I think there’s something about getting older that seems to squeeze the fun spontaneity and creativity out of a person. I was convinced that would never be me. Ha! Let a mortgage and responsibilities turn me into a boring old tool? Never! Well- here I am at home on a Friday night blogging. I might as well be drinking Metamucil and reading an AARP magazine. Perhaps the lack of creativity and the pain I experience trying to squeeze some amount of pithiness on this screen has kept me from blogging- oh, you know, for like a YEAR now.

Did you guys know that when I started blogging, way back in 2005, when my posts were actually pretty funny (and annoying. I went back and read some the other day and wow- I found a way to add a smiley face to freaking EVERYTHING. It really annoyed me. A lot. In fact I contemplated going in and removing the thousands-yes thousands- of smileys that occurred from 2005 to about 2007 but I refrained) that it was mostly right after I moved to Kuwait and wasn’t working? Translation- I had hours upon hours of time on my hands to create brilliant works of art (okay- I’m kidding, but you get the point). I would spend a ridiculous amount of time phrasing each post. Putting a lot of thought and love into every smiley face I placed (haha).

Then I started working. I use that term loosely. My boss once told me to shop online for work. Yes. No lie. Your tax dollars hard at work. Which meant once again I had plenty of time to blog and pontificate and create smiley works of art (again- kidding with the works of art stuff).

And then I changed jobs. And was actually busy. However, I still had access to my blog at work which meant I could type a few sentences (with smileys of course ) here and there and by the end of the day have a full fledge post ready to go.

And then we moved to America. Where I had tons of time on my hands all of a sudden. What a weird feeling. I should have been a blogging machine! Yet I wasn’t. When I look back at the decline of my posting it all started when we moved back, which is sort of weird. I’ve contemplated it before and there are a lot of reasons. Don’t worry. We won’t explore them. I guess I thought being back here would make me more consistent and it did the total opposite.

So lately I’ve wondered if I actually still like blogging anymore. And I haven’t come up with an answer. I hope it’s okay to be this honest with you. I really don’t know if I like posting anymore. I used to love it. It was my “passion.” My “thing.” Wow! Getting a little crazy with the quotations. They may be the new smileys.

That’s me being honest. I don’t know how I feel about blogging anymore and honestly it sort of makes me feel sad. It makes me feel sad that something so important to me could possibly not be important to me anymore. I know it sounds silly to feel sadness when I think about it, but I do. How is it that you can feel so strongly and so resolved about something at some point in time only to change your mind? I mean, I know that sometimes circumstances change the way you feel about something, but my blog didn’t change. I didn’t really change… I just sort of stopped caring. Why do you think that happens? I mean, I still enjoy writing. In fact I’m willingly freaking enrolling myself in school to pursue my masters- where I will be writing and writing and writing until I might want to die. Yet, again, I enjoy writing. It’s something I like. So why the blog lapse? I know that’s what you’re thinking.

Anyway, I’ve thought about a few options if I’m going to keep this thing active. I think I will try them and see how it works. Don’t worry, I will not now go into some long drawn out vow to post. Scouts honor.

Wow. You guys got like this whole long blog history. Definitely more than you wanted or bargained for. I will say, though, I have this feeling few people are reading my blog these days and the crazy thing about that is that it makes me SO HAPPY. I know I said I wouldn’t get into the reasons why I went “dark” (Ahh! Again with the quotations!), but I will say that very issue is definitely one of the reasons. I went from being a blog attention sleaze- pay attention to me! Read my blog!- to really resenting the fact that people I knew personally were reading my blog and judging me and that the potential for running into them at Walmart was all of a sudden a real possibility. That is one thing that I really hate. Which can be remedied I suppose…

Okay. Enough of the blogging talk. I’m annoying myself which means you- assuming you’re still reading- are VERY annoyed. Oh, sorry, I mean “very annoyed.”

So there’s actually been some things going on in my life. Where should I start?

Let’s not waste time elaborating on crap. I’ll just give you the high points.

I got a promotion this year! I now how a fancy, shiny “Sr.” in my title. Something about being a senior- a S-R-period- is so exciting to me. I was pretty excited about it.

I decided to get my Masters. Mainly because I’m a glutton for punishment and obviously don’t like myself very much. I’m going to study Organizational Communication. I tried, really tried to make myself get my MBA- because really, isn’t every other Masters a waste?- but the more I looked at everything and considered the whole package I wanted to drive a stake in my left eye, so I decided if I was going to willingly go back I should study something I would like- hence the degree choice.

Will and I are the same. Actually, we’re pretty darn good. We went through a rough patch over the last few months, which was the first one we’ve had in our 6 years of marriage, which I guess is pretty good? I don’t know. I guess it’s normal, which is what I had to realize. For so long I was used to us having this picture perfect life and marriage and then to go through a period where I was frustrated all the time was sort of like a reality check- like “Hello!! You’re freaking NORMAL. It happens sometimes.” You know? Anyway, it was sort of like- “Ahh, okay- so this is what that whole for better for worse stuff means.” (Wow. Again with the quotations. Sorry! I will now supplement with a smiley. Because we all agree they’re so darn great, right? )

I turned 27 this April. Which isn’t old, yet in some ways it seems as though it sort of is. My 20s are starting to come to a close and I’m a big fat grownup. I have been for quite some time now, but turning 27 really hit me. Not necessarily in a bad way.

Will turns 30 on the 27th. Which may hit me harder than it hits him. We shall see. Will’s dad turns 60 this year and we’re going to do a weekend a Branson (a quick whirlwind weekend full of lots of driving there and back) to celebrate. Will and I hope to take a trip for his big day but it will be postponed.

Still no babies. Which makes our families sad. But it’s just not something we’re talking about yet.

Speaking of families, I did mention to you that my parents are moving two doors down from me, right? If THAT’S not enough to thrust me back into the blog world quite honestly, I don’t know what is.

I still eat like crap most of the time. I don’t think there’s any need to elaborate on that. Besides, there’s like a daily story about it.

I got a personal trainer for a month and it was so freaking great and I loved every painful, sweaty, drippy, yell-y minute of it. I only wish I could afford him all the time. Plus I’m pretty sure it would allow me to justify a calorie increase. Bummer I can’t really justify it now.

We have a wedding tomorrow and Will gets to dress up again which is exciting since I never see him in a tux. In fact that’s one of the reasons that I’m still awake.  I couldn’t take off work today, so he went to the rehearsal by himself and I stayed here. He’s on his way home (it’s a 2 hour drive) but I figure by the time I get to sleep he’ll come in and wake me up so I might as well just stay awake. And possibly eat something terrible. I rarely stay up past 10 but I’ve been told that people that stay up late snack. I believe it’s called a “midnight snack?” (AHH! Attack of the quotations). Yes… a midnight snack sounds great.

So I think that’s the recent highlights since my last post. I guess in a sense, the highlights were of themselves a bit of a snack. Tiny pieces of information totally unhealthy for you yet necessary at midnight.

Help me to remember to tell you guys the life group story. It’s pretty funny and worth telling but I think I’ve written enough for tonight.

And it feels good to just get on here and unload. Really good.

Thank you blog, for putting up with my crap and just being here.

Thank you friends, for reading and understanding.

Hi!

So it’s somewhat late, I’ve had a long day, and I’m sleepy (read: boring). However, I wanted my first “real” post in half a year to be a little different so I made a few boring videos!

My face is hilarious in this one.

And because I feel really bad for being such a terrible blogger and friend I wanted to embarrass myself as a peace offering. Please excuse the fly-aways, sausage fingers, and giant zit.

So my blog is up for renewal. Which means I have to pay to blog. Which means I have to make the decision about whether I’m going to pay for this thing again- and if I do- am I actually going to utilize it and get my moneys worth.

So the answer is yes. I’m going to renew.

And yes, I’m going to post.

If I’m going to pay for another year I’m going to post.

So there you have it. It happens in March.

Stay tuned. 

Hi guys.

Guys?

Guy?

Anyone?

Probably not- not that I would blame you. At all. At all times a million.

The answer to your question is- I have no idea why.

The other answer is yes, I am going to post soon. A real one. Because I’m a “blogger” and that’s what bloggers do. Even if they don’t blog for oh- like four months.

Yikes.

We’ll talk about all that later.

Not that there’s much to discuss really.

But I do feel like we should talk anyway.

About anything.

And everything.

Welcome back, Brittny. You’re home again.

More to come (soon)…

Boredom will make you do crazy things.

Like eat.

Or post for no good reason.

Or watch totally stupid crap on TV (Hello MTV True Life!).

Or quite possibly the worst of all-

Facebook.

I know.

How dare I speak ill of our beloved Facebook right?

Ha- don’t worry, I’m not.

Truth be told I think I’ve spent more hours on there the last month than I have my entire Facebook “career.”

Heh.

Facebook Career.

But something gets terribly skewed when you’re so.incredibly.bored and sit online for hours despite having plenty to do.

(cough- cleaning)

You start on the homepage looking at all the updates.

Then you go to your page (for the billionth time) to see who’s left you a comment.

And then you go to a few of you favorite friends’ pages and say hello, see what’s been going on etc.

And then you sit there.

Bored again.

You could clean.

Who are you kidding? You’d way rather sit in front of a computer screen than face your laundry pile.

You could go for a walk.

Eh… fresh air is overrated.

So once again you’re in front of the computer screen.

And then it happens.

You start looking at all your friend’s pages.

You begin looking at all their posts, their pictures, and their friends.

There’s no nice way to put it.

You’re facebook stalking.

The more friends you look at the crazier you get. It’s like this switch flips on and you’ve become this crazy ex girlfriend sitting outside your Facebook friend’s house waiting for them to come home from their date so you can size up the girlfriend’s car and hair and shoes.

It’s like you’ve become the creepy guy that calls your crush a million times but every time she pics up the phone and says hello you panic, chicken out, and hang up.

It’s like you’re BE FRI part of the BEST FRIENDS necklace and are watching to make sure that ST ENDS is not cheating on you.

You’re completely out of control!

Sigh…

As you can see, I’ve been way too bored the last few days. Although I don’t think I’m anywhere near the crazy ex girlfriend facebook stalker status, I must admit I’ve logged a lot of hours on that poor site. It’s like I’m studying for an MFA- and it’s not a Master of Fine Arts. It’s a Master of Facebook Activities.

Thankfully I can say I have never gotten into the whole, “So and So wants to invite you to have a drink on them! or So and So thinks you’re the 9th nicest person they know! Vote for them too!” So, I mean my Facebook activity could most definitely be far worse I suppose.

Right?

It’s like this awful drug that keeps reeling you in! You want to stop so bad. You want to stop and be a productive member of society but you’re so tempted by that high. That “one last hit” on someone’s wall…

it hurts so good.

So, I’m trying to quit.

Okay, I’m lying. I’m not trying to quit.

Although I’d be a genius if I could invent a patch for quitting Facebook.

Hmmm....

Anyway- I really need to tear myself off of the computer a little more so I can be more productive this fall.

I could take up knitting.

Or basket weaving.

Or sopapilla making.

Or maybe just learn how to spell “sopapilla.”

...

Or I could just stay on Facebook.

I could do that too.

Maybe I’ll try to quit another day. That sounds like a plan.

See you on your wall (or outside your house).

I swear I’m only kidding about the house part. I’m not a Facebook stalker.

Hey I saw that look! I’m not and you know it. Scouts honor.

<3

1. The weekend wasn’t as bad as anticipated.

2. Pictures are posted and I think they turned out pretty good. I think Will needs to wear a tux everyday.

3. I never became more aware of the fact that Will and I truly and seriously treat our dogs like real life children more than I did this weekend. I listened to all our family members with kids and the little common trigger phrases they said and thought to myself, “Wow… I say that too. To my dogs. I think Will and I need help.”

4. I actually thought about kids this weekend (as in maybe having them one day down the road) and sort of freaked out but sort of did not. Long story short- I saw a lot of couples this weekend with small kids that seemed miserable (not with their children, but with their spouse) and it freaked me out. At the same time I thought about how I also know a lot of people that seem even happier with their spouse. I guess some of that could have been because of the circumstance (um I’m pretty sure traveling and having to stay up late for a family dinner can make EVERYONE grumpy). What do you think?

5. I honestly wore more makeup than the bride this weekend and felt a little ridiculous. She’s very simple and I so should have remembered that. Eh- I don’t get to dress up much so I figured I might as well do it right.

6. The AC in our truck went out. Thankfully it went out on the way home and not on the way there. I’m certain Will and I would have ended up in marital counseling had it gone out before. Have I mentioned I turn into a raging psychopath when I get hot? Probably not.

7. I felt really old Sunday when I went to bed at around 8:30.

8. I like Will’s family- despite what I say on my website sometimes. I’m pretty lucky to have his family in my life. I could definitely have worse- and realized that this weekend.

9. I didn’t even get to dance with Will at the reception. :( Do you know the last time we danced was back in 2002 when we met in ballroom dancing class!? I thought I was getting a dancer, but um- notsomuch. The 3 or 4 times they had a slow song Will was helping to get the bride’s overnight bag into Dr. Vet’s car, or tagging the car, or something else. Will and I were going to dance to the last slow song they played, but Dr. Vet and Mrs. Dr. Vet snatched us up and we danced with them instead. Oh well. Hopefully someone else will get married soon?

10. I’m beyond behind on reading and commenting on your blogs. Therefore I’m turning off comments today until I catch up. Sorry I’m a sucky blog friend but I promise to catch up soon. 

You don’t have to tell me.

I’ve been gone a while.

Have you guys gotten so behind in something to the point where you simply start avoiding it at all costs?

Take laundry.

It literally sits on my couch unfolded for days on end and the longer it sits the more I want to forget about it because I realize how awful it is to let it sit there. You’re a freaking adult darn it! Clean up your crap!

Heh- I’m a freaking adult darn it- therefore I can do what I want and let the laundry sit.

That’s what I think anyway.

So- the computer sort of became like the laundry on the couch. I believe I’ve eluded to that before- I’m a sucker for daylight savings time and the longer the days get the more I seem to want to stay away from the computer.

I hadn’t checked my email in almost two weeks! Craziness I know.

So the truth is that there’s a whole lot going on. Dr. Vet is tying the knot this weekend so things have been very busy.

I must admit, I’m just ready for them to be married already! Geez-a-lou let’s get this weekend started and over.

So this weekend will be devoted to an array of wedding festivities. P told me to bring a “bottle of water” to keep myself loose and carefree hydrated. At first I thought she was crazy, but now I simply think she’s on to something.

There’s definitely a lot to talk about in the coming days and I promise not to suck at posting next week and I promise to post pictures.

Because I know how much you guys love looking at pictures of random strangers, right!?

Have a lovely weekend and let’s plan to catch up soon (I say that for my own benefit- not yours). 

Yes.

I realize that it’s Thursday night and I have not posted since Monday.

It’s not like I have weirdies (and before we go any farther- yes. I also realize that “weirdies” isn’t technically a word, however it is most definitely a commonly used word in my B-Love dictionary) stalking my blog hourly or anything, but I do feel like I should call out and apologize for the fact that it’s been a few days since I’ve last posted.

I have no idea why.

Do you ever just feel tired of technology?

That’s sort of how I was feeling this week.

I mean we’re SURROUNDED by technology everywhere we turn. Ha- I even make my living off the stuff.

The truth is that the thought of taking time to peruse the Internet after work this week made me groan. I just felt like turning off my phone, ignoring the computer, and being a technology hermit this week.

Many of you will gasp at the fact that I haven’t checked my facebook in over a week.

Heresy I know!

I’ve just felt sort of “blah” and didn’t have any desire to log on here and yammer about nothingness.

...

Which I realize I’m doing this.very.second.

Anyway, I think getting off the computer and phone and (gasp) the TV is a good idea every now and then. I mean, there is this thing called “outside” and it should be enjoyed from time to time. No wonder we are the way we are (lethargic, overweight...)- we’ve forgotten that it used to be very normal to go outside and do things!

I know what you’re thinking-

who in the world do I think that I am talking all this crazy stuff about getting off the computer and possibly even the TV to enjoy life and breath fresh air.

I know!

I’m out of my mind!

I have no idea what’s come over me, but I think it’s not all bad.

So, sorry for the few day hiatus, don’t worry- I’m not taking a blogging break. I’m just going to try to enjoy life outside of the box I’m staring out right now and realize there’s life outside of the internet.

So you guys go and do the same!!

Dr. Vet’s wedding shower is Saturday. I have this super long story to share with you guys about the whole matter.

In short- there’s more to come.

<3

"I’m 26 years old and I still loathe buying tampons. You’d think that was something I would have grown out of- but, no.

I wonder why, too? I mean- I realize it’s no big deal. I must admit, though, I really love when you go for me.”

“Yeah- but I don’t.”

“I know- but like I said, I hate it. When you go people know you’re just being a wonderful husband. They know they’re not for you. When I go, however, it is very, very clear that those super duper sized tampons are for me. Ha- or it could also be the gallon of ice cream I buy with them. That probably gives it away too. I mean- it’s this whole thing! Do you get a cart for the tampons, or do you tromp around the whole Wal-mart holding them discretely by your side while you casually walk to the entire other side of the store for the ice cream? Do you-”

(cutting me off)

“Brittny- lately it seems like anytime you talk about things or tell me stories it’s like you’re blogging.”

“Nooo. You’re crazy. I just like to drone on about things.”

And then I hopped out of the truck and began my tampon/cookie dough mission (thinking all the while about telling you guys about standing in front of the cookie dough section holding a jumbo sized box of tampons).

Um- between you and me? After assessing the most recent stories I’ve told Will this week? Yeah, he’s right. I totally talk in blog.

I used to be so good at sitting in front of the computer and just typing about nothing.

About anything.

Just sitting and typing and wherever my mind wandered I followed and somehow it turned out to be a halfway decent post.

However, it seems as though lately I haven’t been able to sit and mindlessly wander. It feels as though like now I need to have a “purpose” for my post- a direction.

The truth is- I’m full of crap. There’s no blog law about purpose and no wandering. I think the truth is that I’m getting older.

I’m growing up.

I don’t know about you guys, but it seems as though each year I age, more creativity and imagination gets sucked out of me and more boring black and white corporate blah adult “stuff” gets shoved in me. I guess part of that is normal and goes with being older, but at the same time, it’s as though it gets easy to lose a part of yourself as you get so tangled up in work and mortgages and “adult responsibilities” (I have no idea why I put that in quotations) that you forget just to lighten up and freaking do what you want to do. Post. About about whatever makes me happy. Who cares if no one else cares?

I have no idea why I’m rambling on about these things.

Maybe because I’m about to turn another year older in a couple of weeks and it’s actually got me a little bummed?

It could be that.

I could be “projecting” (I have no idea why I put that in quotations either).

It’s probably that.

Actually, I have no idea.

Perhaps I’m using my birthday as a way to address my “lack of blogging direction” (again- I have no idea why that’s in quotations)?

Or it also could be that hey- I’m not getting any younger here. These wrinkles? Only going to get worse. And so therefore instead of focusing on the fact that I’m about to officially enter my mid-to-late 20s I am diverting attention to the fact that I can’t “mindlessly wander when I post anymore” (yeah- no idea what’s up with these pesky quotations… or the fact that I’m putting the period on the outside of them. What an annoyance. I wanted to spell nusciance, but yeah- as you can see, I have no idea how to spell it, so I thought it best not to put it in my post...)”

In all honesty, it’s probably a combination of both. I’m getting older. I look back at my first posts in 2005 and they seem to be written differently than the ones of 2009. I guess it’s because wow- I was a baby back then!- but now here I am, almost four years later and a little more mature and experienced than the 2005 Brittny. Also, 2005 Brittny never lived much of her life in the real world, and 2009 Brittny certainly has. I’m sure work and bills and adult-hood has changed me and my ability to sit down and just talk about whatever I want.

Oh- and who can forget that now I actually tend to care about who’s reading these days.

I think that’s a factor as well.

Whatever it is (and really- who cares?) I’ve come to realize I’m evolving. I’m changing everyday and so are my thoughts, interests, and things I share.

So who cares that I can’t just sit here and ramble about “silly things?” (ha ha, now I just want to annoy you with quotes. Yeah- I know. SO mature, right?)

I’m growing up. We’re all growing up. We’re changing and evolving and hopefully getting better.

I’m sure I’ll sit down and mindlessly write some day soon, and it will come easy and I’ll laugh because I was just certain it was due to my little quarter-life crisis.

Until then? I’m not worried.

More to come…