You simply eat the whole thing so as to ensure there are no jagged edges to haunt you in your sleep.

My MIL made me my annual double decker strawberry birthday cake and brought it up yesterday afternoon.

It’s not just any strawberry cake.

It’s pretty much the best strawberry cake I’ve ever had. It has crushed up real strawberries in it and everything. It’s delicious. And it’s fruit. So it’s healthy.

I shared my cake with the family yesterday- cutting four nice sized slices.

It left a little more than half after that.

Then Will and I, being incredibly slothful and fat, had another generous piece each after our evening walk last night.

So then there was less than half.

Then I came home for lunch today.

And started “evening out” the cake.

A sliver here. A cut there.

You know… to even it out.

Two giant “even-ing out” slices later and there were just two nice size pieces left.

Fat.

Then I came home from work.

Went for an hour long walk outside.

And came home and killed the rest.

Two pieces.

By myself.

After already eating like literally half a cake in a 24 hour span.

I’m pretty sure that type of gluttony is outlawed any other time except for your birthday week. 

Hi!

So it’s somewhat late, I’ve had a long day, and I’m sleepy (read: boring). However, I wanted my first “real” post in half a year to be a little different so I made a few boring videos!

My face is hilarious in this one.

And because I feel really bad for being such a terrible blogger and friend I wanted to embarrass myself as a peace offering. Please excuse the fly-aways, sausage fingers, and giant zit.

So my blog is up for renewal. Which means I have to pay to blog. Which means I have to make the decision about whether I’m going to pay for this thing again- and if I do- am I actually going to utilize it and get my moneys worth.

So the answer is yes. I’m going to renew.

And yes, I’m going to post.

If I’m going to pay for another year I’m going to post.

So there you have it. It happens in March.

Stay tuned. 

Hi guys.

Guys?

Guy?

Anyone?

Probably not- not that I would blame you. At all. At all times a million.

The answer to your question is- I have no idea why.

The other answer is yes, I am going to post soon. A real one. Because I’m a “blogger” and that’s what bloggers do. Even if they don’t blog for oh- like four months.

Yikes.

We’ll talk about all that later.

Not that there’s much to discuss really.

But I do feel like we should talk anyway.

About anything.

And everything.

Welcome back, Brittny. You’re home again.

More to come (soon)…

1. There are a freaking exorbitant amount of people from Oklahoma reading my blog.

You have no idea how much this mortifies me and drives home the fact that I totally need to move to a remote island, adopt a super cool “pen name,” and write freely where the odds of me bumping into someone at a coral reef is no where near as likely as bumping into someone at Ted’s. Do I really wanting my backyard knowing the wind blew my skirt up sky high right in front of my father in law? I’m thinking no.

2. I really dislike fake flowers.

That is all I will say about this subject.

3. I hate going to the grocery store by myself.

It’s like this whole “thing” with me. I mean, of course I’ll do it- I’m a freaking grown woman for crying out loud- but I would way rather Will go with me.

I’m such a weirdo. Perhaps we will discuss this oddity in another post. The shopping part- not the weirdness part.

4. I’m into trance music.

I think I might have told you guys that before, but it seems to surprise most people when they find that out about me.

What?

Is it strange that some proper Oklahoma suburban wife would listen to stuff like that (ha ha- the answer is a big overwhelming YES)?

5. I’m going to Chicago this weekend.

I guess this isn’t a “confession” per se, but I hadn’t told you guys yet so I thought it was time to share. P and I are going to have a super quick and AMAZING girl’s weekend full of the most fun we’ve had together since the cruise.

We are going to see Tiesto in concert!!!

(crickets chirping)

Okay- so I know that’s like dolphin squeak to most of you- but trust me, it’s like huge, huge, huge.

Tiesto is the modern father of trance. He truly epitomizes what trance music is today. Trust me- it’s a big deal. I can’t even put into words how much I’m looking forward to this trip and how amazing this concert will be.

I downloaded his newest album today to get me ready for my trip. I had listened to it last week and didn’t really like it, but today I decided that for the most part I really do. To humor me you should download Century ft. Calvin Harris, Fresh Fruit, and Who Wants to Be Alone ft. Nelly Furtado from his newest album, Kaleidoscope. They’re the ones I’m listening to the most right now. I think the Nelly Furtado song is way hot.

YAY for an amazing girl’s weekend!

I can’t wait to tell you guys all about it.

So that’s my big news/"confession."

Anything you need to get off your chest?

So you guys have heard me talk TONS about food lately. You probably think I’m confined to my bed all day and can barely breathe let alone turn myself on my side without a harness and firefighter assistance.

I swear, despite me love for food, that is not the truth. I can still move without a crane. Promise.

To prove it you I figured I’d post my current weight lifting program. You should try it. This will be my third week and I’m loving it lots right now. I’ve got two upper body and two lower body days- with different exercises on each day. I don’t do upper and lower on the same day, I split it into four different days if I can. I also do a set of abs in between each set of exercises, so you’ll be constantly moving during the entire workout which means more calories burned (ie: more fried snickers you can consume. ha ha. Just kidding… sort of)!

For weeks 1-4 I’m doing three sets of between 8-12 reps. This range helps with endurance.

Weeks 5-8 will be three sets of 6-8 reps. This range is for hypertrophy.

Weeks 9-12 will be three sets of 1-5 reps. This range is for strength.

Day One Upper:
Bench Press
Bent Over Barbell Row
Shoulder Press
Skull Crushers
Barbell Curl

Day Two Upper:
Dips (using the chin dip machine)
Pull-ups (I wish I was amazing enough not to need assistance with these, but I use the chin dip machine)
Lateral Raises
Tricep Pushdowns (using the cable machine)
Cable Curls

Day One Lower
Squats
Stiff Legged Deadlift (AMAZING. You MUST be doing these.)
Leg Extension (machine)
Leg Curls (machine)
Calf Raises

Day Two Lower
Step Ups- Grab some weights and step up onto a bench and down. I know it sounds stupid and easy, but it’s a good leg workout
Leg Press
Dumbbell Lunges
Calf Raises
Hyperextension

So I promise that I’m still working out despite my lust for fried snickers. Just reading this program makes me break into a sweat.

More to come!

Yes, I was there.

We drove down to Dallas Friday afternoon to cheer on the Sooners- and subsequently watched them lose on Saturday. Sure, I could talk offense with you, or Sam Bradford, but really? Why waste a good internet space?

My point exactly.

Perhaps the biggest travesty is the fact that I didn’t even get a fried snickers out of the whole ordeal. I seriously anticipate those things like a junior high boy encountering his first set of junior high girl lips.

Seriously. I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE those things.

And once a freaking year I get the opportunity to have them. And I missed it this year. All because I didn’t get one before the game and we darted out of there after the stupid Sooner loss. Can I blame this on them?

Let’s.

So can we just move on? I had this whole cutesy post in my mind about Rivalry Week, but with the loss (and lack of fried snickers) I think it’s best to tuck it away for next year.

Assuming we win.

Moving on.

If I recall correctly I promised you guys a B-Love moment, yes?

So last Friday the group I work directly with went out to lunch. In addition to “the group,” the vice president of our section as well as the director, program manager, and my boss accompanied us. So, although it was a casual lunch there are still certain things that just aren’t appropriate to discuss over grilled fish with the VP, you know?

To set it up, to the left of me is my coworker that I work most closely with. Directly in front of me is our director- and on one side of him is the VP, and on the other is the program manager.

So everyone is talking, no big deal, and somehow the conversation goes to dancing. Who knows how, and really it’s irrelevant. It gets mentioned that none of us (the girls at the table- one being my boss and the other being the person sitting right next to me) danced at the Christmas party last year. My boss and coworker friend quickly remind everyone at the table that they did in fact dance at the Christmas party.

I, however, did not.

See, I have very strict rules about dancing. Rules perhaps I will share with you all in another post. Rules that include never, ever dancing at work functions.

I live by these rules and they cannot be broken.

Anyway- it is because of these rules I did not dance at the Christmas party.

That and no other reason.

“Brittny, didn’t dance,” someone said.

And then all of a sudden, with no lag in response time, with no thought of the implications of the reaction, my coworker spewed, “That’s because Brittny was drunk.”

Silence.

Mortification.

Awkwardness.

Laughter.

Hello VP of my office, director, and BOSS! Your apparent alcoholic employee will be tipping back a flask of tequila in the bathroom now.

My face got so hot and I literally started to sweat. I looked over at her and she looked at me and immediately said, “I’m so sorry! I have no idea why I just said that!”

And then for the rest of lunch that was all that was discussed.

Nice.

For the record?

So not drunk at the Christmas party. Sure I had some wine, but I was no where near inebriation. More like what I like to consider as “Brittny Plus.” But I mean the more you’re at the table swearing you weren’t drunk, the more people think that you were, you know?

”Sure we believe you. You weren’t drunk. Riiight.”

Ugh.

After the awkward laughter, and “I’m so sorrys” from my coworker, it was finally time to go.

Thank God. There are just some things you don’t want your bosses to know about you, and that? That is definitely one of them.

I can’t help but cringe every time I think about it.

As well as every time I see those people in the hall.

Can I please be sick at the Christmas party this year?

Better yet, I think we should have our own Christmas party?

Apparently I’m lots of fun.

(ha ha)

So tomorrow I’m headed to Colorado for a quick overnight trip. I think it was snowing up there earlier last week, but thankfully I just checked the weather and it looks like it will be pretty decent. How much would it suck to get stranded, right?

That’s my only news right now.

Crazy thought- but how about I try to post multiple times this week like a normal blogger!? Great idea.

Let’s cross our fingers that I don’t suck.

All is well in the world of Norman. Bradford is back. No seriously- I think I saw a grown man cry yesterday when it was announced.

Weird.

Will is going to freak when he finds out I decided to crank out a post at 10:30. We’re supposed to leave in five minutes. Eh- timeliness is overrated. Plus, it’s my duty to drive my husband crazy, right?

So last night we had a bowling party at work. Oh guys I am the world’s worst bowler. Perhaps it’s honestly because I don’t really care, or maybe I truly do suck. Whatever the case- I suck. Nonetheless I still had a really good time. In fact- I was the worst bowler in the office- which typically isn’t a crown you would want to wear- except for the fact that the loser got the cutest pink bowling pin with black polka dots. I love it. We’ll forget about the fact that it says “pin head” on it. That can easily be turned to face the wall, yes?

Today is game day! We’re headed to Ted’s and then the game. I think today is the first day in a week in which the sun will be out all day! I love cool sunny fall days. They’re the best.

So remind me to tell you guys about my embarrassing moment this week. Why is it that when I get embarrassed instead of keeping it to myself I tell the whole world? Who knows.

Anyway, Will is beckoning. I suppose I won’t keep him waiting.

This time.

Have a great day!

More to come…

1. I have way, way more patience than I think I do.

2. A banana isn’t enough for breakfast.

3. But monkey bread someone brought in for the office is.

4. I have bad luck in San Antonio, and it looks like that streak will continue.

5. I have a really hard time liking people that work in the field of finance.

6. Did I say a really hard time? I’m sorry. I meant to say I think I may drive a stake through my eye if I have to hold another conversation with someone from finance this week.

7. When I joke about wanting Coldstone Creamery for lunch, I actually mean it. Other people don’t.

8. I suck at history homework.

9. I really like having dessert after dinner. Unfortunately, it’s something I’ve become accustomed to. I decided to wean myself off this dependency this week- which I have now 100% decided that it’s a really stupid decision. So I like chocolate. What’s the crime in that!?

10. I need to become a millionaire.

Year One: Roses, a Card, and Chocolate

Year Two: Roses and a Card

Year Three: Roses

Year Four: Card

Year Five and Seven Months: A Gigantic Box of Dunkin Donuts Chocolate Cake Donut Holes

And the clothes come off as if you had been sent a tennis bracelet.  I mean- what beats Dunkin Donuts?

It’s all about romanticism really.

<3