Will and I were homebound today and will be tomorrow as well.

Victims of the blizzard.

I use victims very loosely because I sat on the couch in grey sweatpants with my computer on my lap working from home while watching old CSI Miami episodes.

It was rough I tell you.

The bad thing about blizzards, however, is that they make you fat.

I can’t prove it- but I may seek out a grant to do so.

Poor Will. I think I’m ready to go to the gym? Ha-

WILL is ready for me to go to the gym. If I don’t, The Shining could very well manifest itself at my house.

I can’t even begin to tell you all the crap I had while I was at home today. I started strong with oatmeal but before long I was having french bread, and Ruffles, and frosting, and pretzels… It was an out of control carbicide I tell you! It was if I didn’t think I was going to be able to eat for days or something and was trying to all Black Bear myself through the storm incase I had to hibernate.

The trouble with this issue is that:

1. I’m at home tomorrow again

2. It’s Super Bowl weekend which means I needed to save my cheat day for Sunday.

Oh and let’s not forget that later this month I will experience an entire weekend of gluttony when I go see P for her birthday.

It’s official- February is Faturary.

Elliptical, here I come. 

Fluorescent lights should be banned.

They make things stark and raw and wrinkled and highlight all negatives and no positives.

What good are they!?

I know I’m tired. I know my eyes are droopy. I know my skin isn’t always perfect. Must the terrible lighting in my office remind me of such things!?

Seriously.

From now on I say we institute a soft lighting such as those at romantic restaurants. I’m sure in time our eyes will adjust to starting at computer screens in such dim lighting.

And even if they don’t?

Who cares! At least we’ll look fabulous. 

Back to work today.

Maybe I should buy a lotto ticket and stike it rich so I can retire early and pursue my lifelong dream building my own greenhouse and using my prize winning lillies to barter with my Amish neighbors for something they’ve whittled out of pine.

Or I could just go to this 10:00 meeting and look alive.

Food morning.

Yes.

You read that right.

FOOD morning.

In a letter to our customer, the Government.

Nice.

I’m pretty sure I’ve sealed my fatness for life.

In fact, you’ll probably find me in the broom closet later this afternoon with a giant spoon and a tub of vanilla frosting.

Aw hell, screw the spoon- people like us don’t use spoons.

Food morning.

I did an immediate recall.

But it didn’t work.

I’d like to blame it on the fact that the “f” and the “g” are right next to each other, but the sad truth is that it’s likely my deep subconscious acting out.

Geez… well at this rate all I can hope for is a Food afternoon.

1. Wake up on time. Even early perhaps.

2. Have a good balanced breakfast. You owe it to yourself- I mean you got up early, you have a big day ahead of you, go on- eat!

You’re making great time. You’re such a superstar and today is going to be great day.

3. Shower, do your hair, makeup, etc. Take your clothes off the hanger (the clothes you responsibly ironed the night before) and get dressed. You’re so nice to yourself. In fact- you even made your lunch ahead of time too! So squared away.

4. Gather your things and get ready to walk out the door.

5. Hear your dog vomit.

6. Spend five minutes cleaning it up, only to realize there’s more. There’s always more.

5. Finish cleaning. Gather your things (again) and getting ready to walk out the door.

6. Notice the huge Aquafresh toothpaste stain on your shirt. The left boob to be exact.

7. Contemplate going to work as is.

8. Change your mind and address the issue.

9. Finally leave for work.

10. Encounter traffic. Spend the next fifteen minutes swearing and going on and on about how you NEVER encounter traffic.

What terrible luck!? I mean- you made your lunch the night before, for crying out loud! You got up early! Early.

11. Get to work. Realize you forgot your laptop at home.

12. Get in the car, bang on the horn uncontrollably, and go home.

And don’t come back.

Don’t.come.back.

Hi!

So it’s somewhat late, I’ve had a long day, and I’m sleepy (read: boring). However, I wanted my first “real” post in half a year to be a little different so I made a few boring videos!

My face is hilarious in this one.

And because I feel really bad for being such a terrible blogger and friend I wanted to embarrass myself as a peace offering. Please excuse the fly-aways, sausage fingers, and giant zit.

Yes, I was there.

We drove down to Dallas Friday afternoon to cheer on the Sooners- and subsequently watched them lose on Saturday. Sure, I could talk offense with you, or Sam Bradford, but really? Why waste a good internet space?

My point exactly.

Perhaps the biggest travesty is the fact that I didn’t even get a fried snickers out of the whole ordeal. I seriously anticipate those things like a junior high boy encountering his first set of junior high girl lips.

Seriously. I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE those things.

And once a freaking year I get the opportunity to have them. And I missed it this year. All because I didn’t get one before the game and we darted out of there after the stupid Sooner loss. Can I blame this on them?

Let’s.

So can we just move on? I had this whole cutesy post in my mind about Rivalry Week, but with the loss (and lack of fried snickers) I think it’s best to tuck it away for next year.

Assuming we win.

Moving on.

If I recall correctly I promised you guys a B-Love moment, yes?

So last Friday the group I work directly with went out to lunch. In addition to “the group,” the vice president of our section as well as the director, program manager, and my boss accompanied us. So, although it was a casual lunch there are still certain things that just aren’t appropriate to discuss over grilled fish with the VP, you know?

To set it up, to the left of me is my coworker that I work most closely with. Directly in front of me is our director- and on one side of him is the VP, and on the other is the program manager.

So everyone is talking, no big deal, and somehow the conversation goes to dancing. Who knows how, and really it’s irrelevant. It gets mentioned that none of us (the girls at the table- one being my boss and the other being the person sitting right next to me) danced at the Christmas party last year. My boss and coworker friend quickly remind everyone at the table that they did in fact dance at the Christmas party.

I, however, did not.

See, I have very strict rules about dancing. Rules perhaps I will share with you all in another post. Rules that include never, ever dancing at work functions.

I live by these rules and they cannot be broken.

Anyway- it is because of these rules I did not dance at the Christmas party.

That and no other reason.

“Brittny, didn’t dance,” someone said.

And then all of a sudden, with no lag in response time, with no thought of the implications of the reaction, my coworker spewed, “That’s because Brittny was drunk.”

Silence.

Mortification.

Awkwardness.

Laughter.

Hello VP of my office, director, and BOSS! Your apparent alcoholic employee will be tipping back a flask of tequila in the bathroom now.

My face got so hot and I literally started to sweat. I looked over at her and she looked at me and immediately said, “I’m so sorry! I have no idea why I just said that!”

And then for the rest of lunch that was all that was discussed.

Nice.

For the record?

So not drunk at the Christmas party. Sure I had some wine, but I was no where near inebriation. More like what I like to consider as “Brittny Plus.” But I mean the more you’re at the table swearing you weren’t drunk, the more people think that you were, you know?

”Sure we believe you. You weren’t drunk. Riiight.”

Ugh.

After the awkward laughter, and “I’m so sorrys” from my coworker, it was finally time to go.

Thank God. There are just some things you don’t want your bosses to know about you, and that? That is definitely one of them.

I can’t help but cringe every time I think about it.

As well as every time I see those people in the hall.

Can I please be sick at the Christmas party this year?

Better yet, I think we should have our own Christmas party?

Apparently I’m lots of fun.

(ha ha)

So tomorrow I’m headed to Colorado for a quick overnight trip. I think it was snowing up there earlier last week, but thankfully I just checked the weather and it looks like it will be pretty decent. How much would it suck to get stranded, right?

That’s my only news right now.

Crazy thought- but how about I try to post multiple times this week like a normal blogger!? Great idea.

Let’s cross our fingers that I don’t suck.

All is well in the world of Norman. Bradford is back. No seriously- I think I saw a grown man cry yesterday when it was announced.

Weird.

Will is going to freak when he finds out I decided to crank out a post at 10:30. We’re supposed to leave in five minutes. Eh- timeliness is overrated. Plus, it’s my duty to drive my husband crazy, right?

So last night we had a bowling party at work. Oh guys I am the world’s worst bowler. Perhaps it’s honestly because I don’t really care, or maybe I truly do suck. Whatever the case- I suck. Nonetheless I still had a really good time. In fact- I was the worst bowler in the office- which typically isn’t a crown you would want to wear- except for the fact that the loser got the cutest pink bowling pin with black polka dots. I love it. We’ll forget about the fact that it says “pin head” on it. That can easily be turned to face the wall, yes?

Today is game day! We’re headed to Ted’s and then the game. I think today is the first day in a week in which the sun will be out all day! I love cool sunny fall days. They’re the best.

So remind me to tell you guys about my embarrassing moment this week. Why is it that when I get embarrassed instead of keeping it to myself I tell the whole world? Who knows.

Anyway, Will is beckoning. I suppose I won’t keep him waiting.

This time.

Have a great day!

More to come…

1. I have way, way more patience than I think I do.

2. A banana isn’t enough for breakfast.

3. But monkey bread someone brought in for the office is.

4. I have bad luck in San Antonio, and it looks like that streak will continue.

5. I have a really hard time liking people that work in the field of finance.

6. Did I say a really hard time? I’m sorry. I meant to say I think I may drive a stake through my eye if I have to hold another conversation with someone from finance this week.

7. When I joke about wanting Coldstone Creamery for lunch, I actually mean it. Other people don’t.

8. I suck at history homework.

9. I really like having dessert after dinner. Unfortunately, it’s something I’ve become accustomed to. I decided to wean myself off this dependency this week- which I have now 100% decided that it’s a really stupid decision. So I like chocolate. What’s the crime in that!?

10. I need to become a millionaire.

Good: I got up on time and made it to the airport really early.

Bad: I planned on using my extra time at the airport to do some work, only to find out the OKC airport charges for WiFi. I hate those guys.

Good: Leaving on time from OKC.

Bad: Not having enough time for lunch in Cincinnati and having to go straight to our gate.

Good: Getting a window seat on my stretch to D.C.

Bad: Having the ice sensor thing break on the right wing, which caused us to be an hour delayed.

Good: The cookies they gave out on our trip.

Bad: The fact that those cookies were the only thing I had eaten all.day.long.

Good: Getting to see a few landmarks as we flew into D.C.

Bad: Being here for work, not pleasure (it’s a super fast trip).

Good: Setting up my computer and catching up on emails- all in my comfy clothes.

Bad: Catching up on emails and having to squint due to the poor lighting.

Good: The giant fattening burger I had delivered to my room tonight. I <3 room service.

Bad: Um, I think I’m over per diem. I should probably look into that…

Good: Having time to post!

And let’s end on a happy note. I’m enjoying my trip out of the office. I’ve never been to D.C. (and I’m not sure if this even technically counts since it’s such a quick trip!) so the whole 10 minutes I’ve been here have been great! (ha ha)

Hope you are doing well!