I send him for stamps and he comes back with the following:

2 packages of slice and bake cookies (you know, because one package isn’t enough for two sedentary people)

Hot fudge

Mint chocolate chip ice cream

oh-

and stamps.

Does he want to hurt me?

Welcome to an edition of my life. A slice of my evening, if you will.

Before we begin, I feel as though I should warn you of a few things.

In case you’re wondering- yes, once you get to know me really well I’m pretty much loud and annoying and yell-y for no good reason.  In fact, sometimes I even annoy Boz and Lucy, which I imagine is difficult to do seeing as how they think I’m the best and smartest and greatest woman alive (um- largely due to the fact that I’m pretty much the only human they know aside from Will). Anyway- I apologize in advance for being annoying. Will loves it (ha!).

Also- yes, our walls are sad and bare. We decided to buy stuff we want and not crappy crap (ha ha, crappy crap. What is that?) to slap up on there “just because.” Anyway, I’m hanging three tapestries from Kuwait on the wall but want to get a few nice custom frames for them but haven’t had the chance to go get them. So- hence the naked walls. Such a sleazy little living room right? Prancing around with nothing on!

Ha ha- look at me, compensating. No one would have noticed my empty walls, but now that I’ve pointed it out, well, that will be your entire focus.

Way to go, Brittny…

Yes- Will calls me Britter, but I’m pretty sure most of you already knew that one.

Just so you know, we stuck with Will’s “interpretation” of how the nativity scene should be arranged. I guess it’s silly to have the little sheep on one side of the mantle and the wise men on the other. Sort of goofy, but the truth is that I feel sad for the rest of the mantle. It desperately needs to be decorated and this is the first time we’ve had anything adorn this space. I got a little overzealous.

Oh and one more thing- yes, we’re always this much fun. We’re a blast. We’re so funny and crazy and careless.

You do sense the sarcasm, right?

I’m quickly realizing that “It’s that time of year again.” That time of year as in- running around with a bird on my head, event to event, and trying to remember everyone’s names- even after almost five year’s of marriage.

The holidays.

They’re here.

I would have thought by now that the days of “Angstgiving” were long gone. However, I’ve finally decided that Angstgiving is not just an event that lasts during the first few years of marriage.

Oh no no no no no.

Instead, it’s a way of holiday life that sticks with a married couple for all eternity.

FOR-freaking-EVER.

Only to get worse upon having kids that are insanely cute with huge rosy chubby cheeks that weird smelling aunts want to eat.

Oh yes my friends, it’s not going away.

Get used to it- for as long as there’s Thanksgiving and Christmas they’ll be the stress and pulls and tugs from every.single.person.ever.born.ever.

ever.

You know, this is our first holiday season home since 2004! Just typing that is very strange to me. Sure, we went home twice for Christmas- but we were “guests” during those stays.

There was no obligation to write Christmas cards or make the most amazing ambrosia salad for Turkey Day. This year, however, there is!

Okay- hold it.

Let me back up.

I’m SO excited about being home this year for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

In fact, I’m a little on the “is she okay?” side.

I’m elated walking into Walmart and seeing all the Christmas decorations. I get all glazed over like a Krispe Kreme donut and begin to grow giddy and laugh uncontrollably for no apparent reason.

I eat up all the Campbells green bean casserole commercials.

I’m all about the church Christmas pageant.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this time of year.

Having said that- I guess I’m just realizing that this year will be very different than years past because along with all the Christmas cheer and fun also comes Christmas stress.

I was a little annoyed the other day when my MIL (whom I love very much) casually mentioned this whole story about how important it was for grandparents to see their grandkids and how they drove all over the state of Oklahoma on Thanksgiving and Christmas every year to parade the kids around.

I don’t know why it rubbed me the wrong way- but it did.

You guys know me by know and know- you know- how I feel about kids.

Why would one say that then?

It really bothered me. I know it wasn’t meant to upset me- but it did! Not only that, but if we ever do have kids they’re going to enjoy Christmas and will play with their toys and won’t be dragged around the world and expected to be cute and cuddly and “on” when all they want to do is be home enjoying the day.

Sigh..

am I getting off track?

Because I think I am.

Anyway, it just rubbed me the wrong way, and as a person that worries about EVERYTHING- even things that aren’t going to happen for a few years- it still bothered me because it made me realize that this Angstgiving thing? Yeah- it’s not going anywhere and will only get worse.

Geez-a-lou.

I sound really negative right now, don’t I?

Why are you reading? Go read this or this or this … they’re way happier people than I seem to be right now!

What is my problem today, you ask?

I don’t know!

I think I’m missing my family and am bummed that I won’t get to spend the holidays with them. I’m also thinking about the expectations that there seems to be this time of year.

And you know what else?

I’m also thinking I’m being a negative worrier and it’s really stupid for me to be this way because I ought to be enjoying these coming weeks and not all stressed about the house and cooking and plans and family and plans and cleaning and getting everyone the right gift and plans and making sure I sent our 2nd cousin’s boyfriend a Christmas card and plans and- did I mention plans?

Just typing this out makes me feel a little better. I know- I know I’m allowing myself to get caught up in the whole hype and commercialism and stress and everything else. I know I need to focus my heart on the real meaning. I know I need a softer heart that embraces the love of God this time of year. I know! I know, I promise. I also know if I’m honest there’s absolutely no possible way that I won’t be stressed out during these coming weeks.

So- here’s what I’ve decided.

Angstgiving is here to stay. It’s not going anywhere.

I might as well embrace this time of year and make the most of it, as it is my favorite time.

I might as well suck up the fact that things absolutely will not go as planned,

that my ambrosia will probably suck,

that I’ll forever have people quietly praying over my ovaries in hopes that I’ll produce them a kid to dress in awful sweaters,

and that gift shopping, Christmas card writing, and a messy house are all inevitable.

I’m coming to terms with the fact that because we’re back in America now the holidays will forever be crazy and hectic forever. Forever

That, my friends, is what eggnog is for.

Lots and lots of eggnog.

I’ve learned some very important lessons during my five years of marriage.

1. Boys may never learn how to put down the toilet seat. Ever.

2. The Superbowl is in fact a national holiday which should be properly celebrated.

3. Everything tastes better with a little hot sauce.

4. Apparently, despite what I learned my entire life, dirty clothes are meant to be carelessly tossed on the floor RIGHT NEXT TO THE FREAKING LAUNDRY BASKET.

5. Never under any circumstance forget your mother-in-law’s birthday. You can master everything in this world, but if you fail to learn this lesson you are doomed to suffer an eternity of awkward holiday gatherings,re-gifted argyle socks, and uncomfortable moments FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. SO JUST DON’T EVER DO IT.

EVER

okay?

I mean- what sort of COMPLETE IDIOT forgets their mother-in-law’s birthday?

This day ranks up there with Christmas- and is way more important to remember than your own. Who forgets this day? No one! You’d have to be completely comatose and drooling in a corner to have a valid excuse to do such a thing- and even then I’m pretty sure one could manage to make some sort of sticky drooly homemade birthday card. Right?

Right.

Do you want to know who would break such a cardinal rule (besides the aforementioned comatose drooling specimens)?

ME!

That’s right- you heard me.

Yes- I already know. I don’t need your gasping-for-air shocked tone.

I feel like such a douche loser selfish idiot bad daughter-in-law.

All I can keep repeating is- what kind of freaking idiot forget their mother-in-law’s birthday!? I just can’t get over my own shock for doing such a completey stupid thing!

So here’s the deal-

Will and I have an agreement- I always take care of my family and Will takes care of his. That goes for birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, etc. He doesn’t bother with my side and I don’t bother with his

HOWEVER

I always keep myself apprised of his side because, well, although we have an agreement- let’s face it- we both know who’s ultimately in charge of keeping our crap together.

Ha- well in theory that’s how it works. We obviously know what a bang up job I did of keeping that crap together.

Anyway- so it’s not only that I missed her birthday by like a day or two…

try 10.

10 freaking days.

10 days!

Do you know how long 10 days is? It’s a freaking long time!

This is now the time where I would provide you with the breakdown in hours and minutes. However, I will spare you. After all- only one crazy person can be reading, and since we now know it’s me and not you it means that I can’t get all weird on you guys by giving you the tens of seconds that have elapsed since my MIL’s bday.

Can I please hang my head in shame?

I feel so much responsibility for this one! I’m sick at the thought of having to see her (which will be next weekend. All.Next.Weekend.). I feel terrible guys, just awful! My heart just feels so lousy and guilty and there’s really no way to make it up. I know I say that Will and I have an agreement to take care of our own side of our families, but the truth is that I feel so responsible for being a complete idiot and missing the day. I have a really great mother-in-law and I feel so awful for taking her special day forgranted.

Enough lamenting. I feel awful and I’m sure you can imagine the dread I feel when I think of having to see her.

I’ll be all casual, throw my arm around her shoulders and let out a big, cheery, hearty, “Hey MIL! Happy belated birthday! It must suck to have a daughter-in-law like me, right?! Right!?”

Yeah- I’m so sure it will go like that.

I’m officially going to recommend that she opens a Facebook Account to ensure that there will be no future mix-ups.

Okay- lying. But how funny would that be?

I’ve mentioned on more than one occasion my ten year long streak of being puke-free.

As odd as it sounds- I’m pretty proud of that streak. Sort of like Jerry Seinfeld was- until he ate the black and white cookie and erased ten years in a mere matter of minutes.

“My stomach is a freaking tank!” I tell people.

Some people are proud of their marathons or coin collections? Yeah- I’m proud of my amazing ability to keep my crap together when everyone else is on the floor.

Unfortunately, however, yesterday- 8 November 2008 my freakishly long puke-free streak came to a screeching halt.

Not once.

Not twice.

Maybe not even three or four times…

The streak has ended and my stomach is no longer made of iron.

It’s a sad, sad day in the B-Love house.

I feel as though this post ought to be full of hilarious vomit references embedded in each sentence, but I’m not feeling very creative. I think I flushed some of my pithiness down the toilet last night (amongst all sorts of other interesting things- way cooler and more colorful than pithiness).

So- here’s to day one on the long road to 2018.

Chances are history won’t repeat itself and I’ll find myself eating bad fish or chicken and hugging the toilet by 2010- but hey- a girl has to have goals right?

Let me be upfront today- I’m going to ramble.

I’m at the computer and watching the OU-A&M game because I’m an incredible multi-tasker.

“Ross” and Will are watching the game and reminiscing about old times. Did I spell reminiscing right?I don’t think so, but I just did my spell check and guess what? It says it’s right- or it’s so wrong that the spell check didn’t even register it. Who knows. Do you care? I don’t. I bet you don’t. So why are we still talking about the correct spelling of reminiscing?

So we’re inheriting another puppy for a few days.

YAY!!

(lie. a big fat huge lie)

I can’t wait to clean dog pee stained carpet!

Oh the joys of puppy-dom.

The truth is that I love this puppy. It’s so tiny and soft and cute.

The other nice thing is that they’ll return the favor whenever we go out of town, so that’s the best part of the deal.

So Thursday night I went to the gym and I’m pretty sure everyone there was secretly on standby to perform mouth to mouth upon my passing out.

Guys, I don’t know why, but when God created me I think it might have been at the end of a very long tiring day full of earthquakes and miraculous healings and revivals, because somehow I ended up with waaay too many sweat glands. I ran six miles and was sweating like a pig by mile one. Dripping sweat. Panting dog sweat. I pretty much felt embarrassed just existing at the gym. I’m pretty sure people were doing secret sign language codes about how they would take turns watching out for me just in-case I began to drop to the floor in a sweaty, slippery stupor.

Good times.

I love the gym.

(lie)

Why!? Why am I such a sweater?! I had to text my sister during my run just to prove to on-lookers I still had enough coordination to phrase coherent sentences- although, I think my sister may have been confused by the text that read the following:

“ So I finally got myself to the and amsoaked! Im sure everyone on standby to bring me tolife. so embarrassing!”

Lovely.

So today instead of doing the cardio I desperately needed to do, I only did weights because it was busy and I thought I shouldn’t fling sweat on poor innocent by-standers.

Oh-and you know what makes things even more horrifying? I’ve heard people at the gym give other people nicknames. Heck- even Rachel and I are guilty of it. We have nicknames for the weird guy that makes loud moans when he lifts (we call him The Grunter), there’s this weird guy that won’t stop inviting me to his church (we call him The Weird Guy- but I also secretly call him The Missionary) and the list goes on.

SO- I know that karma is biting me in the butt and that surely I am Sweaty Drippy Man Girl or Pool Boy or The Girl That Sweats A Lot.

Yeah. I’m pretty sure I’ve got a name.

Okay. I’m bummed now. Can we please stop talking about the gym and my sweatiness?

Thanks.

So remember how we bought a new chair to go with our new desk? Well the new desk had a crack in it so it has to be returned and will not be available for like another 2 months! What’s up with that!? I practically get felt up by the salesman and had to deal with all their crap and they can’t produce another desk in a timely manner? Sigh… So I’ll continue to live on the dining room table- along with all our bills and mail and everything else. Yum. There’s nothing like eating a home cooked meal right next to mail touched by half of America.

What else??…

I’m starting to really miss my family. This summer was such a whirlwind with the move and the trip and everything in between, but now that we’re a little more settled I’m starting to realize how much I miss our little circle that was my family. P is doing well in school and is very busy. I miss our daily dialogues. I talked to my parents today which was nice. They’re coming to the states to see my grandparents in a couple weeks and I’m seriously debating something incredibly stupid just to see them- leaving here around 4 Friday afternoon, driving all the way to Colorado, spending Saturday there with my family and then driving home Sunday. I feel ridiculous for even entertaining the thought, but I guess I realize it may be a while until I see them again so I feel like I ought to go see them. So- we’ll see.

There’s really not much going on. My weekends are full of football and my weekdays are full of work. We’re still looking for a church. I think we’re going to try the one we went to last week again, so we’ll see. I feel as though I’ve allowed my relationship with God to lapse a bit since the move, which I hate. Finding a place to consistently go will help that I’m sure. We’ve only visited three since we’ve back, but we’ve been to each a few times. I want to try another one or two so hopefully after we do that we’ll be able to make a final decision. Sorry for the long ramble, but as this is Saturday night it’s on my mind right now!

What else could I possibly share with you guys?

...

The “kids” are doing well. We had a grooming massacre last week with Boz and Lucy so that was sort of crappy. They look absolutely ridiculous.

Rocky and Teddy are doing well. I’m so, so, so happy we held on to Rocky. He’s turned out to be the best little pup. I love him so much. We’re going to get him fixed this month in hopes of keeping his aggression to a minimum. We’re also going to begin taking him to obedience classes. He’s so great with people so that’s the best part. I think part of the problem was that we kept him in a tiny kennel all day long so when we finally let him loose for an hour each day he’d have so much energy built up that he would play rough. Now that he’s outside full time he is so full of love and he loves meeting people which makes me so happy. I can’t believe we ever thought we’d get rid of him. So- that’s the Rocky update.

There’s not much more I could possibly bore you guys with. I hope you’re having a lovely weekend. I’m now going to go cheer on the Red Raiders to victory- we really, really need them to win.

If you actually read all of this- you’re a very good friend of mine. I’m sorry for the rambles. It’s Saturday and allowed, right?

More to come…
<3

We bought a chair yesterday and I’ve never felt more married.

I mean, I felt incredibly married moving back and buying a house- but something about the mutual decision to commit to a piece of furniture- such as a chair- makes me feel especially conscious of my marriedness.

We bought a desk a couple of weeks ago. We had picked it out while my mom and sister were visiting and just went back to buy it. It should be delivered this week, so last night we decided to commit to buying a chair for the desk.

We went to the furniture store and were swarmed by starving salesmen, licking our shoes and undressing us with their eyes.

By the way-

why don’t they feed these people!? They’re like bloodhounds being let loose in a meat market! I get so annoyed furniture shopping. I’m pretty certain it’s worse than car shopping.

Anyway- sorry for the tangent.

We bought a chair.

I didn’t really want to buy the chair. I instead wanted to buy custom frames for a few tapestries I want to hang, but sometimes things aren’t worth the fight and I figure I ought to “save up” and compromise on things that don’t matter as much. I mean, compromising on the chair confirms I’ll make the final call on the coffee table, table and chairs set, etc.

Who am I kidding?

You and I both know I’ll be making the final call on all that stuff regardless.

Anyway- the chair.

You’d think it’d be easy to assemble a chair.

It wasn’t.

We spent an hour and twenty minutes screwing the chair together, unscrewing the chair. Correcting the placement. Why is it lop-sided? Why do I have extra parts?

Fun times.

Don’t you guys remember when you first got married and the most difficult and frustrating thing was how to get that freaking blouse button ripped open already?

Now it’s all about chairs and desks and houses and crazy salesmen. When in the world did I grow up? When did I decided to take on this house and this “chair” and half a dozen dogs? It’s so strange to me. I guess I still think of myself as, well, myself! Does that make sense? Probably now! I guess I still think of myself as that young college girl without a care and in some ways I am-

and then I find myself obsessively cleaning the sink and freaking out if people are wearing shoes on my carpet and then I realize- yeah, maybe not so much!

I guess 25 has been a strange year thus far. I guess it’s like a mini milestone!

As we FINALLY assembled the chair (already!), I breathed a sigh of relief. Glad I’m aware of the fact that life is a little more about “chairs” these days (whatever chairs may represent...), but also aware of the fact that I still need to hang onto the Brittny I was before the chairs too. She’s a lot more fun (and I think Will likes her more too- she doesn’t care so much about shoes on the floor.

...

I’m lying. Yes she does. I guess there are some things you can’t change).

<3

I’ve decided why we haven’t made more friends since we’ve been back.

This whole time I thought it was me- me being too picky. Me not wanting to be social. Me, me, me.

The truth is, however, it’s not me- it’s Will.

and I never would have guessed it.

Here’s the story-

So Sunday night we went over to our friend’s house to watch Sunday night football.

(sidebar- we need names for these friends, don’t you think? I think so. I’m open to suggestions. Sarah and Theresa call them Ross and Rachel. What do you think? Good, strong name? We can call them that if you want- but in honor of election day, I’m open to your opinions and votes as well)

During the game we also thought it would be fun to play a board game, so we ended up playing Battle of the Sexes.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever played it, but basically it’s guys versus girls and you go back and forth asking each other questions.

Both games were going strong, when all of a sudden Mrs.Yet to be Named Friend asks the question, “What was the name of Oscar the Grouch’s girlfriend?”

It gets real quiet, because obviously no one knows the answer.

HOWEVER-

Instead of just saying, “I don’t know the answer,” Will decides to be funny and open his big mouth and say the following:

“It’s gotta be something awful. Something hideous… like Elvira!”

All of a sudden it got real quiet and Mrs. Yet to be Named Friend says, “That’s my mom’s name.”

AWKWARD!

We all ended up dying in laughter- but for that split second it sure was weird.

Way to go Will.

I can’t take him anywhere!

See!? This whole time I thought it was me- yeah- it wasn’t.

Thankfully we’ve known this couple for a long time (they were in our wedding), so it’s not like it was an awkward first double date or anything- but still! Way to open your mouth Will.

So- if we ever get to meet, please excuse my husband. Sometimes his desire to be witty may cause a lapse in judgement which may lead to calling your mother’s name hideous, insulting your “beautiful” newborn baby, or talking bad about the pie you brought not knowing it was you who brought it.

Oh- and if that wasn’t bad enough, the whole rest of the night he sang the country song, “Elvira.”

Yeah… that’s my husband. Mr. Sensitive.

I apologize in advance for all the caps…

I must premise this post with the fact that I have way overdone it with the Halloween candy- as well as eating out- a well as eating everything in freaking sight and absolutely no amount of treadmill running can undo this week’s fatness.

Do you know I ran 6 miles at the gym yesterday followed by walking 2 more on our way to the OU game because Will is a crazy slave driver and doesn’t believe in paying for parking and would rather make me suffer and SWEAT ALL OVER MYSELF and it didn’t even make a dent in my calorie bank?

Um- depressing!

Guys!!! What’s going on!!? I move back to America and everything goes downhill!

AS I’M FREAKING TYPING THIS POST I’M EATING A STUPID REECES CUP IN THE SHAPE OF A FREAKING PUMPKIN.

I’M DOING THIS THE VERY SECOND I’M TALKING ABOUT BEING FAT.

Oh my Lord, I’m officially sick in the head.

Seriously.

Who does that?

Who complains about being fat while eating a freaking Reeces!?

WHO!?

Crazy people!

That’s who!

Did I tell you guys I’m in a contest against Will right now too?

Yes- I’M IN A WEIGHT CONTEST AND ATE A JAR OF FUDGE TOPPING AND A BAG OF REECES THIS WEEK.

BY MYSELF

DURING A WEIGHT CONTEST.

Will you excuse me? I need to go run and cry in a corner.

***

Okay I’m back.

Anyway- this week’s weigh in is going to be incredibly depressing.

I’m off to the gym to run a few miles. Hopefully I’ll sweat off a Reeces or two…

Here’s to next week’s weigh in (let’s face it- this week’s was over before it started).

My Bozzy has a trick that quite possibly might be the cutest thing EVER! He plays peekaboo!

This video was taken earlier this year after he had his manhood removed- for the second time (you might remember… long story), hence the stiches reference and close-up of his,

well,

you know.

Anyway, I have a million videos of him doing this and this one isn’t all that great, but it was the shortest and had decent lighting.

So- please dote over my genius child: