I’ve had in a long time-

and it’s partly due to my work Christmas party!

Who would have thought, right?

I have so much to chat about today- are you ready to sit for a while?

Good.

So Friday was my big work Christmas party (see the below post).

Guys- I had a freaking blast. I came thinking it would be alright, but it turned out to be so much fun.

As expected I saw some funny dancing- to include our vice president! I loved it. People were totally getting down. It was too funny. I sat by my boss and another girl I work with and we had a good time.

By the way- who decides to play musical chairs three hours into an adult Christmas party where 95% of the attendees have been drinking?

Crazy people, that’s who!

I must say, though- it was pretty funny.

I somehow got roped into being one of the players. I only made it two rounds.

I blame my high heels. My feet were killing me by the end of the night.

I don’t think Will had as much fun as I did.

Wait.

I know Will didn’t have as much fun as me, but I guess that’s because I know these people and Will didn’t.

Anyway- it was a lot of fun, and yes, I will be laughing on the inside when I see some of my coworkers tomorrow morning.

Yesterday was just as much fun.

We went to dinner with Ross and Rachel followed by going to a Christmas play at their church, so that was nice.

After the play we came home and watched the Heisman Presentation (we DVRed it. I love that thing.)!

As you can imagine, we were stoked to see Bradford win.

Stoked.

I think “Stoked” needs to be added to my running list of stupid words I’m not allowed to say anymore…

Anyway- we were very excited to see Bradford win (How’s that? Better than stoked?).

As you can see from my Flickr pictures, we had a good night. I’m partial to the one of me and Rachel doing the Heisman pose. Don’t ask me how we ended up in my belly dancing skirts. I don’t remember. I do remember it was funny though.

Can I blame it on the fact that we were so happy about Bradford winning the Heisman that it impaired our judgement? I’m going to go with that.

This year has been so freaking fun to be a Sooner fan. Just thinking about it gets me fired up. The last home game- against Tech- was freaking amazing. I’m so excited for the National Championship.

Wait.

Did I tell you guys I’m going?

I know most of you don’t care about football- but as you know, Will is highly obsessed, and now that we’re back in the states it’s only worse.

Anyway, because of our season tickets we qualified for four season tickets through the school so we didn’t have to pay outrageous prices so that was very exciting!

So- Ross and Rachel are going with us to the big dance! I’m so freaking excited, and now having Bradford as the Heisman winner makes it that much sweeter.

We spent a week in Miami in February of 2007, and I figured that’d be the only time we’d be there. Now we’re heading back!

Sigh- I want to go on, but I realize you don’t care, so I’ll shut up.

I’m sure you’ll be hearing more in time…

After the game we celebrated which was oddly enough followed by a 1:00 am game of Scrabble.

Random.

Oh and just for my own odd benefit- let me tell you what a freaking cow I was last night!

We had leftover pizza from dinner so I ended up eating like 2 pieces of that at like 10:30, followed up with a Reeces Christmas Tree,

(sidebar- have you guys had those yet? They’re freaking AMAZING. They’re like the Easter egg ones. I love those things. They’re way better than the regular ones because the annoying ridged chocolate doesn’t get in the way.)

3 (or 4… I can’t really remember) regular Reeces- because apparently I WANT to be fat,

chips (Reduced Fat!… although… I think after about 2 cups it doesn’t really matter...)

a peanut butter sandwich,

and Cheetos.

MOO.

No amount of working out will undo that carnage.

BOO.

I’ll sure try at the gym tomorrow, though, guys- I promise.

Sorry- I just felt the need to unload my weekend fatness on you. I generally share this information with my sister, but she’s asleep right now, so you guys have to suffer now.

Sorry.

Anyway, we had a really good Saturday night too. In my life it’s not very common that I have two nights of big fun. A party, a play, Scrabble!? Too much fun to handle! (ha ha- I’m kidding about the Scrabble part)

Wow. I realize you guys probably could care less about:

“What I Did This Weekend!” - a short story by Brittny

However, I figured I ought to use my blog to chronicle certain things I want to remember so I can look back and, well, remember them! So- sorry for the lame post.

More (less boring crap) to come…

What did you do this weekend? 

So the tree is up and all is sparkly and shiny and well in my world.

I even bought a box of Christmas cards. Watch out! I’m a mad woman.

I should say that Will bought a box of Christmas cards- stipulating we were only sending one box and one box only. He went to The Dollar Tree (only the best for my family!) and picked it out himself.

“It was between a box that had Cars on the front, a cartoon nativity scene, and a ‘real looking’ nativity scene.

I opted for the cartoon scene. That way at least some of my personality gets to come out in these stupid things.”

Nice.

Honestly? I don’t blame him. I doubt we even use the whole box. We’re just doing the “big branches” on the family tree this year, nothing else. So yeah- if by chance you’re somehow related to me (oh dear God please no! Please don’t be reading my blog!) and are not a big branch- no hard feelings, okay?

So- that’s the update on our Christmas planning. We’re the best.planners.ever! (ha ha)

So all this tree and card and lights crap has got me all spirited and ready for the coming weeks,

And most of all,

tomorrow’s work Christmas party.

I know you probably think it’s so lame to be excited for such a thing, but seriously,

I am.

I so am.

There’s something about the quintessential “work Christmas party” that has me all giddy.

Firstly because of the fact that our company in Kuwait did absolutely nothing for their employees,

But mainly because I look forward to watching all my coworkers get drunk and make idiots of themselves on the dance floor.

Nothing quite says “Merry Christmas Team!” like watching your meek Vice Director of I Have No Idea do the robot on an empty dance floor.

Am I right? 

There’s something about a work Christmas party that brings out the best and worst in your coworkers- or at least I imagine it so.

You get to see that quiet, shy girl outside of the office and find out she’s not nearly as quiet as you thought she was- and she has an obsession with marshmallow fluff just like you!

You get to file away yet another tick mark on your mental white board regarding the guy that is forever staring at women’s breasts and is just one more trashy website surf away from losing his job.

You get to see your boss a little looser and more comfortable and more open.

And then there’s the aforementioned dancing.

That alone could be a whole post.

In fact, depending on how tomorrow night goes, it just might be.

What is it about Christmas parties that makes people think their abysmal dancing somehow turned GREAT overnight? The world may never know.

Oh- and the drinking. One must not forget the drinking.

The thought of seeing these people- some of which are really uptight at work- all slurry and warm and “I LOVE YOU MAN! You’re an integirl… wait… You’re an integer… &$%!.. You’re really really important to this team…

I gotta puke.”

Weirds me out a bit-

And makes me erupt into laughter at the same time.

Will’s theory on this whole issue is to conduct a swoop, doop, and loop (is that what it’s called? Rachel said it in the car the other night and I thought it was too funny)- get in, say hello, eat dinner, and jet.

I’m fine and supportive of this idea, however I do hope we stay long enough to see some of these people get a little carried away on the dance floor.

If we can leave somewhere in between the Cha Cha Slide and our 84 year-old office secretary making out with the mail clerk in the corner, I’ll consider it a good night.

I think the funniest part of all may not even be the actual party itself…

It’s having to look those same people in the eye on Monday, trying to keep a straight face when in reality all you’re thinking about is how much his dancing reminded you of 8th grade English class when that kid had a seizure.

Good times.

Merry Christmas Team!

"You’ve been working way too much this week.”

“I know. It’s been really crazy. I’m really ready for a break this weekend. Although, I’ll still have a few hours of work to do Saturday too. I decided to take a break tonight. I left my computer at work and have made time just for you.”

“Why don’t you use tonight to get some things done so you won’t have to work as much this weekend?”

“Good idea.”

...

2 hours later and I have done the following:

-checked my personal email
-updated my facebook status
-wrote on my sister’s facebook wall
-listened to trance music live online
-checked my blog (blew the dust off the front page… it’s been a few days since I last logged in)
-checked other blogs

Oh-

-and checked my work email.

Needless to say I will be doing a little work this weekend.

In my defense, I had not done any of those things since Saturday. I’ve been a busy girl!

Totally justified, right?

What can I say- I missed you guys.

My brain is mushy this week. Too much writing at work has affected my ability to switch into blog writing mode- unless of course you want to hear about various laws and rules and deadlines. Then I’ve got a host to share.

...

I figured you wouldn’t be interested.

More to come soon (and less mushy work brain!)

Okay so I basically get dressed in the dark on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I get up at 430 Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to meet my friend at the gym, so by the time I get home on those days I’m very alert and conscious of bad apparel decisions. Tuedays and Thursdays, however go like this:

Set alarm for 6:20

Alarm goes off

Hit Snooze.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Finally decide, “Who am I kidding? Am I really going to get up now?”

Decide that I’m not.

Set alarm for 7:00.

It’s at this point, 7:00, that I get up and begin to rush and panic and think to myself, “What an idiot! Why would I get up so late!?”

Today was no different. I rushed around to get ready- spray ironed my clothes, took my rollers out in the car, and drove like a bat out of hell to get to work.

Classy lady.

That’s me.

Today, however, was not a good decision to sleep so late. Today we had a meeting with our customers- people I’ve spoken with several times but never formally met.

So explain to me why- why- I wore a sweater without the cami that MUST go underneath it to make it long enough and work appropriate.

Why?

And why- why- did I wear a sea foam green thong today that continually threatened to make an appearance as if to say (in a friendly British accent, of course- because that’s the language of all thongs), “Hello Mates!”

Why?

This whole morning was spent tugging, pulling, and grabbing at my shirt to ensure no sea foam thong peekage would occur.

I’m pretty sure I focused more on my sweater than I did the actual meeting.

What a tacky, tacky look.

I think all is well, and I’m pretty sure I’ve stretched my sweater to the point that it’s a mini dress, but I’d rather be wearing a mini dress than a ridiculous top that’s too short!

What a morning. Perhaps I’ll get up at 6:55 next time…

I hate-

I loathe read receipts.

I mean- who the crap do you think you are that warrants that I INFORM YOU when I’ve read your stupid little insignificant email?

HA. When your stupid little box pops up and asks if I want to send a receipt I WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS CLICK NO!

...

Unfortunately I have recently joined the realm of annoying morons.

(hanging head)

I’m so ashamed…

Please just send me the stupid receipt already…

I’m a moron.

I can’t run now- I’m a work! Hmm, can I scoot my chair all around the office with my computer on my lap and a pencil behind my ear and a little telemarketer headset?

Ha-

How great would that be?

For me.

No one else. 

Oh heavens.

I just sit down to write a big long quality post (ha) and then I get beckoned by my husband to do something highly important.

Beckoned.

Does anyone say that anymore?

I just said “oh heavens” too.

Please, please send me back to Kuwait.

It’s happening.

The rednecks are infiltrating my life. Stop the madness!

Okay, anyway…

This week I decided something very important:

I can’t trust anyone for advice except for my sister.

Yep. It’s true.

I get so tired of the stuff people tell you to do that they’d actually never do themselves, you know? “Oh you should totally talk to that major hot guy, Sue. So what that you have 57 cats crawling around your studio apartment and you haven’t showered in 3 days. Go! Go flirt with that guy!”

Okay- we all know how the above story is going to end, so why give poor Sue such awful advice!? So she can go hide in her cat menagerie for the next 3 years!?

Alright, so you get my point. I like people that give real, raw advice.

Such as, “Sue. You can’t go talk to that guy. You must first shower and board 53 of your cats because your studio apartment smells like cat piss.”

here’s the story…

So I’m still new at work. Not only that, but I don’t really know anyone in the area where we live. So- yeah, I’m pretty much a bonafide new kid loser that sits in the corner of the office eating paste.

Well, not really- but you know the type- and apparently I’m becoming the type.

Anyway, so I brought leftovers for lunch a couple of days ago. No big deal, right?

Oh guys, I almost had a freaking panic attack! I literally had a crisis at my desk. It was sort of like this-

Do I go heat up my lunch and eat in the break room ALL ALONE like a paste eating loner loser

OR

do I heat up my lunch in the break room and bring it back to my cube and stink up the joint because I’m too afraid to eat ALL ALONE where I should?

Crisis, guys! Crisis!

So- I turn to my only reliable source of sound advice: P.

See, P fully understands my odd ways. Most people would be all positive and cutesy and “You can do it! Go eat in the break room! It’s not loserish. It’s cool! In fact- maybe you’ll make a friend!”

P? yeah, she’s not like that. She’s practical and useful. We sent several texts back and forth. They’re displayed for you below:

Me: Okay so I feel like an idiot. I brought my lunch but I have to heat it up. I don’t want to sit alone in the break room like a loser but I also don’t want to sit at my desk and smell up the office! I so wish you were here. Can you believe I might skip lunch because I’m a moron? What should I do!?

P: As must as I would love you to fill up your tummy, I think it might be awkward if you eat by yourself alone in there. Maybe just a granola bar today? ha ha. In a week once you’re moved in you can avoid these situations by quickly driving home and eating with me and Willy!

Me: Yeah I know. I was thinking the same thing. I love when you give advice. It’s not that positive crap everyone else gives. It’s actually helpful. Off to get my granola!

P: I know. We can never trust real people for advice. Maybe this is the time to start smoking so you can leave the office.

ha ha, totally kidding.

Aw sisters, they’re so great. Solving my problems with lung cancer. Gotta love her.

PS: I totally ate a granola bar by the way. Which is loserish in it’s own right but not as bad as the two options above. Yesterday I went out with my boss and coworker and that was nice. Not loserish at all.

Want to meet for lunch next week so you can rescue me from my cubicle awkwardness?

Okay, so I sit in front of this computer feeling like a major blog loser.

I know it seems silly to be all, “Wah, I can’t access the internet at work and I can’t comment on your blog or check my email, plus my in-law’s have a 1984 Commodore that boots up while we’re eating dinner and still isn’t ready by the time the 10:00 news starts.”

But seriously?

I’m petty like that.

Yeah, so I got like a million super encouraging comments over the course of these last 3 weeks and I can’t even freaking respond!

I hate dial-up.

I loathe dial-up.

I spent over an hour trying to read and comment on your guys’ blog, and was incredibly unsuccessful.

I started to jot little notes down that I wanted to tell you guys (Like, Happy First Birthday Jackson! and Kassie- yay for your NYC trip!) but then I was all, “Brittny! Get a hold of yourself!” so I stopped. I guess it was a little over the top to make a list of names and comments I wanted to say. I’m pretty sure that stuff is reserved for crazy, obsessive bloggers-

and we all know I’m not one of those.

So- I’m going on a comment fast. Yep. I’m going to close comments on my blog until I can finally give back to you all the encouragement you’ve given to me.

The diagnosis of this comment fast isn’t looking good. It’s a pretty bad case of lackoftheinternet, and I’m afraid treatment may last 4-6 weeks. It all depends on how quickly we can get moved in and get the internet set up at our own house.

Wait.

You guys are totally confused, aren’t you?

Let me explain.

We’re currently living with my in-laws.

Uh, and yes, I have had numerous blogable moments I’ve been itching to share but can’t due to the freaking 1984 Commodore.

Anyway- back to the matter at hand.

Living with the in-laws.

We’re staying with them until we can close on our house- which is still a few weeks away.

Aside from the lack of internet capabilities, living with the in-laws comes with a whole host of, er, other things.

Plus we have the dogs which just adds to the chaos. I swear, if Boz pees on the carpet one more time I’m going to turn him into a rug!

Ha ha, I totally just pictured that. Although, Boz wouldn’t be a good rug because he’s so small. Perhaps he’d make a better hat? Like Davy Crockett style. Yeah! That’s it.

Anyway…

my comment fast.

I’m so sorry, guys, for totally sucking at posting and commenting. It’s really bothered me! The funny thing is that most of you don’t even care, but for some reason I have come to take my blog so personally and seriously. Perhaps because it was such a huge piece in my Kuwait life. It was the thing that connected me to life back home.

So that’s it. I’m a serious blog nerd. I really hope to be able to post more than once a week to, because, well, posting once a week is totally pathetic!

Oh- and did I mention my new company blocks everything.

Yes-

E-VER-Y-THING.

Sigh.

Oh- new company.

New job.

Started Monday.

I guess I ought to talk about that, right? After all- it was all the love and support I got from you guys Monday that led me to start my comment fast!

I really think I’m going to love it there. I think I’m going to love my boss, and the people I work directly with seem good too.

Can I just tell you guys how much I hate being new!?

Seriously- I hate it.

I hate not knowing everything. I hate being utterly lost and confused.

Alright- I’m not utterly lost and confused (because that would be something like Alice in Wonderland where I’m following a broom along a red, chalky road), but I do feel a little out of sorts.

Almost everything I did at my old job is done here- but it’s all done differently (if that makes any sense). I’m just ready to have it all down and be comfortable. I hate being unsure of what I’m doing.

I told Will I don’t feel like George Cotanza (you know, when he gets some big shot job with the Yankees and has absolutely no clue what he’s doing), but I still feel like I’m a little lost. Sigh, I guess that’s just being new though.

All-in-all, I really think I’m going to like it there. It just seems like a step forward for me, which is always a good thing.

What else can I chat about?

The house!

I touched on it earlier, but guys- I’m so excited about moving in having our own house! I’ve been trying to think about the house in my mind, picturing where I would put everything and how I would decorate it. It’s got me feeling a little overwhelmed. I’m not really great with those things. Nonetheless I’m still very excited. I wish I would have taken pictures, because I’m starting to forget some of the details. I’ll definitely be sure to take and post a ton in the next month-say it with me, class- “When we get the internet at our house.”

... what else…

P is officially a graduate. I was sad that I couldn’t go to her graduation. She was gorgeous as always. Oh- and I think she’s going to come visit me next month! I really hope she is, anyway (like the guilt trip I’m placing on you, P?). I have a ton of decorating fun things planned for her stay. Plus, Will is going to teach her how to drive and she’s going to try to get her license.

License.

Oh my gosh!

I haven’t even told you the news.

I’m officially a soccer mom.

Not a good soccer mom either.

A 1990s soccer mom.

Oh guys- this subject totally deserves a post of its own, where it can shamefully be displayed all alone.

I am the proud borrower of a 1997 purple mini van.

Yes, please, just stick a pre-schooler in my lap and a white picket fence in my yard.

It’s a whole long story that I’m too tired to share right now, but to sum it up- we’re borrowing my parent’s old mini van for a while.

Ugh.

The Loser Cruiser.

I guess I ought to be thankful- and I am- but seriously? It still makes me cringe.

Ha- although, I’ve been singing that country song, “One Hot Mama.” It makes me laugh.

It will totally come in handy when you guys come visit me for our decorating party this fall! We’ll all load up in the mini and go to Sonic for shakes.

Or I could just cut up some orange slices and Capri Suns and we could hang out in the yard.

Because that’s the quintessential soccer mom snack, right?

See all the fun you guys have been missing?

I think that’s all I can pollute the internet with today.

I really miss talking to you guys, and hopefully my life will become normal in the next month. I would totally give you guys my new phone number but:

1. I don’t want 54 year old pyschos in tight white hanes t-shirts and hole-y boxers calling me at 1 in the morning.

2. I got a super tiny text messaging plan because Will doesn’t think I need the big plan- and let’s face it- I totally do.

Anyway, since I can’t do that, we’ll just have to stick with this for now. I really do look forward to catching up with you guys in the coming weeks, posting pictures of our new house, getting the internet at home, and HAVING OUR OWN HOME.

All in good time. All in good time.

<3

Tomorrow is the first day at my new job.

The job that brought us half way around the world.

(yeah, no pressure, right)

I seriously feel the need to throw up all over myself

and then cry

and then maybe vomit some more.

I hate new things. I am so nervous, and- as previously stated- I have this deep rooted desire to relentlessy blow into a paper bag,

and then puke all over my brand new black shiny heels.

Well- scratch the shoe pukage.

But seriously- I’m that knoted up.

Why can’t I work with you guys!?!

Uh- probably because output would be minimal.

Yeah, that’s why I have to go to a real job I guess.

Say a prayer for me. It would totally suck to lose my Kashi Go Lean Crunch all over my new boss’ desk.

(ew sidenote: how gross would it be to vomit Kashi!? And then multiply the Awful Factor by about 135 because of the fact that you did it on a desk. That belongs to your boss. Oh guys- I’m totally not making myself feel better.)

Alright, so here I go. Entering the workforce in America.

Off to work…

Oh and PS- you’ll never guess in a million years what happened.

We got the house.

Yes.

THE House.

Yep- remember in my last post how I said it was going to haunt the other buyers? Uh, well it must have. We got it. Long story. Hopefully I’ll get to share it with you guys soon. I’m so excited though! More to come…

Oh and PPS- I totally started commenting on blogs this weekend! Yay me! I have about 5 million I still need to catch up with, but hey. Baby steps.

<3