I realize I’ve been dragging this story out for-ev-er, but this is my life right now. I wanted to stop and take a minute to really get everything on “paper” while it was still fresh.
Let’s get going.
I was full of bitterness and anger for days after making the decision to sell our portion of the business. I didn’t really feel like we had much choice and were bullied into it.
Will was quiet after the first couple of weeks and internalized everything. I feel like he knew in his heart he made the best decision for our family and had peace from God amidst the pain.
I, on the other hand, had peace but would let my big fat mouth flap about how mad I was whenever we were alone.
Sounds real peaceful, right? Ha!
I felt so wronged. How could someone we trusted do something this hurtful?
The anger consumed me for days.
And then telling people.
It was like reopening the wound over and over.
Will was so proud of this opportunity and had joyfully shared it with many of our family members and friends.
It was like reliving the pain anytime they asked how the business was going.
We knew, absolutely knew, this was a God thing. Yet, in our own prideful perspective, we didn’t really approach it that way at first.
It felt embarrassing, angering, and painful.
Not only that, but it wasn’t as easy as just selling the business. It required a process of paperwork and phone calls. Opening the hurt over and over.
I knew in my heart it wasn’t healthy to let it grow and fester, but honestly? In my own sick justification, it felt good to feel angry.
The holy spirit began working on my heart. I knew He wasn’t going to let me wallow for very long.
I (reluctantly) added the guy’s name to my prayer list.
Actually… I couldn’t even bear to write or pray his name. It hurt too much.
For the first several days I prayed that my heart would forgive him. I knew The Lord wanted me to, but I struggled with wanting to.
He began to soften my hardened heart and restore me. He continually reminded me that He was in this..
Day by day I constantly thought about the question he asked me “Do you trust Me?”
Oh the stories I will share next week of His hand on us time and time again.
To the Lord’s credit alone, I eventually even began praying God would bless the guy.
Nothing inside of me wanted that, and yet the Lord began to move me to pray for it. It was all God at work in my heart. Praise be to Him alone.
We finished up the sale earlier his year and finally felt a sense of closure.
It was behind us.
But what was in front of us?
That was (and is) the big question. We’ll talk more about that next week.
So why am I sharing all this baggage and hurt with you?
Believe me, I’d much rather keep it to myself.
However, I truly believe there’s power in our stories. What satan or people mean for harm, God can use for good.
Perhaps you’ve been wronged and are deeply hurt by someone. I get that.
Perhaps like me, you enjoyed feeling anger toward that person and felt justified because of their painful actions. I get that too.
As trite as it sounds, it’s true- we are really only hurting ourselves when we don’t relinquish those awful feelings.
It really screws us up more than the other person.
It’s necessary to allow God to perform surgery on our hearts.
The good news is, we don’t have to live with it.
He can take that big weight off our shoulders and transform it into forgiveness and restoration.
It seems lofty and impossible, but with God all things are possible.
When we give ourselves over to Jesus, He softens our hearts and helps us heal.
It feels so much better to remove any blockages from His presence. I never want to hinder my relationship with Him. I want to approach His throne with confidence, and that means drawing near with a pure heart, trusting in Him.
If you’ve been wronged by someone, I urge you to free yourself from any unforgiveness, and seek Him to overcome.
I can tell you firsthand- you will feel complete freedom and relief in doing so.
So what now for the B-Love family?
Check in next week for what’s been going on since this all unfolded.
Until then, have a great weekend!