Not!

If you ever want to test your sanity- move. That’s seriously all you need to do.

Will? He’s officially crazy.

Me? Well… we always knew I was a little unstable.

Moving has taken my marriage to a whole new level of…er… closeness.

“Will! Why are you shipping 100 pounds of clothes you’re NEVER going to wear again!? These things literally stayed in boxes for our entire 3 years here!”

“Because. I’m going to lose weight when I go home.”

“That’s what you said in 2005 when we moved over here.”

**

“Brittny- are you even trying to pack correctly and conserve space?”

“Of course I am! In fact- I think I’m doing a pretty good job!”

Sigh, “Brittny- move out of the way. Let a professional do it.”

“Pft- ‘Professional.’ Oh. Apparently I’m a moron and just drool on myself and am incapable of helping!?”

Yeah. That’s been the lovely conversations between the B-Love family this past week. I’ve crammed, stuffed, and folded more items that I care to mention- and then Will has gone behind me and crammed, stuffed, and folded the exact same items again. Oddly enough- this move has definitely brought us closer. I know it’s hard to believe when you see the banter above!

Oh guys, this week has been hell. We originally planned to have movers come and pack everything up for us because we were on such a short schedule. Well, the former Emir of Kuwait died last week and the whole thing put Kuwait business on hold for 3 days. So- we weren’t able to get a quote until Saturday.

$6,000.

$6,000 to move everything from here to the States! We just stared at each other in shock. So- Saturday night we had a whole different change of plans- aside from a few big pieces we would do our own shipping through the Army post office.

Yes- 3 years worth of stuff being shipped in footlockers. Plus Will can’t access camp anymore so it’s me and my dad lugging 15 footlockers to the army post office everyday this week. And the high is like 115. Yeah- that’s been fun. I mentioned that moving tests your mental strength, right?

The worst part of all is that the next 2 weeks of my life will be worse- far worse. I’m seriously just praying God will make provisions. He’s orchestrated this whole thing so beautifully. Guys, it’s been insane how things have worked out. It’s been perfect, which is yet another confirmation we’re supposed to go. I just have to continue to trust that these next 2 weeks will work out just like these 2 have.

Tomorrow is my last day of work, but it’s all full of out processing, so today is really my last actual work day. Guys, when I thought about this whole “moving thing” in my head it went so differently than reality. I guess that’s how life works. In my mind we had a plan. We had time to pack, and make arrangements, and go to “our place” just one last time. We had time to enjoy the “lasts” of everything. I wanted time to post my thoughts, to write about what I was doing and how I was feeling. However, in reality everything is moving so quickly that I haven’t had time to realize, “Brittny- this is it. Your time in the middle east is over.” I guess if I’m honest with you guys, I’m sort of glad I haven’t had time to let the truth sink in. The truth, when if finally hits me, is going to be painful. Just typing about it makes my heart start to hurt. I haven’t had time to miss anything, and I think that’s good. Maybe that’s another one of those God orchestrations. He knows my exit needs to be like a band-aid being ripped off skin. He’s right. Having time to dwell would only make me sad and I certainly don’t need that! Staying busy has been a good thing. 

I have so many things I want to share with you guys. There is just so much going on with my life right now! I really hope to post one last time before we leave, so hopefully I’ll be able to do that. We’re staying with my parents this weekend so I’m going to try to get on a computer while I’m there. I’ll be home in just a few days and I still can’t fathom it all. I guess it’s because I’m up to my eyes in footlockers and SO MUCH FREAKING CRAP that needs to be packed. Seriously- I can’t believe all the stuff we have.

Also- I’m really sorry I haven’t been commenting lately. You guys have been such great and supportive friends and I haven’t really reciprocated that this week, and I apologize. I must also admit, I doubt I’ll comment for the next few weeks either. Know you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I think about you often and I look forward to catching up stateside. More to come from Kuwait…

A little over 3 years ago, Will got in his car and began the long drive across town.

He was about to sit his parents down and tell them we would be moving across an ocean- and not only that, but we also planned to live there for quite a while.

The whole time he was gone, my stomach was in knots. I prayed the entire time- and cleaned incessantly. When Will returned home he told me about the conversation with his parents. It obviously was full of his mother’s tears, and awkward silence, but it was over. Officially done.

Just a few short weeks later, Will and I were sleeping on our bedroom floor and recounting memories of the house we would soon be leaving. It was emotional, but at the same time exciting. I couldn’t wait to leave Oklahoma and begin a new chapter in our lives. I couldn’t wait to be reunited with my family and lead a whole new life in Kuwait.

I felt so many different things as we drove away from our house that last time. So many questions, wonders, and uncertainties. We simply drove off trusting God to take care of us and unsure about all the details the future would hold for us.

It’s so hard to believe that this week marks 3 years since Will and I bid our life in Oklahoma goodbye. In some ways it seems like yesterday, but in other ways it feels like an eternity. I have truly learned to call Kuwait home, and I truly enjoy living here. I’m comforted by the prayer calls that sing me to sleep each night, and unalarmed by the ladies garbed in all black. I’m no longer shocked when the scorching summer heat takes my breath away, or when it’s raining mud. This has become my life. It’s incredibly normal to me. As odd as it sounds, I have grown comfortable with a place not my own. A place that worships a different god than mine, and a place that does not value so many things that I value. I know it seems as though such things are contradictions, yet at the same time they make so much sense to me.

The thought of saying goodbye makes me heart hurt, though I’ve known along it was something I would have to do one day. I just never knew I would grow attached to this place, and that’s what makes it so hard.

I resigned today.

I think I hurt my dad’s feelings today and I hate that.

I didn’t hurt them by saying something or intentionally doing something stupid, yet I know I left with him feeling sad as I got out of the car from our lunch date today. He was positive, yet quiet, and I know a lot was on his mind.

As I got out of the car I just felt like crying and hiding in my bed forever. What a strange feeling for a grown woman, but that’s what I felt. I just wanted God to be wrong or come from behind the corner in some awful leisure suit and be like, “Ahahaha, gotcha Brittny! This is all going to go away- and for being such a good sport you win an NIV copy of the book of James!”

Wait, I retract the leisure suit comment. God totally has good taste in clothes, right?

Anyway- I just felt so bad having to be courageous today.

My heart hurts because I know more sadness may be on the way and I just hate it guys, I really hate it.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I have lots and lots to talk about. Sorry I’ve been MIA this week. More to come soon.

PS- Remember the whole “you have to move out of your apartment because we’re remodeling and oh by the way since you have dogs you can’t come back” issue? Yeah, well, we’re moving this weekend. Right next door. Very exciting yet at the same time a little melancholy.

Love you guys. I promise- a real post soon! Blame my boss.

oh and PPS- I was totally about to name this post My Sad Dad- but it just made me laugh so much because it rhymed and I felt as though I shouldn’t have a freaking hilarious rhyming title for something sort of sad. Just had to throw that in to make you guys smile. <3

Thanks for all your kind words and prayers the other day. Will’s dad was taken out of ICU and is now in the cardiology center of the hospital. He will still be there a few more days, but it’s been a blessing to know he’s breathing on his own and is expected to make a full recover. Thanks again, I appreciated your thoughtfulness. 

I turned 25 on the 14th.

Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s not old, but it does seem as if 25 comes with a whole new host of responsibilities and expectations. 25 is so… adult. I know I’ve been an adult for quite some time now, but when I look back and think about the times I heard someone tell me they were 25 I assumed certain things about them and their life. I’m quickly finding how silly assumptions are!

25 comes with financial stability, “when are you having kids?” and a real career. It’s not playtime anymore. It’s not a “cute” age. If I had a dollar for every time I was called a “baby” at work because I was 24 I wouldn’t have to live in Kuwait anymore. I could go home and retire. 25 surpasses all those things. I’m officially not at the kids table anymore. It’s all silverware and white tablecloths from here on out.

I guess I’m feeling reflective because 25 seems as though I should be at a certain point of my life and I don’t feel as though I am. Sure, you can’t plan life. You can spend a whole lifetime planning life and be disappointed when all those plans never come to fruition. It’s not that I mapped out my life, it’s just that I guess when I think of being 25 I don’t think of “this-” as in me this very second.

I don’t know…

I guess it’s got me thinking about a lot of things. About kids. About how I always thought as I got older I would want to have them. How I constantly told myself I didn’t want any ever and how I knew I was saying that just because I was young and I was just sure I would change my mind as I got older. Granted, perhaps that’s true. I’m still young, and maybe as I creep into the late 20s my mind will change, but I’m really starting to think that maybe what I’ve said all along is honest- I really don’t want to have kids.

It’s got me thinking about what the hell I’m doing here. Seriously- what am I doing here? Is God using me the same way He could use me elsewhere? I don’t know. I’ve been so convinced He’s had me here for this huge purpose and plan- but is that true? I mean, I know God is in control and he can do whatever he wants, but I guess I’m wondering if perhaps He’s trying to tell me something and I’m not listening. Are we really here for “God’s glory?” I truly believe he has allowed us to live here for some reason I just don’t know what reason that is. Maybe I’ll never know. Maybe it is some huge “purpose and plan” as I mentioned earlier. Maybe it’s something totally unnoticed by all but one. I don’t really know.

The above subject inevitably gets me thinking about home. Do you realize that initially, when we first arrived here back in 2005, our goal was to stay 3 years and then go home? Can you believe 3 years is already done? In about 3 weeks I will have lived here 3 years. Technically, if we go back to that “mapped out plan” I referred to earlier we’re supposed to be closing up shop and heading home. We talk about another year, another 2 years, and sometimes leaving tomorrow… we have no real plan just yet.

Then I think about how badly I’ve been hurt and constantly screwed by my job and it’s got me thinking I really just need to start looking for something elsewhere. I think about how I don’t think I’m ready to leave. How I want to stay so badly. How it would break my heart and will to have to move home right now. I’ve lived near my family for the last 25 years and to think of them being in Kuwait, my sister being in college over here, and me back home? It pains me. I think about how maybe that’s all apart of God’s plan. I think about if that is part of his plan and how much it would hurt me. How mad and ripped off I would feel. How hard it would be to obey God, and how heartbroken I would be. I know obedience is not always easy, but what I know and what I feel are so different.

I think about work this week and how awful it was. How in the last year I have seen so many people come and go, come and get fired… just so much pain and turnover. It takes a toll on the people that have had to come here everyday and witness these constant changes- it gets tiring after a while! I feel like my department is the kid whose parents have gotten divorced and now there’s some huge custody battle that never ends. I’ve had a very crappy week professionally, and the thought of coming in to work today really took a toll.

Then I think about Will’s dad. In the middle of the night yesterday we got a call from Will’s brother (I started this post before we got this call).

Middle of the night calls are never good.

We learned that his dad had collapsed- and thankfully Will’s mom was still at the house to find him and call 911. They rushed him to the hospital where they’ve placed him in ICU. He has a massive blood clot in his heart and lung. It was a real close call and very scary. Will and I took the day off yesterday as we awaited updates. He’ll be in ICU for the next few days, but thankfully he started breathing on his own again yesterday afternoon so that was an encouragement. We’re hoping the worst is over. It was such a scare and I worry about Will. He’s so close to his dad. Yesterday’s news really drove home the fact that life is short and we really need to begin thinking about our future plans and were we’re supposed to be. Is it here? I’m not sure…

I just have a lot on my mind my first few days as a “real” adult. Life is about so much more than the small package we seem to create for it. I don’t know what all that means, but I know it’s got me thinking about a lot of different things and possibilities.

Please keep us in your prayers. I will update you guys on Will’s dad as I hear things. Thanks for your support and letting me vent. It’s been quite a week.

My sister is beyond an amazing trooper.

I think she’s a super hero in disguise.

In case you’re wondering, P was AMAZING at our “quick stop” outing this past weekend.

In fact, the party ended up focusing on her! Go figure. She was a perfect grown-up- which once again reminded me that my little sister is in fact an adult and no longer the bratty kid constantly banished from my room because of her daily destruction of my meticulously established Barbie Town.

She was a perfect lady- I’m sure due to my mother’s constant warnings of needing to be on her best behavior. Oh, but don’t worry, we had plenty of nonverbal communication going on- and lots of nudging each other from under the table. There were a few times where I really thought if I didn’t walk away I might erupt into hysterical laughter for absolutely “no reason.”

Fun times.

We actually ended up staying until the very end, we were the last to leave. My boss’s (is that right? Boss’s? It wouldn’t be boss’ since I mean it as s singular noun, right? Hmm, I’m an idiot. I have no idea) wife is such a hoot. My sister and I actually had a lot of fun talking to her.

However, the most fun was after we left and were in the car where my sister was able to unload on me all the mental observations she had made throughout the night.

Sigh… I wish I could bring that girl to work with me. She would be a blast…

After the party excitement we were up for a night on the town… not really.

We were going to go to the Chocolate Bar but as soon as we arrived we knew it was going to be a madhouse, and not only that but parking was insane. So- we opted to pick up food at this amazing new place called Health Stop.

Guys- it was so great! It’s a place with all healthy food (hmm, what gave it away?). All the nutrition facts are on the menu and when you get your receipt a total of all the calories you ordered is attached. How cool is that? Well, cool and slightly depressing…

In other news we planned our excursions!!! Guys I’m SO elated about this whole thing!

Except for one small problem-

My sister and I are really stupid.

There was one excursion we really, really wanted to go on but it was pretty pricey. So- we opted to cut back on a few of the others in order to cushion the blow of the price of the other.

Turns out when cutting the others, we accidentally cut the one we wanted as well!

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Sigh.

IF WE CAN’T EVEN BOOK EXCURSIONS RIGHT, HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE BEING THE RESPONSIBLE ADULT IN LIKE 15 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!?!?!

…

Anyway, I’m hoping getting it fixed will be easy. We haven’t been charged yet so hopefully it will be an easy fix. What an annoyance.

At least it’s done though. Very exciting!

Now comes the waiting part…

Hope you guys are having a good weekend.

Tomorrow night my sister and I are going out on the town.

(ahahaha- out on the town. Little Christian Girls. In Kuwait. Where dancing, public music, and alcohol are forbidden. Yeah- that makes for a real wild night! )

I told her we have to make “a quick stop somewhere,” before we can go out.

She has no idea that my “quick stop” is to the lame going away BBQ for my boss where she will attend as my date.

Ahahahahaha.

“Quick Stop.”

I’m hilarious.

Oh, and P if you’re reading this I’m totally kidding… it really will be a quick stop. Honest. Will has to work- and having you there will get me in and out in a jif (in a jif?? Did I really just say Jif!?! Oh geez). You’re totally hot and if you go on this date with me I’ll totally put out. hee hee- not that way you grossy.

Can’t wait to see you! <3 xox

Who’s ready for an annoying weekly update?

You’re ready for an annoying weekly update!

It’s been a while and I felt as though I owed you all an update on all the exciting and thrilling things going on in my life.

Where shall we delve first? How about into the life and times of my little sister P.

I’m pretty sure Miss P is staying right here for college.

Well, not right here as in Kuwait, but right here as in the Middle East region and not a freaking $2,000 plane ticket across the ocean home.

Crazy! If someone would have told me 5 years ago that my sister would be going to college in the Middle East and that I would be an hour plane ride away I would have pointed and laughed at you hysterically, but here we are and here it is.

P?

Am I talking too prematurely?

Is it me being wishful?

Because you know I will love you and support you anywhere you go if you go to school in the Middle East.

So, bye bye U.S. University. (uh- most likely…)

I guess I’ll be honest on here and say I feel like I’m in a quandary. Ha ha- YES, I feel like I’m in a quandary based on my sister’s decision to LIVE HER LIFE and is something that should not affect me at all.

My quandary is that this is the most absolute perfect situation EVER. I’m so excited about it! Do I feel a girl’s weekend coming on this fall?? And early winter? And late winter? And early Spring? And late Spring? However, next year when we go home it will be the most absolute worst situation EVER. What a bummer, right? Definitely no girl’s weekend. We won’t focus on the negative right now- besides it’s none of my freaking business anyway, right!?

My parents and sister went and visited the school a couple weekends ago and were really impressed. I think I’m going with her and my mom for her entrance interview. It will be a short little overnight trip, but it will be nice to get out of here and see some different scenery. Same miserably weather- but different scenery. Better scenery. I’m excited. I was over-freaking-joyed to find out my sister was staying in the region.

Uh, and I won’t even get into the fact that I want to live through her right now. Her life is so fascinating! Seriously- big sisters are supposed to be way cooler than their little sisters, right? Unfortunately my sister way kills me in the cool department.

Cool department.

Is there a department for Cool?

“Excuse me sir, can you direct me to the Cool Department?”

Hmmm…

Note to self: never ever say “cool department” again.

Ever.

The Cruise

Well, as of now the cruise stuff is at a standstill and the poor ship is sitting in the middle of the sea rocking back and forth, back and forth to the point where I’m getting queasy and am in some serious need of some Dramamine.

I think I might puke off the Lido deck if we don’t stop rocking soon.

I have so many things I still feel I need to nail down. I have mentioned how freaked out I am about being the responsible adult on this trip, right? I’m positive I have.

I’m freaking out about getting shots, being the responsible adult, visas, being the responsible adult, excursions, payments, being the responsible adult… You get my drift.

My sister and I haven’t been able to get together and nail anything down lately- and it’s got me all stressed out. Remember? I have to be the responsible adult on this trip! I’m required to freak out about this stuff. I’m hoping this weekend we’ll be able to nail down a few plans and make contact with the cruise line. Can I tell you what a pain it is to plan a giant vacation from Kuwait? International phone calls are so fun- and cheap (HA).

I have, however, done some of the most important stuff of all: shopping! Ha ha Well, not yet, but I’ve been browsing for things I want to buy. I mean, because that’s the most important part of the cruise, right? WAY more important than being the responsible adult. At least I’ll look good when the Italian cops arrest my sister for vomiting from the Leaning Tower of Pisa- right?

Note to self: Buy more dramamine.

I own tons and tons of winter clothes. TONS. Yes, I realize I live in the hottest place on earth. See, every time we go home it’s cold outside! So our yearly trip to the Mall of America is always during the time in which winter clothes are strewn everywhere and there are absolutely no summer clothes available. It’s killing me, guys. Especially since I spend about 9 months in summer clothes. Anyway…

Where were we?

Ah yes- the most important part of the cruise: clothing.

My mom and sister picked me out a couple dresses when they were on their trip so I have some nice things to wear for dinner, especially the formal nights. Oh and by the way- I’m not bringing a formal. As much as I’d love to- what a pain! Plus I don’t own one.  I’m just going to wear my nicer cocktail sort of dresses (over and over again… P? Can we trade off so it looks like we have a giant cruise closet when we really don’t?) and that will be that.

Oh, and did I tell you that we’ll probably be the youngest people on the ship?

Apparently the cruise we’re going on is generally full of old people. So, I’m pretty sure we’ll be the best dressed people around. Lots of old people. Yessssssss. I knew we made the right decision to have our own table at dinner and didn’t opt to share with a group. Can you just imagine how those conversations would go? Hmm- perhaps that will be a post for a later day…

I also printed out the map of our itinerary. I hung it up in my office and put another one in a frame for my sister. It gives me something to look forward to during the day when I’m feeling “blah.”

At least I’ve taken care of the important things, right? (ha)

All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy

As for things on the job front they’re bad. B.A.D. but what’s new with that? I’ve been presented with another opportunity (and sadly time is ticking and I’m probably about out of time) but I’m pretty sure it’s just as B.A.D. as this one. So- now it’s like choosing between the lesser evils. I feel really unsure about what to do. I’m just praying the Lord will give me guidance. So far, I still feel like I’m flailing and I hate that. We’ll see…

Home Sweet Home

Still no news on the moving situation- which is another thing I’m praying about. I really hope I have good news to share with you guys soon. Say a prayer.

The Diet (and Such)

I’m still eating like a cow and working out like a champ. Explain how that one works. I need to be eating like a champ and working out like a champ- yeah, yeah I know. As always, I do good all week- and as always I blow it on the weekend. Let’s hope this week is more successful. I’ve done good about working out, but believe me, that doesn’t compensate for my weekend eating habits. I’ll be paying for that on the elliptical tonight!

Cake Face

I’m thinking about venturing out with the Mary Kay business and selling to more people than my awesome loyal customer (uh-myself). I think if I could get in with some Kuwaiti women there’d be great business, but the trouble is the getting in part. I think I might leave one of my magazines at my gym and see if there’s any bites. It’s hard to penetrate that circle. We’ll see. Leaving a magazine certainly won’t hurt my anything.

The [Fishy?] Future

We’re approaching May which rings in our 3rd year in Kuwait- which means we’re beginning to have the annual “how much longer are we going to be here” conversation. This year it’s more serious than the others. With the presidential election and the inevitable pull out in Iraq, things are going to change around here. Will and I are seriously going to have to sit down and contemplate our future here and what our plan is. We started talking about it this past weekend but didn’t get very far. I think this weekend we’ll talk about it a little more seriously. We’re sort of in a rut and in this comfort zone holding tank.

Like a fishbowl.

We’re little goldfish in a tiny fishbowl and we probably need to be released into a bigger pond, but we’re not quite sure when and where and all the other little details that make big difference when you’re a tiny fish in a tiny fishbowl contemplating release into a big scary pond with big ugly fish.

Wow- what a nice analogy.

Note to self: ditch the fishbowl crap. Fast.

Sorry about that one. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

So I think that’s about everything. Could there possibly be more? Probably but really, I think we’ve beaten a dead horse here. I’m pretty sure you know absolutely everything going on with me now. What a thrill, right?

Welcome back. Another meaningful week of work begins…

Okay girls-

We’ve acquired a male reader.

(Ewww! Cooties!)

Yes, my one male reader in the whole world.

I say that with confidence because I highly doubt many men would be enthralled by my constant fatness whining, dessert obsession, and unstoppable work hour complaints.

Hmm, then again… is anyone really enthralled by such topics?

Hello?

Is anyone out there?

Readers?

Are you there?

silence

Huh. Okay…

It appears that not only do I have one male reader- but that I have one total reader.

Wow. What has the world come to?

Wait!

Two!

Two readers!

Me and the male reader.

Hmm- P sometimes stops by too.

Three!

Three official B-Love Readers that can’t get enough of my blog (HA).

Anyhow… back to the matter at hand.

Our official male reader.

Ladies- meet Will!

Yes- Will as in my Will.

The Will. (<3 heart!)

I’m not exactly sure when he started reading, but over the last couple of months, he’s been reading from time to time. Considering that I’m fully immersed in his hobby (uh- read Super Bowl, Fiesta Bowl, freezing outside at Lambeau Field…) I guess he decided to read up on me and see just what I do on here-

Which we all know is blabber on about just about anything under the sun.

So, not only does my sweet Will get to here me muse in person but now he occasionally gets to read about all the odd quarks and oddities he sees in person each day.

Sigh… what a lucky guy (ha ha).

I didn’t really know how often he read, but I’m pretty sure he’s a regular reader (Hi Sweetie! I’m thirsty. Can you make me a cherry limeade? Thanks!)

Like yesterday, for example, we were in the car I proceeded to tell him about my crazy lip liner fiasco, and in the middle he was all, “Yeah- I know. I read about it.”

Ha ha. So not only did he get the written version, but the poor guy had to sit through the verbal version as well (which I’m pretty sure was probably way more exaggerated and overdramatic than the written one).

Yeah… he won’t admit it, but he totally loves blogs. I bet he is known as “Obsessed Sooner” and has his own little blog with a big OU following.

Okay, so I’m lying… but I think it’s cool that he’s reading mine - aside from the fact that now I can’t talk bad about his mom

Ha ha, just kidding Sweetie.

Sort of.

So now that my husband has read this post and thought to himself, “Why is she posting about me?” I will go.

Hope you’re having a good week! I’m stuck at work right now but thankfully I don’t have to come into work tomorrow. Oh, and by the way, I seriously need some prayers today and tomorrow. I’m faced with a big decision and I feel so unsure of what to do. I hate feeling that way when I’m under the gun to make a choice. I just need to trust that God will show me the way between now and Sunday…

Have a good weekend!

Have you ever felt like you’re facing a full blown marathon, and you’re showing up late dressed in spiky heels and fitted skirt?

Oh- and you’ve never run a mile in your whole life.

I sort of feel that way today.

I’ve felt that way a lot lately.

I feel as though I’m showing up for a marathon that will be almost impossible to finish and the mere thought of processing this marathon makes me exhausted. It makes my heart hurt.

It’s no secret I’ve been frustrated with work lately. It’s not so much my actual job. I like that. It’s the situation I’m in. I think some of it has to be with where I’m located. It’s difficult to get “real” people that will come to Kuwait and work. I’ve also found that some managers here would never in a million years be able to make it in America. There are a lot of factors… no need for me to get into that today.

Have you ever faced a “marathon” that was so long and uphill to the point where you felt like throwing your hands up and walking away?

I sort of feel that way. I feel so bogged down with things to the point where I feel like packing up and going home and not worrying about it.

I know we probably all feel that way sometimes, and I certainly don’t want to sound like a “work martyr” (though I probably do), but I just need to blow off some steam today or I’m liable to up and quit, feel great for five minutes-

And then totally regret it.

There are so many frustrations I feel right now to the point where I can’t even verbally process them, so I won’t try. I just feel sick over everything and that’s all I really know how to verbalize. I just feel like yelling, “Why won’t you listen to us?!!” to my managers. We’ve made it no secret that this marathon is going to take a long time to run, much longer than they’d like, yet they’re pushing forward with no concept of the actual situation…

Just one of my many grievances today. Couple that with the fact that we’re forced to move and, well, you’ve just mixed yourself a potent cocktail.

I also feel sad because I’m going to miss my anniversary and mom’s birthday, all for “the mission.” I know in the grand scheme of life it may not be that big of a deal, but right here and right now in the moment it seems so.

Why is it that when you’re feeling down you think of absolutely every possible negative thing going on in your life?

I mean seriously! My toast could have come out slightly burned and I would have lamented about it all day. I guess I’m sort of like that today. I’m lamenting about work, then missing my anniversary and mom’s birthday, then P going away to college, and not shaving my legs for a few days… see? You think of anything and everything to make you even more down.

How silly, right!?

Maybe I’m the only person that does that- but I bet not. There’s a lot of country songs to back me up.

I did get a nice surprise today, though. I got a text from my mom today saying my parents were going to pay for my cruise! I was shocked. What a loving gesture! Now all I have to cover is airfare and excursions. What a sweet thing. Getting that news was a day brightener. In fact, this cruise has definitely helped me get through the day lately. That and coming home to see Will.

Poor Will.

He LOVES when I have to work like I am now (<- a full blown sarcastic sentence).

I keep telling myself, “You just need to get through the next 2 weeks and things will be better,” and then once those 2 weeks are over, another thing comes up and I make myself another promise, “You just have to get through the next month and it will all be okay,” yet that day never comes. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard “After March things will be so much better” I’d be so rich. Here it is March and now we’ve just stretched things out until only God knows how long.

Believe it or not, I’M TRYING TO LIVE A LIFE HERE. I know work is #1 priority above God and family to you all (you being most people in my company, not you as in YOU), but I’ve made the decision to put work below those things.

I’m ready for my ship to sail. P, how many days is it again?? I ought to do a countdown of my own.

Instead I’m sitting at my desk, mentally shut down and dreading the moutain I’m about to climb. There seriously comes a point where overtime pay doesn’t matter.

See why I asked you to come back tomorrow?

Love you guys.