The following is an “everyday,” typical email exchange with my sister. My emails are in bold, hers are regular.I realize the fat talk gets old after a while, but I promise we switch topics from Panamanian prisons, to calculating tips, to even our own reality show during this conversation- so hang with me.These took place on two different days, but they flowed so well I lumped them together. Let the madness begin...

I just ate a whole pint of chocolate ice cream.

And it wasn’t even GOOD ice cream.

I think that that calls for me to use the elliptical tomorrow for the first time since last summer. I feel like I should celebrate this red-faced, sweaty momentous occasion with a donut or something.

**

Ha ha. I just had a large Java Chiller from Sonic- which is basically a whole pint of chocolate ice cream with a hint of coffee. I didn’t go to the gym at all this weekend and I had olive garden WITH dessert yesterday.

Fat.

**

Ughhh I KNOW. And- ugh i just don’t want to go back to school. I say we quit talking crap and book the tickets.

PS- I hope your Olive Garden dessert was good.

**

It was. Black tie. Yum. Plus I had fettuccine (um how in the world do people expect you to know how to spell that!?) which- well- you know how amazing that is.

We’ll sort all the logistics out when we get there. Although “fat,” I’m sure some Panamanian would love to give us a job at Panama Jacks waitressing. The only trouble is that I would suck at getting proper change and would most likely get us fired in a hurry.

**

Ha, that’s SO TRUE. Somehow the tip would be like “10% of 100” or something. Then we would get charged with embezzlement for taking an extra 80 dollars. Then wind up in Panamanian prison. Which wouldn’t be all bad, considering we could be the Scolfield’s. I definitely get Lincoln.

I’m sorry I can’t type properly, my fingers are so huge, swollen, and fat from the dairy I just consumed.

A flower shop would be nice! We could go the simple route an own a cafe, and employ Panamaniann business students (who know how to calculate tips so we wouldn’t be
getting screwed).

Are you at work?

**

We are so resourceful- your plan is brilliant! Actually- I used to think we sucked at being resourceful but then we went on the cruise and functioned totally fine in like 19 cities. I know for sure we’ll kick butt on amazing race one day.

I’m having 2 PB sandwiches for lunch. Why do I feel nostalgic all of a sudden? Like I need a blue mat to nap on and a carton of milk??

**

My favorite food ever. I decided a while back that if I was living on a deserted island alone for the rest of my life, peanut butter and/or reeses would DEFINITELY be my food of choice. Seeing as I wouldn’t have to worry about all the saturated fat I was consuming since I would never see anyone ever again, it works. What about you?

**

That is hilarious- and a very valid point. I think I would go with that too, or perhaps pasta. I could eat loads and loads and if I was able to take different sauces too (which is something I assume you have to negotiate in when preparing to go to a deserted island forever...) I’d be set for life.

And happy.

When do you leave for Kuwait?

**

I leave on your anniversary. Thank the Lord. Its been 3 weeks since I was there last and I feel like it’s been too long. How could anyone possibly think I like it here? AHHHH I need to start this Panamanian flower shop business ASAP.

**

We ought to make a countdown to the semester’s end and you move back. Seriously. What’s you’re last day of school? How fun would that be!? I could make the first half and you could make the 2nd half. We wouldn’t have to make it a chain or anything, but just something you could pull off and throw away.

The chain reminds me of the one in Mareena Towers. As crazy as it sounds, when I look back that summer was pretty fun

(Just FYI- if you’re curious you can read about this time during the summer of 2005 archives)

**
Oh my gosh me too. It was the weirdest time of my life, such a crazy transition period. I have a playlist for that summer titled “MIA” for 2 reasons: 1) we never left that apartment 2) M.I.A’s “bucky done gun” was a very integral part of that summer hahaha. But yeah, it’s so so bittersweet to think about that. It’s the last time we’ll have ever lived together under one roof.

**

I think we should SERIOUSLY send these back and forth emails to someone, plus our goofy videos and make them make us famous. We should have a reality show about creating our Panamanian flower shop. ha ha. How great would that be? Plus highly entertaining. Seriously- I’m in need of that. People are so fickle. Family is forever..

**

OMG YES, a reality show about the making of our new life. Do you know how well that would work? We could start this season while we’re still apart, so it would mainly focus on the emails. And then we could start season 2 when we’re in the same country and ahhhhhhh tiny orgasm, I think viewers would LOVE US. You live in America, the land of endless possibilities- make it happen!

**

sidenote- her email above makes me laugh every singly time. Tiny orgasm HAHAHAHA...

Seriously- I’m literally laughing out loud right now. It’s a little embarrassing and I’m glad everyone is gone to lunch.

**

Sorry to disregard your last email, but I blame you for the fact that I just consumed 7 servings of peanut butter with honey since you reminded me of peanut butter, which then reminded me that I still had some in my cupboard, and BOOO, NO ALLI.

Haha anyways, seriously? Will you PLEASE look into a director? Because even if we get one season and they hate us, we’ll still get a book deal (uh, you can write it) and then a few endorsements. OH! MAYBE WE CAN BE THE NEW FACE OF ALLI. I love it.

**

Very good and valid points. Okay so I assume you’re about to go to bed. Oh- and want to know something funny? I had no idea that we sprang (sprung HAHA springed? I have no idea...) forward this weekend. dad had to tell me. Too funny. Anyway- that means we’ll be an hour closer now so that’s really great!

Alright, I’m off to file some stuff. I’ll be in constant contact with you tomorrow. Have a good night and talk to you tomorrow!

**

Wait, ugh, I have no idea how many hours apart we’ve been this whole time. I usually just say 8, wherever I am in the world. “Oh you’re in Kenya, great, only 8 hours away!” “You’re in St.Petersburg, brilliant,. 12 your time, 8 my time” ……I never usually think there’s any other time in between. Please tell me we’ve always been 8 hours apart since I moved.

**

Just so you know- I’m lying when I tell you this- yes, we are 8 hours apart. I’m such a good sister, right?

<3

I know what you’re thinking.

I have a problem.

A drug problem.

That there is no such thing as “recreational” drug use.

That after one hit of Alli there is no going back.

You feel the high of controlling your fat intake because you’re terrified of crapping yourself,

the rush of oily farts as you think to yourself, “ Ohhh yeeahh, I am so addicted to this stuff. I <3 greasy gas."

You're right- that's exactly how it happened. Exactly how I became addicted.

It was that glamorous.

Okay not really-

after the first time I ate an order of mozzarella sticks, four cheese tortellini, half a loaf of bread, and a giant chunk of cheesecake I thought to myself, "I'll just take this one time."

One try won't hurt, right?

Before I knew it I was up to a three pill a day habit, figuring out when I was going to get my next fix. What I was going to eat- how much fat was involved....

trying to explain to Will how the hell the toilet was stained OSU orange…

before I knew it I was out of control!

P and I split a bottle- driving to every single Walgreens and CVS pharmacy trying to get our next fix- only we couldn't find any.

We began shaking and experiencing uncontrollable sweating and hallucinating- we were so addicted that we even drove to another city to secure another bottle of these little fat loss miracles.

As we split a "starter pack," ensuring we threw away the evidence in a dumpster three blocks away I felt a sense of peace. The shakes and scary flying goblins left my mind and I felt like myself again.

It was at this point- after driving to another city- that I realized I had a problem and I needed help.

Or maybe it was when P and I began to run low on our stash and actually contemplated cutting the pills open and using a credit card to separate the pills to get two hits out of one.

It could have also been at the point in which P and I turned the noun Alli into a verb- "Are you going to Alli after you eat that cheese pizza?"

"Are you going to Alli after scarfing down those three donuts?"

"We should probably Alli if we're going to eat these giant hamburgers at 1 AM."

Yeah, that might have been my low point.

My name is Brittny and I have an Alli-ing problem.

Not to be confused with the Alli side effects:

(sidenote: um- that’s pretty much freaking hilarious)

Yeah- it was at that point in which I decided I needed to get a hold of myself. Eating an occasional cheeseburger was far more desireable than crapping one’s self. Right?

I thought so too.

So, I got a hold of myself and became a “recreational” Alli user. It’s a lot easier to control- I’ll tell you that much! (ha ha!)

So there you have it- my drug problem and how I became a “recreational” user.

Anything weighing you down (if so- maybe you should “Alli")? Go ahead and share!

Today Miss P begins her last year as a teenager.

Gosh- that now seems like quite a while ago for me!

Happy birthday my love. Can you believe this is the first birthday we’ll spend apart from each other? How much does that suck right?

I miss you. The Village or Bust.

Since I still have her gift in the states I infiltrated her email account with literally like 15 different birthday cards. ha ha I’m hilarious.

Given that P is one of the three readers that frequent my blog- she is sure to see this post. Don’t forget to wish her a Happy 19- and offer lots of last year teenager advice.

My last year of teenagedom advice is don’t get too hasty to be out of your teens. Enjoy putting the “teen” on the end of your age this last year. Oh- and don’t date boys your age. “Teen” may be good for you but notsomuch for them. ha ha

Love you <3

It’s after 9:00 on a “gym night” which means I need to be in bed. I tend to be fairly dedicated about getting up to go to the gym in what I like to call “the middle of the night,” however lately what I like to call “fatness” has gotten the best of me.

Ha ha “quotations.” They’re so funny.

And annoying.

Anyway-

Will has been going with me in the morning too, so that’s been nice.

Okay- actually he’s been with me like twice- but still- I count it as a victory.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?

If I keep making trifles and candy bar cookies and 27,000 calorie cake we might be forced to live life from a queen size bed in which we take turns rolling each other over so as to avoid bedsores.

Nice.

Something about moving home has brought out the domestic goddess in me-

Where has she been all my life!?

Okay- so I’m exaggerating.

A lot.

I don’t have any creativity inside of me.

I will say, however, that moving back has brought out the desire to cook- which is good and bad.

Good: This morning I made myself a fresh fruit smoothie

Bad: I made a trifle that weighed 6 pounds.

Do you know how long one would have to be on an elliptical to burn that crap off?

We’re not talking minutes.

Think hours.

Like- I was 25 when I got on this thing and will be 26 when I get off.

But that doesn’t seem to stop me.

My willpower is like that of a bloodhound being let loose in a meat locker.

(that means I don’t have any)

Anyway- I don’t feel as large since I know I’ll be going to the gym in the morning.

Because we’re “easing” Will into the gym, I’ve been gracious enough to forego my usual hour and a half workout for just one hour. I figure I’ll do an hour of cardio tomorrow and an hour of weights the next day. I hate not doing both- but oh well.

…

And wow- I just realized what a boring post this has becoming.

Or always was.

I would apologize, but then I think to myself, “I’m soooo entitled to a boring piece of crap post every now and again (cough- or every third day…).” It’s not easy thinking up interesting crap to share!

But you guys already know that.

Okay- if you’re still hanging with me, here’s a story I’ll share.

P hates working out.

She hates working out because it makes her face red.

And she sweats.

How dare someone sweat at the gym- right!?

Anyway- I made her workout with me on the cruise several times.

Sort of.

She loved every minute of it.

Ha.

I will say, though- she did overcome her fear of “gym-ing.”

Sort of.

So one day we go to the gym and it’s really busy- and full of cute boys.

I get there and start getting ready to work out and P has like this huge conniption fit.

Like she wants to scratch my eyes out and disown me as her sister.

She refuses to work out and (with her phone in hand) says the following all flustered:

“I left my phone in the room, Britt!

I have to go! I have to get my phone! I have to go, Britt!”

She darts and goes back to the room.

For someone that hates working out- she sure can sprint.

I’m not lying- the girl hates working out in front of a crowd.

Huh.

It was hilarious when it happened. I could see the stress in her eyes at the thought of working out with a crowd. I thought she was going to have a panic attack.

Reading it here? Isn’t as funny. Oh well. I always like telling P stories. They’re fun.

Speaking of- I think I might share a secret with you guys about me and P sometime soon.

(Private to P: do you think we should tell them about The Village? Not for them to come and screw things up- but just so that they’re aware? Perhaps you can share when you guest write for me next week)

Anyway- back to the matter at hand (if there really is a matter at hand)- the gym.

Here are a few things you should be listening to while you’re there (well- this is what I am listening to right now anyway):

-Mindcircus By Way Out West- (download the version that’s on Tiesto’s In Search of Sunrise 3 cd. It’s the Gabriel & Dresden Mix)
-Open You Eyes should follow Mindcircus. It’s the next song on the In Search of Sunrise cd. That’s one thing I love about working out to trance, it all flows together so you’re always keeping the same pace

Actually- just buy it all.

All of the In Search of Sunrise cds.

That will save me a ton of time…

-Nothing But You (Club Mix), Paul Van Dyk

-This Time (Klass Remix), DJ Antoine

Okay.

That’s enough.

I’m sure I’ve lulled you to sleep- and I need to do the same.

Those calories don’t burn themselves.

…

Or something like that…

So the last two days have been entertaining blasts from the past. Today we’re going to tone it down a bit.

I know- I’m disappointed too (not).

Among other things (ie: spilling the baby plans ) Jessica suggested I write about how P is doing in school-

and I thought that was quite possibly the best.idea.ever!

P decided to pursue a degree in hotel management. Her experiences abroad have given her the desire to travel for the rest of her life and work in a growing industry that gives her the opportunity ahd flexibility to go wherever she wants! I think it’s awesome.

Why didn’t I think of that 8 years ago when I was entering college!?!

Anyway, it appears as though her current plan has changed and she will stay at her current university for a couple years, and then she will finish her degree elsewhere.

I keep trying to get her to come to Oklahoma. OSU just started a program for hotel management.

She’s not biting.

I don’t understand why…

Anyway, her school is so so so awesome! P- you really must guest post while you’re back in Kuwait next month! The people need to know the truth! ha ha

She is getting a BS, and along with the normal boring “basic” classes she has fun classes like kitchen!

Although- I’m pretty sure she doesn’t think of Kitchen Class as “fun.”

Their final exam is like a bad episode of Hell’s Kitchen. She had to cook a three course meal in like 12 minutes and serve it all fancy.

Okay- so I’m exagerrating about the time, but it was pretty astonishing when she told me about it.

She also gets to learn about wine and fine dining and she has to be able to speak another language fluently before graduating.

She speaks French.

And I love her for it.

Guys- when did my kid sister get so totally way cooler than me!?

Sigh…

Anyway, her school is freaking awesome and it makes me want to Freaky Friday our lives for a week.

I’m joking.

Actually, really- I’m not.

I saved the best part for last!

I got a random phone call from P a week ago at like 5:55 to tell me she had received the hotel she was assigned to work in for 2 weeks during this one special part of their class.

Ha ha- like how technical I am?

I’m sure P can clear things up for us and make me sound more coherent.

Anyway- you’ll never guess where she is going to be working!

Guess!

Hint- we stayed there in the Spring of 2006.

We took goofy pictures like this

this

and this

have you guessed yet?

Actually- aside from like three of you, has anyone even been reading my blog since 2006?

I’m thinking no.

So I better just tell you!

She’ll be working at the Burj Al Arab!

One of the nicest hotels in the world.

I’m pretty sure after adding that to her resume, it will be like a blank check and she’ll be able to intern wherever the crap she wants.

It’s sort of funny- back in 2006 while we were there we were served this:

and now it will be served by this:

Knife included, of course.

We had beautiful flowers in our room like this:

and now they’ll be arranged by this:

Okay, so I won’t be participating in the flower fun- just P.

I simply wanted to be in the picture because I want to pretend that I am.

(um- remember the living vicariously through my sister thing?)

And wow- my hair was really blonde.

And wow, P’s hair was really blonde too.

Sorry, I went darker this past weekend and am sort of missing the look of “blonde blonde.”

But this post isn’t about me, is it?

Moving on-

P is doing great in school. I’m really proud of her and so excited for all her opportunities.

I’m pretty sure after working at a place like the Burj she won’t be making any plans to attend OSU’s school of Hotel Managment (I still don’t understand why!… ha ha).

Kindred spirits are never very far apart, so I don’t worry so much about was the future holds.

I’m really proud of my sister and am so happy she’s found something she enjoys and loves.

P- you really must guest post when you’re home next week. I’m sure I speak for most of my blog friends when I say your life is far more interesting than ours and it would be fun to hear how school is going!

Does that come off desperate? I’m thinking it does…

Oh well.

So there you have it, P’s school update.

I hope you guys are having a wonderful day!

More to come.

Talking points.

When you hear that statement don’t you think about about being responsible to lead a painful long meeting?

That’s sort of what I think.

Don’t worry- these talking points don’t require you to do any thinking, and I’ll try my best not to make this post too painful.

Here we go.

1.Okay you guys cracked me the crap up on my last post. Thank you for the laughs, I needed them. When did you guys get so funny?

2. Why is Grissom leaving CSI? Doesn’t Grissom realize he IS CSI!? CSI-Grissom= Nothing. Do you want me to go on about this subject?

...

I’m guessing no.

3. Before we entirely get off the subject of TV shows I enjoy- can I simply tell you how FREAKING HILARIOUSLY THRILLED Will and I are that Jack is back? 24 is so amazing. If you’ve never seen it you can no longer talk to me until you’re watched every.single.amazing.season. I’m not kidding (okay we can still talk but I’ll secretly think in my head that you’re not an American and have never watched TV). The first season is sort of slow but even it is good. Very exciting stuff. We cleared the whole evening for this show. Unplugged the phone, locked the kids in the closet, ignored Will’s mom standing outside the door… (what- is that wrong?)

4. I miss my sister. A lot. And it sucks. A lot. You guys are getting off WAY easy. This is usually so one of those boo-hoo bleeding heart type posts.

5. The ladies in my office are doing the funnest.thing.ever (no silly, we’re not going to Vegas- how great would that be, though!?). We’re doing this secret pal thing in which we each drew a name and for the next month will be someone’s secret pal. We’ll leave notes, little gifts, etc. Just little secret encouraging things for our pal. How fun is that? It’s the little things that thrill me, apparently.

6. Speaking of work, why can’t I just freaking be a millionaire? Really? I think this to myself every single day. Does anyone else?

7. Is EVERYONE in America sick? Why are we all sick? I’m snotting all over myself, my throat is yucky. I was trying so hard not to cough in a meeting today that my eyes started to water and I literally started crying all over myself- just out of my left eye. Random.

8. I’m taking my Christmas tree down this weekend. Yes- you read that right. Will and I suck. We were going to take it down last weekend, but well- we were in mourning, as you can probably understand. How awful is that? Truly? Talking point #8 deserves its own post, but not today.

9. I love my husband. I really, really do. I don’t tell you guys enough how great he is. He is so helpful to me and knows me so well. Did you know he occasionally reads my blog? Will, are you reading? Hi honey!

10. I had brussels sprouts for dinner. I <3 brussels sprouts. Who doesn’t, right? (ha ha) The trouble is that it way smells bad in our house now. Yay.

Okay- that’s enough. After all, we’re talking about little cabbages. Hope you’re having a great week! More to come (and let’s hope no more talking points)

Alright friends-

I’m calling upon you guys for help. We’re friends, right? Friends help each other out, offer advice, are there for one another in need- right?

(like the guilt trip I’m laying on you guys?)

So- with that said I’m pretty sure we’re bound to each other in the obligatory book of friendship.

or something like that.

So, now that you guys are in- I must also do a little private side note before moving onward.

P-
I hope this post doesn’t make you mad at me! I figured that this was a GREAT idea and would be really helpful (ha ha, probably more for me- the worrying sister). Know my intentions and the fact that sometimes I’m a complete idiot, unknowingly doing something to hurt someone else although my heart is in the right place.

Okay- so now that all the initial crap is out of the way- let’s get started.

This is P’s first official week away from home and in college. She’s in a foreign country and doesn’t know a soul. She’s surrounded by a huge city, but all alone.

I think P was very brave to choose the school she did. It’s away from everyone she knows and in a whole new country. I’m really proud of her- not to mention living vicariously though her! She is going to have the most awesome college experience EVER!

”Is going to” being the key part.

Like most young freshman away from home for the first time and not knowing a soul, P is lonely and is ready to pack up and go home. It hurts my heart guys because it’s not like we can go see her, or talk on the phone for hours on end. For the first time in my life I can’t really be there for my little sister and I hate that.

I called her today and we talked for a little while, and through laughter and trading funny stories about the two moths flying around P’s room and how we could capture them, we also shared tears. I told her that I knew it’d be a lot like Kuwait- she hated it at first but ended up loving it. I’m convinced of that, but I know it’s hard to believe your older sister when you’re down in the dumps and all alone in a cold tiny dorm room.

So- that’s where you come in.

Most of us are done with school and have already been through the awkward scary freshman year. Now we’re so old and wise and know absolutely everything…

okay, maybe not… but we have lived through freshman year so let’s focus on that!

Do you guys remember how you felt when you first started school? Did you have any scary moments? Embarrassing stories? Funny memories? Any stories about walking into the wrong classroom right in the middle of a class (check), getting lost on your first day and having to ask the registrar for help (check), badmouthing your professor while- unbeknown to you-he was right behind you (check)?

Share!

Would you guys please share those with P in the “Share the Love” comments section?

I want her to know that things get better (um yeah- so if things got worse for you- please lie) and to hang in there.

I look forward to all the stories that you’ll share and really appreciate your friendship! Hopefully your experiences will provide P with some cheer and will let her know she’s not alone. You guys are the best I’m so glad we’re friends.

Tomorrow is her first official day of school, so I’ll be sending lots of thoughts and prayers her way.

P- you’re so brave and I love you tons and bunches. I hope you were able to capture the moths! You are going to be a success and I know that this week may be tough, but I’m positive it will get better. Just remember- worst case scenario you can always live with me and take care of my little adopted son while attending OU online.

Yeah- I figured you wouldn’t want to do that, but hey- I had to try.

Thanks again guys. I know for sure this will bring P cheer.

Have a great weekend.

We’re watching the game and are going out to dinner and a haunted house with our friends tonight. I hope you guys have fun too. <3

Um yeah, so I’m procrastinating.

Procrastinating bad. Real bad.

Will, his dad, my dad, and my uncle are all in the Big D today for some big NHRA race, so it would be a really good opportunity for me to clean (and clean, and clean!) and get ready for my mom and sister’s arrival.

But yeah…

I’m not.

I need to be cleaning my floors.

I have this huge issue with floors.

Can I rant about the floors?

Of course I can rant!

Ranting=procrastination

I’m incredibly obsessive about clean floors.

In fact, if I were to install one of those little digital signs with the rolling phrases I would stick it on my front porch and it would read, “Take off your shoes before entering this house or you will be fed to the two vicious dogs on the other side of the door.”

Granted, the “vicious” maltese wouldn’t do much- but still, a warning should be obeyed, right?

After being in Kuwait and having beautiful marble floors, I hate- hate- carpet.

Hate.

Loathe.

In fact, please excuse me for a moment.

...

Okay, I’m back. I had to go vomit, but I’m better now.

I have carpet in part of my house and am obsessive about no shoes being on it.

I seriously tense up and twitch out anytime someone tromps in my house with their shoes.

Do you know how much dander, dust, and CRAP accumulates inside your carpet every ticking hour of the day!?

Carpet is impossible to keep sterile- and then you add your shoes into the mix, and, well you might as well eat squishy, oily buttered popcorn off the floor of your town’s 1978 movie theatre!

Do you know where you shoes have been?

AHHH! I can’t even think about it. Seriously, my heart rate is increasing even now as I type.

My shoulders tighten and start to scrunch towards my neck.

I begin to feel as though I’m wearing this super tight itchy sweater in the middle of summer.

Tight.

Itchy.

Sweater.

Will’s parents wear shoes inside anytime they come and I seriously scream on the inside the whole time they’re here. On the outside it’s all smiles, but on the inside I’m like a bad episode of Roseanne with the volume full blast.

Yeah, it’s really that painful on the inside when this occurs.

So- if you ever come to my house, you know the rules. If you don’t want to piss me off, take off your shoes.

If you wear your shoes inside, well, I’ll know you’re evil.

Wow.

So now you guys know what a weirdo I am.

Why stop now!? Let’s just drive my craziness home!

Today I was looking through some old emails (ie: PROCRASTINATING) and stumbled across a couple that made me laugh big time.

I better premise this conversation with a big: P is totally going to kill me.

Okay- so when she came to visit we were goofing off one night and decided to send people silly videos because, well, we’re crazy when we get together.

So- I sent these girls a couple really, really embarrassing videos.

You don’t need to tell P and I not to quit our day jobs- trust me, we already know.

So, if we ever meet in real life and you get to know me a little better, perhaps your poor little email box will be inundated with something like this:

.
.
.
.
.

or this:
.
.
.
.
.

Like our fancy water bottle mics?

Yeah, me too. Only the best for my friends.

Why oh why do I willingly embarrass myself for the whole world to see!?

I really don’t know.

It’s seriously got to stop.

Apparently,procrastinating gets me into trouble and causes my judgement to be impaired.

Hmm, so it’s either:

A. Continue to look like an idiot on the internet

B. Watch another an awful episode of Trading Spouses

C. Scrub my floors

Wow. Things are looking up.

not.

Vote, guys! Vote now!

Wait.

I totally see a huge overwhelming vote of choice “A” if I leave it up to The People.

Um yeah I better not leave it up to you guys.

I believe it’s time to get to those floors…

Brittny’s Procrastination=Really Embarrassing Blog Posts

<3 more (less humiliating things) to come…

As promised, I’m preparing to write more than anyone will ever care to read- but hey- I promised one huge puke fest of information so that’s what I’m going to deliver!

I posted my pictures early this morning. I went to bed at 2 Friday night and 2 last night because I was saving, naming, and organizing 50,383 pictures. Just looking at them makes me so happy. Guys, it was the best trip I’ve ever taken and I so wish I were enjoying it all over again. Here’s an extremely short recap of the amazing and adventurous 20 days- oh- and like I mentioned in my last post, my pictures match accordingly in the Mediterranean Cruise Collection so follow along. Ha ha I sound like a teacher.

Day 1- Surprisingly enough I found P with no trouble at all. The Rome airport isn’t all I was building it up to be. We met at the baggage claim, got on our bus, and went to the ship! Easy enough- thank goodness.

Day 2- We were in Florence and Pisa this day. It was a 12 hour tour so we were exhausted at the end. Plus it was hot- so yeah, sweaty girls aren’t fun girls. In Florence we say several beautiful churches and made time for some authentic gelato. P and I also wandered to a quaint little tavern for some famous Italian Chianti. It was such a great day. The night on the ship- as every night- was spent in the formal dining room, watching the cheesy show, and people watching (which consisted of nicknames and making up stories about who they were and where they came from)- followed by late night tea and or ice cream and burgers.

We were so healthy.

Day 3- We were in Monte Carlo, Monaco. It’s so beautiful there. We saw the palace and the church where the famous Princess Grace lies. We also saw the Monaco race track and the extra famous Monte Carlo Casino. It was really hot that day so P and I ended up sitting on a bench near the casino and chilling out. My parents called while we were lounging, so that was a nice surprise. It was a really nice day.

Day 4- At sea. It was full of lots of laziness, relaxing, and eating. Repeat.

Day 5- Barcelona baby! It was such a great day. Barcelona is full of amazing architecture so that was a treat. We started our trip going to 3 different restaurants trying tapas. Yum! Afterwards, we saw the famous Gaudi church. It makes me sad that it’s taken literally over a hundred years for this masterpiece to be built- and it’s still not even finished! I think that could be a good Sunday school lesson- how God uses our lifetime on Earth to build his masterpiece. P and I visited a Starbucks because we decided that’s something you must do in Barcelona.

Day 6- Mallorca! Mallorca is beautiful. The town of Valldemossa is stunning. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones have a house out there and I can fully understand why. It’s such a quiet little area. I enjoyed our time there. We also spent some time at a beautiful vineyard in the mountains there where we sampled 3 different wines. It was such a nice little afternoon.

Day 7- Remember what we did on day 4? Yeah, it was more of that. But at this point we figured out how to maximize our cheese platter ordering, ice cream trips, and late night pizza.

Day 8- Today we were in Tunisia- and it was HOT (hence why there are no pictures of us in that set). We saw Carthage, which was okay. We agree that part of it looked like they just threw some rocks on the ground and said, “Hey! Let’s call this place Carthage!” but then we saw some more areas that were more legitimate. Afterwards we went to Si Bou Said, which is a souk of sorts. P and I bought these really pretty Eye and Hand of Fatima charms which we’ll put on a necklace. Sort of a modern day BFF necklace if you will. It’s something so ingrained in the culture where we live(d) so it was special to buy them.

Day 9- Palermo, Sicily. Guys- this was the greatest excursion ever! We made our way into the mountains to see the Baroness di Salvo’s house, a very old dwelling that has been passed down. Soon after we arrived the Baroness herself put on a cooking class for us! She didn’t speak any English, so our guide translated as she made really delicious, classic Sicilian dishes. YUM! And then? Then carnage began. We figured we’d sample some small tastes of the things she made, but oh no. Not quite. Instead, they took us to this other room where we proceeded to eat,

and eat,

and eat.

Guys- we LITERALLY ate for THREE HOURS. 17 courses.

17 COURSES.

Um, hello immense sickness and fatness!

P and I finished around 3 that afternoon and didn’t eat again until a late breakfast the following morning.

Now that’s a Puke Fest.

Wait- I said I would never say that again, didn’t I? Sorry.

Oh- want to hear a funny side story? Although- I’m not sure if it will be funny since you weren’t there- but I’ll try guys! Okay- as we were feasting we were sharing a table with 2 older women. We were making small talk with them. We were talking about their families, and I had asked one of them how old her children were. The lady started rattling off the following, “Well- there’s 60, 65, 66, and 68.”

I slapped my hand on the table and called out a big hearty, “You look AMAZING!”

She looked at me like I was an idiot (and P did the same) and said, “Those are years, not ages.”

Right. Roger That.

Day 10-
Pompeii. I woke up feeling ill that morning and wasn’t thrilled about Pompeii (um- again why there’s no pictures of us that day!) Despite the yuckiness I had a great time. Those Romans were smarties. I enjoyed getting to see a few different places they inhabited while on the cruise. The Ruins of Pompeii was very interesting.

Day 11-
Rome (again). While we were on a 20 days cruise, some were on a 10 day. Today was the day we dropped those people off and got a whole new bunch of 10 dayers for the Eastern Mediterranean Tour. P and I opted to stay on the ship and have a lazy docked day at sea. It was very nice, and if I remember right, we ate too much.

Day 12-
Another day at sea like all the others!

Day 13-
Dubrovnik, Croatia! Dubrovnik is beautiful. We went and saw the city walls where we spent a few hours wandering around, seeing a church, and just enjoying the sights. It was so beautiful. P and I found a place to sit inside and hung around there for about an hour watching the day go by- as well as lots and lots of people. I’ve never seen water more sparkly than in Dubrovnik.

Day 14-
Corfu, Greece.

Day 15-
Today we were in Olympia!! Not only that- but in Olympia during the 2008 Olympics! Pretty cool. P and I actually got to walk the original Olympic track which was 600 Herculean feet (whatever that equivocates to!). P has a video of us walking the entire track that I posted below! We’re not very animated, totally sweaty, have no makeup on, and are walking the whole time with not much to talk about, but hey- you gotta walk the track when you’re at the Olympics! We’re such Gold Medalists. Ha.

Day 16
Santorini, Greece. Simply beautiful. You can see from the pictures. We spent some time in one of the small villages and then made our way to the black sand beach- which was gorgeous. P and I found a little outdoor restaurant and had some delicious authentic Greek food. Yum.

Day 17
Today we were in Ephesus. It was simply brilliant. I really enjoyed our visit there, not to mention we had a really great guide full of lots of information. We saw the Virgin Mary’s house, where she spent the last years of her life. Afterwards it was on to the ancient city of Ephesus. Apparently there is still so very much still covered that needs to be excavated. It was so neat to see, especially with all the Biblical references.

Day 18
At sea.

Day 19
Today we went to Valletta, Malta. It was really humid and miserable so we didn’t spend much time out and about. It was still nice to get out and walk around a little.

Day 20
Messina, Sicily. Today we did a short little excursion and saw some of the highlights- including this crazy huge clock that has this 15 minute “show” everyday at noon. It was very Disneyish.

And then the trip was over, and my heart was really sad.

Really really sad.

In fact- I feel sad now just typing about it knowing it’s over!

Did I mention I have an amazing boss that allowed me to borrow against the vacation I haven’t yet accrued rather than being unpaid? While it’s a huge blessing, it means I won’t have any vacation for literally the next year. How sad, right!?

Anyway, the trip was over and I bid my sister farewell- but there’s more to come on that.

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So moving along to the dogs- they’re a lot of work. I won’t say much since I told you about Rocky. I’ll try to post a few pictures in the coming days. It’s nonstop with 4 dogs. It’s been a test of patience- a test I seem to be failing

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So as you know- college football season is underway and Will is the happiest guy in the world. The first OU game proved to be not only a blow out- but wet. We got poured on! They ended up having over an hour delay and instead of driving home due to the rain and gigantic lead, my obsessed husband wanted to stay! Sigh. I guess it’s something we’ll remember…

Will is very excited to finally be able to utilize our tickets, and I am too.

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It seems like ever since we moved back it’s been nonstop on the go craziness. We lived with Will’s parents for a month, then P came to visit, then I went on vacation for 20 days, and then-

my dad is coming in 2 weeks! I’m so excited. He’s coming to Texas for some big racing thing and Will is going to meet him down there. After the racing weekend, he’s going to come up and stay a couple days with us, which is very exciting. I’ve been missing my family so much and it’s been hard, so it will be nice to have him here.

Not only that, but it gets better!

The following week my mom and sister are coming to stay a few days!! I can’t tell you how excited I am about the next few weeks. It will be really special for me. I’m not sure when I’ll see my family next, so I’m really happy about their visit.

I’m sure there’ll be lots more talk about all that in the coming days.

As for things now, it’s been a busy weekend full of cleaning. Will, his dad, and brother are in Indianapolis this weekend for the first Colt’s game in the new stadium. It was something they had planned before we moved back, so it’s been something Will has been looking forward to for a long time. It also allowed me a weekend of peace to clean, and man did I! Will didn’t do much while I was gone so I had lots of work to do. Plus, I can get a little fanatical so it takes me longer than most when I get in a cleaning mood. I started Saturday morning and finished at 3 today. I stopped in the evenings to get my pictures all sorted and play with the dogs. It’s been a very productive weekend!

Want to hear a funny story?

Yesterday afternoon a locust somehow got into the house and I was freaking out all day but would’t get near it because I was so scared! It ended up on the couch and I sprayed so much lysol on it that it set off my carbon monoxide detector. ha ha.

Then it ended up on the floor and I put a glass bowl over it with my purse on top- where it will stay until Will comes home to get the locust out of its little biodome! ha ha. I’m a nerd.

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I think that’s about all for now. It’s taken me a long time to write this and I’m starting to get antsy. Hope you had a nice weekend!

Today I bid Rome farewell.

I say goodbye to some of the most beautiful countries in the world and walk away with nothing more than amazing pictures and 20 days of wonderful memories.

I also bid my sister farewell.

I say goodbye to the most beautiful girl in the world and walk away with nothing more than amazing pictures and 18 years of wonderful memories.

I hate saying goodbye, and I hate change. It reminds me of the life-altering change I made just months ago- my move back to America.

Part of me wants to jump on my plane (after getting lost and losing my boarding pass 3 times, of course) and get back to my normal everyday life in the good old US of A, but the other part of me wants Will and I to pack a suitcase and just go.

Go.

To where? I have no idea, but I guess that’s what makes it so ridiculous and silly.

but also perfect.

Almost exactly a year ago my boss told me- You’re either an expat or you’re not (you should click on the link and read that post. I feel like I’ve been struggling with this topic a lot lately now that I’m home). When I read that post, I think to myself, “here you are a whole year later, Britt, and you still have no idea how you feel!” I don’t know what that means, other than the fact that I still have the itch to just get up and go.

Ha- yet 3 paragraphs above I tell you I hate change. I’m such a contradiction.

See what I mean? A year later and I still feel all knoted up about where I’m supposed to be.

Wait.

I know where I’m supposed to be.

I’m supposed to be here, no doubt in my mind. I know 100% God has moved us back here, there have been so many confirmations of his work. However, if I share my heart with you guys, the truth is that I know where I’m supposed to be, but I’m not sure if I’m where I want to be.

Does that make sense?

Don’t think I’m terrible for sharing that with you. I know it’s not your expected Sunday School Answer, but it’s really how I’ve been feeling lately. I want to be in God’s will, I really do, but lately I’ve had a hard time really desiring it. I say I want it, but then I think about all the “better” things Will and I could be doing and it’s such a distraction. I haven’t been setting my mind on things above as I need to, but instead have gotten caught up with the temporal and it’s so foolish of me.

Yes, I had to go to Rome to figure all this out.

Figure what out!?

I haven’t figured anything out!

Okay- well I had to go to Rome to realize I’m still a basketcase.

How’s that?

A little more accurate.

Okay, so enough of the sad whiney conflicted crap.

Who wants to hear all that- AGAIN, right?

Sheesh, the story of my freaking life!?

Alright- let’s move on.

So I bid Rome farewell.  Perhaps I will no longer associate Rome with stress now that I’ve made it to the airport and am on the plane?

I hope so.

I’m sure as we drove the long drive to the airport I held back the tears, and as they unloaded our luggage, the lump in my throat arrived.

I’m sure I tried to be the big sister and not snot all over myself as I told P goodbye,

but let’s face it, I was never meant to be good with such things.

In fact, I’m a week out from the cruise and crying as a type!

What a loser.

Anyway, I’m sure I squeezed her tight and got one last smell of her perfume.

I’m sure my heart was throbbing just like the night when I was in college and broke up with my first love. I’m sure as she went left, and I went right, I tried my best to keep it together,

but as I made a mad dash to the bathroom, I lost it-

as well as my carry-on, I can almost be sure.

I hate goodbyes terribly, but this one would seem so final in so many ways.

So as this cruise has docked, so has another chapter in my life. One that has P in an exciting foreign country attending college, and one that has me washing clothes down by the river in some tiny remote American town. (ha ha)

I finally give up fighting the tears and figure I might as well just let it all out-

and once again I wish Will was here to make me feel better, but sadly I’m all alone (and probably lost) in the Rome airport trying to understand what the hell 743 is in Italian.

As I get on the plane, knowing P is about to board hers, I wish her well in my heart, knowing that kindred spirits are never very far apart.

I think about Boz and Lucy, and the 2 new little puppies that await me when I get home. I think about Will and falling asleep in his arms,

and I realize it’s okay to say goodbye to Rome today.

Perhaps I’ll visit again..