I am absolutely positive that if someone handed me a container of vanilla frosting and a plastic spoon and guaranteed absolutely zero implications would result from eating the entire can, I would do it.

If it wouldn’t affect my skin, cellulite, attitude, weight, or anything else, it would totally happen. I would seriously sit there and eat the entire darn thing. At some point, I would have eaten most of the canister. And the spoon would just get in the way. Which means I would likely be up to my wrist in vanilla frosting trying to get the last.scoop.out.

Pathetic.

Which is pretty much what I nearly did over my pre-birthday birthday cake this week. Only sadly, no one promised that there wouldn’t be any negative implications. Which means that I made a poor, poor decision. A word from the wise today: don’t eat vanilla frosting. It will only leave you lumpy. I can only hope I have learned from this mistake and that next year, as I approach 30 (AHHHH) I will not have a repeat of the previous year.

Mainly because I will probably be lying on the floor in a sloppy stupor over the fact that I am no longer in my 20s.

Pass the frosting. 

I literally sat in dog puke for an hour last night.

It was only when I got up and Will looked at the couch and said, “I think a dog threw up a little on the couch!” that I realized that a dog had in fact thrown up.

And I had sat in it.

For at least an hour.

And had no clue.

It’s been one of those days all week…

(and I’m done with my class next week which means I owe you a really big giant update)

Okay- before we go any further. stop what you’re doing, and go read the third bullet here.

You’re thinking, “Eh- there’s no need for me to go read that post. I hate reading linked posts. I know you’re type.

I’m your type. I get it.

...

Okay, now that you’re back and get that I’m completely crazy (you know… incase the above outburst wasn’t telling enough), here’s something that might make you laugh a little this fine Monday morning.

Monday

Tuesday

Wedneday

Thursday

I was running pretty late that day therefore did not have time to document that yes, I did bloody hell remember to unplug the straightener.

Friday

Now- don’t be fooled. I know at first glance you’re thinking, “Hey! That’s the exact same picture!” Only it’s not. Trust me, it’s not.

Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Mission Failure.

Friday

I woke to Boz violently gagging at 1:42 a.m. this morning.

Turns out the kid had barfed everywhere.

Oh sorry- not everywhere. That would imply that there was no place for me to step, or that I needed a fire hose to adequately clean my house.

That was not the case.

He did, however, puke six different times, in six different places.

That was fun.

Especially in the middle of the night.

It was like an early Easter egg hunt.

Only there was most definitely no chocolate bunny at the end of the trail.

Happy Friday! 

My high school reunion was last weekend.

I was actually looking forward to it. Not to the point that I was obsessing over every carrot stick I ate or getting a spray tan or considering an edgy new hairstyle or anything- but nonetheless I was looking forward to going and seeing everyone.

I can literally recall, as if it was yesterday, hugging all my classmates and jokingly saying, “See you in ten years!” thinking that would be forever away.

But here it was, this past weekend.

It’s a little hard for me to believe.

I had a great time in high school and made so many great memories. I was really looking forward to catching up with everyone.

Only- I didn’t go.

Not because I failed to invent Post-its (if you get the reference, you’re laughing right now), but because I just didn’t go.

Plain and simple.

And now I’m hoping I don’t regret it.

So here’s the story-

I don’t know about you guys, but it seems as though anytime there is a crucial event, holiday, or milestone in mine and Will’s life you can almost always put money on the fact that we’re going to get into a gigantic argument.

I have no idea why, but that’s pretty much our standard M.O.

Now- I should probably qualify (or quantify?… qualify? quantify?.. Which one is it? AHH!) that Will and I aren’t big argue-ers. For the most part we’ve been married for seven happy years and don’t get into doozy arguments all too often. In fact, we don’t really even argue all that often.

But when we do?

It’s on a day in which the whole day is devoted to being happy. For example- Thanksgiving. They don’t just say, “It’s Thanksgiving!” Nope. They say, ”HAPPY Thanksgiving!” It’s not “Hey it’s Christmas!” It’s MERRY Christmas!”

You get my point.

Which is really ironic.

Maybe it’s because there’s so much pressure on the day and you’re running around like a crazy trying to make everything absolutely perfect for you and your family? That’s what I’ve always thought to be a contributing factor. Why don’t Will and I fight on random Tuesdays? Because there are no expectations for a perfect Tuesday, that’s why!

Anyway- I think you know where I’m going with this.

I had gotten up, worked out, and returned home to shower and slowly get ready for the day.

Only Will and I got into a giant fight. You think I would have remembered that this was a possibility.

Yet- I didn’t.

Ugh.

Failure.

Had I remembered, perhaps I would have thrown a penny in a fountain or thrown salt over my shoulder.

Only I didn’t. 

Bummer.

So I ended up going over to my mom’s (oh- sorry, haven’t given an update in a while. She’s back from Kuwait right now. And I’ve seen my sister like three times in the last three weeks. How great, right?) and laid around and figured I’d go home and get ready after a few hours. Only, it turned to 3 and I didn’t get ready. Then hit 4. And I was still in a funk. Then 5… and then I figured eh- I don’t get to see my family much and we would have had to leave at 5:30 to get there in time- which wasn’t going to happen. So- no reunion.

Thankfully (Thankfully? Maybe not...) with the invention of Facebook I can still keep up with everyone so it’s not totally awful, but it still would have been good to go.

I guess I write all this because I figure most of those who (still) read this blog are married people. The point of this story is that it was really stupid of me not to get off my lazy butt and go to my reunion. So what that Will and I were grumpy? We would have been fine by the time we got to my reunion- and most importantly, in the grand scheme of our entire marriage we were perfectly fine. You know? Married people argue! So what. It happens and you get over it. I was really ridiculous to let it stop me from going to something so important, right? Ugh, Brittny, silly girl!

So the point of this post is that Will and I are a normal married couple (ha, as if you didn’t know that already) and we argue and do stupid stuff like not going to a high school reunion because of a grumpy mood. But I think the point of this post is also- just freaking do stuff, because if you don’t, well, it’s just silliness.

Oh- and one more point (points! lots and lots of points!)- go to your freaking reunion. Now I have to wait another 10 years. Geez-a-lou!

And having said that I also realize I owe you guys an update! I think I mentioned ages ago that my parents bought a house one door down?

Yes- I most definitely need my own reality show now. I joke that everyone has one these days. I just need to start baking cupcakes or selling pawn shop items or take on truck driving on dangerous roads… anyway- I most definitely owe you a life update soon. However, I’m currently in Colorado (ha- see? another confirmation to do an update) so I’ll do that very soon!

More to come…

I have not forgotten about you sweet blog! Quite the contrary.

Contrary?

Who says contrary?

I mean, besides 80 year old librarians and Mary Poppins.

Quite the contrary.

Nice.

I wonder if I’ve ever said, “quite the contrary” on this blog before?

If I was feeling proactive, I’d do a search.

But I’m not.

Plus I’m pretty sure I haven’t. I mean- I’ve posted about this and this and even this on here. There’s no way I’m saying something all formal and serious like “quite the contrary” on this blog.

I know what it is, though.

It’s school.

You start graduate school and all of a sudden start annoying the crap out of everyone around you-

To include yourself.

All of a sudden you become a deep critical thinker, analyzing each and every thing. From the way the news anchor says “could,” to the way the back of the ceral box reads. Everything suddenly has deeper meaning and absolutely can’t be taken at face value.

“You’re telling me you’re hungry… but are you really hungry? What is hunger? Do you speak of spiritual hunger? Academic hunger?...”

See? Annoying. Turns out Will was just hungry. In the very literal, “Whataburger with cheese and a large fry” sort of way.

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT “I’M HUNGRY” MEANS.

And then you start saying stupidly long ridiculous words you’d never normally say in casual conversations with friends. Words like loquacious or nefarious. Who the hell says loquacious when they’re talking about football coaches!?

No one!

And then at some point you realize, “Hmm… someone just saw me blow a giant bubble with my watermelon Hubba Bubba bubble gum. Something seems incongruent here.”

Incongruent!?!

There you go again!

Let’s put it this way- if I’m not annoying you yet, I’m annoying everyone around me. And if I’m not annoying those people yet (and trust me- I am. I really, really am)? Well, I’m annoying myself. Moreso than normal. 

I’m not sure what hurts the most- introducing incredibly unnecessary words into my previously limited vocabulary as well as analyzing every.single.thing.ever-

or knowing I have over a year left of this scholastic pain.

Definitely the last one.

I am indubitably convinced it is the latter.

During the Summer of 2004 I was a newly married college student. That summer I was taking one class and working at the university- which was only like a 30 hour a week job. Put it this way- I had lots of time on my hands. This allowed me lots of time to hang out with P.

For some reason that summer we thought it would be fun to take up tennis. Let’s keep in mind that neither of us have all that much athletic ability. Sure, P was a cheerleader, and yes I work out at the gym- but please let me assure you, that does not convert into athletic ability. Will is always trying to get me to play basketball with him, and I’m just pitiful.

I’m getting off track!

Anyway- because we were so awful we would go in the middle of the afternoon, the height of summer heat and misery and pain, so no one would see us. I’m surprised neither of us suffered from heat exhaustion, really.

We would stand on opposite sides of the net and P would serve and it would hit the net and bounce back to her feet.

Then she’d serve and it’d fly over the net and I’d be swinging in the air on the left side, when the ball was on the right side.

Then I would try to serve and it would go flying, or it wouldn’t pass the net, or it would go into the other court.

We were awful.

We volleyed back and forth a few times- in the course of the whole month we devoted to tennis- but that was the extent of it. My mom and Will would occasionally go with us in the evenings. Will would try to play with us, but unfortunately he has no “off” switch. He is always in competitive game mode, out to win. He had fire in his eyes, and I swear had he been bald I would have mistaken him for Andre Agassi. So while me and P just wanted someone to gently hit the ball back and forth with us, Will was out for war. He wanted to hit the ball hard, he wanted to win, he wanted to make us hate him. He would frustrate me for not just freaking playing “nice” and I would frustrate him for chasing after the ball nonstop and not being able to hit anything. Fun times. Hmm, maybe this Spring I’ll convince to give it another go! What do you think?

Happy Valentine’s Day!! <3

Will and I were homebound today and will be tomorrow as well.

Victims of the blizzard.

I use victims very loosely because I sat on the couch in grey sweatpants with my computer on my lap working from home while watching old CSI Miami episodes.

It was rough I tell you.

The bad thing about blizzards, however, is that they make you fat.

I can’t prove it- but I may seek out a grant to do so.

Poor Will. I think I’m ready to go to the gym? Ha-

WILL is ready for me to go to the gym. If I don’t, The Shining could very well manifest itself at my house.

I can’t even begin to tell you all the crap I had while I was at home today. I started strong with oatmeal but before long I was having french bread, and Ruffles, and frosting, and pretzels… It was an out of control carbicide I tell you! It was if I didn’t think I was going to be able to eat for days or something and was trying to all Black Bear myself through the storm incase I had to hibernate.

The trouble with this issue is that:

1. I’m at home tomorrow again

2. It’s Super Bowl weekend which means I needed to save my cheat day for Sunday.

Oh and let’s not forget that later this month I will experience an entire weekend of gluttony when I go see P for her birthday.

It’s official- February is Faturary.

Elliptical, here I come. 

Literally.

Remember just this past week when I said that one of my resolutions was to put away laundry as soon as a load is done?

As you can see, I’m failing.

I will say, however, my dishes have not been left in the sink once this week! So- at least we’re halfway on our way to success.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

But really, Brittny- putting laundry away isn’t that hard! Here’s to hoping I’m more successful this weekend. 

Do not be alarmed.

This is NOT going to become Brittny’s foodie/fitness blog.

Trust me.

As I mentioned, I’m healthy every single day of the work week, so aside from the weekend pain of not eating a pound of beef and an entire strawberry cake, I’ve pretty much got this thing down. However- I thought a good start to my laundry list would be to tell you guys what my plans are for the day!

Everyone lets out a resounding, “Yay!”

...

Or maybe not.

Anyhow, I’m off work today which is pretty exciting.

I started my morning off right with an egg on whole wheat toast. Chick-Fil-A is giving away their spicy chicken sandwich this week so I printed off my coupon and am going to sit with Will this morning while he eats his breakfast.

After that we’re going to see an early movie which will be fun. We’re going to see True Grit. You may remember it has a special place in my heart (ha). I figure if anything it will give me more material to bug Will with. I told him he should give me five bucks for every time they say “little sister.” I could be rich. 

I’ll have my carrots and hummus during the movie. Lunch is a taco salad with extra lean ground turkey, black beans, tomatoes, spinach, and a couple tablespoons of salsa. I made it yesterday and got everything all sectioned off and measured, since I’ll be having it a couple more times this week.

Later this afternoon I’ll have Greek yogurt.

Around the time I have my afternoon snack is the time that Will and I will have probably started arguing.

I believe I’ve mentioned that Will and I aren’t the best at home improvement projects. I don’t know what it is, but the second you get a hammer and nails out at our house it’s as if we rang the boxing bell to begin the brawl.

“In this corner, weighing (muffled by the microphone) and standing at 5 feet 6 inches tall put your hands together for B-Loooooooove!!”

“And in this corner, weighing whatever grown men weigh these days, and standing 5 feet 10 inches tall put your hands together for Misteeeeeeer B-Loooooove!”

And then the bell rings and Will and I knock our gloves together and go at it.

I even joked with Will yesterday about how we should start fighting (ie- hanging our picture) around 2:00.

I’m not sure he thought it was funny.

Maybe it won’t be so bad?

I mean, it has been a while since we’ve taken a major hanging project on. Maybe it will be easy and we’ll find a stud and everything will be even and perfect and thirty minutes later we’ll be sitting on the couch holding hands and complimenting each other’s picture framing abilities.

But I doubt it.

Way to be optimistic, right?

Eh…

I’m not sure what else is in store for us today. I know for dinner I’ll have tilapia with steamed carrots and then later tonight I’ll bake an apple with a little cinnamon and lemon juice.

I’m hoping to squeeze in a workout before dinner or right after. I usually go on the morning but my alarm failed me today so that didn’t happen. Today is an upper body day. I’ve posted my workout below. I superset so I’m constantly working a different muscle group without stopping. Once I hit all the areas I end the set with an ab and rest for a minute or so and start the next.

Yay for days off! Happy Monday to you!

More to come…

Today’s Workout
Chest
Bench Press
Inverted Row
Decline Barbell Press

Back
Bent Over Row
Pull Up
Row Machine

Shoulders
Bent Over Flyes
Barbell Shoulder Press
Front Raises/Flyes

Triceps
Skull Crushers
Cable Tricep Extension
One Arm Cable Tricep Extension

Biceps
Incline Curls
Hammer curls
Concentration Curl

Pushups

Abs
Plank
Elevated Plank
Side Plank
Bear Crawls
Cable Crunch